how's it going? my name's rick mugrage, i'm a singer/songwriter from oregon but back and forth in anshville quite a bit. so i saw your friends request and accepted it. to be honest man, i never go to people's profiles usually because i just don't have time to go to all of them. your profile name struck my attention though man. i'm a Christian. i grew up without a dad. my wife and i found him 9 years ago and i found out he was in prison for life in colorado. we wrote back and forth for a bit, but he was a pretty bitter person. i lost contact with him for a couple years (he didn't contact anymore). i tried to contact him a year ago and found out he had died a month before i remade contact. it was really hard. anyways...long story short, God has blessed me with an amazing wife and 4 kids. i get to be a father to my children and give them what i didn't have growing up. God does awesome things. dude, i don't know why i'm sharing this with you because i seriously don't even talk about it, especially to random people, but i so stand with what you're doing. may God BLESS you with what you're putting your hand to man.
stay in touch.
cheers-
rick mugrage
 

Gratefully, as a child I attended private school for several years and while there, I learned about virtues such as honesty, integrity, diligence, faith in the impossible, and a commitment to excellence. The virtues that were instilled in me early on would serve to carry me through the hardship of an absent father and a mother fallen mentally ill. In spite of being in foster care for 5 years, moving 9 times, changing schools 5 times, and being under the care of 3 different guardians in a span of 5 years, I managed to maintain good grades, a positive attitude, receive two different scholarships (one academic, and one athletic) serve in the Associated Student Body during high school and go on to complete college with a 3.47 grade point average, receiving an excellence award in my field of study.

My achievements did not come without setbacks, however. During college, I did my best to care for my mother who was in and out of mental wards and assisted living facilities. As such, my social life was sacrificed to a significant degree. I couldn’t join sports teams, what if mom needs me? I couldn’t commit to mentoring other children that were in foster care like I wanted to, what if something happens and mom needs me? I couldn’t maintain as many friendships as I would have liked because a great deal of my time, energy, and resources, were spent on caring for my mother. Many times I wanted to give up. Often, I wanted to tell my mom that if she didn’t care about living, then I didn’t care about her living either, somehow, though, love always crept in. Before her untimely death, I was convinced her anguished condition would define the rest of both of our lives.

Today I am thankful my mom is at rest because I am too; I look at the future and see endless possibilities. My past experiences have instilled in me a deep conviction of the importance of healthy marriages and a tight-knit family support system. I can’t claim that my circumstances growing up were the worst possible nor do I want to. Compared with orphans in the third world, Americans in foster care have extremely blessed childhoods and promising chances to succeed.

The bight side to everything: being Fatherless has given me more time to spend time with my heavenly Father and has opened my eyes to how desperate our world is for the love and hope He can offer.

Blessings to you.
 

Well written... Thanks for sharing and encouraging!
 

I am a fatherless daughter (I refer to myself as a broken daughter healed by grace :) My father was in my home but all he did was pay the bills and provide for us. He took us with him on vacations, but honestly, it was more for show than for true appreciation of spending time with us. He wasn't really there and when he was, he was simply put, emotionally distant, unforgiving, non communicative, judgmental and physically and mentally abusive. He was in the war (Vietnam) and saw some of his buddies die, he was driving the truck when he fell asleep at the wheel and hit an oncoming truck killing my mother. A lot for a person to carry.

I know a little about my fathers childhood but not much. He seems to idolize his wives (he has had three and they are all more important to him than his relationships with his daughters, that was ok when his wife was our mother, with other women it became problematic since they saw that they could exploit the situation for unknown reasons of their own). My dad was not physically fatherless and motherless, yet he was apparently spiritually and emotionally so and that carried on to me and my family. And the circle continues.

There are many reasons that my dad was who he was and is who he is but the blame always went on me. I was not likable enough, not enough of the kind of person that he thought I should be, too loud too abrasive, too quiet, too much like him, not enough like him, too kind, too unkind...dishonest, too honest... I never got that love and adoration that all children seek from their fathers; I didn't even get his acknowledgment unless it was derogatory. That never ending unfulfilled need for acknowledgment and acceptance ate away at me forming an endless void as I continued to blame myself for his seeming hatred of me.

Today, there are spiritually fatherless children; they fill the jails, institutions, streets, porn shops and strip clubs. And I am a spiritually fatherless daughter.... I am one of those: father physically present but no emotionally or spiritually present.

Job 17:14-16 says, “If I say to corruption you are my father and to the worm my mother or my sister where then is my hope? Who can see any hope for me? Will it go down to the gates of death? Will we descend together into the dust?”

The Hebrew word for corruption is sahat which means decaying pit or dungeon. Feeling rejected by God and my father and everyone else as a result, i began to reject myself and seek love wherever I could. I began to call corruption my father and it led me down to a pit, where like the prodigal son, God found me and beckoned me home to Him. I was a mess of self hatred and self abuse a great web of sinfulness that I got more bound by the more I struggled on my own to get out. I was like the city in Zephaniah 3, distrusting of God, disobedient, rebellious and defiled. Even as a Christian, those strongholds kept me tied up and like the city in Zephaniah, The Lord was in me and HE was good, but I was still everything unGodly in the flesh.

Proverbs says that hope deferred makes the heart sick and my heart was very sick. Don't choose corruption as your father when there is One who is waiting to gather you into His arms and who delights over you with singing and joy!!

Even with God as a father, it hurts pretty badly when your father is in your life and still rejects you every day! I had to finally accept my father as never loving me, as never being what I needed and incapable of being the good father to me that I so desperately needed; and I had to accept my lot as fatherless daughter.

I wanted to have a great dad so much that I continually blamed myself and my dad was willing to let me, but finally I had to face the facts. It took me until recently at 41 to quit blaming myself and accept myself as a person who is good, worthy of life, beautiful, talented and lovable. I can also now see my dad as he is rather than idolizing him as a source of truth about me rather than believing what God says is truth about me. The old testament says that those who trust in man over God are under a curse. I was under that curse of despair when I believed what my dad thought of me over what God thinks of me!

It took me a long time to forgive my father that I love SO much and sometimes I still have to forgive him on a daily basis. I also had to make allowances for my dad not to hurt me or my children anymore by rejecting us. Funny thing! All I had to do was wait for him to call or for him to invite us around rather than trying to keep up with him and his third wife who were very often busy with her family. It has been almost a year since I stopped trying to make him love us and be in relationship with us, and I continue to pray for him to be able some day, to enjoy a relationship with a tres cool daughter like me and to see the awesomeness of his grandchildren so that he can enjoy them too!

I am truly an orphan redeemed by grace, God's handiwork that He delights in and seeks relationship with!

Zephaniah 3: 14

Sing for joy, Daughter Zion;
shout loudly, Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all [your] heart,
Daughter Jerusalem! 15 The Lord has removed your punishment;
He has turned back your enemy.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is among you;
you need no longer fear harm. 16 On that day it will be said to Jerusalem:
"Do not fear;
Zion, do not let your hands grow weak. 17 The Lord your God is among you,
a warrior who saves.
He will rejoice over you with gladness.
He will bring [you] quietness with His love.
He will delight in you with shouts of joy."
 

Jack Brian Martindale
He came into this world with a passion yet untold,
This passion for life would soon unfold.
For he lived doing things his own way,
With a vision that grew day by day.

For this vision made him who he was meant to be,
As all his loved ones could plainly see.
With his family and children by his side,
Who he was he never had to hide.

For he was loved by many far and wide,
Thus we will all carry his memory deep inside.
His vision will remain with us without fail,
For we lost a truly great man Jack Martindale.


