Ok so anyway I posted this blog and for some reason it got deleted, so I was searching through my files and I found it (I didn't know I had saved it) so anyway here it is, written at 12:17am on the 20/1/2007) Then exactly 3 months later I decided to re-delve (if that's a word) back into that fiasco.

My DOWLING SHIELD experience (it's like the level below state) (I'm too Depressed to speak about it so instead I will write it)

Well its 12:17pm I am feeling depressed (over Dowling) and lonely (what do you think you retard who is online now at this time). Yeah so anyway let's start at the beginning my Hatch Team (Elsternwick, I HATE U GUYS SO BAD, well lets rephrase that, I hate about 95% of you guys the rest, well your ok, BTW when I mean hate I mean not the club just the hatch team) we made the Grand Final. But for me it was one of the worst cricket experiences of my life. I started off well with 3-8 off 9 (Two other catches were put down off my bowling THANKS VOYAGE you Prick, that was during that time we really hated each others guts, remember that fight we had the next day, but anyway all good now, after that catch I dropped off your bowling the week after I have kept my mouth shut). But yeah anyway 3-8 off 9 right pretty good effort in the first match against at team the made the semis last year, So I got home feeling rather buoyed by my Stirling efforts, feeling quite justifiably that I was going to be the star or at least one of the star bowlers for my team, well it turned out my efforts weren't good enough for Coops (my dick head of a coach). So I was dropped for the next two matches against two of the strongest teams in the league. So fast-forward a few weeks and our team is in the final I have taken another four wickets and my economy rate is 2.13, so feeling pretty confident for a spot in the final. Well no I was dropped for someone who bats worse than me (I thought that was impossible) and had taken less wickets and his economy rate was above 4 an over. Well needless to say we went on to lose the match (Surprise Surprise, hehehe).

Fast-forward another 8 months and it's time for the Dowling invitations to go out, everyone who played in my Hatch team who qualifies for Dowling is invited (even the people who played the year before but gave up after they had a very little go in the team were put up), well when I say everyone I tell you a lie, the truth is that I wasn't put up, the only one who wasn't put up, (FUCK U COOPS!!!!!).

Well since my sisters play state and all that shit below it (i.e. State Champs and U/15 all boys may I add) they know our regional manager really well, so he saw me bowl  one day and asked me why I wasn't at the Dowling tryouts? I told him I didn't get an invite; well anyway on the spot he invited me.

Just like going off topic it doesn't feel that good having two twin 12 year old sisters who play state U/15's one opens the bowling the other bowls at first drop (she is a spinner) and then they bat at three and four. Oh yeah did I mention they still have another year in the state team. Then they have a brother who taught them how to play, who plays a level below them. Needless to say the old "Hey Cannon how does it feel to have two sisters who are better than you at cricket" line more times than I have had bad dinners (which may I add is a sum longer than the decimals go to in PIE).

So Yeah after the two trial matches I came through looking like their main spearhead bowler, If I don't say so myself. But I was. Took 4 wickets for Jack all runs, bowled 24 dot balls in a row to our Vice-Captain who is in the national team. May I say I rivalled you Bettsy in the arrogance stakes for the week preceding that escapade?

So we come to the first game the match is poised at 1-60 when I come on at 1st drop. I am very nervous, what unfolds in this first match is horrific (screw 9/11 or the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Iraq, Vietnam and both World Wars Combined) this was far worse. I bowl one over and one over only it turns out to be one of the worst in my life. I am hit for 12 off it and promptly taken off not to bowl again in the match. It turns out the guy who hit me everywhere was some Alex Keath guy who is going to my school (Fuck, Fuck, I am going to cop this for weeks). Behind Bettsy and Mozza he is the one person I would like the least to hit me and the one I would like to get out. In the match we made 180 and bowled them out for 120 (taking the last 8 wickets for 30 runs).

In the second match I went for 5.5 an over, still FUCKING SHIT but better, I was bowling like bloody Brookes, and that's saying something. I hereby apologise to the batsman I bowled to on this day (probably my worst performance ever, excluding club cricket where I couldn't give a toss and obviously the day before). We scored 340 in 50 overs (After 15 overs we were on 150-1 fair effort I have to say) the one positive I can get out of this match was that I wasn't as expensive as the two spinner from the other side. We then bowled them out for 180 (My bowling adding significantly to their score). All I remember about that day was the heat (All 42 Degrees of it), the picture of our team singing in the change rooms was taken on that day, you can see how bloody exhausted we were, and we only fielded for 34 overs. I remember after I bowled (I am using that word abit to loosely, more like released a ball and prayed it didn't land half way down the pitch) I went off and had a shower for about ten minutes and drowned my sorrows using the only readily available drink, that being the weakest PowerAde known to man.

