Costello died last Thursday. I took him to the ER the night before and his condition was dire. He was suffering acute anemia. A blood transfusion and close to a $1K might have kept him through the night, but it just didn't seem right, and it was likely he would die alone, in a cage, hooked up to a bunch of crap, scared, confused, and wondering what the hell was going on. I almost bit though, I literally had my credit card on the counter. In a moment of merciful clarity, though, I decided to bring him home.

I literally drug and heaved his 70 lb body from the car to his bed next to mine, where he collapsed. At my insistance, he managed one last obligatory lap of water. I covered him with a blanket because he was shivering, and, lacking anything else to do to help him, put Joey Bear next to his head.

Mom checked him after a bit, and strangely, he'd put one paw and his chin over the little stuffy, totally out of character for the boy, and we took a picture. He looked weak, but not in pain; somehow peaceful and comforted.

Later that night, I kissed him and told him goodnight, then crawled into bed. Three times I got up and held him and kissed him some more, and told him how special he was and had always been to me. I thanked him for helping to detect my disease and saving my life. I crawled back in bed for the last time. I fell asleep repeating over and over, "I love you, Costello, I love you."

In the morning, he lay there next to my bed, the same as every morning for the last 11 years, only he wasn't breathing, and was stiff with rigor. I immediately flashed back to finding my cat frozen in the driveway on my way to school. I picked Carlan up at the bus stop, gave him the terrible news, then sat with him as he petted Costello, touching every part of his body, processing what death really meant. We cried and held each other for what seemed like hours.

A few friends came over, and we dug the hole. It was a beautiful sunny crisp fall morning. We lit the firepit outside and all stood around it til dusk, when we finally layed him to rest. Carlan decorated the marker with drawings of everyone who was there, with hearts, with smiles, and finally, with a face streaming with tears. I gave him one last kiss and covered his face with my favorite Alice In Chains hankerchief. I was so proud when he picked up a shovel and together we covered the boy.

Rest In Peace my lovely Boy Dog, my Mellow Costello.