Okay, here's the background.
I had placed an ad on the thebeijinger website. It goes:
Looking for a Chinese girlfriend.
I'm a 33 year old single man living in Beijing. I'm from Ireland originally. I'm looking for a Chinese girlfriend in Beijing. I have an apartment here in Beijing and I'm looking for someone to live with me. I've been in Beijing for 13 months now and I love it here. I'm thinking of making a new life for me here. I'm looking for companionship and fun with a like-minded woman. I'm also looking for an intense day-to-day language exchange with someone. She learns English from me. I learn Chinese from her.
I'm a philosopical guy with opinions on the issues of the day. I'm very interested in politics and world affairs as well as history. I like to do exercise every day and I try to eat healthily and do as much cooking as possible at home.
I'm looking for an independent woman(both emotionally and financially) who is creative, tolerant and open-minded.
I keep blogs here:
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Please e-mail/msn me back at ************************
or phone/text me at *****************.
At least one photo would be appreciated.
Thank you.
Paul Carr
Also, there were two pics of me attached to this ad.
Contact details have been deleted.
Actually, last night, the ad expired. It's Sunday morning now. 22nd of September, 11:15. I've justed renewed the ad.
Or, in any case, applied for it to be nenewed.
By the way, I don't mean to brag but last night, just before my 4 week old ad expired, I did notice that my ad was at the top of the hottest list. Here's a screen dump below for the 21st of September.
Anyway, back to the issue at hand. Yesterday morning, I was working. A lady calls me. You know, I'm always impressed with Chinese ladies phoning me, as opposed to texting me, (which many of them do) because that shows they have confidence in their english ability. Anyway, the summary of it, is that we arrange to meet at a subway station. Okay, anyway, I was late. sorry about that. 8 minutes or so. She texts me, just as I'm about to arrive at the prearranged place to say, "You're late". Okay, sorry, honey. But, let me remind you of something. For me, this is a blind date. For you, you have two pics of me already from my thebeijinger ad. And you can read more about me and find more of my pics on my blogs. So, anyway. I also have to admit, at this stage, I was very very tired!!. Got up at 6 that morning. Was working at a college in the morning, went to a job interview far away later that afternoon. Too many people and too few buses and subways, I texted my Chinese friend when explaining to her that I would be late for the job interview earlier that day. I was hoping for a nap before meeting my Chinese date at 6 but that wasn't possible in the end.
You know, I've met quite a lot of nasty people. I may not necessarily write about them on this blog or blog post. But, I guess I write about this particular one because she challenged me. She said to me, in summary, my life, as I was presently leading it, was unsatisfactory. And, the reason, I'm writing this blog post is to tell myself, perhaps her and others, is, fuck you, my life is satisfactory and what is more, it's getting better by means of a process of evolution.
You know, I have a friend who says to me, I'm lazy. I'm not going to identify her. I accept her as a friend but I can tell you that my friend, a girl, also is lying (sort of) to her boyfriend(and soon perhaps to be husband) so, hey, nobody's perfect. I didn't come to China to makes loadza money. I came to China to relax, enjoy the culture, learn something about the culture, language and customs of China. This will take time and, in the meantime, I'm not going to work my fucking arse off.
But, I'm in big debt now on my credit card. This summer, I forewent any holidays outside of Beijing.(*) One reason for this was that I just didn't have the money. I'm new to China. Been here like 14 months. You know, for the first few months, it's costly to live in another country, I think. One has to settle down. I got an apartment in Dongzhimen. I had to renew the contract (one year) on that 2 weeks or so ago. I rent it. I got a treadmill about 5 weeks ago in a nearby "Jia Le Fu" because I want to lose weight and that was costly, like, 4,000 RMB. I got special motion control shoes recently (imported) recommended by my surgeon in February. 890RMB in Beijing. My posture is incorrect so I got special insoles for my feet, customized for my feet. I'm going to get 3 pairs for now. I have one already. The first one cost me 2100 RMB. The next two, I think, about 3,200 RMB or, maybe, a little less. I hope these are worth while. But, the foot specialist recommended I buy them because my feet are flat. Oh, before I got the first pair, I was having lower back problems (I went to hospital in Ireland 2 or 3 years or so before I came to China for a kidney scan and that came up clear - my Dad had kidney problems. He had only a half of one kidney left by the time he died in 1991, aged 57, so I have concerns there - however he did say that he started having the kidney problems because he drank contaminated water from the Hoogly river in India, near Calcutta.). So, anyway, I think my back problems have gone away since buying the insoles (such a small thing to buy but so expensive). A few days ago, I got a wedge put on the bottom of the insole on the advice of the foot