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Current mood:  quiet Category: Writing and Poetry
 In the corner of life....dying....As quietly as a mouse in the corner she sits,
Watching through the blur of tears
that have overshadowed her world.
Disappointment, pain, defeat without the promise of hope –
yes that's all she can see, all she can see anymore.
Talk about your feelings, tell others what pain they cause –
she meekly looks up and asks in a soft whisper,
”Why? - Why should I?
No one seems to notice the darkness
that used to be blue, no seems to notice the pain I endure –
at least if they do its just a bother to them."
He sits across the room,
watching her watching the floor,
watching her eyes follow the lines in the wooden planks
grown old with age, it reminds him of how old she has become
to be so young - he wonders what has been so bad on earth
that could have let this be done.
She doesn't know if he's imaginary or real,
nothing is as it used to be, not anymore.
Her husband a man who lives in the past
and doesn't notice the present or plan the future
with a person who so desperately needs hope in her life.
Just one little piece of something to hold on to.
A burden she's become as the pain engulfs not just her body
but worse into the depths of her heart and soul.
Sometimes she sleeps too long; sometimes she doesn’t sleep at all.
The pain dictates without rhyme or reason,
the time of day, the emotions of the moment,
and she awaits sometimes hopeful its sooner than later,
that the final bell will toll.
From her corner she watches to see –
what would be the outcome of her life
if she took the pain away forever.
Her pretty pills lined all in a row take one now,
another in 5 more hours
or does she just finish them off with one big swallow.
The sadness in her children's eyes –
tears at first because she's gone,
but no more tears from watching
their mother waist away like the edges of a desert erode.
Her mother soon to follow the pain too much to bear but
she knows losing her mother is something for which she
has to prepare and wonders if her heart could withstand
burring another portion of what little is left of her life.
Her mother - yes her mother would follow soon behind
and together they could be united
without an ounce of pain between them.
Free.
Her husband - he makes it easier to swallow the pills
that would quickly flow their venom through her body.
He doesn't talk to her anymore, her sickness is just
something he's grown tired of.
Besides at least then she would be
someone of his past and he might then notice her.
At last.
She whispers to the man who sits in the corner
on the other side of the room....
"They're all family he says. Well I may not be good
at math and genealogy but I can tell the difference
between 17 relatives and 51 friends."
The man nods because he knows she is right
and it feels good for someone to agree with her for a change.
It feels good for someone to listen to her pain,
it feels good to have the sense that someone
cares more about her than themselves.
He doesn't judge her for her mistakes,
he doesn't judge her for her fall to pain,
he picks her up in his arms when she cries and hushes away
the tears that never fall because when she tries to talk to anyone else –
she knows the tables will turn
and they will make it all her fault.
Especially the one person she chose to spend
the rest of what may become her short life with –
the one who lived in the present with her
and not in the past always searching for something
he'll never have because there she sat in a corner –
quiet as a mouse wondering when
he would notice that she existed.
Wondering when he would notice that the present is now,
not when he was growing up,
his girlfriend is his wife,
not the one he had in high school,
she's the one who brought back to life
the relationship with his daughter
who more than once he told her
how easy it would be for him to walk away...
yet he seeks to find that which walked away so long ago.
He didn't notice how she took her in as her own,
loved her and nourished her with a mother's love
only to find out he would never
give back the same to her own.
Yes - pretty little pills all in a row –
he makes them the easiest to swallow....
not just one to ease the pain of the moment....
not two just so she can pretend everything is okay....
120 maybe if there's that many left...
if not whatever is, she's sure will do....
No..not today those pretty little pills
that could take away her deepest pain...
no not today will she swallow them all
but for the first time in her life
she has seriously contemplated the worse
or maybe the best for everyone involved.
She looks to the corner for the man
who had sat there for so long –
seeking the solace he brings
when he shows an ounce of compassion for her soul,
she looks to him when she picks up one pill this time,
follows it with a shot of water to ease the flow
then whispers,
"I don't want to hurt anymore" as a teardrop stains the hardwood floor....
He tilts his head and she thinks she recognizes who he is,
she feels a flutter in her heart, a moment of hope
that is quickly diminished by a memory of loss,
another tear follows. His voice soft but firm,
"I don't want you to hurt anymore." as a teardrop stains the hardwood floor...
He reaches out his hand to her
and cradles her in his arms,
it seems so familiar but so long ago,
"No matter how much pain you're in today,
tomorrow or the next," he rubs her back...
"remember I love you and you were the pain
I fought through to see another day,
if there's just one person...
just one person who makes you feel that way...
fight baby girl, fight through the pain,
the rest of world will go away....
haven't they already?"
She cried until she finally found sleep,
woke only to find herself sitting
in the corner of her room,
snuggled up to an old stuffed animal,
everything changed, a dream?,
a moment with him?,
she searched the corners of the room,
only to find she was alone,
but in her heart, on ember of love
lifted a heap of pain,
she searched for her children,
then checked on her mother
and fell to sleep in her bed again –
knowing there was another
she would fight the pain for no matter
how hard it got, because she knew
once she swallowed the last
she would lose them too.© Kristy Tallman March 12, 2009All rights reserved and protected by copyright laws. Any violations of such laws in part or whole will be followed by legal action unless written permission has been given by myself
12:12 PM
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