1. Can you tap dance?
I've been called twinkle toes on an occasion or two. Usually to get my self out of a bad situation. Like one time this girl said, "I think we should get married." I showed her my tap dancing skills. She didn't want to marry me after that.
2. Do you own a pair of see-through underwear?
Yeah. I almost got busted crawling out of her window when I was getting them.
3. What color is the sky today?
Hungover.
4. Do you own a classic brown teddy bear?
No, but I learned from Bruce Willis that if I ever have a daughter, I should give her one. That way if I am ever in a spot where the bad guys have a gun at my head, I can say to them, "Can I say a couple last words to my daughter?" Then she will hand me the teddy bear with a gun in it and I'll shoot the bad guys.
5. Is your favorite holiday christmas?
That was when Bruce Willis ended up in the skyscraper fighting bad guys. I don't want to marry and then divorce a woman that hooks up with a guy that works in a high rise, because then I'll have to shoot all the bad guys at the Christmas Party. And then what if my standard for a bad guy are people that talk about the shrimp they are eating? See, that could end in disaster.
dreamingthelife@live.com
6. Is there a candle by you?
If by candle, you mean gun, then no. But if I did have a "candle" then I'd probably have it stashed and put away. Somewhere like my daughters teddy bear. That is if I had a daughter.
7. If you had an iPOD mini, what color would you have?
If by iPOD mini, you mean, "If you don't hand over the briefcase, I'm going to shoot your little friends here." Then I'm reaching for my teddy bear.
8. What song are you listening to?
Bon Jovi - Blaze of Glory
9. Is it your favorite song?
It'll be my final song.
10. How many myspaces have you had?
One actually. It was fucking huge. It was so big, it had a staff of 25 and a publicist. It made alot of sense at the time. Recently I wanted it scaled back. Its ego got too big. Started telling me what I was like instead of the other way around. I finally had to kidnap it and take it out into the woods. While I had it next to the grave I made it dig, it started crying and begging me to let it live. So yeah, its back to normal now.
11. Have you ever made a myspace survey?
Yeah, it was all, "Fuck you man, I ain't surveying shit!" I was like, "Oh yeah?" I grabbed its ankle and started twisting. I could hear the snap, but the myspace wouldn't do it still. So then I punched it in the nose and it finally agreed to survey the area around my desk. Did you know that my desk is slightly sloped?
12. Are you wearing any jewelry?
Does a court issued ankle bracelet count?
13. Where does your grandma live?
In heaven at gods side manning the Minigun blasting the archangles to oblivion. One time she saved gods life. He was pinned down and his fire support team got blown to kingdom come and she saw what was going on and she fired artillery in front of his position halting the advancing forces. At that point she sent a squad to go get him. She saved his ass that day.
14. Are you an angry drunk?
Does strangling my brother, pushing the apartment manager in front of her husband, getting pushed through a glass window, nearly getting choked out by a pregnant woman, leaving a blood trail through the apartment complex, punching a kid on his ass three times in a row and physically fending off a cop and ultimately ending up in jail seem kind of violent? Yeah, that night sucked.
15. Do you prefer pen or pencil?
Pens.
16. Are you wearing deodorant?
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17. Ever been in an earthquake?
I've actually been doing my own research in seismology. In my bed at night, by myself. No conclusive results yet, but the research will continue.
18. Is your birthday this month?
I'm hungry.
19.Do girls suck?
This is such a loaded question on so many levels.
20. Are you afraid of the dentist?
Nope. Now gimme the good drugs.
21. Do you know exactly what car you want?
An armored Prius with a missile rack and a big cup holder.
22. Have you ever bought something from ebay?
Yeah, but it turned out to be bunk so I kicked ebays ass and told him that if he ever showed his face again I'd make him eat dirt. Havn't seem em since.
23. Ever seen "boy meets world"?
Topanga!!! She used to help me with my seismic research.
24. Own a locket?
Yeah, I feed it twice a day and take it for walks. I found it crying in an alley one night and brought it home.
25. Do you share a locker?
I shared a bottle of it with my neighbors the other night. No point in drinking alone.
26. Ever dissected anything?
I dissected the nature of humanity in relation to poverty while taking cultural aspects into account.
27. Ever had a referral?
Yep. They give em' to you at the employment department when your looking for a job.
28. Still play with legos?
As much as I can.
29. Do you know when easter is?
I was driving my cab one easter morning and I hit an animal. It got caught up in my wheel well and was going, "THWAP!!! THWAP!!! THWAP!!! THWAP!!!" so I pulled over and it was just a mess of fur, blood and a basket of easter eggs.
31. Last time you wrote a note?
Last week. The bank teller didn't think it was very funny.
32. Ever been on a cruise?
Yeah! We were boarded by pirates and so I hid below deck. They rounded everyone up and were killing hostages. I managed to craft a knife out of ball bearings and captured one of the bad guys. I took his gun and tied him up. I went into the ball room where the bad guys were on the radio negotiating the ransom and blasted all the bad guys. Then I said, "The tide has come in for you punks." Then the credits rolled.
33. Ever gotten pregnant by someone on a cruise?
(!!!WARNING!!! Tasteless reply - DO NOT READ!!!) The abortion was actually just a poop away.
40. Are you nice to other people?
No. Verrrry mean and spiteful.
Some questions have been deleted for time considerations.
197. How long did this take you?
My kids have all grown up and moved away. Now its just me and the mrs..