As the father of a two year old I hope to never explain a choice to my daughter with the phrase "because I said so." I've was never fond of this explanation when I was merely someone's kid and now that someone is my kid I've gained no love for it. I have, however, come to understand how honest and straight forward it is.

As a child I was rarely given the excuse "because I said so" by my mother. She was, is, and always will be the type who explains her reasoning behind a decision or response when asked even if an explanation isn't necessary or warranted. The few times it was invoked I found it frustrating. I perceived this explanation to be a cover for some other real reason behind a restriction or direction my mother had given me. I think I was given this answer mostly in situations where my safety was at risk and I was unable or unwilling to accept that I was at risk. I wouldn't stop doing something when told because I didn't think it was dangerous. That reason not working my mother would resort to brute authority and order stoppage based solely on the authority she held as the provider of my life, food, shelter, Nintendo games, and Stephen King novels. Sometimes that would work sometimes not so much.

I've realized, in the over two years of parenthood that are now under my belt (where does that phrase come from), that "because I said so" when uttered by a parent is actually a very legitimate explanation. This response is most commonly used in one of two situations, both to which it is applicable.

In one situation a parent is asked "why?" after making a request or demand and that parent responds with "because I said so" because the actual reason the child should do what she or he is told is because the parent said so. That's it. Simple, straight forward, uncomplicated. As a child in this particular situation you are not fully capable of making the right choices and I as a parent am still very responsible for and accountable for what happens to you whether or not you make bad choices so you need to do what I say simply because I'm saying it. There are situations in life where you are never to old for this situation to arise and your parent can tell you to do something you need to do it simply because you were told by a parent. You could be 50 and you mother could be 80 and you still need to do what you're told.

The second situation is one that I find more complicated and thus more interesting. The explanation of "because I said so" is somehow even more literal than in situation number one. A parent has made a decision that results in some direction or command being given to a child and the parent likely hasn't even fully thought out why they made the decision they made or how they reached that decision but a precedent is being set that a rule given by a parent must be followed. This rule only needs to show a little weakness, a slight fraying, for the child to come to the conclusion that nothing the parent says is hard and fast. This eventually removes pretty much all regularity and security from the child's life. The parent is enforcing the rule only because the rule has been created and thus must be enforced or else anarchy. This version of "because I said so" is pretty much the fabric of government regulations and religious dogma.


The state supreme court in California just ruled that "people have a fundamental right to marry the person of their choice and that gender restrictions violate the state Constitution's equal protection guarantees." This seems like a ridiculous thing to still be debating. The main problem is that marriage should really be separate from a union between two people that is recognized by state and federal governments as a long-term partnership that is based on a non-business relationship. Obviously that description is too long and a different term would be needed, perhaps civil unions. Marriage is really a religious institution and civil unions should be the thing you need to do if you want any legal changes based on your relationship. The arguments against same sex marriage all boil down to the second version of "because I said so." That's not okay because someone said it wasn't okay. It's a rule and we need to follow rules or anarchy.

Of course, there are rules that go away all the time and new rules that come up because culture isn't static. Rules and laws on both small and large scales struggle with the same thing linguists argue about. Should the emphasis be on being descriptive or proscriptive. In linguistics what's popular and common is generally what becomes correct because how people use language is how language is used and that's what linguists should be focused on. Where laws and rules are concerned what is popular and common isn't always right so the scale needs to tip towards proscription more often and much more heavily.


When it comes to the rules I make as someone's Daddy I'm usually trying to teach the little miss about social norms and taboos and on that end I'm giving fairly descriptive guidance. But, I'm also often just telling her what to do so that she won't die or even be badly injured. I'm sure I'll someday tell her "because I said so" just like I'm sure that some day she'll tell me how stupid and wrong I've been in my parenting, but for now I can pretend that our relationship is somehow different and special and unlike any experience a father and daughter have shared in the past. And as long as she lives under my roof she will listen to my rules. And she'll like it.

LW