Dear Lady Marie™:

Last night I took my hunny out for a few drinks.  He seemed to be having a good time, laughing it up with me and our friends.  He ended up buying drinks too, and I thought everything was copacetic, but when we got home he laid a huge guilt trip on me.  He told me that he didn't want to go out in the first place because he couldn't afford to go to the bar AND buy me jewelry and take me out to dinner tonight for Valentine's day.  We got up this morning and he told me he was sorry and he was still going to buy me jewelry and take me out to dinner anyway, but I don't want him to.

I hate Valentine's Day anyway and would much rather we didn't celebrate it all.

What do I do?

Sincerely,

Peeved at This Meaningless Capitalist Pig Holiday



Dear Peeved:

Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, shall we?  He wants to buy you jewelry?  Have at it, I say.  Let him buy you the most expensive thing that he can't afford now that he's "wasted" his money on an apparently fun night with you and your friends at the bar.  Immediately take said jewelry and hock it at the pawn shop and buy yourself something that you really want. 

When he asks you whatever happened to that lovely jewelry that he bought you for Valentine's Day, smile sweetly and tell him that you pawned it and spent the money on an unforgettable three hour tour with a delicious man whore one night when he stayed out late with his drinking buddies.  Want to be really vindictive?  Tell him it was the best sex you ever had.

As for that dinner?  Take it!  Order the most expensive thing on the menu, pick at it, and then proceed to get rip-roaringly drunk on after-dinner cocktails.  Then proceed to puke up what little you did eat all over his car/lap/shoes.

That should effectively ruin his Valentine's Day and guaruntee that future Valentine's Day celebrations will be avoided by him at all costs.

Best of luck!

Sincerely,

Lady Marie™