okay. welcome to round 1 (one) of advice column v. 2.0. my name is dave (ddddave), and i started this column a couple of months ago in my profile, but i don't let people i don't know into my friends list. insightful and wise as i am, i solved every single problem that my friends have (had). their lives are perfect now. let's make yours follow. Onto the questions! Q1: umm, i don't think there is any way for this to be anonymous. is there? nope. no thanks. i'm sure i could use some advice though. A1: technically that's not an advice question. it's more of a thought that you added a ? to. i will answer your thought anyway. yes, this is anonymous since this is not my profile (i just use it), i don't know who any of you are. honestly, i don't want to know. i'm sure you're wonderful people, but i worry that knowing you could lead to biased, unsound advice. so if you ask me a question, i don't need to know what your name is, and i'm certainly not going to look at your profile. i have many naps to take. i hope that corrected your thought. Q2: i have this problem. c people keep asking me to ask them for advice. but i don't need advice. i have the perfect life. so what should i do? A2: "i have a problem.....i have the perfect life" (edited to reveal contradiction) so you have the perfect life. congratulations to you. you have two choices: one, enjoy it. you're rare. two, post your address and i will sabotage you, if you're into that. let me know. Q3: Dear Advicer- Jill has been seeing this guy, Jack, for several months. When I say seeing I mean doin' it. lately Jill has wanted to cut off the relationship because it seems rather pointless and trivial. Jack is a wonderful guy and all but he leads a life much different than Jill's and sometimes feels as though she is not secure enough to date a man that cannot give her the time and support she needs. Whenever Jill tries to cut off said "relationship" Jack tries to mend things over with a 4 am visit and some Nat'l Geographic style sexin. Jill really likes him and Jack likes her too but it seems as though time and space are not the greatest of buddies to them right now. At this point Jill feels as though their friendship is at stake if this progresses and fails. Should Jill break it off and maintain a friendship or keep tryin'. Sincerely, Jill A1: dear jill, your name is not jill. it is 24389057. thanks for asking an actual advice question. jill should not see jack right now. now, being in a relationship and doin' it are two separate things that often coincide. but doin' it without the relationship isn't an option because jack and jill have feelings for each other. they might want to consider doing their own thing until time and support can be provided. if i was jack, i wouldn't want to be in a sex relationship with someone i liked. so if you can't do it for yourself, do it for jack. does that make sense? Q4: OK, So I recently became involved with a guy I've known for years. We were out of contact for quite some time, which was ok with me on acccount of he was a robbing, thieving, gangster type, which didn't appeal to me at the time. But after running into him recently, I have found he has changed completely. He's now very active politically, workking with the Socialist Workers Party. We became revolutionary active together, and we're quite happy being activists as a couple. So here's my question, Yesterday he just got back from a confrence in New York, and it was great, we spent the day together, drinkin' @ the beach and whatnot, when we retired to my place. SO, here's what happened... (please keep in mind that I was on a drunken blackout at the time)(and he was pretty sloshed too...) Last night, as we were "Making Love" he asked me if I was willing to trade in my work as a receptionist to work towards the "movement". I said something to the effect of "well a girls' still gotta eat" ya know, seeing as how we're both unemployed, I was stating that we need some sort of income to get us started. But he freaked out and said I wasn't serious about shit (even though we are canvassing and flyering and promoting my ass off for the speaker we're bringing in from Puerto Rico next week.) Then I said some shit, he said some shit, and he left. OK, so I wake up, still drunk, eyes swollen from crying, and I call him. He fills me in as to what happened last night, and says thigs are "still cool" with us, but we need to "chill out a bit". Meaning we need to spend LESS time together. But the bastard JUST got back into town, so naturally I missed him and want to be around him on account of not being around him at all for the last week. We had plans for today to go out and promote the 16th Anual Festival of Youth and Students. Now he's put the kybosh on that... So my question to you is... Is this just a clever way of blowing me off? Do you think he really just wants to spend a little less time together, or was it the perfect time to bring to light the fact that he doesn't want to be with me. so whaddya think?? Is he just needin' space, or is it a cunning way to "Break it to me easy"? As a great actor once said "I ain't no punk bitch" I just wanna know if it's worth stickin' around for.... My roomie says I should just "do my thing" for now and be there for him when I can. But I feel like I either wanna be with him, or not. I don't wanna sit around untill my boyfriend calls, then be with him, ya know? I have a great rotation of booty that I was willing to put aside for HIM. I don't wanna waste my time, as I am a busy girl..... What should I do? I await your advice, oh honorable CC one... --Horny in Mpls (HIM) A4: dear HIM, that's a really good question. first of all, i'd like to ask if you usually talk about work while "making love." that kinda ruins it. i'll just pretend that you said afterwards. i don't know how well you know this guy. you've known him for years, yet he's changed completely. so in a way, you could say that you've just met him as you're still getting to know the new side of him. considering that, i disagree with the way he expected you to leave your job. it's cool for him to ask, but he has no right to give you shit about it. you already said that you're both activisming together, so what more does he need? if money wasn't an issue, it'd be a decision for you to make, but it doesn't sound like you can get by without a job. (how does he do it, by the way?) so onto your question... is he blowing you off? it kinda sounds like it, but honestly, i don't know. here's what i do know: a good guy that's worth your time will not leave you in the dark like that. if you don't hear from him within a couple days, call him and ask him what's up. if he was genuinely confused at the time, i promise he'll know by now. guys know what they want, and what they don't want. so if he gives you any more of that scrambled bullshit, then i personally don't think he's worth waiting around for. you don't have to be a punk bitch if you don't want to. good luck. Q5: So i see a droolicious boy a couple booths down, what's the best way to approach him without looking like a total ho bag? A5: were you in a restaurant? is he still there? is he alone? get his attention. you don't have to do anything special, just say hi. maybe tell him that he's droolicious. he'll laugh, but he'll like it. if he's not amused, or doesn't believe you, just prove it and drool on his shoulder. Q6: what do I do if I want to have a cigarette in the CC club? will you be defiant and let me or a L7 and kick me out? I am torn wether or not to continue smoking or drinking. I have to quit one or the other. Todd A6: go outside. it appears as though they're adding a patio onto it though, so look forward to getting your rda of vitimin N at the cha cha club in the near future. i don't own the cc club. i'm not the actual building either. i'm not really sure what you think i am. i'm just a guy. who goes there. but if i did own it or work there and i got fined , i'd put you in the trough in the men's room. if it's one or the other, quit smoking, trust me. it's not all that great. since you can't smoke in me anymore, you'll have to do something else. i don't know if you eat food, but i stop serving it at some point. all that's left after that is the only vice you'll ever need. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- that's it for now. keep the questions coming. and also, send suggestions for the name of the column along with them. good luck to those of you who actually had problems. love, dave