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Current mood:forgiven
I've often wondered why Men of God, or anyone for that matter, compromise. When do we make that fateful decision to let sin and iniquity into our lives? When do we say that, "Lord, you aren't enough for me?" Because, as I look back, that is exactly what I see us do when we let this sin and iniquity creep into our lives.
Why do we allow the enemy to come in and destroy us? Take everything from us. Why? When do we say that our families or our marriages are no longer important? Why do we make decisions, that change our own fate? Decisions that alter our path and our calling. Decisions that change our future. Decisions that not only affect us, but usually these decisions and these choices, affect everyone in our lives. EVERYONE. People are hurt over these choices. A choice made can kill a marriage. One choice, sometimes lasting seconds or even minutes, can destroy something that has taken many years to build.
Casting Crowns wrote a song, "Slow Fade." I hear these words and get shaken to my Spirit. Because any of these sinful choices can and will cause a slow fade in our lives. A slow fade of our beliefs. A slow fade away from our kids and families. A slow fade away from our marriages.
The bottom line, is sinful decisions and sinful choices will cost us. I have seen it in my own life. I made choices that altered my very own life. That ended a marriage and damaged my kids. Choices that changed things forever. And I will live with that. Someone very close to me once said, "How can you blame someone for the wreck, when you were the one in control of the wheel?" So very true.
One thing I have learned lately, is that God can and will repair damage caused by our sinful choices if we repent and let Him do His Will. We need to take responsibility. Be accountable. And not blame the world for what happened when we caused the wreck. If you are the runaway train, then take ownership and let God restore you. Because although He can heal the damage, the fact is that there is damage in the first place. He can bring forgiveness and restoration. he can heal the broken hearts. He can restore life, where death was once spoken. But, there was damage that should've never been there in the first place.
I was led to Psalm 51 this morning. God restored King David after he repented of his horrible sins. He forgave him. And David became known to us as a worshipper and a man after God's own heart. But, for the rest of David's earthly life, he had to live with the consequences of his choices. His lifestyle and his actions, left a mark on those around him.
I am not perfect. As a Man of God, and as a human, I have made choices that caused much damage. I have said things to my wife, to my children, to my family, to my friends and to those I care for the most, that has hurt them severely. I am a sinner. I am ashamed of things I have done and things that I have uttered in anger. I take that guilt to God daily.
God led me to be transperent this morning. To be honest in front of the world. To apologize and repent of my actions. And not only today. But for the rest of my life, I know He wants me to be humble on my face every day before him.
As one season ends in my life, I just want to seek God's face for the future. I believe He still has a plan. For me. For my wife. For my kids. I know His hand is still upon them and upon me. I am also so very thankful that He has brought someone into my life that loves me and cares for me very much. I still have many good friends who believe in me.
As I walk into this new season, am I afraid? Somewhat. But I look forward to the uncertainty. Because that means I no longer have the wheel. He does.
I embrace my future learning from the major lessons of my past. My past mistakes. My past choices. And my past sin & iniquity. I walk into my future firmly believing in God's power to forgive & restore. I am so thankful today for His mercy, for His grace and for His unfailing love. The last year and a half have been the hardest time of my life, by far. Much of it was caused by me. But, HE and HE alone has control of my future, my dreams, my vision and my life. He alone guides me. He alone knows where I am going. He alone has the power to lead me.
11:56 PM
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