Have you ever been so right about something so bad and depressing that you wish you were wrong in order to smile and feel well? Or feel so miserable that you wish you could just phase out of existance and not look back? All rhetoric, of course. But friends call/text me because of guilt. When I call people to actually do something, their world is too busy, yet when I'm later in the company of them and their friends, I hear, "Oh, remember the other night when we went out to SO&SO place and..." ... gee, thought they were busy. Figures. Then the girl I had gone out with a couple of times whom I thought was very beautiful, very fascinating, and very intelligent...ends up stopping communication with me altogether. Why? No clue. I guess that's how the inconsiderate, fake people of this world tell others they no longer wish to date. Am I pissed? No, no reason to be, just disappointed that even the most sincere and interesting intellectuals can be so cold-hearted.

I still can't find a job. Totally sucks..

Had plans to go on a date with Tina, a girl I had gone on a date with before whom finds me interesting, but even she made plans on top of mine to date someone. She still hasn't denied it.

Went and hung out with Veronica a couple of weeks ago and went to miniature golf. She looked bored out of her mind. It's interesting how facial and body language speaks louder than words and she looked like she wanted to go home. Afterward, I asked if she wanted to go eat or do something else...she comtemplated going home or eating, either way. I only agreed to go seperate ways because she looked bored. It's not her fault I'm no more exciting & fun than a hive of wasps in a tube sock being beaten over your head.

And my depression is worse.

My life has fallen victim to the equivalence of teen angest and/or emo kid-itis. Over-emotional? No. Angry at the world? Sorta. Depressor and de-motivator? That I am. Agitated? Sure. Suicidal? Just a bit. Wish a car would somehow bolt through the small wooded park area behind my house, hit a ramp, roll over the top of my garage, and crash through my bedroom window, killing me in a monsterous and horrific bloodbath? Oh yeah..