specialist to correct my posture and walking gait. My left leg is still turning into one side. But, the wedge has adjusted that. So, now, I am hopeful that most of the discomfort, the heat and so on, I have been experiencing, the pain and so on, will be a thing of the past. I hope. So, yeah, the insoles are expensive. But, I think they're a good investment. They are worth it. And, it's a simple thing. Okay, this February, I had an operation on my left ankle. I was told by my surgeon who I first saw in Beijing last August 2006, I recall, that I needed an operation to remove some extra bone from my ankle that was causing impediment. [sighs]. But, I think he was thinking "Ka-ching!!!". Money, money,money. It would cost, like, 30,000 RMB or Hong Kong dollars to have the operation in the Matilda hospital in Hong Kong. If you include my flight there this February and living expenses, you're talking 36,000 RMB easily. Begorrah!!. And, I'm wondering was it necessary? Because I think the special insoles may have done the trick instead. And, interesting to reada letter my surgeon sent me *after* my operation in which he said my posture was "reasonable". "Reasonable"?!! Anyone, who is a native english speaker or is familiar, very familiar, with the english language, will know that "reasonable" is a very underwhelming word. It's not even as good as "good". Yeah, yeah, my surgeon could have told me, back in August, in 2006, I think, when I first met him at in a Beijing hospital for a consultation, if he was really doing his job (which ought to be to help people) that I should get the special insoles first and the motion control shoes to correct my walking gait, my posture whilst walking and, then, only then, have the surgery, if my pain, or discomfort, or heat, continued. But, he didn't. But, last August, I was clueless. I just followed uncritically, whatever professional advice I was given. [sighs]. But, you know, my surgeon was thinking back then, "Ka-ching", Money, money, money. Why, the poor man has to make a living. Oh, well, [sighs].
Anyway, let's not digress too much here.
My immediate point is. I've been spending a lot of money and, really, I need another job. [sighs]. My present job doesn't pay everything. But, you know, I'm determined to have a certain quality of life in China. For example, I want to date some girls and maybe buy them dinner from time to time.
Something I never did in Ireland.
But, you know, despite my problems, despite the big debt on my credit card, I hate to think what it is. I guess after paying the remaining money for another 2 pairs of special insoles (the second one was tempting because it was half price), my credit card debit would be pushed back to 2,500 euros (about 25,000 RMB). My credit card ceiling is presently 3,000 euros. I don't even know yet how to transfer money from my bank of China account to my western credit card account. I have to find out. Anyway, despite my financial problems, I am determined to get rid of the ankle problem satisfactorily. I'm determined to be a better person. So, this is why I'm so so annoyed with this selfish, heartless bitch I met yesterday on a date. I'll get to talk about that later on in this post. She called me fucking "selfish". We met on a date and she called me fucking "selfish".
Okay, let's fill in more background. My mother pays money into my credi card account. I don't want her to. But, it would appear, last time I checked, she's still putting 50 euros (about 500 RMB) into my credit card account every week. I'm presently not talking to my mother, not until October 18th. She e-mailed me yesterday or the day before yesterday and I deleted it without reading it. She knows I would do this. I told her!!. And, I told her during our last conversation, I said to her, look, mum, stop putting money into my account. How much clearer can I get??!!
So, anyway, I met this sulken sullen chinese woman last night. She's 172 centimetres tall, wearing her 5 centimetres heels elevated her to 177 or so, about my height with my shoes on. Anyway, from the fucking little she told me about herself, she's successful. Has a job selling health insurance. She told me she could work at home but has to go to her office in another part of Beijing to sign paperwork. She lives in Dongzhimen like me. What a fucking sullen depressing bitch!! So, let me get this, I told her, a lot about me, stuff, that I've also spilled on this blog, about my mother, about the 25 girls or so, I've dated since February this year (I've lost count to be honest), about my debt, about the fact that I'm not talking to my mother now, not until October 18th or so, about the fact, that I've asked my mother to stop sending me money but that she refuses to stop. Anyway, all this honesty from me, all my talking, what was her response? Here it is: "you're selfish". So, bitch, you say nothing about yourself and you call me selfish. So, bitch, you lead a perfect life. So, perfect in fact, that, all you can give me in response to my questions are, "Yes", "No" and "Maybe" and so on, little else. You know, I had a bad feeling about her, as soon as I met her at the subway. Why the fuck was she angry with me for being just 8 minutes to 10 minutes late? She has my photo from the beijinger website. I don't have hers. I was going on a blind date. She wasn't. She told me it was her first date with a foreiginer. She's 31 years old. And, anyway, I was also dead tired. [sighs].
