Apparently people have forgotten the kind of person I am... mainly, I myself have forgotten who I used to be. I have made adjustments, forgiven, forgotten, accepted and neglected. All within the span of a year. I have never felt that a year was a short period of time until I started reflecting on this past year. To think so many drastic ups and downs... so many comings and goings... all within ONLY 365 days.

Ivette had asked me awhile back if I had any New Years Resolutions.. I made a joke and admitted that I RARELY ever made any because I knew that I wouldnt keep them. Why do I bring this up?? Because I have decided I will make 2 very important resolutions this year. The only outcome will be a better me for me.

1) MORE ART. I have a talent... why am I allowing it to lay dorment. I have bitched in the past about not having that "thing" that people admire about me... I forgot that I do. I forgot because I was too busy feeling that my art isnt as good as someone else's art. Fuck that... my art is my art. It comes from somewhere inside my mind, body and soul. Its a part of me... ugly or not.

2) Stop being the Heather that I am today. Be the Heather that was happy regardless of who was or wasnt around.  Be the Heather that paid no mind to bullshit and made it clear to everyone.

I have chosen to start this resolution thingy ASAP because if I "say" ill start on January 1st.. I wont. Im not gonna front and say I will. I'm not capable of that.

NOW... For the PUBLIC WARNING.

This is a heads up to  you  20some people who continually read this bulletin. For those who respond with a comment, for those who respond with a direct message and for those who just read it and never say a word. I guess you few will knows whats up with the shift in attitude... the difference in my reactions to things... the lack of interaction with people. I'm not guaranteeing its a bad or good thing. But its all I can do to make my life and my surrounding a lt more pleasant and enjoyable.

Difference 1) I dont care. I dont care about playing friendly. I dont care about excuses, I dont care about flakes. I dont care about empty promises. I dont care so much that I choose not to even acknowledge it. If I know that your doing something less then genuine... thats on you. Im not going to call you out on it... thats on you. Im not going to make a big deal about it... thats on you. But dont sit at home wondering why I act different around you. Dont converse with others about my facial expressions or my lack of interest in what your saying or doing. Just know that you did something that leaves a weird taste in my mouth.. and who likes weird tastes in their mouth?? HAHAHA

Difference 2) I choose to not be hurt by those around me. I cant choose who my family is nor can I easily let go of my closest friends. Its unfortunate that we dont all get along all the time, but such is life. I refuse from this point on to be taken for granted anymore. No more "unpaid" favors...no more letting someone else take the credit for something I did. No more doing things for others even though im struggling or suffering. It all came fromt he heart straight to those I cared for... but a lot of them only repaid me with bullshit ungratefullness. I did a lot of that this year... A LOT. As much I wish I could just do things and be happy that I'm helping.. I cant. Sorry. But, im.. just being honest!! (go ahead, Im sure you said that with the "HEY YA" song in your head..just sing it real quick. I did)

Difference 3) If you ask me for an opinion or for advice. No more holding back. If you dont like what I have to say because its the truth... I dont care, thats your fault. I will only say what I think and not what you want to hear. I have learned that continually hearing ONLY what you want makes for some amazing brattiness, even in adults. If I know what your refering to.. I will say so. If I know that your unappreciative of the time im taking to even listen to drama... I wont even get into the problem. Its better time spent talking about positive then all the negative, especially with someone who wont even consider your solicited advice relevant.

Difference 4) If you ask me if I have a problem. I will say yes. Not because im DIGGING for one or looking to start a fight... but because I have no reason to play nice anymore. So obviously one will ask me based on how they see me reacting to them or whatever body language I am emoting. If it leads to throwing blows, so be it.  I cant make everyone happy, nor do I choose to concentrate on doing so.

There are other differences but I honestly find myself bored with this blog thingy again. Yes, there are a few exceptions to every rule. In this case, there are a few people. They know who they are (ihope) because they know whole heartedly their standing with me and how I love their sincerity with me and my family. The biggest reason I am making these changes is because I am done with pointing the finger. I'd rather enjoy life then to be sucked into some of the fucked up worlds of excuse makers, flakes, ungratefuls, brats, shady fools, hypocrites in denial and so on. Life IS short contrary to my prefious beliefs... so I can only do my best with whats left of mine.

One more thing before I go... always remember that if your not sure what the exact definition of a word is... DO NOT USE IT. YOU WILL OFFEND SOMEONE!! Even if your not sure how to correctly use it... YOU MIGHT GET SLAPPED OR PUNCHED IN THE THROAT. Ive seen it happen!! hahahaha

i:e 'father, compassion, whore, ho, stupid, ungrateful, excuses, intelligent, mature and bitch'