I never thought I would ever have to say goodbye to my dad at a young age, but I never even got the chance to say goodbye period. I tried to put his death behind me but now it just haunts me, I miss him so much. It hasn't even sat in that hes gone I'm waiting for him to come visit me and go to lunch. I think it will hit me on my birthday in a few days the first one without him and then no christmas with him then his birthday next month, its just not fair thats he's gone. He was a great dad I loved him with all my heart and I hope he knows that I did.

I'm sorry to everyone that has lost someone.
 

Hey my name is Jordan or as some people know me, JoJo. My father he wasn't around much when I was little. He drove a big truck all over the US. Well we lived in Alabama for almost a year and then moved back to GA. I was exposed to a lot of things when I was younger but I always wanted be with my daddy. My parents got saved when I was around 6 or 7. I believe. But as I got older, I found it hard to talk to my mom or dad about anything. But I don't blame my dad for my sin I blame me for stepping into it. But I fell into a depression in 06-07 and became suicidal. this was after a series of "impure thoughts" and immorality. God delivered m from that but like you said, I was screaming for some fatherly love. I "knew" that God loved me but i didn't really know, if that makes sense.

Inside, I really wanted to be loved by my daddy. He said he loved me and he meant it but i listened to the enemy and I didn't believe my daddy really loved me. God has delivered me from that and he has been faithful. And now it feels like I am falling in love with my dad all over again. But to everyone that does have a father but has never felt that love, just know that there are people out there just like you and worse off than you. God loves you and he is the Father. He will be your father when yours isn't around. God loves you unconditionally. God found me and I found God again. He loves you no matter what you have done or what you have said. He still loves you.
 

What you had to say really encouraged me... groing up under an abusive "Christian" father till I was 14 really mad it hard ot follow Gad cause when I thought of god I thought of my dad... and I am truly thankful that I have gotten to the point where I can call God father without thinking of him.
=33

It also made me think of the song Some Red Handed Sleight Of Hand - Cursive for some reason and specifically the 1st and 2nd verse.


And now, we proudly present
Songs perverse and songs of lament.

A couple of hymns of confession,
And songs that recognize our sick obsessions.

Sing along- Im on the ugly organ again.

Sing along- Im on the ugly organ, so lets begin.

Theres no use to keep a secret,
Everything I hide ends up in lyrics...
So read on- accuse me when youre done-
If it sounds like I did you wrong.


Our father, who art in heaven,
Save me from this wreck Im about to drown in.

Didnt I learn anything counting out
My sins on rosary beads?
The reverend plays on the ugly organ;
He spews out his sweet ad salty sermon
On the audience.

 

wow... this is something that i read today, and you should hear it:

3 days before my 12th birthday, my father told us that he wanted a divorce. he said he didn't love my mom anymore and he was leaving. that was it. no warning. nothing. i was so frustrated. i grew bitter, angry, depressed. the rest of the family became the same way and we took out our frustrations on each other. to say that we fell into decay would be an understatement. as for me and my depression, those around me said i looked like a living skull. i had no problems hurting myself, striking my head against the wall. the pain was comforting. the kids at school didn't know what to do with me, the skull. they left me alone. i sat thinking on my past and how miserable my future would be. before long, i thought about doing even worse things, terrible things, but in that black moment, God spoke to me. somewhere deep inside i heard him calling me back to reality and to himself.
 

My Father gone in November 2007. I can't find words. But your friendrequest did really hit me so suddenly...Amazing Space.
 

Hello. Thanks for the add. Your profile deinitley got my attention.

My name is Carrie and I grew up w/out a dad. Alchohol and drugs were more important than me. Yeah, he called once in a blue moon, but thats about it. I am 30 years old and have only seen my father maybe 8 or 9 times. The last time I saw him was 5 years ago and he was so drunk that he pobably doesn't even remember. Hell the very few times I saw him or even spoke to him, he was wasted. He has 3 beautiful grandaughters that he does not evn know.
I hoped my 3 little girls would not go through the pain of not having a father but unfortnately, thier father has done the same thing. For the past 5 years, he has put drugs before them. The only thing I can say is that ateast they have a step dad who treats them as his own. He has helped me raise them for the past 4 1/2 years. But we all know that it's just not the same.....

I think this page is a wonderful idea. Thank you for requesting me as a friend.
 

Im 12, PUNK ROCK IS MY FATHER!!! NOT GAY NEW MUSIC, 80's70's90's punk like GG ALLIN, the MSIFTS, OPERATION IVY, RANCID, the MURDER JUNKIES, THEA AIDS BRIGADE!! MUSIC I CAN RELATE TO!!!! SO SCREW FATHERS!!!!!!! I TRIED HARD TO HAVE A FATHER BUT INSTEADI HAD A DAD- Kurt Cobain exerpt from- Serve the servents
 

I sat there starring into the face of the man I'd seen countless times but never really seen. We talked for a while until the uncomfortable loss of words grew palpable. We talked about nothing. Neither or us knew what to say; it was superficial at best--the weather, the Steelers, his business, etc. It's been the same as long as I've known him. Sitting there this Christmas I realized again, as I have so many times before, heartbreaking and longing for more, the indelible fact: I've never known him. Who is this man who sits before me? How is it we've never had a real conversation? How can he be ok with that? Does he miss it too? I've often wondered what would have been more painful: a father I've never known and never seen, or a father I've seen and never known. Why is it that my greatest fear is becoming the man that gave me life? And why do I still seek his approval? Is he the reason it's so hard for me to see God as Father?

Nevertheless, for a reason that to this day still escapes me, when my father said goodbye to me at the airport outside the security checkpoint, I saw tears in his eyes. Why? Was he crying for lost time--time we had but never spent together; time that slipped from him before he knew how to spend it best; time that left him realizing the hurt he's caused me? Why? Was he feeling proud of the man I've become? Was he wishing he'd done things differently? Fact is, I'll never know. Because I don't know him. Because he never shares what's on his heart. Because the closer I try to get to him, the further away I feel.

Maybe someday. I've said that before and I kept trying and I'll keep trying still. Because that's what sons do. Sons honor their fathers. And I'm determined to honor BOTH of them.
 

thank you cameron........achingly beautiful writing:)
 

I just accepted your friendship today.I am a man who grew up with a very loving father who was devoted to both my mother my self and extended family. I have many wonderful exampels of men who thneir family is the center aof their life. My experences have lead my to many fathers who are not there for their familys ne way or another. I have taken in three girls over the years who lacked the love of themain man in their lives and I have given my self to them. I have also tryed to set an expamle to men who wifes wished that their men loved them the way they loved their men. I fell in love with a gal who though not a mother brought several children into our relationship. I enjoy sharing with the children in my life the love I can offer them. I share their intrestes in different areas of their lives. I have met many chi;dren who need a mans love and I have come to the point that had I the where with all I would make sure no child ever experenced the lacking in their lives of a man their need. I love giving my self to the children I run accross in life wheather it just be a comforting smily of a tender ear.
 

When I was 15 years old, I thought my dad was the greatest thing on earth. He was so caring and fun. He was my best friend. We did everything together. He cared so much about me. He was so amazing.

I went away for a weekend for a conference for this drug free youth group I was a part of.

When I arrived home, I was expecting my father to pick me up from the school when I got back, but instead my mom was there...
I don't know how I knew, but I knew. My father had been sick for years. Both of my parents had really.
But he was supposed to be okay. He was supposed to get the surgery and he was supposed to be fine.
He died in his sleep at home that very morning. Hours before I got back.

i screamed "Where is he?!" my mom didn't say a word.

I remember the following images in this order: sky, stop sign, grass, pavement, blackness.
I remember these images vividly in my mind. The intense blue of the sky, the vivid red of the stop sign, the saturated green of the grass and even the crunch and texture of the pavement as my face hit it in what seemed like slow motion. And how black the black was under my eye lids as I blacked out right there in the parking lot.

