Not only was it the scariest day of the year besides my upcoming 30th birthday in March, but also it's the weekend anniversary. We are celebrating our 3rd year anniversary here at the Fatal 4-Way. We started out as just the Wrestling Blog while we hunted down for a name. Originally our four-some was The Sarge, The Game, myself, and The Polish Prince. Then the Polish Prince had to concentrate on school and we tried out having Violet write for us, only same thing...life got in the way. We miss them and hope that maybe they'll pop in again for us. This year we welcome The Hitman, and has turned out to be a great fit. He's on his honeymoon this week so he is absent. But regardless I know he would have loved to celebrate with us.
I also realize our ghoulish banner this week, I forgot last week so you're getting it this week! Haha!
There is a bit of news regarding Jeff Hardy, but I'm going to hold off until next weekend as he has a court date this week, but lets just say, things are looking better for the Enigma!
So lets get this party started, shall we?
***the views and opinions expressed in "Boot Camp" are strictly my own and do not in any way reflect those of WWE, TNA or any other group that I might inadvertently piss off! But....If you're gonna get all emo over it, then just run home to your mommy, curl up in the fetal position and cry salty tears into your fucking Ovaltine!!**BOOT CAMP
Okay then. So, how's everybody doing this week? I almost can't believe we've been doing this thing for three years now! That takes dedication. It takes loyalty....and I'd expect nothing less from my troops. You've been hanging in there, taking everything I throw at you, week in and week out....and you all keep coming back for more. That either makes you incredibly enthusiastic, or unbelievably stupid. I'll let you be the judge.
I have to say, I'm getting to this a little late because I set myself up for some volunteer time at the pet store down the road. They were having this big Halloween shindig there with kitty adoptions, charity donations and among other activities...face painting! I had signed up to volunteer as a face painter because it sounded like something I'd have fun with, and I have an artistic side, so it seemed perfect. I mean, you've all seen my work when I painted myself like the Ultimate Warrior, LOD or The Boogeyman in the past. This sounded like it was right up my alley! All I had to do was put up with little kids all day. I couldn't show up drunk, so I just had to psyche myself up and hope that maybe one or two of the people I painted on were cute chicks. I did get lucky as couple times, but other than that, it was just kids who wouldn't know what they really wanted even if it was shoved up their asses and vibrating hard enough to chip their baby teeth! Believe me, I was tempted to draw penises on all their faces and have a good laugh, but with the "para-mentals" seated at ringside, I had to behave myself.
So, here I am finally getting around to kicking this bitch out. In preparation for this week's edition, all I had for guidance was Diva's suggestion that I keep it short. Here I am, already about a page in and I haven't said squat. About time I got down to brass tacks, eh?
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The big news of the week, of course, was Hulk Hogan's press conference regarding his big return to wrestling....in TNA! I sat through all two hours of this week's Impact just for the last five minutes or so when Hogan's press conference, and the end of the world as we know it, took place. Hogan was introduced by none other than Eric fucking Bischoff, who must be the P.T. Barnum to Hogan's Siamese twins...and by that, I mean Hogan's ego is so big, it's practically his conjoined twin. It's so big, it has its own MySpace page. It creates its own gravitational pull. Hogan is the black hole of the wrestling world. Nothing can escape, not even light, and that unfortunately includes TNA.
Now, the whole multi-player circle jerk only lasted a few minutes. Bischoff introduced Hogan. Hogan did his schtick, complete with pink bandanna and matching shirt. He's really milking the fuck out of this Breast Cancer Awareness shit! Real douche bags wear pink, boys and girls! Anyway, Hogan introduced the MILF-tastic TNA President, Dixie Carter, and she went on to talk further about what a prize it was to score Hulk Hogan for TNA. No real definite word yet on if he will be actually competing in the ring, or just working with the talent in other ways.
There's no doubting Hogan's influence could be good for TNA. It could help the company rise to levels never seen before. However, Hogan is also a notorious control freak and has to micro-manage everything so badly, it could make TNA suffer worse than it ever has. Hogan in TNA is going to be a double-edged sword, and if Bischoff comes along with the package....God help us all! It's going to be the resurrection of WCW. That, my friends, is a BAD thing! Bad....for TNA.
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I didn't get to say anything last week, so now is the time. A big "What's Up!" to our team mate, The Hitman and props on his recent nuptials. I had no idea! He's on his honeymoon now, possibly laying the ground work for the next generation of awesomeness. That's my non-descript way of saying he's probably tappin' some serious booty.
Either way....I wish him all my best!
