I'm not ok. I'm not happy with the way things are going nor how they have been.  I've tried changing them.  I've tried changing myself.  Nothing seems to work.  I don't want people taking pity on me and saying bull shit about being sorry, it doesn't fix anything.  I'm addicted to the computer, I can't break the habit.  I go on looking for something I never find, only being further upset by the false truths.  I may sound egotistical or like a jerk right now, or am going to.  Let me spell it out for you, I D-O-N'-T  C-A-R-E   A-N-Y-M-O-R-E.  I'm so very tired of this. I'm tired of giving of others and never receiving anything, thank you's are great but they only go so far.  Every weekend almost, it's the same.  I spend the whole time trying to find someone to do something with.  I would be open for spending time with anyone, doing anything.  But my texts, my truths, my calls, my comments are purely in vain.  I just sit all weekend long alone, wandering about my streets, my home, and my head.  I long for the summer to return, at least I have somewhere to go, somewhere I feel like I just might belong.  The days draw near.  High School is ending for me so very soon.  I can't answer the questions the colleges want answered for I do not know either.  I feel like these years have been in vain.  I've learned so little and hurt so much.  I feel like the observer in the window the one no one see's, whom just mearly watches from the sidelines as time goes by and people change.  I want to be that kid with his friends at the party.  I want to be the boy that gets the girl.  I feel so lost. I don't know how to deal anymore.  I tried running.  I tried being honest. I tried hiding it.  I tried facing it.  I put myself out there, sho down in return.  All I can say now is "Someone help me". Someone break the window and let me in.