"The grass ain't greener, the wine ain't sweeter, either side of the hill"

I suppose the main reason I haven't posted anything in a while is that not much has happened since the last posting; except for that I've performed the show 24 times. The show ends at about midnight and whether I go out for drinks with other performers or go home and watch TV or a movie or read, I don't get to sleep until 3 or 4 am every night. I usually wake up at 10 or 11, read and fall asleep again until about 1pm and then make some coffee or tea, eat, shower, do some e-mails, and then, before you know it, it's 4:30 and time to head back to work. I arrive at 5:30 or so and work out with the trainers or the pilates instuctors and then I get dressed and put my make up on and am ready to start at 7:15.

Living the life of the type of artist that I am is a constant paradox. I am reminded of the Grateful Dead lyric - "The grass ain't greener, the wine ain't sweeter, either side of the hill." In San Franciso I did almost exactly as I pleased artisically. I started a band that played comedy bluegrass in the streets of Europe, I helped to start a wonderfull experiment in singing improvisation, I became a company member of a Tony Award-winning political theater, I created my own show that got rave reviews, I joined the company of, in my opinion, the best improvisors on the planet, I even co-starred in a film with a great TV actor; AND the gross income from all of these endeavors, totalling 16 years of work, doesn't even equal what I will make in Vegas if I stay for a year! I've known this about my path for a long time. it is no surprise. In fact, I've relished my status as "the struggling artist staying true to his dreams and aesthetics;" but I've always been bitter and angry that my friends and I don't get paid what we're due. Yes, I said due. I've worked as hard as any lawyer as any doctor to get where I am today and I want a house and a retirtement plan!

So now I am in the midst of a sea of performers from all over the world; all exceptionally talented, right here in Veags - in the umpteen shows here: Le Reve, O, Mystere, Ka, Blue Man, Love, etc., and when I talk to these artists they're all biding time, saving their money and looking for ways to be Artists again. I'm not complaining or painting a woeful portrait of the poor artist who gets paid a shit-load to be a moving set piece, I am simply relating the feeling of living "the other side of the hill." -- The wine actually is sweeter, because I can afford it now; any time I want -- The feeling of ongoing financial secrurity is almost an emotional vacation; I am on a beach with a cool breeze blowing and a cold Corona in my hand (with lime of course - just like in the commercials) with no bills looming, credit card accounts growing. I am just living and doing my job and the money comes and comes. But will I, like many of the performers I have met here (and only if I get offered a long contract), tire of the routine? Or, Will I be able to maintain a healthy artistic life outside fo the show - if I can wake up early enough and stay awake? This all remains to be seen. Tune in next time, same clown time, same clown channel.....

For now I have been extended until March 5th and they will tell me on February 24th what my destiny is. I have played the lead clown role and performed a very ridiculous striptease for thousands. My shoulder and back are feeling much better thanks to the training program and pilates. I love pilates; I am a 70's style telephone chord twisted, tangled and deformed from many years of misguided conversations and pilates is the unraveling, straightening and gentle, soothing guidance that promises to return me to my natural, balanced symmetry.

That's a nice note to end on.