I was in a cloud of disbelief for weeks... months... maybe years. I kept expecting to wake up one day and have it all be just a bad dream.

I self medicated with lots and lots and lots of drugs and alcohol.

I was addicted to heroin by the time i was 17 years old.

no one ever says "i want to be a junkie when i grow up."



I hit rock bottom in 2001 when I was strung out on heroin, stealing from friends, family and strangers... putting whatever money I had in my veins or up my nose... I was in an abusive relationship. I was living in a bad movie about sex drugs rock n roll and violence.
i attempted to kill myself over and over again. But proved to myself I couldn't even do that right.

one day I realized this was not the way to live my life.

i cleaned up and I have been drug free for almost 7 years now. I drink, but I am no longer and alcoholic.


I met a wonderful man who reminds me a lot of my father. A man who I know my father would love. I found that man and I haven't let him go since. I have happily married for almost four years. My life is much better now. I have almost fully recovered from the entire ordeal.

I fear having children. I don't want to ever put them through what I have been through and life is no guarantee. It's hard, but I'm working on it.
 

Growing up i was used to having my Dad around. He was always there for me. He got me into the things i love today like football and video games. He was my Hero. At age 9 my dad left my family to further his so called career, Drug dealing. Not having any explanation for why my daddy left me had a great impact on me during my preteen years till about 17. The only reason i thought he left me was because he didn't love me. This solution that i got myself to accept caused me to run from family, friends and God. I mean if my own father couldn't love me.. How could anyone else? At about age 15 i ran to drugs and alcohol to try and find an answer. Nothing was there. I went to God but i was to afraid to open up to him because i was scared he would also just stop loving me. From 15 to 17 i lived a life of pain and hurt, walking around thinking that i wasn't good enough for anyone. I had hit rock bottom. Eventually I began going to church again and i realized that God would never walk out on me. I now know that there are people who love me. God has blessed me with a youth pastor and her husband who give me the parental love i need.

Don't let what one man did ruin your life.
Don't let your past shape who you are.
God loves you.
 

Age two I watched as he grabbed his left arm
Screaming in some foreign language.
Then he left.
Two days later he returned.
Two months later the scene was the same.
Only this time he didn't return after two days.
So I waited as most children do.
Reality sunk in and I began to cry
As most children do.

I go to see him when I can.
But never a hug I recieve,
Never a face I see.
All I see is stone.
My father's gravestone.
 

My dad is an alcoholic. When I was growing up I would see beer cans on the grass thinking that was normal...its just what dad did. Drink. He really wasn't there emotionally unless we were sick or I was having surgery for my disability. Even then he would yell for no reason because he thought he was misunderstood. He tried to help me with my homework but sometimes that would have him yelling because I had a hard time learning. Mom worked late nights which led to my sister doing laundry, fixing supper, helping me with my homework..while my dad did whatever he wanted to do. He would go into his bedroom and just be there watching tv. He was really lazy. I remember when I was little we went to our aunts which was just across the hill. My dad came home drinking and its wasn't pretty at all. He's a silly drunk. Anyway..my aunt came and got us and kept us for the weekend. While..our mom had to clean him up because he would get really sick from drinking. Then I became anorexic and bulimic in 1998 and my parents split in 2001 for almost a year. I went with my mom and my dad was left alone in the only house that I thought was safe. Having an eating disorder meant to me that I could just escape all of my family troubles and school troubles and just ruin myself because of what I grew up with. I also became a cutter. Dad was still drinking when I was still in my eating disorder. When I went to treatment in 2002 I admitted to the group that I was a child of an alcoholic. After many more treatments for me and one more day treatment for my dad because one time he went to his work drunk..he's ok. He still has beer in the house and I still cope with stuff by using my eating disorder and my cutting. I thought that since we both had a disease that we could talk easier however that hasn't happend and probably never will. He says he loves me sometimes. I say I love him sometimes. Its hard to know what to expect from him and I bet he agrees that he doesn't know what to expect from me as well. Now that I'm in my own apartment for about three years now its been so much easier for me to just live life. Its been hard but I know I'm trying to live the life that I couldn't live when I was a kid. I just wish that I had a dad who was like all the other Christian dads in this world. My dad or mom doesn't go to church. Even though my mom is a Christian. Its been hard. But I find my distance from the both of them is helping me to cope in ways that I would not have imagined before. Thanks for letting me share.
Jessica
 

I'm 19 years old and the first time I met my father was when I was 12. I have his phone number at this time and give him calls off and on. I recently moved to from Oregon to California to be closer to family when I found out i"m 3 months pregnant and the father of my child is 26 lives with his mother in Oregon and is father less himself. Instead of looking at his father and saying he doesn't want to be like that he tells me tuns of lyes giving me false hope. I understand that he is not ready for a child but sometime you have to grow up and mature a little. So I live with my mother and am closer to friends but unfortunatly my baby will be fatherless.

 

Hi there!
My father left me, when I was 2 years old, because he met another woman and she got pregnant.

So he and my mom got divorced, and when she met my stepfather and decided to marry him, they made my father sign a paper in which he said that he wasn't my my father anymore, so that my stepfather could adopt me.

All of this happened in Russia, where I was born, I moved to Germany with my mom and my stepfather, when I was 6 years old. They did their best to make me forget my father, and as I was really young I started believing, that my stepfather was my REAL dad, and they confirmed me in that belief.

Later, after my halfsister was born, I started wondering, why my "father" didn't pay me much attention, didn't show me any love, didn't seem to be interested in me at all. So I started asking my mom, but she always lied to me, and I didn't find out the truth until I was 17.

Later I managed to find my father, met him once in Russia and we now have E-Mail contact. He is a very important person to me and I'm glad that I - at last - know where I come from and why I am the way I am.

But the consience that my whole family lied to me for half of my life and the lack of confidence, caused by the feeling of not being worthy to be loved and not knowing why, are things that I can't forget and it still hurts sometimes, when I think about what could have been, if I had known the truth from the start.


So far my story, I'm glad that I could share it with you.


Greetings, MARIA
 

So many stories of absent dads....sad. My dad too had his demons which found their way to impact me. His choice was given to him directly; either quit drinking or lose his family. Today he has alcohol induced demensia. He is no longer my dad and I miss him, yet I cannot bring myself to see him regularly...

BUT THAT IS NOT THE STORY I WANT TO SHARE.


I want to tell you that I have wonderful daughters, that even though I am divorced (12 years now) I am an active part of their lives - they are the greatest blessing to me.
I have now found a wonderful partner, and incredible woman and I am to be blessed again :)

The importance of fathers has been downplayed so much since my own was my age. It's time that we, as men took not only responsibility, but understood the miracle of being able to be fathers. It's time our kids got values and character from the paternal side as well - to create the balance within that so many are missing.


I love being a father. It is my most important and meaningful contribution to this world.


Jeff
 

I have to say its also not my thing to read up on blogs, but your request was a portal to others insight of life. My spiritual beliefs have come and gone. I am the singer and song writer of ITALIC. An alter ego, i guess. But i notice its really who ive become. At an early age I became very ill and thru my faith, i have healed. Music has been my life line to express my thoughts and pain. I find that in this life we are missing the one thing that everyone has forgotten is to love one another and respect the individuality of us all. I only hope that this change can happen across the world.

