I already knew before even walking into the theater that I was going to hate the re-make of the 1950s classic sci-fi movie The Day the Earth Stood Still. I knew from the moment I heard about the project that it was going to be terrible and I was going to hate it. But I went anyway.

I won't even go into the argument about remaking a movie that's already a classic. That's a given. But, to me, Keanu Reeves is not necessarily the mark of quality. Sure, he's done a lot of stuff I like - Bill & Ted, Little Buddha, The Matrix (the first. I can take or leave the other two). But, he can't act. I'm sorry. I like the guy, but it's true. He does best in a role that could otherwise be played by a mannequin.

So, I'm sure you're asking yourself, why did you even bother? Well, a couple of reasons. Sometimes, I just want to go see a movie and last night was one of those nights and it was a choice between this, Twilight and The Secret Life of Bees. So, there was really only one manly option. Also, I wanted to be proved right in my opinion of the movie. I've been criticizing the movie for months, so I decided to put my money where my mouth is and go see the movie. Plus, the new discount theater opened last night and I wanted to go out and support it.

As fort he movie itself, just the fact that it's a re-make doesn't necessarily mean bad, it just usually means bad. Especially when you re-make a movie from an original movie that's based on a book or short story and that original movie only bears a passing resemblance to the source material. In this case, the original The Day the Earth Stood Still was based on the story Farewell to the Master by Harry Bates. The story had the protagonist, Klaatu, who materializes in Washington, D.C. with a large robot, Gnut. Klaatu s immediately shot and killed, only to be later revived by Gnut. Those are about the only similarities between the story and the first movie. The re-make apparently was written by someone who apparently never read either the short story or saw the movie, but had them explained to him by someone who didn't really remember either of them very well.

Instead of dealing with nuclear destruction and the spread of human fights to neighboring worlds as in the original movie, this one has an environmental message - inhabitable planets are so precious that evolved, enlightened beings will kill billions of people to have it for themselves. Instead of an emissary, Michael Rennie, who comes in peace to deliver his message that we're being watched and our neighbors aren't going to put up with our foolishness, we have Keanu who comes to serve as judge, jury and executioner. Instead of trying to convince the world with non-violent actions, with Gort moved to violence and taking loves only when Klaatu is killed, we have the alien ship squooshing people on its arrival, Klaatu squooshing people with cars and helicopters, and Gort turning into a cloud of nanobugs that eat everything, including people.

Oh, and apparently, the solution to our problem of destroying the environment brought to us by the highly advanced, technologically sophisticated beings is for us to quit using technology completely and quit advancing.

I could go on and on and on. Things like why didn't Jennifer Connelly beat the shit out of Jaden Smith for being such a brat. Why Klaatu, who had no problem squooshing everyone else, not squoosh the kid for sicking the military on him. Why Kathy Bates and John Cleese accepted roles in this movie. I mean, really, did they need the money that bad?

But, I'll wrap it up with this. Apparently, whoever wrote the script (a guy whose only other screenplay was for the movie The Last Castle) must have seen the 2005 Dr. Who two part episode The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, because the end is the same - a mother's love for her son save the world from being destroyed by nanites.

The one good thing about this movie, well, actually there were two. First, it had the trailer for Star Trek attached to it. I've seen the trailer, but wanted to see it on the big screen. That was worth the price of admission. And, second, because the heat wasn't working in that particular screen, the manager came around and gave us free passes for another movie. Score!

I know this won't be the last remake of a classic sci-fi movie. There's yet another version of The Thing from Another World in the working and plans for a trilogy of movies that "re-imagine" the classic Forbidden Planet. I'll probably go see them and gripe about how lousy they are compared to the originals. Unless, that is, someone actually screws up and makes a good remake.