When is the last time you really stared up into the night sky and just look with wonderment? For me it has been way to long. Last night was the first time in what seemed like years.
I always try to take a few mins just to look at the little things we take for granted in life.
I wanted to write down what makes me feel good and what makes me happy... A song inspired this from me.
Songs.... Music..... It is who I am... It is my life... Its how I cope and how I express...
I haven't been listening to as much music as I usually do.
I have been really really depressed as of late also.
It's taking me a lot longer and harder to get my feet on the ground out here. I can't help but miss everyone. I now know that I need my friends I need my dad. I also need to stay focus to what I want to accomplish out here and thats more experiance if school maybe the way.... then so be it. I found a program that will let me go to school for free at the local state college here. I think I am going to take advantage of this one while I can.
Back to the song that has inspired me to write and think and feel happiness. Wolfsheim - Wundervoll is the main cause for most of this expression as of late. Coldplay - Clocks is the other contributing factor.
Something about Wundervoll makes my soul feel warm and brings me back to things like:
-Dancing in the street when I was young.
-Laugh my ass of in a tent with Shorty and Faye in my back yard and getting yelled at.
-Getting lost in a church while my friend was searching for me late at night.
-Walking to get a movie with Shorty and Faye... and having to pee so badly.
-Sitting in Lances passenger seat listening to Tiesto with the windows down in the mountains.
-Driving in Trent to a spot on Gold Camp road and just look out over the fog.
-Coming home to Mike and I's apartment and watching cheese shows like "Legends of the Hidden Temple", "Ahhhh Real Monsters"... and loving Tech Tv late at night.
-Getting all dressed up for Halloween with Shelley and Shanna and Trick or Treating with them on there street.
-Dancing for the first time at club Shampoo in Philly.
-Hearing VNV for the first time.
-Out running the MP with Chenell at night while playing on the playgrounds.
-Moon filled walks with Chenell on base at night.
-Going to a balloon glow with my parent for the first time.
-Playing with a soundboard for the first time.
-Doing the crazy cake dance with Kristina.
-Laughing at Mike's Sexual powers that came from his SWAT coin.
-Taking photos of Kristina for the first time.
-Late night AV nights.
-Lori and I pretending to be planes in the hallway.
-Pretending to fall and actually falling while wearing Serene shoes.
-Lori, Serene and I's band.... Caucasian soul food.
-Being in Times Square for the first time.
-Going to car shows with my dad.
-Playing at Boardwalk with my dad and playing on those little scooters that you make move with your arms.
-Hugging friends.
-Gwen and I's Mexican dinner nights.
-Going to my first concert.
-Becoming a DJ.
-Being lost in a big city.
-How the sunlight hits the leaves with such a glow.
-Color and contrast.
-Watching a bollywood movie.
-Dancing in the rain.
-Making people tapes and now cds.
-Playing Tomb Raider with Shorty and discussing who was going to Marry Trent Reznor or Gavin Rosdale.
-Going to the SIFF.
-Trading and collecting x-file cards with Faye and Shorty.
-Blowing up twinkies.
-Receiving flowers.
-Friends taking time to say how much I mean to them.
-Kristina and her kids and myself at the Denver Natural History Museum.
-Talking in the hallway at our old place on Stormy with Lance and Joe.

There is so many and more where those come from. But those are the ones that stick out right now and make me remember who I am and that make me smile and forget about troubles in the world.
But as I sit and listen to these songs and how they make me feel happiness.... I am brought back to where I was when I first started the song... a little depressed but a little more enlightened getting to remember just who I am. I need to fix a lot of things right now before I can go back and be with my friends and where I feel like I belong.
One thing is for sure... from being out here... I have already learn sooo much from these last 6 months then I did the last time I was out here. I feel more focused not so scattered. I need to learn to focus that and learn to be patient. Life is truly great and I will make more of it!... but for some reason... I want to do it all now.... There is WAY to much stuff to be done and I am very eager!