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I don't have much to say about RAW last week because I tuned it out for the most part. The co-hosts were a couple of NASCAR drivers, and I think NASCAR is some of the dumbest shit ever conceived. It's like WrestleMania for trailer park folk. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaawwwwww!!!! Only some mush-brained cousin fucker would find entertainment in watching a bunch of cars turn left for three hours...driving 500 miles and going really nowhere! It's just a huge waste of gas, in my opinion. With gas prices what they are lately, NASCAR is almost a criminal abuse of resources. The whole organization should be investigated by the State Department and taken down for good. Maybe the price of fuel in America will go down a few cents once we stop paying Jethro and Jim Bob to fill their tanks and drive in a fucking circle all day long!
But, that's just me....
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Okay, troopers. I think I have offended enough people for one week. Time to hit the old dusty trail. I know tonight is Halloween, but by the time you read this, it will be Sunday and all that remains are the hangover from your drunken adventures and the streets littered with the guts and shrapnel of a hundred vandalized Jack-O-Lanterns.
So, I guess...happy Daylight Savings Time, then. If you live in a place in the world that observes that "spring forward, fall back" mentality, I hope you remembered to set your clocks back. Otherwise, you totally just fucked yourself out of a free extra hour of sleep!
I'll catch up with you next time, troops! Until then, you're DISMISSED!!
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Had enough yet? You got something to say to me? E-mail me at darkside619@hotmail.com and get it off your flabby little chest! Your feedback is both welcomed and encouraged, and your responses will be highlighted in my next Boot Camp article. Your orders are clear, troops......it's time to stand up and sound off!! I'll make you famous! >:)
Until next time, this is The Sarge.....reminding you: Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Happy Anniversary to us!!! For three years we've rocked this blog with great wrestling opinions, and commentaries. For three years we've had a lot of fun, and has some very humorous moments. I'm very proud of all who has contributed to this. Who would have thought that I started this little thing just to help me deal with my grandmother's death four years ago. So a big thank-you to my team!
Instead of pulling out the stops and doing something special, I want to commentate on what's been going down lately in the wrestling industry.
Shane McMahon: As far as I see it, he's smart to get out now because he knows, just like the rest of us, that Triple H and Stephanie run the company. And when I say Triple H and Stephanie, I just mean Triple H. McMahon knows to get out while he still can and if he's smart he'll find a more exciting industry that won't sink from under him and team up with Dana White or Strikeforce. Go MMA Shane! Go MMA!
Diva's Draft: I don't get it! I can understand moving Beth Phoenix and Mickie James to SmackDown, to freshen up their careers. And I can understand Melina going back to RAW, as well as Rosa to ECW (where the useless Diva's go to die...poor Katie Lea). What I can't figure out is how can RAW benefit from having the Bella Twins? Neither of them can wrestle. They model and clap very well but their contribution is nadda. So now RAW has a plethora of baby-face Divas, Melina, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Brie & Nikki Bella, and Eve. Currently outnumbering only two heel Diva's, Jillian & Alicia Fox. Now only three of those Diva's have any talent and that's Melina, Kelly & Jillian. Now more than ever we need Maryse back. This draft has totally left me agog. Over on SmackDown it's almost the opposite problem. For Babyfaces they have Mickie James and Maria. Against heel Diva's, Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix, Layla and Natalya. And only Phoenix, Natalya and Mickie have talent. But Mickie has been unhappy for a long time and seems to be messing up more. My guess is, that it's due to no longer having the heart to produce good matches. A side effect of not being happy. I would love to see a match between Natalya and Beth Phoenix. It's probably one of my dream matches. Two major powerhouse women, putting on a great match based on strength and not tricks. As far as I'm concerned, Natalya has yet to see sufficient amount of ring time, and that pisses me off. As much as I want to see the Glamazon vs. Neidhart, the WWE will fuck it up. It won't be booked right and all we'll get is one 5-minute match (including entrances) and that's it. So much potential...gone! And for the record, Eve has man-hands!
The Beautiful People: Really need freakin' help! Lacey Avon Erich has totally ruined TBP. I think TNA would have been better off just letting Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne take over and go it alone. I would have even excepted a heel turn for Christy Hemme to join the two over von Erich. It's sad really. A great stable, probably one of the best in a long time, ruined. Reduced to starting food fights in the backstage area and a dumb blonde with big fucking tits who fumbles the simple task of running to the ring for a run-in (edited out of TV). Their six-Knockout tag a few weeks back saw both Rayne and Sky in the ring against Tara, ODB and Kong, but not once did Lacey get in that ring. Tsk! Tsk!
