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Current mood:  sad
so
its been over a year since i have written anything, so maybe its about time for me to do so now.
last night (2 dec) lindsay and i had to take our beloved pug, raven, to the emergency vet. she was drooling heavily and was having difficulty breathing. after tests and x-rays the vet told us that she was suffering from a thing called pug dog encephalitis, a genetic disease only pugs have, that is inevitably fatal. lindsay and i made the painful decision to have her put to sleep, rather than take her home to die slowly. we got raven shortly after elizabeth was murdered, and in twenty short months she became a bright light in our lives. we miss her so much.
not much else is going on in our lives. lindsay and i do not do very much. while life has gone on for the rest of the world, lindsay and i have just been sorta stuck in neutral. rae's death brought libby's death right back to the front of our minds again, and it hurts more than i can describe. there are not enough tears to cover this ache, but there are still plenty.
the phones stopped ringing a long time ago. the inboxes are usually empty. there are a few that have remained close, but for the most part nobody bothers with us anymore. i really should not complain, as i have not made many efforts at reaching out to people. i guess i really don't have much to say. everything hurts. my thoughts and feelings are still stuck in the past. its like i am still in that alley looking down on my baby's body, feeling the life drained out of me. this is a terribly lonely place to be stuck, but here i am.
i won't be celebrating christmas this year. what money we had for christmas we spent on the vet, and what little heart i had for the holiday is also spent.
this really sucks.
5:57 PM
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