Well, more like boys.....

Since that's all I can seem to find in my life. Boys.. I suppose it's too much to ask for true feelings in life.

I've been left for many reasons. Not girly enough. Being told girls shouldn't like metal music. Too many tattoos. Beer bottles being thrown at my head. Knowing how to work on a car. Etc.

I know in the back of my mind those were not fair reasons. And somewhere out there, there is a guy that would like all of that. But where would he be? Doesn't seem like it's in Oregon, that's for sure.

I've always been one to express my thoughts and feelings rather than bottling them up. But as soon as I express them.. They just up and stop talking to me. Okay, fine. I'll move on. But deep down, that truly hurts the most. Nothing like being told you're not good enough. Rejection is never easy, for anyone. But it's getting harder and harder to deal with each time. I'm afraid I'm going to be like my great grandma, and die alone. With nobody by my side besides a few friends. Friends are amazing. But nothing can compair to having someone that cares about you day in and day out. Somebody that has true love for you. As hard as that is to find, it's out there. Hard to find, but if it wasn't, everyone would have it. The hard times is what makes it great. Relationships aren't easy. They're full of up's and down's. Laughter and tears. You've got to work for them to truly last.

Now don't take my word for it. Since every relationship I've had longer than 8 months I've been cheated on. But I know what a true relationship is supposed to be.

Caring for one another. Always there for eachother. NOT ABUSIVE. Someone to listen when you're down. Someone to do stupid shit just to make you laugh when you've had a tough day.. I want that, again.. Only difference is, I want it to last.

I guess what I'm getting at here is this..
I believe I'm finally ready for a real relationship, again. But if only it doesn't end up abusive or being cheated on. I just can't seem to find the perfect guy. Someone that will take me as I am. Tattoos, piercings, metal music, partying once in awhile, adventerous.. I want to be loved for who I am rather than who I am not.

Love is free, yet, I still can't seem to afford it.