 

i was eight
i did grow up withb a daddy, but one day he just snapped.

he told my mum he wanted a divorce to go with a younger women[a family friend] it also was on my mums birthday.


i loved my daddy much when i was little, he huged me all the time and whispered in my ears that he loved me and that he'll never let me fall from his arms, that changed.

he moved out, mummy changed too, she drank excessivley every night and day, constantly drunk, she went on shopping sprees with credit cards, my sisters didn't change, they didn't feel the same effect like i did, they were sad yes, but they seemed to handel it so much better
i was alone, scared, confused, young, terrified.

i hated everyone at that time, i lost trust in everyone, no matter who they were, my bestfried and i wernt like we used to.

i lost friends.

i lost alot in that time.

my parents were in court every week fighting over us kids, my daddy didnt want us, but he didn't want my mum to have us either, he would rather us get shipped of to foster homes.


i hated both of my parents for years and years
but now, i am stronger, i haven't forgiven them yet but im trying.

its hard to love somebody so much then everything comes crashing down, it changed o fast.



i haven't heard from my dad in over 4 years.

i used to sit next to the phone for a phonecall, now ive lost all hope.

i dont hate him, but i cant forgive him

i was his little girl, he was the best daddy in the world.

now he is nothing, he is out of my life.


i am sixteen years old now

-you're daughter.


[READ MY BLOG ABOUT MY FATHER IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO]

this site really helped.

 

I lost my dad on July 21, 2006. Well and the wounds are still fresh, there are 8 kids in my family and i grew up being the youngest and being picked on by my sisters. and it seemed like the only person that could protect me from the was my dad but now i am 14 and i ride horses and have learned to stick up for myself when my sisters get rude and all that. I miss him and it gets tougher and tougher everyday. My whole life collapsed when he died and i am still trying to fix it. but sometimes it is easier for me but it feels like he died yesterday.

 

My dad passed Jan 23 2008. It's been just over 3 months since he's passed. It's even longer than that tho because I hadn't seen him since August. He was sick, but I didn't realize how sick he was. He lived 45 minutes away, and I was too busy with my own life to worry about his. I figured his absence for the few months was just not wanting to see us and having too much to worry about with his new girlfriend. But no, he was just getting sicker.


Don't get be wrong, I love my father. But my childhood wasn't perfect. He wasn't at all a good husband to my mother, he was scary to my siblings and I. He was the father figure that you feared. So when I didn't talk to him for almost 8 years, I could have cared less. He somehow tried to redeem himself in 2003 when he came back into everyones lives. He was giving and caring and wanted to be a part of my life again. I was hesitant, I almost hated this man. But he fought through it all and I had a father again.


So, I don't regret the years which I didn't speak to my father. I am just happy knowing I got to re-know him. What I do regret is not making him to see him. I regret not going up there to phyiscally give him his christmas present. And not getting to see him just one last time.


I miss you dad; but I know eventually I'll get to see you.



All my love forever,
Jackie.

 

Livivng without mad dad was a very hard life for me. Knowing he didnot want me, or not be a part of my life.. it killed me. i had longed to have that male in my life. As a teen i turned to boys, men looking for that relationship i waned with my bio-dad. sad to say... i never found it. i have gone through rape, abusive men in my life, searching for my dad in eveyone of them. My bio- dad would call me sometimes when i was growing up, and he often told me he was sending me a birthday present in the mail. When i never got those, he would call and say it must have got lost in the mail. After years of hearing that same exuess...i got the message. He didn't love me, and he didn't want me. To know that your own fleash and blood...doesn't want you, that one is a real heart breaker! My mother remarried when i was 15. I thought that would solve all of my hurt, and now i would finally have my "daddy". That was so all untrue. To this day, i have such a hard time even having a simple conversation with my step dad. He and my mom have a son together. You can tell... he just treates my brother completly differnt from me. You can tell how much he loves my brother. and then there is the sielnce betweeen us. To this day I have wanted to writte my bio-dad a letter, telling him how much he hurt me, how much i have felt loney and have turned to other men to look for that "love" i wish he could have given me. Im not sure if it would help me. I have learned to forgive him, in all good time, but a part of me wishes he was in my life. Alll the questions of does he look like me? Do we tlk alike? Does are hands look the same. What kinds of things do we have in commen? When I was a senior in high school i wrotte him one final last letter, telling him all that i have done. I even gave him a photo of my first child i had when i was 17. What he wrote back to me shocked me. He told me it was my responsibility to contact him...in the letter he didn't once say he missed me or loved me, or was proud of me...nothing, he just went on and on about what he was doing at the time. Since then i have gotten married, and another chile. my children are 8 and 3. He has never meet his grandchildren. I think to myself..doesn't he want to know my family, if my bio-dad dies, will anyone tell me. what if he is already gone? I have learned that there will never be a relationship with my dad. It kills me! Even though he has caused me so much pain, i still wish he was a part of my life.

 

now that i am a father i realize that all you father's with an excuse for why you failed do this or why you could'nt be there that's some bullshit, I can give you just a little example, my father is a dead beat dad to the third power he no it and i no it all my life all i got was son im sorry i did'nt or could'nt be there for you like i was suppose two, thats all i get from him.That's some straight up bullshit, there is no way in the fucking world that i could just not be in my daughter life. I call my daughter i send her letter's i send her i miss you cards if you ask my daughter about her dad she will be able to tell you everthing about me from the foods i eat to the sports i like to attend or watch on t.v and most important she will say she love's her father, im going to tell all you dead beat ass dad's what it takes (effort) i make an effort to be a father unlike that sorry excuse for a father i got. its not hard to be a father some love and time and some good old effort and you are on your way i just really wish that my father new how easy it is but its to late now, im just not going to let the same lack of effort effect my daughter's life like it did mine..


thanx you: ✡u✞law
 

hey my name is jena. I grew up most of my life without a father the first two years of my life i was with my father and i still remember him he was an abusive addict. now im 16 and havent seen my father but have a step father and he has lived with us the past 5 years and i have to be in counseling because of him. i would say some people just do better without fathers.

 

I wrote a poem about this

im 19yrs old
6 months pregnant
and the fathers not around


here you go:


being underestimated for what you believe in is only the beginning. A baby is something to be proud of not to pity. so why do you judge me, why do you care.abortions no the answer, its just not fare. who gave us the power to throw life away? because were scared, nieve and the fatheres not there. Reality check its a fatherless generation, mothers are starving from starvation, to keep the children off the streets so they have food to eat. So have some respect when i walk down the street. I'm not the only one thats treated this way, its millions of women each and everyday, so take a seat and hold on tight this will be the most amazing ride of your life. The first three months you may feel nausous and sick, by 6 months you will be kicked from the inside, which will open you eyes to a whole new level of insight. next thing you know you'll be sharing your world with this newborn, feeding, holding, burping and playing but this is only the start. Next thing you know there playing at the park and god forbid if they wonder to far. These little ones have most of your heart, even unborn you knew this from the start. So set your fears aside and know that everything is going to alright.

 

my story,
my name is yvette. growing up with out a father is insane. just at five years of age my papi took his own life. not having that man in my life growing as a young girl jaked me up. i had this deep desire to be wanted and felt that i wasn't good enough for any man for many many years. i was wounded for life. once i started to feel like i was worth anybodys time i got involved into homosexuality. it felt right and seemed great because finally i had someone who "understood" me. litlle did i realize that i was a broken little girl trying to be loved and looking for it in all the wrong places. about two years ago the Father started this "love revelation" in my life. since then He has sent people my way to be an example of what true love really is. i can't grasp my mind around how much He loves me.
i have been set free from a homosexual life ..style.. and God is still romancing me. He's showing me over and over that i am His little princess. it's been amazing to have a better understanding of His heart for me as His kids. praise be to God that allthough i thought i was "wounded" for life He has redeemed the many years that i was fatherless. Daddy i love you and thank you for being so amazing. amen.

