We're less than a week into the season, and already Sir Alex of the Purple Face has had his first tantrum at a referee, during the Community Shield game on Sunday. Hooray, hooray, we're all back to normal again.

Some things will never change - so here's a few things I reckon you can pretty well much guarantee will happen this season...

- Sepp Blatter will say and/or do something really, really stupid. Because that's what he's best at. His tactlessness and thoughtless prejudice have never been hidden from the world in the past, so why change the habits of a lifetime? After all, this is the man who seriously suggested that the women's game could be made "more interesting" if the players wore tighter, more skimpy kits (that incurred him my undying enmity for being a sexist pig). And I can guarantee that he'll be rude about English football at least once this season. As I said, why change the habits of a lifetime?

- A manager will be sacked within the next month and a half. In this climate of instant gratification, instant results and profit-driven club owners, no manager is safe (particularly not at Newcastle...)

- My beloved Spurs will implode. Again. Unless they astound me by actually playing football as a team for a change. But after last season's shenanigans, things honestly can't get any worse! Hopefully we've upped our standards a bit over the summer. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but there's talent in that there Lane, and I know I'm not the only one who's sick and tired of seeing said talent underachieving. Sort it aaaaaht, 'Arry!

- And continuing the theme, 'Arry will continue to be ridiculously quotable - although it must be said that for all his daft comments, he'll always make more sense than Ian Holloway....

- Michael Owen will get injured again and/or spend most of the season warming the bench. It's inevitable really. Once upon a time, he was a massively talented young player with unbeatable pace and a cheeky touch in front of goal (who can forget that mazy run against Argentina, or that hat-trick against Germany?), but he's lost more than a yard or two of pace, and injury is taking its toll. Bet Fergie's glad he got Owen on a free - I'm not sure I'd have even paid a fiver for him on last season's form.

- Rafa Benitez will finally graduate from his FA courses in Advanced Premiership Manager Mindgames and Talking Complete Bollocks. The feud with Fergie will step up a pace and become a full-blown vendetta in a Mafia stylee. You know, dark suits, veiled threats and lots of quoting from The Godfather. I'm actually quite looking forward to that!

- Fabio Capello will finally end his love-affair with the English media after some chronic goalkeeping howlers in World Cup qualifiers. It's only a matter of time now; this love-in between the press and the England coach was never meant to last and like certain types of female spiders, they'll bite our Fab's head off and eat him alive.

- The FA will whinge on about Respect. Everyone will ignore them. Players (and managers) will continue to argue the toss about anything and everything with the ref - thank god that snide little winker Ronaldo has buggered off! When are the FA going to implement my suggestion of training up WWE wrestlers as referees? Once a player has been choke slammed by the Big Show a few times (in full view of the Sky cameras), he'd most definitely think twice about backchatting over a dubious penalty call.

- Arsene Whinger will, yet again, fail to visit Specsavers.

- Manchester City will, yet again, fail to buy the Premiership title, although they will gain the title of Premiership Team Containing the Most Amount of Spoilt, Overpaid Male Divas (last season's winners Chelsea were well beaten into second place). If that lot are actually playing as a team by the end of the season, well... I'll eat my green woolly hat!

- And finally, down in the Championship, there will always be at least one bare-chested, heavily tattooed fat bastard type in the crowd at St James' Park, even in the shivering depths of a Geordie winter - this and every season for all eternity. I mean, what's that all about? Is there some sort of local by-law on Tyneside that makes it illegal for Newcastle to play at home unless at least one of these portly and scantily-clad gents is in the ground? Or does the blubber act as some sort of insulation? Whatever it is, it's bloody disturbing....