So.  Walking around at Ala Moana, I was accosted by some weird guy who looked normal...as normal as you can look when you SMELL like PEE and BEER.

Anyway, he kept trying to tell me this sob story about how he lost all of his shit because a guy on the beach stole it from him, and I was like, "GET.  AWAY."

And then he tried to shake my hand, and I went, "Um.  No." and he was like, "Hehe, don't be shy!" and he grabbed it anyway!

So I wrenched my hand away and tried to turn to leave but he KEPT ON TALKING AND BOTHERING ME.

The moral of the story is this:  If you are a psychotic creep lacking the good sense to stop after one beer, DO NOT TRY TO PICK UP CHICKS, SCORE MONEY, OR JUST GET YOUR ROCKS OFF BY TALKING TO STRANGERS.

I was five seconds away from breaking his nose with the heel of my hand, and if you, Mr. Creepy Stalker Pervert, want to escape intact, I suggest you leave girls that you don't know ALONE.