oregano is full of it. yeah, i said it. oregano is a parasite. oregano adds no delicious flavor to dishes...instead, it rides on the coattails of everyone else.

i mean that literally, too. spaghetti used to wear coats all the time back when it was just noodles. it would wear coats of just about any kind...spaghetti was basically like a coat collector of sorts. it wanted any coat it could find. it did enjoy fur coats the best, though...which is good for fans of italian food. why? well, let me tell you.

you see, one faithful day, a plate of spaghetti was sporting a delightful fur coat. an animal rights activist spotted this and immediately came to the conclusion that they needed to be a jerk to this plate of spaghetti that did nothing wrong aside from having a different opinion...you know, 'cause talking never works. anyway, since the activist couldn't find any paint nearby, they grabbed the nearest thing they could find that would be tough to get out; tomato and meat sauce. the activist dumped the sauce all over the plate of spaghetti and its fashionably expensive fur coat...then ran away screaming 'fur is murder!' before the plate of spaghetti could get up and sock the activist one in the nose.

however, as the plate of spaghetti was about to get up and chase after the animal rights activist, it realized two things. one, that it didn't have any appendages that would allow it to chase after the activist. and two, that this sauce was more comfortable than any coat it had ever worn. soon, word got out that this magical sauce was more comfortable than a coat could ever be and soon every plate of spaghetti in the world was covered in tomato and meat sauce.

that's a true story.

anyway, back to oregano...it's dumb. some folks can say that it tastes good and all that phooey...but let's be realistic here. oregano tastes good like a cigarette tastes good. you're being fooled into thinking it's good because it's a drug. plain and simple. care to disagree? what are drugs made of? plants. what is oregano made of? that's right, plants. i defy you to find a hole in that logic.

oregano is a bad drug that can and will lead to heartburn, upset stomach, ulcers, and probably some sort of cancer of the toenail or something. we need to stop this parasitic herb before it turns everyone into an addict. so, what can we do to stop it? simple. burn down any italian restaurant near you.

now, before anyone gets all antsy in the pantsy here, you need to make sure that nobody is inside when you burn the restaurants down. afterall, by eliminating these restaurants, we're trying to SAVE lives...not destroy them. and i understand that oregano is used in other food as well...but it seems to be most common in italian food according to the fake book that i just read. so, if we eliminate italian food, we've eliminated the source of the problem...and then the rest of the oregano will fade away like steam from a delicious plate of spaghetti...a delicious plate of spaghetti that needs to be oregano-free.