On October 27, 2006, I wrote a blog entitled "There must be a way we can shoehorn Jesus into this somehow…," discussing my frustration with people who were so determined to fit into a certain group they would embrace certain contradictions into their life.  It included all the elements that would become a staple of my later blogs: incoherent rambling, pathetic over the top attempts at humor, bad punctuation, and a cameo appearance by Samuel L. Jackson.

My motivation for writing this blog flowed less from my passion about the actual subject and more from my need to write something.  About this time, I found myself in a crisis with my relationship to the whole writing thing.  I had myself an English degree, and was telling people I was an aspiring writer, but there was a problem.  I had a sudden epiphany one day while trying to work on some short stories I could turn into a novel.  The epiphany went a little something like this:

I hate writing fiction.

And I realized…I did.  This is a scary realization for someone who, basically, had built his entire college education on the foundation of writing fiction.  But it was true.  I didn't like it anymore.  So what's a semi-educated wannabe writer who hates writing to do?

I decided, just as a task to keep myself writing something, to challenge myself to write a short blog and post it on MySpace once a week for a year.  The idea was simple: by freeing myself to write something pointless, simple, and unimportant, I could turn off my inner critic and actually get some writing done, as opposed to constantly crushing my own motivation with the intimidation that comes with trying to write something, you know, good.  I posted them just so I could see that my work was going somewhere…I never really imagined anyone would actually read the things.

I was very wrong.

A bunch of you decided this nonsense was funny and/or interesting and/or entertaining and/or ridiculous enough to read and comment on every week.  I was flattered, but it also made my task much more difficult.  The whole idea behind this experiment was to free myself to write without worrying about an audience.  And then…I had an audience.

But it turned out to be a very good thing, I think.  Knowing there were some people out there who actually cared if I posted a new blog or not forced me to drag myself to my laptop and write some weeks when I probably would have just as soon skipped it.  And I thank all of you for that.

Now, it is exactly a year later, and I'm feeling like this whole blog thing is done.  Or at least this incarnation of it, anyway.  So…now what?  Well, it is the end of an experiment…so we could look at some pointless numbers.  Here are my blog's stats, according to the main page:

POSTS: 39

COMMENTS: 181

VIEWS: 3620

KUDOS: 100

Fascinating.  And by fascination I mean…boring.  I did 39 posts in one year.  I wanted to do one every week.  Which means I missed 13 weeks.  That is over three months.  Bad, bad writer.  I am giving myself a C+ for that part of the experiement.

3,620 views seems like a lot, and that is pretty awesome.  That means 3,620 people saw my writing.  Or, that the same crazy person clicked my blogs link 3,620 times by themselves.  I almost like the idea of that second one better.

I also racked up 100 kudos.  I have no idea what that means, but that seems like a fair amount of kudos.  Is MySpace planning on setting up some sort of rewards system, where I can cash those in for, like, a new car or a trip or something?  Probably not.

But the best part…is the comments.  Oh, blog comments, how I love thee.  I am quite certain my absolute favorite part of firing up MySpace, or for that matter, one of the favorite parts of my whole day…was seeing "New Blog Comment" in wonderful, happy yellow letters in my mailbox.  Your comments to my nonsense were usually much more interesting, funny, and well thought out than my actual writing.  In fact, I would like to take this space right here to count down my ten favorite comments made by you, the reader, on my blog.  There are in the order, counting down, which they made me laugh, smile, think, or squint my eyes in a "what the fuck" expression.

10)

        "…it does suck buying condoms, so just stop using them and chance it."

--Nikki W. (in response to "Stuff about things…")

9)

        "I miss Surge.  And that's okay."

--Nick R. (in response to "thepilver.com…")

8)

        "Nikki Wakal says she is OVER IT! That is all."

--Andrew N. (in response to "My advice to you…")

7)

"My problem is YOUR nephew.  He has been up all night and all day....and not just awake, but crying.  THE WHOLE TIME.  Screaming even.  And why you ask?  Because of gas.  Seriously kid....just fart and get on with your life!"

