VENETIA, PA- Hundreds, perhaps thousands, perished yesterday on a hillside in this well-manicured community just south of Pittsburgh.  Eyewitnesses reported seeing a tall, thin human sitting atop a large, green, blade-wielding device and riding it back and forth on the overgrown hillside.  Some insects were sucked up into the great Machine and thrown incredible distances while others were buried alive underwheel in the dewy terra firma.  One shaken but unharmed grasshopper had this to say about the destruction.

"It was terrible.  We were out in the field enjoying a lovely day, and suddenly we heard this incredibly loud sound.  Some of the older grasshoppers had heard it before and tried to warn the other insects but it was too late.  I lost a buddy.  I still haven't found him."

As bees buzzed overhead in the aftermath, rescue ants were on the scene providing assistance and caring for the wounded.  The cricket community was particularly hard-hit.  Because the attack was carried out in the morning, many were still sleeping after the previous night's concert.  A visibly distraught Jiminy Cricket appeared last night on the Cicada News Network to condemn the act and vow revenge on The Man.

Birds in the north were said to be rejoicing over the slaughter and could be seen swooping down from their hickory tree heights to pick clean the exo-carcasses.  One rapacious raptor told this reporter it was like "shooting fish in a barrel."  Their actions didn't sit well with Arthropods from the western provinces, and hostilities will likely continue unabated with the Aves as it has since the beginning of time.  The next round of peace negotiations is scheduled for the corn field on the autumnal equinox.  That, however, is looking increasingly optimistic.

As the flora lie dormant across the embattled region, parties seeking an end to the devastation are hopeful that continued dry weather will hasten a return to normalcy, and delay the return of…

…The Man.