i realized i am stewing in my own juices here. bitter that this was a quite unusual holiday for me. no build up no climax. nada. and i have to be at work were chipper bamas that have off today keep asking "did you have a good holiday?" i am tempted to say no and see their response. and i would actually prefer if no one asks me how my holiday was at all. but in the mist of the unusual-ness of it all i realize that I am truly loved and blessed and I am THANKFUL FOR THAT!

I begin fasting tonight at 7pm and will end on 7pm January 1st. Earlier today I was like why the hell did I agree to this. now I am honestly happy to start. Especially since a just ate some terrible, terrible McDonald's... now this is where I should be like "why the hell did I agree to this". I think sometimes I need a reminder of why it just ain't good for me. ARGH!

So I think for the next few days I will take to writing on paper instead of typing blogs. I mean i don'thave to cook or be in the kitchen so... I can just use that time to write and reflect.