So here it goes, Sunday, the 5th of March, 2006, Jason.... doing take-out at the Cheesecake Factory....

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Here goes the weirdest "Happenings"  for a Sunday day shift in ascending order from not so bad to bad (or funny depending on how look at it).....

1)  The drain under the sink and on the floor on the far side of the "Bakery" were both clogged today, or at least had very slow drainage going on today… so basically I stood in water all day on a tile floor sloshing around getting everything wet every time I use the sink

2) A "guest" purchased some whole milk from me today to fill in a bottle and then heated up…. easy task… however… this is Jason here talking, Dar-Da-Dar… so I take the bottle from the women to fill it and then put it in the microwave…no…. it had to be harder then that.  It was some new type of bottle that had a seal on it, and also a bunch of holes on the bottom…. So I didn't notice it. 

I thought I could pour the Milk in from the top and it would be a simple task, no, I didn't see the "magic holes" on the bottom.  So when I started to pour it just went right threw it…. All over the counter, down the side and then onto the floor (which was a puddle anyway, so easy clean up) and down my leg…. WTF.  The lady started to laugh at me and so did like 3 of her friends…. I felt like an idiot…. but oh well… she gave me 5 bucks for the laugh…easy money!

3)  Then I got a counterfeit $100.00 bill from a "Guest" and I wouldn't take it.  They proceed to make a small seen.  I used the ultra-violet light, it didn't work, I used the pen, and it didn't work.  The damn thing didn't have a magnetic strip, and it felt fake (when you handle money all day you can tell what is real and what is not), so I told the lady that I wouldn't take it and I wouldn't give it back to her… she wasn't to happy about that.

I wasn't going to give it back to her because it was fake and I was going to show a manager.  That's when she yelled at me and called me a "mother-fucker" and ran out the front door…  I laughed and then put the bill under my cash draw…

4)   I had this Persian Lady (nothing against the Iranian's out there) with a thick accent call me up from down stairs on one of the carts that are set up in the middle of the mall that I work at.  She ordered Macaroni and Cheese Balls from our Appetizer menu (these are the nastiest things ever).  She asked me how long it would take for the order to be ready, I said 10-15 minutes….. she was there in 2.

I was in the middle of talking to a guest who was next in line when the Persian lady from down stairs comes up stairs to my counter and asks me WHILE IM TALKING TO THE OTHER GUEST, "Is my order ready yet?"    … Like I know what the fuck you ordered with out giving me a description or a name… she must think I have super magical mind reading powers (damn I wish I did, the things I could do to you people out there).

I told her that I would be right with her after I was done helping the guest who was IN THE FRONT of the line was done….  "Are you sure my order isn't right here," she asks me as she grabbed a bag that wasn't hers filled with someone else's food.

"No Ma'am.  That isn't yours.  You're order isn't ready yet and wont be ready for about 5 minutes," I said to her remembering who I was dealing with (Becky you know who this lady is and what she sounds like).  She frowned at me… then looks at Toby, my Baker and the other Cashier on duty.

"Is this mine!?"  She asks him as he walked by with a strawberry short cake in his hand.  He of course was listening to the whole conversation while he was working and played dumb with her as she grabbed the bag that I took away from her again.

"No  Ma'am, that isn't your's," he said to her. 

I then finally was done with the lady I was helping in the first place.  All she wanted was an Ice Tea to go, easy I thought… I told both of the ladies at the counter, the one with the Ice Tea and the crazy Persian lady that I would be right back and I'm going to get eh Ice Tea and her Mac and Cheese balls… that wasn't good enough.

While I was walking to the line (a place where we prepare the food and drink for the Restaurant)   The Persian lady basically said, screw you Jason, Im going to ask every employee I see where my food was.  She went to the front desk and asked three of them where her food was.  Mary, one of the hostesses ran back to me and reported to me that there was a guest harassing them about her food.  I rolled my eyes and told Mary to ignore her and go back to the front, I wasn't going to deal with that dumb ass guest right at the moment, Ill wait till I get back up front.

Mary turns around from me as I ended pouring the Ice tea in the To-Go container.  Guess who was standing at the edge of the line?  You guessed it…. That Persian Lady…  She stopped every Server that passed her and asked them where her food was, they had no clue who she was and what she was doing.  The servers saw me and pointed at me and said, "He's the To-Go guru, ask him?"  She didn't.  She then asked one of the dish washers who was getting bus-tubs filled with plate ware where her food was.  He mumbled something in Spanish to her and went along on his business.