LOVIN' IT: I have to say that the only reason I'm still interested in RAW right now is the fact that Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, The Miz and Evan Bourne have OWNED the entire show in the past few weeks. All of them having great matches. Matches worth watching. That foursome seem to be the only ones to actually do what they are suppose to be doing on a wrestling show. Wrestling and keeping it fun. Those four, along with MVP and the appearances of Chris Jericho, have generated some ray of hope in RAW. I'm proud to watch their matches. Nevermind John Cena or even Randy Orton, I'm watching it for Kofi, Swagger, The Miz, MVP, Bourne and Jericho.
I Don't Get It: At Bragging Rights in the 14-Man Tag Team match, each team of RAW & SmackDown wore their respective shows shirts. SmackDown in Blue and RAW in Red. The entire team of SmackDown was in blue, but only five members of the RAW team was in red. The two who were NOT in red, were DX. Shawn Michaels & Triple H. What makes them so fucking special that they got to wear DX shirts? I don't' care that their sucking Vince's cock backstage to get whatever the fuck they want, but they basically run down their opponents on SmackDown, which is what they're suppose to do, but they RAN DOWN THEIR OWN TEAM MATES!!! WTF? No wonder Team SmackDown fucking won their match. They were booked as a cohesive unit. No wonder Big Show turned on his team (besides the whole striking a deal with Teddy Long to become number one contender to the Undertaker's World Championship –yawn btw). I'm am so sick and tired of Shawn Michaels and Triple H, that the look of them makes me want to vomit! I'm sick of them running things, and doing whatever the fuck they want. Time to put an end to it, in my opinion. Oh and did anyone notice Kane grinning like he just had the best blow job in the world at the end of the SmackDown vs. RAW match @ Bragging Rights? ROFL!
Motor City Machine Guns: HOLY CRAP! Great match two weeks ago on Impact against Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed in an Ultimate X tag team match for a tag team championship opportunity. I was highly impressed. In fact, that was the only match I watched that week. I had heard good stuff about it and it was a good match. I'm throwing it into the pile of my contenders for Match of the Year which will be revealed in our last blog of 2009.
Matt Hardy: I am so glad to see him back in action, and winning again. Although he needs to dump the leech at his side. By leech I am talking about R-Truth. Go Matt Hardy, keep it up.
Snoop Dogg: Um...What happened to Family Friendly television?
Kyle Busch & Joey Logano: A sphincter Said What? No seriously, these two NASCAR Douche Bags guest hosted RAW this past week. I have some issues here. #1) Why the HELL is NASCAR in Buffalo? Wouldn't have made more sense to keep them in the inbred parts of the States like all southern states? #2) Why does the one who hasn't gone through puberty yet have to keep ragging on Canadians? It's likely he's just jealous because we're smarter and better looking and we don't talk like we're mentally retarded. NASCAR isn't even a sport, and I may be pulling a page out of Jeff Dunham's comedy routine, but all they do is drive real fast and make a left turn, and another left turn, and another left turn. There is no point. I guess their fans can only handle so much mental stimulation when inebriated by BUDWEISER. So very common. (Sorry Aunt Marg..I know you love NASCAR, but it makes zero sense to me).
One More Thing:
The Miz: I know I have already said that I love the Miz and all, but...
What the Fuck is with the mouth guard? Does he not know that the last dude to wear a mouth guard in the WWE ended up over in TNA in one of the worst Old Man Factions in history? Kurt Angle wore one and it didn't end well for him. Miz...ditch the mouth guard, please! You look like a douche!
Fun In The Falls: This past Tuesday, my sis, Colleen & I, went down to WWE Niagara Falls (Sans Passports—rofl) and met up with RAW Superstar, Evan Bourne & RAW Diva, Gail Kim. There weren't very many people out to see them as it was a Tuesday in October during school hours. But we benefited because they spent more time with us, chatting and taking pictures. It was great. I underestimated Gail Kim, she's a super nice person and very talkative. Evan was quiet but really nice, and oh so cute. 
Well that's it folks for me. I am a sassy, saucy and sexy one and you're not! But in Life, There are Winners (Team SmackDown, Kofi, Swagger, Miz, Bourne, Jericho, MVP & Matt Hardy) and Their are Losers (NASCAR)...Be Jealous & Be Sexy!
That's it for this week. Thank-you for being a part of our little blog. We may not be family friendly like the WWE and we may not be filled with insane, over-used, washed-up writers like TNA, but we are here to bring you our fun, and often factual opinions on wrestling. We love this business and no matter what we try to express our feelings. Whether we sound pissed off or not, we still love this business. Cheers and heres to another year ahead of us.