Dear Myspace,

Oh it's been a long time Myspace. I have violated your lovely pages over the years, like a teenage boy with a wet dream involving half asian midgets and heavy petting. Wait would that asian technically be like 1/4 then? I don't know I was never good at math. Irregardless, is not a word. I'm getting off topic. Let me think I have been drinking quite a bit of Haterade lately. Right I remember. Heavy petting! Isn't that awesome it's one of those old timey words nobody uses like, chamberpot, persnickety and women's lib.

But I must admit to you Myspace I habored mixed feels for you. You found out that you weren't the baby's father you yelled at me off stage as I ran away in tears. I was left with Maury to console me. That's worst than your best hobo. We are but flawed people you and I. I forgive you Myspace. Now crack open your finest bottle of Nyquil or Thunderbird (your choice of course), tuck your love one in then punch him/her/goat  in the face, and prepare yourself for my blog of much hyped disappointment.

A lot has changed in the magic Poondom where I, LNW the Mighty rule! I moved from the west coast back to the dirty south for starters. Oh for extra drama my mother is on this bitch and checks my page often. She shall be hencefore be known as Mee-Ma. It was either that or IronPussy. I went with a more family friendly name. Not to mention Bobert's new found bitchassness. It's a word 'cause Diddy said so.

But alas Myspace it is true what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Except if we are talking about herpes. Then it's about suppression. 4 out of 5 people got that joke.So basically in a nutshell I have a lot of blogging material. Like this mini- Undressed!

Kim Kardashian

Aha we caught ya looking stupid Kim! Oh wait that's every damn day she takes a breath. How appropriate! We found where the Hamburgler puts all his stolen burgers. In Kim's titties. She looks like the whore version of Crocodile Dundee. "Good day Cameltoe, run over with your Jesus sandals and fetch me a McGriddle!"

Raven Symone

This outfit has it's own episode called "That's So Fuckin' Ugly". It looks as if she woke up from a nap, removed her sleeping mask and said. "You are fucking fired stylist!" I doubt that flashdance meets gothic ballerina hooker pirate with an afro will ever be in fashion.

Lil Mama

I know what you are thinking. Yes I could kick Lil Mama's ass no problem. Let's see how much that lip gloss be poppin' after a good ole fashion snotbox rockin' for this outfit. She looks like a ghetto ass Bo Peep. Bitch there ain't no sheep in Harlem! And keep your titties to yourself! Lil Mama is modeling Gap's new hysterectomy line you'd swear you had things done to your uterus or your money back!