Well it's official. The sunny United States of America is in what the experts like to call a "recession." Apparently we've been in the recession since December of 2007. 2007. December. 2007. December of 2007. Thanks for the quick heads up, "people in power." The stock market tanked 680 points yesterday, which I'm pretty sure means that the stock market is currently actually at just 680 points today.
If I recall correctly, I was spending like a drunken sailor back in the beginning of the year. I kid. I'm not a sailor. However, I am a drunkard so I plan on continuing to spend and I think you should too. In fact, IBBB will help you get through these tough financial times with some helpful recession buster tips and ideas. You're welcome:
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Did you give up drinking? Start again.
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Repeat 1.
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Lost your job? It was probably boring anyway. Know what's not boring? Prostitution! Saddle up because you'll be riding more strangers than the Blue line.
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Do you have any money left in the stock market? If so I have 5 words for you: Scratch Tickets.
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Know what surprisingly tastes like chicken? The neighborhood dog. Don't laugh. You'll be there before you know it.
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Have you repeated 1 again? Ok, do it again.
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Robbery will be up a lot in the coming year. If you're going to start up with "the burglary" don't pick the biggest house on the street. Choose the house with the oldest widow in it. You'll thank me later.
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Try out for as many reality shows as humanly possible. Sue for discrimination with each show that rejects you. It's merely a numbers game at this point.
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Are things really bad? Can't even afford three meals a day? Kill someone. Jail isn't as bad as the movies make it seem.
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Yaaaaaaaaard Salllllllllleeeee!
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Start your own business and by "business" I, again, am referring to "prostitution."
If you follow these easy 11 steps you'll be on your way back to financial security. Turn down the heat, stock up on the SPAM, and figure out a strategy for jumping to the front of the line at the free clinic because it's going to be a long winter. Cheer up. It could be worse. You could be from Canada.