There are a lot of books, websites, and other "sources" which feature "warning sign" phrases and so forth for both guys and girls. Most of them are hokey cliches even the writer has never heard; s/he just cribbed the list from a bunch of stuff s/he read in Cosmo or heard on sit-coms and the people who wrote those articles and TV shows got them from somewhere else, too.

Does anyone really get nervous when their date mentions marriage or says she'd like to have children one day? Unless she's staring right at you and blinking heavily when she says it, I feel safe in speaking for at least 99.7% of us when I say, "No."

But that is not to say there are no "warning" phrases - things that, if you hear them, pucker your lips more tightly than your other hole is already puckered - because there most certainly are. That is why I have compiled the following list of "red alert" phrases I have personally heard/overheard - what Dr. Phil calls "dealbreakers." (As in: "You can't take the horse to the market if the duck won't lay eggs - I mean, am I right, people? That there's a dealbreaker!")

• So... do you have a girlfriend?
• Is she your girlfriend?
• Why don't you have a girlfriend?
• Where's your girlfriend?
• Is that what your girlfriend does?
• You promise no one's going to bust through the door and kick my ass?
• I don't do that.
  
• Do you just not want a girlfriend?
• I hate children; I wish they were all dead.
• I love children; I want to have 50 or 20 or nine.
• I fucking hate you.
  
• I think I love you.
• Fine, whatever - just hurry up.
• I've seen smaller.
• My brother's is like that, too.
• If you did have a girlfriend...
• She's your girlfriend, isn't she?
• Don't lie.
• You don't have to answer this, but...
• No, it's my fault...
• I'll pay; I need to get rid of all these ones.
• I work from home.
• I only have to work like two or three nights a week.
• I have to be in California that day.
• I have to be in Hawaii that day.
• I have to be in Prague that day.
• Have you ever had a girlfriend?
• It isn't that I don't do that, I'm just tired of it.
• He's not really my boyfriend.
  
• She's not really my girlfriend.
• I dated a girl once.
• I can't buy anymore cold medicine for, like, six months.
• I have to be in court that day.
• I don't know who the father is.
• I know who the father is, he's just like, crazy.
• We broke up because he was too jealous.
• We broke up because she was too jealous.
• I've never even heard of that.
• It isn't that I've never heard of that, I'm just tired of it.
• I was a different person back then...
• I only use water-based lubricants.
• Hang on, I have some condoms.
• That's not how you hold a pipe!
• It's not like I don't have a place to stay, it's just...
• Do you know what a "Dirty Sanchez" is?
  
• We broke up because he carries a gun.
• We broke up because her brother is in a gang.
• I don't "read."
• I don't know much about Art, but I know what I like...
• I don't watch TV.
• That's like something Chuck Palahniuk would write...
• You know, that's not what that word means.
• Can my brother join us?
• It's not that I can't pay my light bill, it's just...
• Are you sure you haven't seen me before?
  

The list is actually quite a bit longer, but those are the ones that lead. While I would imagine many of these work the other way, certain words would have to be changed. Of course, they mean the same thing: run like hell!

I began compiling this list when I was younger; in my advanced age, I have learned to overlook certain things. But I still don't date strippers (I do still fuck them, though).