 

Hey, My name is Carol. I grew up and was raised in NH until I was five. My mother left my dad when I was 5 years old, not sure what the reason was. So, it was my sister(4), my brother(3), my mom, and I(5). We moved to Colorado Springs. We stayed there for years. Mom struggled to make ends meet, on account she recieved no child support from my dad. Mom worked two jobs, one during the day and one at night to make ends meet and to support her three kids. We ended up staying in a day care facility most of the time. Then mom met my first step dad, named Tom. We then moved all around. They stayed together for a couple of years. He was in the military, which was good for us. Then mom left him on account of abuse and she found him in a motel room with another woman. When mom left my first step dad, we were in Homestead, Florida at the time. Then mom had to do the single parent thing all over again. So we struggled again to make ends meet. Then mom met my second step dad, Chuck, in 1976. Then they got married and still to this day, she is still with him. Although, she met Chuck in 1976, I still consider myself to be fatherless. It made me as a child to turn to rebelious ways and seeking love the bad way. I guess that is why I started having sex at the age of 15. I confused love and sex alot. And now that I am married, I too married a man that was an alcoholic, a cheater, an abuser, and a person whom was also raised in a fatherless home as well. So, since my husband was raised in a fatherless home, it made him become a man that was fatherless towards his children. So, yes, it does carry on to other generations. Me being in a fatherless home, made me look towards God as my father. And now I can say, God, is my father and I have a relationship with him. I talk to him every chance I can. God is a wonderful father who is ALWAYS there for me through thick and thin, through bad times and good times. He NEVER lets me down like a earthly father would. And since my husband is a fatherless man towards my daughters, Stephanie and Patricia, I have brought them up to know my father in heaven, God. God is a good father towards his children.


This is a wonderful way to share and get support of others. Thank you so much for accepting my friendship.


Sister in Christ,
Carol
 

i use to be daddy's princess.

I woke up early, and was informed-by my dad- that he was leaving.

He spoke about how it's going to be alright.

But the tearstains on my mom's face proved him wrong.

I didn't know what to think.

or what to say.

All that came to mind was- "okay.
"
and that is exactly what i said.

i said that to everything that came out of his mouth that required a response.

i guess, i was trying to convince myself that everything WAS okay.

it wasn't
& before i knew it,
he had left.



we all handled it differently.

My older brother chased dad's car. My mother cried and basically stopped functioning for months, while my grandparents took care of us. My sisters were too young to undertstand. And i just kind of held it in. 7 years later--I still, to this day, hold it in. I see my dad regularly. And i love him dearly. but i can not bare to tell him how hurt i still am. I am hurting because he left us with nothing. My mother could not support 4 kids, because she had no degree, and we couldn't afford the payments on our house. I have issues with my self esteem. And find it hard to trust people. I hope that one day, the wounds i have inside will heal, and i will be able to speak-to my father-how i feel.

 

Wanted to thank you for taking initiative to start and keep this page going. You are a true backbone to some who have seem to lost theirs. Thank you again and hope to be seeing more.

 

* I will share the letter I wrote my father a few months ago. He called me a few weeks later, after the mail finally reached his hands.
*

I'm not entirely sure how to begin a letter like this. What is there to say to a stranger who is supposed to be one of the persons closest to me? I suppose I will start by saying I hope this letter reaches the right hands. This letter is for (omitted), ex-husband to (omitted) and father to (omitted/me), the author of this note. If you are not my father but know his whereabouts, I would have nothing but gratitude if you could forward this letter on to him.


At this time in my life, I feel like I am emotionally ready to receive the answers that I always needed as a child. A part of me is angry that it is me who is searching and not you, but a bigger part of me wants to believe that pride has kept you from reaching out for me. As an adult, and having had a small taste of real responsibilities and having felt the pain of true loss, I feel like I could have a conversation with you without passing judgment and without needing any real apology. Anger has been replaced by sorrow, and I learned a long time ago that sometimes I have to work to create my own happiness when it doesn't come on its own. This is the only way I know how to create a relationship that was supposed to have begun simply because we are blood. If this comes to nothing, I will be able to finally sleep at night knowing that I truly tried.


After an honest assessment of my goals, it's amazing how big a part you played in my life even with your absence. Every exceptional grade I earned in school, every ribbon I won in track, every illegal substance I turned down and every single time I abstained from laying down with a man I quietly prayed that somehow you'd see it and find value in knowing me. God blessed me with the kind of mother I needed, who introduced me to Jesus and gave me the tools I needed for living as an independent and productive member of society. But even so, there is only so much a fathered mother can tell a fatherless child, no matter how hard she worked to provide me with the things her own father couldn't provide. To see the two people that brought you into this world function as a unit, whether disfunctionally or cohesively, it is a symbol that can't be described. It just has to be. In my experience, growing up without any recollection of that symbol has caused me a lot of pain, and I have entered relationships that have caused others pain, because of wounds that haven't yet healed.


As I've matured, I've silenced that childhood hope that you'd come back after you realized I was a child you could be proud of. Now, at times I cry for you because you've missed out on so very much. I am worth knowing, but even if I wasn't, the truth would remain the same: You are a father that doesn't know one of his children. You are a father who couldn't describe his own child to a stranger, because you haven't seen my face in close to two decades. It is a situation that could have been prevented, but it is the situation we have been presented. If you can read this letter and feel nothing, then you might be someone who I was never meant to understand.


I have questions, but I don't want to ask them until I know I have an ear that can hear them. If this letter never finds you, or if I receive no response, I will present my questions to God and wait for the answers He provides.


I'm doing well, by the way. I recently moved into my first apartment and will be starting my senior year at (omitted) in a little over a week. I'm excited to see what surprises life has in store for me. I am hoping that you are one of them, and I am praying that the outcome of this letter will provide worth to all the tears that were shed while writing it.


I love you.


Candace
 

Hello candace, I have to comment that letter you wrote to your father... WOW! You probably wrote many different aspects of my life that I would express to my own father. Thank you for sharing. I will make sure to share this with my sister too. God Bless.........ps. he has lost many years of not knowing you. I hope he does reach out. Some how it will be more for his benefit than yours because you are a solid person from what I read. ........Thank you!-norma
 

I may have, technically, had a father in my life, but the only time I ever saw or talked to him was for punishments and to get yelled at. I remember being a young child sitting crying in my room hitting my head against the wall until I couldn't feel anything anymore as my dad yelled at my brother/s. then, he would come in and yell at me for "hitting" the wall. I, also, remember getting bullied at school only to come home to this scene. i didn't feel safe anywhere I went for years, I started to isolate myself, I have never really enjoyed human interaction. When I was about 14 my mom kicked out my dad for hitting my brother.


i remember this. I was sitting in the living room and my brother and dad were in the next room, I couldn't see them but I could hear the yelling. my dad walked into the kitchen turned towards me sitting in a fetal position on the couch and calmly told me to do the dishes, and before Icould even get up he was running the water ans started doing them (this confused me to no end). but in the middle of running the water he hears my brother running out of the door so he went over and yelled at him some more, this is when the hit happened. my mom called the police and I remember him yelling at this little lady cop that we were his property and biblically(in his mind) he could kill us if he wanted to and be withing his rights. after he was put in the cop car Mom had called the pastor to talk to him about kicking out my father and dad after a night in jail actually stayed at the pastors house and never did come home to be kicked out. The pastor and my dad worked together and were friends... Almost every pastor in town thinks that my mom broke up the marriage because she didn't know her wifely role. and because of that we have never really felt welcome at any church in town.


I once was working at a banquet at dads church for a fund raiser for the church, it as a valentines day thing and also my step mom just got her green card. the Pastor was talking like they were both such great people and a blessing to the church and so forth. They made it sound like my mom was never there, like she was never born. I left early cause I couldn't handle it.