Lets have a count down of the people she asked all while her food was being cooked because she came up 13 minutes early for her order:

A) Me (Jason)

B) Toby  (Other backer)

C) Mary (Front Desk)

D) Matt  (Front Desk)

E) Some new girl from the front desk

F) Justin B(server)

G) Dan D (Server)

H) Lindsey (Food Runner)

I) Sandra (server)

J)  Guillermo (dish washer)

K) Angelia (the front desk Manager)

This is where the story begins to make me mad….  The lady tells Angelia that I was ignoring her and NOT getting her order ready for her… low and behold its not ever out of the fryer yet…

Angelia flips out on me and then I run and get the ticket and show her the ticket time on it and told her it was 6 minutes….  Angelia was like, "Then why is she back here on the lone looking for you and her food?" 

I replied, "She's a crazy bitch, and I'm not going to help her now.  You can."  Right in ear shot of the women.  Angelia's face sank and was like, OMG Jason, why did you just say that.  I laughed and grabbed the Ice tea and went back to the front.

Needless to say I never did help her and I refused to serve her again…. Ever…. People like that need to go back in the hole they live in…

5)  The best Story of the day, yes, even better then the prior one…!!!

A gentleman comes to the counter with a bag in his hand.  I can see it has a To-Go tin in it and he proceeds to tell me his sob story.  I begin to smile and listen in with a false intent on caring about what the fuck his issue was, mainly because I just got done with glory lady from down stairs and her fucking Mac and Cheese Balls.  So I listened on…

He opens his bag and out pops this Thai Chicken Pasta.  He goes on to tell me that he didn't like how it tasted and now it was bad and spoiled from sitting in his refrigerator for two weeks.  Yes, I said TWO WEEKS!

I chuckled a bit and told the man that I was going to go get a manger for him.  This was going to be great.  So who do I go get everyone (talking to those of you who work with me out there).  I get KEN!   That's right, the Assistant General Manager.  He's at the end of the bar talking to Angelia, the other Manager on duty.  Most likely their talking about the Persian lady and how I refused to help her (which is legal, look in our menu; I can reserve the right to refuse service to ANYONE!)

I told them real quick what the issue was, they both started to laugh and thought I was joking.  I was not.

Angelia looked at Ken and was like, "you're the Senior Manager.  Its your turn to deal with Jason's Guest this time."  I laughed and followed Ken back into the Bakery.

There was a new guest waiting for me.  I started to greet her and ask her if she had any questions I could answer for her.  She said she needed a moment too look over the 20 pages that is the Cheesecake Factory's menu.  I smiled and said I would be here if she needed anything… I then tuned into what Ken was talking to the other guest about.

Guest: "Are you the Manager?"

Ken: "Yes I am sir.  What can I do for you today?"

Guest:  "This Tai Chicken Pasta is bad, and I didn't like how it tasted…"

Ken:  "Oh I'm sorry to hear that sir.  When did you purchase this pasta?"

Guest:  "Oh, about two weeks ago.  It's been sitting in my refrigerator at my house ever since that."

Ken:  "Do you have a receipt?"

Guest:  "No, why would I want to keep that?"

Ken:  "Well sir, we need to see who you bought it from, and when."

Guest:  That's absurd!"

Ken: "Well sir I won't be able to help you with out the receipt.  I won't know where you bought it from, when you bought it, and from whom with out it."

Guest:  "Why cant you just give me my money back for it?"

Ken:  "Did you call us that night sir, or the next day?"

Guest: "Why would I do that?"

…are you seeing where this is going people?!  At this point the guest I had greeted and who had looked up from her menu to watch what I was watching just a few feet to my left, her right, she asks, "What's with him?"

I shrugged my shoulders and told her that he had a two week old Thai chicken pasta in his bag and he wants a refund for 'not liking it'.  She began to laugh out loud.  I sat there and tried to hold back my smile…

Ken:  "I can't help you sir if you don't have a receipt with you and you didn't call at least a day after the problem sir."

Guest: "WHAT!?  I don't under stand your logic?  Why can't you give me back my money?!  I don't want this pasta anymore and its nasty!!"

….this is where it gets funnier! 

The Guest female in front of me: "You free loading asshole!  Why don't you take your two week old pasta and get out of here!  What are you trying to do get a free buck in life?  These people are wonderful and have great service… you need to get out of here and leave them alone."

Male Guest:  "…"

Ken:  "Did you want a business card sir?"

Male Guest:  "..."

Female Guest:  "Go away!"

….the man took his pasta and left, and then I laughed so hard I cried.  Toby was right there laughing with me, and Ken, and the female guest, who I might add also paid me 5 bucks for the entertainment she had at my counter today…

It was just one of those weird Sunday Cheesecake days….  I hate my life…

-Jason