You know, I've met her kind before, or, indeed, an even worse version of her. Another Chinese girl who simply didn't want to say anything about herself except as little as possible. This time, for yeterday's date, I started talking a lot about myself because, she, fucking, wouldn't or couldn't say anything about herself. So, I talked about the things above. My mother, my dates and so on. I wonder if she's envious because I'm dating other women. Okay, she tells me Chinese people are more conservative than westerners. I told her I agreed but I added the qualifier that, you know, the middle class of China is over 300 million strong now and the younger generation of this class are just as liberal as Westerners. I don't think she agrees with me but anyway. So, anyway, Miss sulky bitch says to me, "You're selfish" after I told her my situation about my mother. I press her to give me a reason why I'm selfish. At first, she can only generalise but, finally, she gives a specific answer. Because I should be paying back my mother. I had told her that my mother paid for 2 thirds of my 30,000 RMB hospital operation in Hong Kong this February. I told her, in exasperation, that I didn't have the money to pay her back. I'm new to China. I'm settling in and down here. I'm not superman. I think she was suggesting I get another job. I told her I was considering it. But, I want to get a decent part time job, not a job where I'm harnessed into obligations and contracts. To be honest, my present college contract, I think, doesn't allow me to sign contracts for other jobs. She had asked me why I didn't have a second job and told me about a friend of hers or an acquaintance of hers, a foreigner, who has (at least?) 2 jobs, one of which is an agent, selling art work. You know, honey, I'm not in China to make LOADZA money. I'm here to enjoy my new life in China. I love it here but I haven't come here to worship money. That said, yeah, I need to make more money. HeHe. So, that's my dilemma.
I suppose she wasn't the most nasty person I met in the world. I've met other Chinese people who were more nasty. We went to a kinda cheap Chinese restaurant (I had invited her and offered to buy food) and, well, we chatted, we quarrelled, she called me selfish, she criticised me on my choice of food. I had bought some "Tang Su Li Ti". She said it was fatty food and unhealthy. I was in the process of eating the whole plate. I think she only had one or two pieces. Oh, what a sulky, sullen bitch. By the end of our conversation, I got the impression was criticising my entire lifestyle.
But, you know what I think. I think she's envious of me. I dunno why. She says I should be grateful to my mother. I tried to explain to her that, you know, I'm entitled to be independent from my mother. I think she only understood about 20% of what I said because her English wasn't that good, expecially her listening english. And, of the 20% she did understand, she didn't listen to what I said anyway. After sulky sullen bitch criticised me on my diet, I told her stress kills, not really food first of all, stress kills, and talking to her, and trying to get her to listen was very stressful for me. But, she doesn't listen. Anyway, she did, at least, have a minimum level of courtesy and she thanked me for the food, I got a vegetable dish she wanted. Finally, selfish, sulky bitch says to me, "You're selfish" for the 5th or 6th time. She wouldn't relent. I had been putting up a vigorous defense and, upon saying that, stands up and leaves the restaurant without giving me a chance to reply. I finish my delicious "Tang Su Li Ti" and then leave about 10 minutes later.
So, sulky, sullen bitch says nothing about her, almost nothing. I try my best to talk about my problems and ideas and life and, in return, all sulky sullen bitch can say is "You're selfish". Sulky sullen bitch has been abroad but only on holiday and she told me that, you know, she'd like to go abroad to live on a more permanent basis, like, I'm doing now in China. So, you know, I think she's a little envious of me, another reason, a big reason for her sulkiness and bitchiness.
[sighs]. to be honest, she wasn't the nastiest person I've met on a date. And, she wasn't the first of that kind of negative date experience I had either. Initially, last night, I thought, no, I wouldn't write about this, because, you know, she wasn't worth it. But, I've changed my mind this morning because, as written, she *challenged* me, saying my life sucked. She was so so cruel and selfish so, fuck it, I'll write to my blog and defend myself and fight back. You know, I am not adverse to criticism but, don't be critical like she was critical, put on your "I'm perfect" hard mask and criticise other with one-liners. Just learn some common manners and decency. Yeah, I want to change. But, not on the terms of sulky sullen bitch or anyone else's. The best change is as a result of a process of evolution. Oh, sulky sullen bitch hadn't read my blog - the link was on the ad that she read before contacting me. I told her that she could have read about my bad date experiences there, for example. But, I tried to explain the details of them to her anyway because I'm a nice guy and I like to be straightforward.
At one stage, during the conversation, she even said I was interesting.. She did!! I wonder if sulky sullen bitch is going to read this and write a comment to say, no, I didn't hear right.I'm boring. I suck, et cetera. I heard right. She said I was interesting!! A compliment from sulky sullen bitch!!. I don't think I lied to her at all during this conversation. I told her I never had a girlfriend. I don't think that's a lie but she didn't believe me. How do you define girlfriend anyway? For me, you know, it means sleeping together in the same bed at night, at least one night, probably a lot more.
But, anyway, what else to write.
Sulky,sullen bitch, China is not the unforgiving, unfriendly place for foreigners you want me to believe. I don't believe it.
China is a very friendly place.
Paul Carr
(*) Because of my debt situation, I'm probably not going to go on holiday outside of Beijing for some time for the sake of saving money. I don't know how long I will have to keep this up. But, it looks like I'll also have to find a part time job to supplement my income.