Greetings discerning comedy lovers,
A lot of you have been asking about what Brad and I do before performances. I thought I'd give you a show day exclusive. On the day we had a show in Joliet here is how the time passed.
6:00 am - I get my wake-up call, get ready.
6:15 am- Call Brad to make sure he got his wake up call. Fortunately he has. I run through the checklist with him. Has he showered and dried off? Has he brushed his teeth and gone potty? Has he put on clothes. Today is a good day, he is ahead of schedule.
7:00am- Our car has arrived to take us to the airport. Ride is uneventful except for Brad asking "Are we there yet" every five minutes.
9:00- We have checked in and our flight is on time. On the plane we relax by reading. I decide on "The Age of Reason Begins :A History of European Civilization in the Period of Shakespeare, Bacon, Montaigne, Rembrandt, Galileo, and Descartes, 1558-1648 " by Will Durant. Brad sticks with his "Best of Jughead Digest". Halfway through he switches to another book but loses interest when one of his crayons falls under the seat.
12-3 p.m. We have checked into the hotel. I answer e-mails, study my lines for an upcoming movie I appear in, phone my wife and son, finish writing the final two episodes of a TV series I am working on, finalize my speech to the graduating class of Oxford and invent vaccine that will eradicate acne. Brad naps.
4 p.m.- We have an hour drive to Joliet. I meditate while Brad reads "How to win at cards against Your Superiors."
5 p.m Sound check goes swimmingly. We go for dinner. Brad is on a new diet where he eschews meats. There is an awkward silence when he accidentally eats my cutlery.
6 p.m.- We're back at the theatre and start to play cards. Unfortunately his book didn't help him. Brad is soundly thrashed.
6:45-7:15 – I have to talk Brad into coming out of the bathroom.
7:45 – We go over what games we are going to play. I give Brad some funny things to say in case he is stuck. I remind him he may want to do a bald joke or make a snack fairy reference at the point when he is totally floundering and can't think of anything. He giggles.
8-10 The show goes beautifully and the audience is very appreciative. Brad is on fire. Luckily the stagehands have a fire extinguisher and once I take his matches away, everything runs smoothly. We head back to the hotel where Brad drinks himself into a stupor, tells me he loves me and sets himself on fire again when he leans against a candle. He giggles and heads of to bed.
11 pm-5am- I ride with the Chicago police department for some research. I help in a drug bust, counsel a would-be suicide and deliver a baby.
It's been a good day.