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Now playing: Mariah Carey - One Sweet Day
via FoxyTunes    † Yesterday, after church, I went to the funeral home, it was a visitation of a 18 year old boy.  I  knew his parents, and grandparents.  It seems as though this past Thursday, He put a gun to his mouth and shot himself.  18 years old.  And already he had given up on life.  At first when I got there, I got angry at the boy, when I saw his distraught parents, and the tears that they cried.  I couldn't imagine, what they must feel like.  I have two sons myself, and they have known more then their share of hard times in their young lives.  I always tried to tell them, that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I have also tried to tell them, that I can't promise them a life full of roses and parties, but the one thing I can promise them,,,""is this too shall pass"  that is the one thing I have learned is that as we grow older, we either get bitter from life,,,or we get better.  I, myself, had awesome role models in my life, through my Mom and Dad.  They knew hard times, but they kept on keeping on, and they kept the faith.  I went on through out the day, thinking about Aaron, and I thought  that it was so wrong for me to be mad at him, that a person has to be feeling so much pain to do something so drastic, if it just could of gotten through to him that there were answers to whatever what was bothering him, I have heard rumors it was a girl he had lost.  I went on to think that there was probably more to it then that, but the one thing that I do believe is that in his young life, his pain was too big for him to bare.  I am just grateful that my sons somehow realize that things do have a way of working out.  I think we have all been there, when we have been rejected, or hated ourselves so much that living just seemed to be too much.  A year before my brother died, he had taken an overdose, a lot of people thought he had just taken too many drugs, and they put him in a treatment center.  However, he told me that the  pain just got so bad that he couldn't take it anymore, and that he took all of his medication that day.  So it has haunted me since his death, was it intentional?  I don't think it was in my heart, however, that thought always remains.  I just pray that if anybody is reading this, and they think that they just can't go on, seek help.   Seek GOD.  That is such a hard concept for some people to get, they think that GOD is just a image that some people make up, but I know for myself and in some of the situations that I found myself in, he was all I had left.  And he got me through.  And people would be shocked if they knew some of the situations I have been in, most of them of my own making.  I refuse to be a victim though,  I will never give up on a better day.  And I will not stop being grateful for today, and the people in my life today.  I know that the one thing that always helps me if I am having a bad day, when I am at my peak at feeling sorry for myself, if I do something for someone else, it takes me out of myself, and I realize that I'm not the only one that's having a bad day.     I will keep on keeping the faith.  I WILL!!  I will continue to believe!! So I ask you,,,do you got faith?   Have you been though hard times that after a while got better?  Next time that   you think that things couldn't get much worse, look around you,  there is always someone that is going through something harder then yourself, go help that person, even if its just by words of encouragement, and Jeff and Alec? Thanks for hanging in there when times got  hard for you, and for believing in a "'sweeter day"",,,,,,I love you Jeff and Alec, I miss you so much, but at least I know that your living your lives, good days and bad,,,,,,,,,love Mom.