Cool Dude Diaries (Writer's Life 105)
Everyone knows that cool dude writers are vast reservoirs of knowledge and ability. Multi-lingual and multi-skilled. We even multiply (no, not like rabbits. You know - that thing you do with numbers and calculators). And on those rare occasions when we aren't (or don't), we do what we do best: we BS. And on those rare occasions when we don't even know how to do that, we still BS. Which, of course, frequently lands us in hot water, which - of course - provides fodder for future books while we sit and wait for bail to be posted.
It was a sunny, crisp winter day and you could see fresh powder glistening on the peaks of the Alps below. I was on a Swiss Air flight from Milano to the north of Europe and was looking out the window at the spectacle when two women in front of me began talking across the aisle to one another in loud, animated French.
Don't you just hate it when this happens? Two people from someplace else showing off by talking in a language you can't understand. Don't people know how rude it is not to speak English on flights out of Italy? Well, on and on they went, gesticulating and throwing their heads back in discreet laughter, then lowering their voices to a conspiratorial level when they came to the juicy parts. (I hate missing out on gossip!)
After five minutes of this, I had had enough. I scooted from my window seat to the aisle and leaned forward. "Ardonpay eemay, utbay ooday ooyay eakspay igpay atinlay?"
The women were immediately intrigued by this cool dude stranger speaking in an even cooler - dare I say, exotic - tongue.
"What language is that? Where are you from? Will you have children with me?" they gushed in French-accented English, their blue eyes pleading with subtle mixes of desperation and urgency. (Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. One of them may have had brown eyes.) Bottom line: they were hooked. I had them in my hands. Like proverbial putty.
"Eiway antkay ay-say," I replied. "Esethay ingsthay arentway osay implesay."
"You must tell me what language this is," one of them pleaded. "It is like nothing I have ever heard."
"Yes, please, tell us!" the other agreed. "What language do you speak?"
I replied with a thoughtful frown, as if I didn't understand.
"Pig Latin," the guy in jeans and a Western shirt across the aisle explained in an easy Texas accent without looking up from his in-flight magazine. "He's talkin' Pig Latin."
The women stared at him for a moment then looked at me as I shrank back, their inquisitive expressions hardening into galvanized glares. With growls of disgust they turned away.
"Orrysay," he remarked quietly.
"No you're not," I replied with a grin.
He laughed and nodded.
The women looked around. "Where are you really from?" one of them asked.
"Are you going to believe me?" I said.
"Probably not," she replied.
"We are - how do you say - onto your tricks," said the other with amused disbelief.
Multi-lingual and multi-skilled.
I smiled and shrugged.
Yes, my life as a cool dude writer.
Someone always discovers the truth.
NEWS FLASH: As you probably know, publishers send out advance review copies (known as ARCs) to various media, and my publisher was no exception. And just this morning, while I was writing this blog, I received the following comment from my publisher, who received it from Mr. Robert Denson, a newspaper editor in Alabama: "Yes, I did receive the book, and I must tell you: When I receive a book, I usually read the prologue and maybe the first chapter to get a fill and then I put it in the order of the many, many books I receive. In the case of "The Identity Factor", I have moved all the other books to the side because I have not been able to put it down! I'm almost finished----I love the characters, I love the twists and I love the nuances he puts in his words. This should be a movie."
Those of you who know me through my blogs and e-mails know I'm the excitable type, and I can tell you, this made me excited! But no more than I was with the other wonderful review comments that have come to me recently from many of you, my Myspace mates.
Last night, we went to see Robert Redford's film, "Lions for Lambs," starring Redford, Meryl Streep, and Tom Cruise. If you have not seen the film, I urge you to see it, for in typical Redford style, it asks many poignant questions: What do you stand for? What will you fight for? Will you be part of a greater solution or continue merrily on your self-absorbed way?
Wendy and I came away from that film inspired, and I realized, this book of mine - The Identity Factor - contains what I stand for. Those of you who have read it will know what I mean. This book has taken over thirty years to come into print. For me, those years of hard work and perseverance have been worth it, especially when people like you take the time to buy and read it and then write and tell me your thoughts. So while I do indeed like poking fun at myself with my "Cool Dude Diaries," I want to close by saying thanks to all of you.
YOU are the reason I write.
The Identity Factor
Available now at amazon.com