My mom is a big reason in why I am still alive in why I have never tried to kill myself. she has always been so loving and caring she always makes me feel important. She talks about when I was a baby and I would stop breathing and go cold but she would always wake me and get me breathing again. She has also been a great inspiration I know of all the horrible things she has gone thought and to see that she can make it though all that makes me feel like I can at least go though the little i did as a child.


About a week after dad was kicked out we were watching this comedy show and I started laughing and all of a sudden mom started crying and when I asked what was wrong all she had to say was "I haven't heard you laugh in months"... for months I couldn't/didn't laugh, I don't think I smiled for years. I was dead inside but thought nothing of it, I thought that was just life, how things were. now I know better...
 

this is an email that i received tonight from my new friend. he's a courageous stud, and i asked him if i could post it and he said yes. he also told me that he is moving along and still reaching out for hope...


"i dont know how you found my band. but i just want to say that i believe in what you are doing. im currently 15 going on sixteen and my dad was just put in prison for three accounts of child abuse and two counts of rape on his children. me, my brother, and two sisters know what pain can be inflicted on us by a parent and going through all this for 10 years now. I still love my father and always will. ive attempted suicide twice and been addicted to hardcore drugs.

i feel like what you're doing here is great. and brings people to an awareness of all that people have to endure while not having the typical "MOTHER/FATHER" life. hopefully with help i can get through it all. im gonna put ur banner on our page. i want people to know about what you're doing. it is truly amazing"
 

Wow! I've sat here reading, crying, identifying with, and knowing that through all of your stories - God is healing my heart.


My father was a preacher, pastor, teacher, missionary, founder of a rehabilitation center for drug addicts and alcoholics, founder of a Christian camp and conference center, friend of the president, senior pastor of 300 churches around the world, and very successful businessman. Unfortunately with all these titles, it was difficult for him to carry the title of "father".

My mother sacrificed her life for my father, my two sisters, and I. She worked in the mission fields of Africa, never shopping, dressing up, or anything - while my father was the glamorous image at the front of it all. All I ever wanted was to be close to my father, to have his attention, to communicate with him, for him to pick me up from school and not drive in silence, for him to do more than financial provision, for him to take the time to find out how I'm doing, for him to put me before all these other churches and people etc... I remember at the age of 16, my father found out I had a boyfriend and got very angry because I was ruining his reputation. I cried myself to sleep because I felt my father was more concerned with his reputation than he was with me.

At the age of 18, he moved my mother, my sisters (ages 14 and 16), and I to the US. He left us with no furniture, no food, no money, and returned back to South Africa to "take care of the church." My mother, sisters, and I would wake up in the early hours of the morning to sell hand bags at flea markets to make some money. Thank God for the local church that came by and stocked our pantry with food for a few months. During this time, my mother found receipts of my father's shopping splurges $1,000 at a time on just his clothes while he was in South Africa - yet no money for our food. He gave a "love gift" to the church of $10,000 - yet no money for his wife and children. We were driving a 1986 Cadillac and were struggling just to put enough gas in there.

When he came back, my mother gave him all the money we made from the flea markets, and he used it to buy a motel. Today he owns numerous hotels in this country. In 2004, after my mother hired a private investigator, we found out that he had been having an affair with the Assistant Pastor's wife for 15 years.

I became so bitter against my father and against the church. I grew up in the church, and when I came to the US, I was a worship leader in my church, very involved, went to a Christian university. I resigned from my church, dropped out of school and became suicidal.

I saw the church to be a bunch of fake hypocrites, money hungry, and greedy for power, existing only to fulfill their useless carnal desires. I turned to partying, alcohol, and men. All the time, longing for my daddy. I would cry nights away longing for a relationship with him. I still do. My father started a church in the US and once again, had an affair with the assistant pastor (a woman who was married to a doctor in the church). My parents are currently going through a divorce and the other woman and her husband are also going through a divorce, while my father and this woman continue to see each other - although they have closed the church. He now travels around preaching, while this woman leads the worship in his meetings. It causes me pain to see the church embracing false teachings, and encouraging hypocrisy to such an extent, the fake love, and artificial emotions. But I know that God is raising this new generation, this fatherless generation, to worship Him in Spirit and in truth, to tear down the jezebelic demons that have been oppressing the church, and to walk in holiness.


It was just recently that I re-dedicated my life to the Lord and started going to church again. I thank God for His faithfulness. People will fail, but He remains the same. A lady (I didn't know) sat down next to me in a church I was visiting last week. She came over and held me close to her and said, "I am the church. Forgive me for rejecting you. Forgive me for judging you. Forgive me for being more concerned with my own desires than I was with your pain. Forgive me for not loving you." And then as she cried, she continued, "I am your father. Forgive me for letting you down. Forgive me for not being there for you. Forgive me for abandoning you. Forgive me for hurting you and for the pain that I've caused you." I was so overwhelmed with emotion and I said, "Yes, God, I forgive the church, but I am not ready to forgive my father - however I thank you for the process of healing you have begun in my life that is leading to forgiveness.
"
 

hello shandre. im replying to the msg you left on the fatherless myspace page. i believe what all our fathers have in common is "one narrow minded goal"...their goal. we just happen to be in the side hoping some how they would notice us. just that after I while we realize we will live and be ok without them. Sad they will not truly know we we have become.
 

I was an unhappy child, hidden behind fake smiles. Growing up I hated myself, and I hated my parents. I blamed both of them for the way I was. My mother had me when she was eighteen. She wasn't ready to be mom and to this day she still tries to hold on to her youth. When I was five years old my father left. I didn't understand what was happening. I can remember the day so well. My father gathered his things and walked outside to get into a cab. He stopped just before stepping off the porch. I was standing there confused, and gave me a kiss, said that he loved me and he'd see me soon. It's been more then thirteen years, and I still don't know my father or really care to know him. The hardest part about growing up with out him was feeling like it was somehow my fault. I felt like he hated me or didn't really love me at all. I never really expressed this to anyone. I didn't even let my family know how I felt about a lot. My mother took care of me physically, like a mother is obligated to, feeding, clothing, and bathing me. As for emotionally, it is a different story. She didn't really give me motherly love. She didn't protect me from things of the world because they were influencing her.


A portion of my childhood consisted of my grandmother "rescuing" my brother and myself from house parties and different substances a young child shouldn't even know exists. My grandma truly was a Godsend to me. She comforted me, and encouraged me to do my best in school. I was always late to school everyday because my mother was sleeping in due to the previous night. There was a point in time that I pretty much lived with my babysitter, and I went to school from her house. Then saw my mother on weekends. This was because my mother was working, and on her time off she would go out. I have moved at least six times over the duration of my child hood. I have been to three elementary schools and two middle schools. We were never stable and when I say that I mean my mother wasn't really stable. She was always trying to change her situation. It felt like we were running, and maybe we were. But I can't really tell you from what. She was happy at one point, when I was little. I have good memories but they tend to be over shadowed by all the bad. Being the oldest of five children, I grew up faster than I should have. I was left home a lot with my siblings to care for them. Like I said she wasn't ready to be a mom. So I basically became mom. My mom had also been in so many different relationships, looking for love. One of her boyfriends physically abused me and raped my younger sister. My mother never believed me when I told her what he did to me, because she thought I was overreacting. She just wanted the man she was with to be there for her, even if it meant making a choice of him over her children. These types of things made me HATE my mother.


