Douglas Grubbs
ENC 1101 online
Prof. Fadi Tavoukdjian
March 22, 2009
Word Count: 770

Paper 3
    You can almost see the despair.  The broken hopes of children are nearly palpable.  Walt Disney World, self proclaimed “Happiest Place on Earth” is nothing more than a sham.  A cruel facsimile of the true Promised Land, Busch Gardens. 

    In the mid 1940's German scientists perfected a form of time travel, bent on sweeping the Allies by force.  Unfortunately it was cost prohibited and they only managed to send one man forward in time.  Walt Disney was hurled several decades into the future, to Tampa, Florida, where he witnessed first hand pure, unadulterated joy.  Upon his return home he was disappointed to hear of the fall of the Third Reich, but decided to create something so dastardly, so perverse that it would put anything previous tyrant's have tried to shame. 

    On his visit to Busch Gardens, circa 2007, he saw wondrous things, first was that the choice beverage of his mother country was free flowing and on tap.  Beer was readily available to all those who asked, and the first one was free.  He tried the same in early business models, but saw that it would be more profitable to charge the same for soda, and scrap the “first one is free” idea, and then market it as “Family Friendly”.  This proved to be more profitable than he imagined when the soda boom of the mid-1980's happened.

    Another wonderful source of profit was merchandising.  Busch Gardens offered high quality merchandise for reasonable prices.  Again, Disney saw  possibilities.  After it was found that mercury was poisonous, prices worldwide dropped to almost nil.  Disney's leading scientist found a way to cut plastics and fabrics with the poisonous chemical to create cheap materials that wore out after only a few uses, but looked identical to the ones sold at Busch Gardens.  This, again, was highly profitable, and allowed Disney to expand its efforts to a more direct location of assault, Orlando, Florida.  With bases now in Florida and California, domination of the east and west coasts of America was complete, and with plans to expand to Europe and The East, Disney saw world domination not only within his reach, but almost inevitable.

    With that merchandising came lovable characters and cartoon franchises.  This was, to Disney's credit, a wholly unique idea, bred from his own evil genius.  Busch Gardens has nothing close, because perhaps the thought is so degenerate that the owner's can't bear to think it.  Mickey Mouse, Sleeping Beauty, Donald Duck, Goofy, all of them cleverly thought out to play on the emotions of children and lead them all into a false security in the park.  Heavily armed guards parade around in costumed fantasy abducting children from unknowing parents.  When the parents notice their missing little one, a representative of Walt Disney World presents them with a check composed of a sum derived by the estimated worker's value of the child.  If the parent's accept the check, all is well and it is business as usual.  If they reject it they are drugged and left for dead in a remote jungle in Nicaragua.

    Profitability is a hot word within the walls of Disney World, which is why it is hard to justify the cost of the bovine growth hormones fed to the child labor force everyday.  That is when Disney pulled the final piece of his puzzle together, straight from the fond memories of is future visit to Busch Gardens.  He had his scientists modify food starches to bond with low grade arsenic to create an untraceable, but drastically cheaper food source.  While the price of a  slice of pizza at Busch Gardens is six dollars, Disney will charge the same price for a slice that costs half as much.  Last reports show that the total content of arsenic was .05% above the FDA allowance on average, saving millions in food costs yearly.

    Based on recent evidence, even the supposed death of Walt Disney was a lie.  After pouring billions in a serum that granted eternal life, a solution was found, and his dead brain was reanimated and transplanted into the skull of Ted Nugent sometime in 1986 after the Penetrator tour.  Now, knowing that he cannot die, he will continue to undercut the American Dream and look for the highest profit through any means available.  Hell bent on his quest for world domination he will stop at nothing to ensure that the dreams forged in World War II make their way into every American home.  Remember that the next time the choice is given, choose a better life for the children, choose a better world for tomorrow, choose Busch Gardens.