--Amber N. (in response to"The problem with problems…")

6)

        "Calling Paula Abdul Skeletor is terrible. Skeletor, while quite disturbing to look at, at least had a semblence of a personality."

--Andrew N. (in response to "American Idol…")

5)

        "Fuck Carrot Top.  I hate that rat bastard!"

--Amber N. (in response to "If a tree falls in the forest…")

4)

        "I don't expect you boys to know everything, but I do expect you to know better…"

--Nikki W. (in response to "Ich Weiß nicht…")

3)

        "I want to have your boney, Charlie Brown looking, bad haircut having, WAY too young looking scrubby babies. Yeah, I said it."

--Meggan M. (in response to "A brief moment of self-image realignment…")

2)

        "Tim, you think too much."

--Jackie B. (in response to "Cruise Control…")

And finally, my all time favorite response.  In one of my blogs, I asked the readers to leave as their comment what they thought I would be doing ten years from now, prompting the greatest blog comment ever…

1)

"There's two things I imagine you doing. One is being the guy that tests how an Oreo holds up in different temperatures of milk. You will work in a lab. A very clean, white lab with very few employees... but you guys know how important your job is. You use tongs to get the Oreo out of the bag (and you open a new bag of Oreos every time you test a glass of milk. Some fat guy named Rick is sitting in the alley behind the lab waiting for the one-Oreo-less bags of cookies that you will inevitably throw out) and look sternly at your sterile watch, waiting for the seconds to pass to the next minute for an accurate reading. You're sweating. The staff is sweating. Most importantly, Rick is sweating. So many people depending on one man.

The second thing I see you doing is being that dude at the Renaissance festival that sticks his face out of the hole and says dickhead things to people while they throw tomatoes at him. You will be great at this because you're such a asshole. It's a perfect match."

--Kelly P. (in response to "All that I know…")

So there it is, folks.  I'm probably done with the whole blog writing thing, at least for awhile.  I hope to use the time to work on some other writing projects.  But I'll probably just use it to play more poker and download more internet porn.  Either way, it'll be pretty fantastic.

I don't really know how to end this, so since my blogs were always about random nonsense anyway, I will end this final blog with an idea for a movie I have.  Recently Hollywood has been going to the old TV show well fairly often, with movies such as "Transformers", "Charlie's Angels", and a rumored upcoming "Magnum PI" movie.  But I think they are missing out on the best old TV show that could become a great movie.  Imagine going to the theater and seeing the following preview…

THE FOLLOWING MOTION PICTURE HAS BEEN RATED "B" FOR BIG EXPLOSIONS, BIG BOOBS, AND BLOWING YOUR BALLS OFF

Exterior shot…the streets of New York.  Children are everywhere.

VOICE OVER GUY: In a city with no rules, no authority, no hope…

Children, ranging from ages 5 to late teens, are causing havoc in the streets!  They smoke, and swear, and mingle about as teenagers are liable to do.  The adults cower in fear.

RANDOM COP: We need to do something about these children!

MORGAN FREEMAN: There's only one man that can save us…but he's out of the game…

Cut to: a shadowy figure, slowly smoking a cigarette.

SHADOWY FIGURE: You know I don't do that anymore.  I'm out.

A football flies through the window, knocking over the shadowy figures priceless John Elway collector plates!

SHADOWY FIGURE: Now its personal.

Cut to:  exterior shot.  The children are rampaging.  But a shadow looms over them.  They gasp in horror.

CHILD: You!  But you're…

The identity of the shadowy figure is seen.  It is…SCOTT BAIO!

SCOTT BAIO:  I'm back…bitches.

On the screen, we see an explosion and a magnificent title splash:

CHARLES IN CHARGE: THE MOVIE!

Cut to next card:

I WANT CHARLES IN CHARGE OF ME….SUMMER OF 2008

Awesome.