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Current mood:  amused
now, this is the time of year i usually bludgeon people over the head with the whole "i wasn't supposed to make it to the age i am now" diatribe, but after a very revealing chat with my boss, i don't know if i want do rehash the same introspection i do every year. besides: this is a celebration.
generally, on my birthday, i raise my head, have a drink, and say, "i'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" ("this year" by the mountain goats. from the sunset tree, 2005), but something completely shocking happened in the past year: my 24th year on earth was undoubtedly the best 366 days (leap year, folks) i've spent on this earth. for a perpetually depressed kid with a childhood history of abuse, isolation, and suicide attempts, this year was nothing sort of miraculous.
aside from minor relationship disappointments, i had a banner year as far as things i wanted to get accomplished while i was 24: my album's done, i've been steadily playing shows around town all year, my blog is one of the most read mp3 blogs in the northwest(!), i've learned to let people get close (that's both family and friends), i visited portland again, got another tattoo, and a whole bunch of things i've already forgotten.
of course, there's the biggest surprise of them all: fresh cherries from yakima slowly becoming a more and more popular musical entity. it feels like the nearly four years of hard work is starting to pay off a little; my sound's expanding (i.e. getting louder and weirder), my guitar playing is exponentially better, and my lyrics are getting even sharper than before. i have nice people doing nice things by helping out (white rainbow's adam forkner is mastering the record, while my friend nilina-- a portland-based journalist and INCREDIBLE photographer-- is doing the album art). it just feels like i'm luckier than i should have been allowed.
i mean, shit. getting lucky is how i managed to survive trying to kill myself three years ago. there's always this talk of divine intervention, and although i'm not quite as morally sound or faith-based as i should be (but i am a little, i guess), i always think, "maybe that was this god guy's way of saying, 'you're not done here, martin douglas.' perhaps there's something in store for me." who knows? maybe i'm supposed to just burn out later in life. ha.
it's weird to go from "i'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" to "this year is going to be fucking incredible," but that's where i am.
and because goals are a huge part of my life (duh), let's set them for the 25th year:
00. put out buttons for north caroline in a physical format.
01. actually move to portland (as i've been talking about for two years, now).
02. finish writing honest kids and record it at home.
03. continue working on the novel and memoirs i've been talking about.
04. ACTUALLY START work on the autobiography that everyone keeps telling me to write.
05. incorporate samplers and looping pedals into my live show.
06. learn that my work isn't going to walk up and leave if i go out and have fun every so often.
07. maybe even start dating.
08. tour or travel. see more places.
09. put my first magazine feature on my family's "wall of fame."
10. get better at everything.
throwing paint to the wall,
martin douglas martin, esquire.
4:14 PM
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