When my daughter passed away three years ago come November 28th this song was what held me when no one else could, this is the song that always made me feel like there was a reason she couldn't be here with me and there was a reason I didn't get to say goodbye. Its horrible to loose your child but its the worst kind of pain you will ever know when you can't hold them through the pain they had, or not even know if they had any. There's no way to know what she said if she was ever awake - you hate the fucking tree that took her life or was it a deer that crossed the road and out of the kindness of her soul she tried to miss it. I miss her so fucking much but I have two other children I'm blessed with and a step daughter now who I have to always remain strong for. I don't know which is harder. I don't know how to grieve for my baby whose gone - I don't know how to hide my pain to keep my babies happy who are with me. I'm pretty fucked up as most mothers are who lose a child. But if you're one of those mom's who have lost a child and didn't get to say goodbye - maybe this song will help you like it helps me.
Look on Down From the Bridge, by Mazzy Star
Look on down from the bridge
There's still fountains down there
Look on down from the bridge
It's still raining, up here
Everybody seems so far away from me
Everybody just wants to be free
Look away from the sky
It's no different when you're leaving home
I can't be the same thing to you now
I'm just gone, just gone
How could I say goodbye
How could I say goodbye
Goodbye
Maybe I'll just place my hands over you
And close my eyes real tight
There's a light in your eyes
And you know–yeah, you know
Look on down from the bridge
I'm still waiting for you….
One day I will see her again - one day I will know the answers that I wonder every day and one day I will hold her the way I wish I could have that day. May any of you who have lost someone suddenly in life feel some hope in knowing you're not alone in your pain. It always feels that way at least for me. My ex-husband has all my babies things and I only have a few things that I can hold onto but as time passes her scent has left her clothes, and no matter how many times you pick them up to hold them you can't feel her inside them. You feel like you want to die right with them but its not our time. Hell I had a massive heart attack at 36 not even a year after she passed and I sit here with an angel's heart beating for what used to be my own. She saved my life I like to believe but there are days when I wish I wasn't here and I could be with her if its just for that moment - the one I've been waiting for since her last breath was taken.
Special thanks goes to Mazzy Star for the beautiful song that helps me more than she could probably know or understand when she wrote it.
- An Angel In Heaven Taken Far Too Soon - Missing You
RIP - Ashlie Nicole Stell - June 30, 1988 - November 28, 2005
 | Currently listening:
Among My Swan
By Mazzy Star
Release date: 1996-10-29 |
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