Like seriously how can I bowl so badly, I have taken 8/8 6/30 5/4 off ten, six 4 wicket hauls, had an average off 3.9 after ten matches for the MGS 8A's, had a strike rate of 9 in the same year. What I am trying to say is that I am actually a good bowler, but looking at my Dowling performance I just played the worst cricket of my life, it wasn't that I wasn't up to the standard, it was just that I wasn't playing anywhere near of what I was capable off.

Then we went to play the North West Wizards, I came on and bowled 5 overs at 3 an over and this was at the death so I was FUCKING STOKED. I got my first wicket of the series (About fucking time Cannon you cunt) it was a ball that pitched short of a length so the guy went back to play at it, it hit something and stayed down really low, it hit the guys pads and was given LBW, I being the person I am said I bowled a flipper (I cant believe they fell for that, but again, when half your team goes to East Bentleigh Secondary College I can understand why). I was then dropped twice (FUCK, FUCK, FUCKEDY, FUCK) both sitters. I wasn't very happy. We raped those guys also. I chipped in with the bat scoring a golden duck. I have never been sledged so much in my life (they all knew me because they asked one of our openers if I was going to bat at the start of the match). When I went out I was practically given a guard of honour. I took guard and then told point that we had changed around the batting order and I normally was the opener, he practically pissed his pants he was laughing so much, but anyway, In what felt like an eternity later the filthy red nut bowled a half volley, me being the superstar batsman that I am went back to it and was given out LBW (it couldn't get more plum) but being the batsman that I am told everyone that the umpire was a complete retard and of course it wasn't out.

So yeah Quarter Finals time, I bowled three overs none for nine (I was dropped again by Ben Cunningham, CUNT!!, Why don't you go and hang out with your friends and pretend you are drunk again, you had a red bull mate not 10 beers). Then that was the end of the match. We rolled the opposition for like jack all. I was hitting my straps, and my orgasmic groan was hitting Sharapova like noise (always a good sign) and also my really stupid un-intimidating stare (my sisters think I am trying to do a Zoolander "Blue Steel" impersonation when I do my stare at the batsman) was hitting new levels much to the enjoyment of both teams. When we came back into the dressing rooms after our match we were greeted by both our umpires towing themselves naked it was enough to scar me for life. I especially feel sorry for Rowan who was sitting at an awkward height and an extremely awkward distance from one of our umpires.

Then we move on too the Semis, None of our spinners bowled on the biggest road you will see, also another reason why the spinners bowled was the overs were reduced drastically (30 odd a side) so we weren't required (Bastard of a Captain, lol). Then we went off and went to this place called the waves swimming centre, I have fond memories of that place as I almost broke my back their six years previously, falling down a set of concrete steps. We played an in the water version of Jack in the Pack with a tennis ball, needless to say it was the only thing I shone at all carnival, I got so good it turned more into a bash up W.R. Cannon session, where I defiantly did come out on top, all good fun though,

So yeah we are now in the finals we should rape our opponents, If Betsy's team can smash them, we should hit them out of this park and send the Barwon Rockets back to where they belong (wherever that may be, but defiantly not on a cricket field).

So yeah it's getting late and my fingers are feeling tired. Congrats for reading all of this good effort!!!! Now don't ask me about it at school now!!!

For the record we won the Gran Final quite easily, I was about to be brought on to bowl in the middle section then the spinner at the other end was hit for 18 off an over so they decided not to bring me on instead they brought on a pace bowler who got like a million wickets, so good move. Although the Dowling experience was shit I still somehow managed to improve, I went back to school and bowled 10 overs 7 maidens 5 for 4, the only bad thing about that performance was that when I was on a hat-trick I bowled a gentle (even by my standards, witch is like ridiculously slow for U/10's) waist height full toss.

I need to write 10 more words to reach 2,000 Words.

Well there I go.

Cheers,

William Robert Cannon,  23/4/2007 11:10PM, Lying in Bed.