When I got to high school, I finally got a chance to live with my grandma. I realized that I did love my mom and wanted to be with her. But it just could really be, because she wasn't stable enough to help me. She had caused me too much pain. I would go back and forth for a while. At this point I found out one of the worst things that I could have. My mom had started taking cocaine. The court system was threatening to take us away for neglect. I didn't know what to think. For some reason, I thought it was my fault, again. The day after I found out, I went to school tardy and didn't even go to class. Instead I sat in the auditorium hall and cried. I was crushed to know that my mom, on top of all her other issues had taken up drugs and was possibly going to loose her children for it. This was where my greatest downfall came into play. I was so mad at the world, my mother, my father, everything. I started to pick up drinking, started smoking, and living with my own rules to follow. I had major anger issues. My grades were horrible and I didn't care about anything any more. I was smoking weed almost everyday at school or a friend's house. What made these things worse was my own mother encouraged me to do these things. She did the stuff with my brother and I. At this point I was very depressed. I started cutting myself, merely as a cry for help. This was my way of reaching out and trying to get help. All I really wanted was my mom to love and care for me. I threatened so many times to kill my self. I was always fighting with her about how I knew she hated me and didn't care if I died. I came so close to actually doing it, but something was holding me back. I am not sure what exactly stopped me, but I realized that nothing I did would change my mother, that it would seriously take a miracle. I finally moved in with my grandma for good. I struggled to let the drugs and alcohol go, but I did. And my grades even got better. I know that god was helping with this, although I didn't know it. I didn't talk to people at school anymore. I basically cut off all ties with my friends and my mother. I was still an emotional wreck.


It was my senior year that God really started working on me. A friend kept inviting me to his church youth night. I thought maybe it would be cool. It was kind of strange to me at first, but it really grabbed my attention. There were kids going on stage and talking about things that happened to them. All I could think of is how can they just go up there and tell all of us about these things. I thought they had to have been embarrassed. But it didn't seem to worry them. And I remember the pastor asking all of us if we knew Jesus Christ. I mean seriously all I knew is he died on a cross, he was the Son of God, and that his name was on bracelets (WWJD). He then told us that out past was the past, that whatever we did can be forgiven by God. He then asked us if we truly wanted to know Jesus and accept him and his love that all we had to do was ask him for forgiveness and ask him into our hearts. That was the night I accepted Jesus into my heart. I became happier and I started to feel peace, but God was not done with me yet. I kept going on Wednesdays, always interested in what to learn next.


When January came around, the youth group was planning on going to a thing called Winterfest. They all really wanted me to go and told me about all the sweet things we did there. I was pretty excited to go. We went to Cincinnati, Ohio in March of 2007. So far it was so much fun. The first night was amazing. They preached about broken families and giving all of our pain to Jesus. I was so ready to just give all of it to him. I was balling my eyes out. Thinking of all the things that caused me so much pain: my mother, father, the loneliness, the drugs, alcohol, and lies. I had finally broken down; I was prepared to give everything up. I was ready to face my worst fear. Letting all my anger and unhappiness go for my life back. I have forgiven my mother for almost everything. We still have our issues, but I am happy and I know that she loves me.


I will never forget that time in my life. I have learned to love everyone. I have made so many new memories that cover up my past. After all, the bible says, "to love one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8) And that's exactly what happened in my situation. I opened my heart up to the Love of Jesus Christ. I accepted him in my life, I accepted his sacrifice and I made my own for him. I have found the greatest peace; anyone could ever receive in Christ. The more and more that I come to know him and try to understand him. The more I find that his Love is far greater than anything else. He has called me to share this love with everyone I come across. He has called me to be a leader, for the lost in this world. I still to this day make bad choices, and I do things I know I shouldn't. And I cannot say that it will ever fully stop. We all sin no matter what, but I can say that I have found salvation.
I have found peace, joy, happiness, and best of all Love
 

hi. I read your comment you left on fatherless children. i havent had much of a relationship with my father and that part is sad. ........but i am also a motherless daugther because my mother passed when i was young. that is not the only way girls can be motheless daughters. you can also be one by the lack of emotion or mental interaction with your mother. not sure if this would make sense to you but maybe check out "motheless daughters". take it for what is worth but life does become easier as long as you learn from her mistakes and know you are worth so much more than what has been in your life so far. my sister is 31 and becoming a teacher next month. i know we both turned out much better than expected and we are happy and believe we are blessed even with tough beginnings. ........best of luck. -norma
 

Yes sir how true!!! I had seen you on my brothers myspace page and glad I peeked at your page. My brother basically raised me and though we have been thousands of miles apart for a while now I still feel that closeness. He is simply the most amazing and christ like man I have ever known. He is an amazing writer, singer etc. He is a gift to all that know him. I will leave it at that. He was more a father to me than my own dad. And he was fatherless even though he had my dad. My dad left us when I was one then again when I was 7..for good that time. He gained custody of me when I was 13 because due to the loss of him my mom turned into a shell of herself and hid in alcohol. My poor brother's dad was an alcoholic and never had much to do with him nothing good anyway, and my dad was too hard on him and drove him away leaving my mom. LOOng stories all around but he turned out to be more of a man than either dad he had. As for me I am a single mom of 5 years now. I have twin 7 year old's and a 5 year old. My husband left us before I had our last child. After some devestating blow's in my life. I ended up here in PA from Texas chasing the man that left me for his help and wanting him to have a bond with our two boy's. He does ok. But that resentfull nature in me had a bad morning today. I had to spank my oldest boy and then have a talk. He started crying and said I don't love him and his dad never spank's him he want's to live with his dad. Now while I know full on that this is just the mind of a 7 year old I am overwhelmed with the fact's. Where was his dad for 3 years while I struggled? And how fair is it that I have to be the heavy, and the resented in his mind. All my kid's are to this man. He cheated on me and I tried to work through it but he left anyway. He never called wrote or sent the support he was ordered to. I came here for my kid's so I thought. and the pain of them loving him more is almost unbearable. He gets them 3 times a week and spoils then with shopping trips and restraunts. I can barely get a day off work to see them much less juggle the bill's and frivilent stuff. I had such a bond with my boy Jacob before we came here and I have sat here and watched it fade into this king daddy thing. That is what I wanted that bond, but I expected us to be the same. Crazy. I should be thankful he has his dad and I find myself wanting to pack up and go home because this state is nothing like I expected and I am here with no family or adult family to lean on for support. What do you do when you want the father then you hate him for being there. I am the queen of rambling lol. But what I have read on your page is awesome thats basically all I wanted to say.
THANKS!!!
 

Hi,my names ashleigh, im 17 (as of recently late july) I live in Sydney,Australia.Such beautiful place. My parents are divorced and ive live with my mum and younger brother for the last 7 years, when dad said it was either he or my mum moves out and leaves,in which mum had found a job her best friend offered her on the coast in sydney ,and found us a place to rent. so at age 9 and my brother aged 2, my now single mother picked up and we left. We moved with nothing, except our clothes, my bunkbed,brothers bed, a loungemum and dad split groceries,my dog and other little things. We had to borrow and buy everything else. Whilst my dad lived in a 2 story, 4 bedroom house to himself, with all furniture,and groceries...living in luxury,and leaving his faily with shit all. I later figured it out, a year or so down the track when every friday night for first few weeks dad would pick us up after work from our house and drive 2 hours to his for the weekend,asking my 2 year old brother and myself,if we would mind if daddy had met somebody,and would say not that he had, but woudl we mind. My brother and i not understanding or caring, i woudl just say hh yer right dad, sure? I was 9. what do you think i would know. I mean come on seriosuly. But as months went by and i met this new woman in dads life, i put the puzzle together, my dad had been sleeping with another woman whilst my parents were together. When i figured this out, at the age of only 10, i dared mever to tell mum, as i feared itd break her heart. But only to my disgust my dad got himself busted by tellling mum he had met her for lunch early january, and mum said oh thats funny, since me and the kids moved out in may. BUSTED. anyways. my dad was and still is very abusive. he used to,and to this day still verbaly and physically abuses me,but i dont go see him anymore. he never calls. he doesnt care about em or love me as far as im concerened. but yet, he says he does. my brother who is now 11 still goes over so often, and he ahs a good relationship with my dad, only its more bribary,bought him a motorbike but said he couldnt use it unless he goes to dads house. my dad has done some foul and disgraceful things to me,my mum and this family. i hold a horrible grudge,as hes broken my heart,but i still love him, and i still pray that he will became a father for once and show that he loves me. I am grateful taht i have a father, or more a less biological father, not that i feel he is actually one, but im still greatful, because my best friends dad passed away of cancer, and he was her idol. MY idol is my mother.i love her, and she is the closest personon this earth to me. I see it this was. MY mum is my mum and my dad. She is the strongest person ive ever met. shes my inspiration. You dont need to have a father to learn great values. Although i would give anyhting to have a father that actaully cares. and calls em to see how i am. At the moment im really sick.but he wouldnt know.

