as odd as it may seem...my name is often set alongside the name of a celebrity. i've never even met this celebrity...but when a lot of folks think of me, they think of one other person; bea arthur. as many folks know, i adore bea arthur. i feel she was a comedic genius with great timing and a sharp wit. she was also a woman with a great sense of humor...she not only laughed when folks made fun of some of her more masculine features, but seemed to embrace it and go along with the joke.
on top of that, she was a terrific singer...
that song does have significance, too. watching bea arthur perform was like a drug. it was like jamming one of those needle dealies inyou your arm and then pushing that pushy part at the end of the syringe so you can shove all that bea arthur drugness into your veins. you see her perform once and suddenly you've got the urge to watch again...and again...and again. then, before you know it, you've got a five o'clock shadow, you've gotten kicked out of your apartment, and you're drinking booze in a nearby alley while begging for change to purchase season three of the golden girls on dvd so you can get your bea arthur fix.
...nevermind how a homeless person can watch a golden girls dvd...the fact is that it happened...it happened a lot.
this is the effect of bea arthur's glorious comedy. she was so entertaining that it was dangrous. not just to that effect, either. as i stated before, she had a sharp wit...sharper than those knifes that can cut through shoes. in fact, it was common practice for bear hunters to record bea arthur comebacks to auido cassette and wire the cassette players with string so that when a bear triggered the string, they'd take some sharp bea arthur wit to the brain and perish instantly. on the rare occassion that the comedic wit missed and went over the bear's head, bea arthur herself would be flown in, with one arm tied behind her back (for a handicap), and spar with the bear until it either tapped out or she kicked its hiney with her size forty-seven shoe. in fact, this is where the 'tap out' rule for mma and pro wrestling came from...another fun fact on bea's wonderful resume.
speaking of bea's shoe size, it speaks volumes about her. she was who the story of paul bunyon was originally created after. bea arthur and paul bunyon both have three syllables...cooincidence? i think not. i know not. bea arthur's life was just like the mighty lumberjack...when she grew old enough to clap and laugh, the vibration broke every window in the world. plus, just like how paul bunyon had a blue ox as a sidekick that followed him wherever he went, bea arthur had a beast named rue mclanahan that followed her from the television show 'maude' over to the 'golden girls'. it's pretty obvious to me that someone simply studied bea arthur's life and then came up with the paul bunyon story to immortalize her in folk tale history.
however, bea arthur doesn't need a lumberjack tale to keep her memory alive and well. i don't believe she'll ever be forgotten. she was one of a kind. she'll never be duplicated. bea arthur was a work of art...and truly great art will never be forgotten. bea arthur wasn't just great...she was the best. she was the mona lisa amongst forgettable skribbles...no, the mona beasa.
your legend will live on....and even in death, video and audio footage will allow you to keep bringing smiles to the faces of millions. bea arthur, you'll be missed...but your memory will never be forgotten. may you rest in peace, miss arthur. you will be greatly missed.