(Forgive the cut and paste, but I wanted to share my email of tonight to my fellow terminal breast cancer patients with you)

Hello sisters!

I've made a huge decision and want to share it with you. I've decided to stop conventional treatment. Tomorrow I stop taking Tamoxifen. I also started using natural progesterone cream again, against the advice of ALL of my doctors.

Here is why. In late 1998 I discovered a pea-sized lump in my right breast. I had a mammogram and a fine needle aspirate biopsy. They told me it was nothing to worry about, so I didn't. Last year I saw the 2 path reports for the biopsy, and it wasn't "nothing". It was atypical and the reports recommended follow up. That's another long and hellish story.

In 1999, I became aware of Dr. John Lee's books "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menapause", and ".....About Premenapause". I bought them, along with a tube of natural progesterone cream (I'm gonna call it NP from here on), and within 100 pages I'd decided to give it a try. I had been suffering debilitating endometriosis (they offered Depo-Provera, Lupron, or Hysterectomy), ovarian cysts, painful, lumpy, fibroid breasts on menstruation, extremely heavy bleeding and clotting, cramping, periods lasting 10 days or more, breakthrough bleeding, homicidal PMS, and on/off depression and infertility.

Within 4 days of using the recommended 15-20 mg of NP daily, the endometrial pain disappeared (never to return), and within 2 menstrual cycles, I was having periods that lasted 4-5 days with little or PMS, no cramping, no clotting, and only mildly sore breasts. The depression went away, I had no more ovarian cysts. Literally every single female malady I'd suffered for years came to an abrupt end. Within 3 1/2 months I was pregnant (big surprise!) It's questionable how soon I could have become pregnant as my partner and I were geographically separated. I became pregnant within 3-4 of our reunion in Ireland.

I continued to use NP on/off from 1999 until late 2003. Within just a few months (March 2004) that pea-sized lump began to grow aggressively, and by July of 2004, it was 5 cm, and during a routine lumpectomy, I was dx with borderline Stage IV ILC. After over 2 years of conflicting opinion, it's been determined that I was metastatic at the time.

Of course, I was terrified that I had somehow caused my cancer by the use of the NP. I was reassured by all my doctors that it was more likely it had slowed progression. However, because I am ER/PR+, they have all advised me not to resume the use of NP cream. My gut tells me different. Since my dx, I have scoured the net, and questioned every doctor as to available studies regarding the effect of NP on breast cancer. I've inquired here, and every other site I could find. Apparently there have been no large, double-blind studies in this area. There are however, many smaller studies that show that estrogen, unopposed by progesterone, poses a huge cancer risk.

I recently bought Dr. John Lee's newest book "What Your Doctor.....About Breast Cancer". Talk about a page turner. If anyone of you has read it, I'd love to discuss it!! If you haven't read it, I urge you too. It is an eye-opening look at the breast cancer research industry, as well as a hard look at conventional treatments (chemo/radiation/hormonals/aromatase inhibitors/etc). Again, within 100 pages or so, I was back to the local health food store to buy some natural progesterone. I started it on 4 days ago. And upon rereading some pertinent chapters of Dr. Lee's book, I've decided to discontinue Tamoxifen. Bone scans from July and October of last year (I'm waiting on results from January 07) show slight increase in tumor size and the development of a new tumor. There are only 3 bone mets detected so far, and they are small (7 mm - 1 cm). Because of this, my onc team wants to switch me to Arimidex and Zometa. I did all the prerequisite tests, and am just waiting to hear from my onc. I've decided against the treatment she's recommended. Arimidex is prescribed for POST menapausal women with EARLY stage cancer. I am PRE menapausal with LATE stage cancer. What are we doing?

I have lost so much faith in the system, and truly believe that the butchery, poisoning, and burning of our bodies is being done simply because nothing else has been researched thoroughly (because there's no motivation for anyone to pay for it) and that cure and survival statistics are so convoluted and skewed as to be completely unreliable. I feel like a victim, that I'm negligently uninformed, and left without options, led blindly and terrified down a path of treatment that they know is ineffectual, and permanently damaging to our bodies. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to know that the medical "industry" (because let's face it, that's what it is) knows what causes cancer, knows how to prevent it, yet bows apathetically and lackadaisically to the pharmaceutical giants.

I anxiously (and I mean VERY anxiously) await the results from my upcoming scans in April. If they are better, or even the same, I will continue this treatment of NP, (with some critical lifestyle and diet changes aimed at improving the health of my immune system, endocrine system, etc.). I will also seriously consider foregoing the quarterly or even semi-annual radiation blasts we are led to believe do us little or no harm and that the "benefits outweigh the risks".

I welcome any and all feedback, ass-chewing, and discussion. I am afraid. I am terribly afraid to walk away from what I've been told is my only chance at some sort of long term survival, but my gut is screaming at me. It's been screaming at me for almost 3 years through this process, and it's just time for me to stop.

Anxious to hear from you all.

love you,


Karen in Oregon