 

i read your blog that you posted a while back on fatherless myspace. and what you say about your mom being your mom and dad! thats how i have always seen my mom. Keeping your head up high. I'm glad you made the choice to move forward and think positive. I agree with you fathers are not the only source to learn great values. -norma
 

Hi, I'm Faith... I was spotted leaving a comment on LL's page... I found that although I don't have money or fame like her, I know a bit of how she feels. I have an addiction problem and it runs in my family. Growing up, I had to pretty much raise myself b/c of my parent's issues which resulted in me going in wrong directions. My dad would alwyas bring me to bars and clubs growing up... I used to be a cute little blonde with bright blue eyes... He was USING me to pick up girls... My dad is addicted to sex... And he used me to get it... And a lot of personal bad things happened also as a result from his addictions.... Also growing up, he alwyas told me that he didnt want me b/c I wasn't a boy.. So, when he cheated on his wife and got the housekeeper pregnant, he was happy it was a boy.... As I went on to have kids, he tried using my kids to pick up girls...ON-LINE.... He'd put them on his web cam if we were there and he woudl also try to sneak them to the bars. One time I went into a bar to pick him up, he sai dhe had to go to the bathroom and he went to the car where my b/f at the time was with my kids, and he got my beuatiful 2 year old, blonde hair, blue yees baby who has a very weak immune system and at the time, breathign problems... out of the car and brought her into the smokey bar... I took my baby, screamed at him and left him there to walk home.... As for my kids, both of them have the same father who is not around... He didn't want to grow up, so instead of forcing him to be a father like my father was forced to do... I raise them on my own... Well, when he foudn out that my daughter, who is very talented, had an audition with some talent scouts from LA, he tried to contact us... All these years, he didn't care that our son is high-functioning autistic (but can remember every line to a movie after watching it once) and our daughter who has a weak immune system and used to have a very hard time breathing..... I am very open about my life stories, that is why I first joined myspace... my experiences often make others feel better... That is also why I am a psychology student... So I can professionally help people since I help people all the time anyways.... But, I'm always here to listen and to share....
 

hey hows it going?

well i dont know if my story belongs here but ill make it short for the past year i have been trying to see my daughter before that we lived together my ex girlfriend and my daughter i want to be there with her but the mother is so bitter she keeps her away and i see some of the other comments and they actually wanted their father its sad the world we live in now ...i swear i cry every night cause i figure that ill never see my daughter again i love her dearly i've lost contact with her my ex changed her number and i cant find her anyway i just thought i would post this bit on here because it needs to be know THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE THAT ACTUALLY WANT TO BE THERE FOR THEIR KIDS....I AM ONE THAT HATES THE IDEA OF ANYONE NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE A FATHER IT MAKES ME SO SAD MY DAUGHTER WILL THINK LESS OF ME BECAUSE HER MOTHER KEPT HER AWAY FROM ME :-(
 

my only suggestion is DONT GIVE UP! you are the adult and the father... your daughter won't know for herself that you tried if you give up. Keep trying your best to be in her life. As she grows she will realize the struggle and that it wasn't your fault. Best of luck! take it from a daughter that never saw her father try ...not even once!
 

Thank you for having this site. It's a comforting feeling to know that there are others like me out there. I will share my pain. I'll keep it short. As many may know, digging in the past is probably the hardest thing to do.

I was born in Lewiston, Maine. 1977. Father was a Navy man. Mother at the time was a stay at home wife. As the stereo type goes, my father being in the Navy was an alcoholic. Beat my mother in front of my older brother and I.


He left when I was 3 years old. Leaving my mother with my older brother, myself and a newborn infant. No money, No home, No place to go. I was on Welfare as a kid. My mother worked as many jobs as she could get however it was rough. You really get a sad perspective of man kind when you're on the bottom of the food chain. I didn't see much of my father.

In fact I was 5 years old in the hospital, I was in ICU for a Virus that was eating my guts from the inside out. He appeared. With toys and Ice cream. I had no Idea who he was but he looked familiar. All through growing up we would see him from time to time. When we visited he'd put us to work, doing his bidding while he did nothing.


He would beat us, and verbally abuse us, Raising kids to fear their father was his chosen ideology of raising a child. My mother was my best friend. She worked hard to provide for us while my father got off easy on child support payments due to a Navy Lawyer and he ended up only having to pay $90 a month for 3 kids.

Time past. I grew up. My mother, My best friend, My go to person became ill with a disease little known in the medical world. It was terminal. She was diagnosed at 45. She died In April of this year at the age of 49. She was bed ridden for 4 years. For 4 years I was unable to hear my mothers voice. To feel her touch. She was kept alive by machines, completely aware of everything around her.


Trapped in her body. A prisoner, as her body slowly shut down one organ at a time with every day that passed. My father speaks of love, however shows no action. He went on a vaction the day of her funeral instead of showing last respects.

I understand that people are human. Some people are able to be parents. Some people, as sad as it is, are not. I used to wish he never lived so I wouldn't have to have the pain of knowing that he was out there. Now, 30years old I wouldn't change a thing. It has made me the person I am today, and fuels my writing. The only regret I have is not being able to tell my mother I loved her one last time.

I have a new born. 15months. I'm glad my dad was a deadbeat because I have the perfect example of what not to be.

Thank you for this site.
Be well

sin,
Mathew/aka-Billy
The Williamsboy
 

My father was in my life for a very limited amount of time. I know where he is and he knows about my life indirectly. That seems to be enough for him.

Thank you for creating this page. I did want to say I enjoyed reading about the people that did share special moments with their Father’s. A few in between but they do exist.

 

My name is Annie. I am currently going through a break-up with the father of my child. He says he wants to be with us but he's too fked up, cause he's such a shitty person and the bulk of the blame for the way he is gets put on to his father for not being around. I personally have a father who wasn't around but I don't blame everything bad in my life on that fact. I know, I know "it's different for boys to be without a father".... but doesn't every child regardless of their gender deserve guidance and love from both parents? And lose out in someway from an absentee parent. Be it boys or girls, we all need guidance. Well I think to myself the type of man my father was I am better off having been raised with just my mom. He blames how he is on his dad. Isn't it time to stand up and be really strong and break the cycle?? I mean if you love us and want to be with us, shouldn't you put 110% of yourself into not turning into what your father was?! So in any event, he left us. And I know if he is dead set on his ways than my daughter and I are better off. But really guys, it's time for a difference. Don't put your best face forward and represent yourself as something other than you are cause you want to change, then the time comes to change and you bail cause it's too hard. That's one of the reasons so many children are fatherless. I mean I have loved this guy since I was 14 and am now 22. We were off and on. And all the time we were off, I learned to let him go. But he reeled me back in under false pretenses. I am so grateful for my daughter, really if I could go back I wouldn't cause she is the most important precious thing in my world, but it just sucks that one day she's gonna wonder why daddy doesn't love her.