Dave has had my request off for October 18th since the beginning of September at the very least. This day isn't just a Sunday Tegan wants to herself. This is my one and only little brother's 18th birthday. Nothing to be scoffed at. But of course, seeing as he's obese and highly unintelligent, Dave decided to schedule me from open - 430. Now my family has planned for us to be leaving for Schaumberg at 2:15.... you can see how this poses a difficulty. So Dave is nice enough to fix it: he asks Sam to come in at 2 so I can make it home in time to be whisked away by my loved ones and inflict one more than 17 birthday punches on my little brother. 1:59 rolls around..... no Sam. 2:02 rolls around.... No SAM. So I call her..... she's at home (in Joli-freaking-et!!!) waiting for her sitter who was supposed to be there at 1. She was going to call me but, you know, she fell asleep... I try calling Dave, no answer. I try calling Sam intermittently within the 2 HOURS she ended up being late.... and she didn't pick up. So I, now fuming and on the verge of some very large tears, call my area coach.... who proceeds to basically tell me "Oh well" and then just grill me about my availability.

     Sam ended up arriving at 4:10. The event I was supposed to be attending with my family started at 4:30... an hour away. I threw my headset on the desk, grabbed my coat, grabbed my purse, and stalked out the door without a word to anyone. The shaking that goes along with hysterical crying and fury does not make for safe driving conditions let me tell you.

     To top this all off, my mother is now upset with me. Why? Because apparently I didn't try hard enough. I didn't leave at 2 so I just did this on purpose. Even though Sam wasn't there and I would've been leaving Kevo by himself.... I'm just too horrible. If I had left I would've lost my job. If I had lost my job I wouldn't have a way to pay tuition. My parents have already told me they can't help me financially and that's fine, I accepted that responsibility. It's not like I can just up and get a new job.... not that easy these days, I hear.

     I really quite sick of being disrespected. By anyone. I don't care who you are, (Or who you think you are) nobody has a right to disrespect me or anyone else in such a way. Sam didn't care about me or what she'd be doing by effing me over like that. Dave didn't care enough to adhere by the request off forms that HE made up. My mom didn't care that she was just making me feel like an even shittier sister the more she flapped her mouth.

     I don't know what I did. I don't know what more I could've done. I don't know if there's anything I even can do anymore. People are going to act how they're going to act, whether it affects other people negatively or not. Everybody's out for themselves and I'm just too nice to say no. I guess my tendency leans toward believing in the good in everyone. And most times the benefit of the doubt is just too generous.

So how about this....

To everyone who thinks I'm a pushover, thinks they can take advantage of my personality, thinks I'm always going to be there no matter how much they screw me over, thinks I'm going to stay in their pocket while they make a break for every direction but mine....... I say this:

Fuck you and fuck your idiotic delusions about who you think you're screwing with.

Clear? :D

I'm really, truly sick and tired of this "will they won't they" B.S. If I can make an effort to be straight up and honest with everyone else how about you people get your acts together too?

You: You treated me like a doormat and now you're all sappified (yes, I made that word up) and you want me back.... no, thank you, I'd really rather not. Eff you Thomas.

You: Either you like me or you don't. Stop pussy footin' around and tell me wtf you want.

You: LEARN TO READ A SCHEDULE YOU UNEDUCATED SACK OF CRAP! :)

You: Start considering other people in your life-equation, or we're all going to hate you in the end.

You: Stop blaming me, mother.

You: Happy Birthday Cully :)

You: I really have no qualms with you.... call me, rabbit. We have matters to discuss. Fall break-y matters

As you can see, I'm extremely upset. I haven't been speaking since I got home and I believe my roomies are concerned. They haven't seen Bad-Mood-Tegan yet. No one but Tyler has really...

I can tell my friends don't like it, because by the time I got home from work I'd already gotten a call telling me that I'm being hijacked for pizza after rehearsal.... Thank you for that, btw :)

Like I said.... I don't know what more I can do. I can only be pulled in so many directions before it's man slaughter.