Well, here I am again, I'm almost tempted to once again apologise for having been absent for quite so long. However, we'll just have to face up to the fact that Internetiness simply does not have the stranglehold on my life that it did two years ago and that any future blogs (if any) will simply have to be regarded as mere cameos.

So what then is the reason behind my latest hiatus? Well, I'll tell you.


In light of the credit crunch biting in, higher fuel and grocery bills and a looming recession I have been learning to live a life of greater self sufficiency. Much of my time has been spent scouring local woodlands learning how to forage for food. As I'm sure you'll appreciate, this is a very time consuming practice and, having lost nearly three stones in weight and living largely off grass and Pig Nut salads (strangely, it's not nearly as tasty as it sounds) I began to wonder whether foraging was really for me.


I tried learning how to spear fish, after all, if an Orangutan can do it, surely I could too right? Well, let me tell you, it's nowhere near as easy as Clyde above there makes it look. I have persevered but quite frankly, Sticklebacks don't have much eating on them. Hunting vermin seemed like my next best likely option, and there may well be more than one way to skin a rabbit but every last one of them is absolutely gross and I'm not a big fan of the snapping noises of the bones or the tearing sound of skin and sinew.

After a mere five weeks of this nonsense I finally relented and brought myself back to stalking the aisles of treachery in my local Morrison's store. Buy one get one free offers will have to suffice in place of living off the land for now.

Trying to cover all avenues of cost cutting I turned my attention to our domestic energy consumption. So I have spent the past month or so closely following the family around the home, haranguing wife and daughter into switching off all appliances immediately after use. Ultimately, this has meant that I have had to lead by example and so I have shown the way by dramatically reducing my use of all media related items such as the TV, radio and the PC.


I have encouraged them to shun modern convenience distractions and replace them with more traditional parlour games such as "Lookabout", "Charades", "Blindman's Bluff"  and "Pass the Slipper". Needless to say, it's gone down an absolute storm and I have never proved to be more popular within the walls of my own home. They've even given me a sweet little nickname "Nazi Dad" a sure sign that learning to live frugally in these fraught times is well worth the effort.

Anyhoo, I must cut this short as I am approaching the end of my appropriated monthly "webtime" and I have only a further five minutes to find some suitable porn with which to thrapp myself silly.

Cheery-bye everyone!