Could my life get any stranger?
Wait... don't answer THAT!
So... yesterday after I blogged, I headed to Moreno Valley to drop my son off at my mom's house for the weekend.
Well, I had to stop by Don's work to pick him up and we were gonna jump on the toll roads from there. We pulled up and I had my son run in to get him... I turned the car off and sat for a second, then I realized I needed some scissors to fix a snag on my new purse...
So, I get outta the car, take about 10 steps towards the entrance of his building...and click the automatic lock on my keychain...
I didn't HEAR it lock, so I turned around to click again and watch the tail lights flash...
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
The car was rolling into the fucking street!
My first thought was to yell for Don, KNOWING he couldn't possibly hear me...So I RAN!
Yessss............
I RAN!
I ran towards the car, and actually CAUGHT UP with it just before it went into the street...
BUT!
When I pulled the handle on the door, it was LOCKED!
I jerked it so hard I pulled myself forward into the car!
BAM!
My stomach slammed into the side of car...
t h e n . . .
{sigh}
Then....
My fucking pants fell down to my knees!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what did I do?
I let the car fucking roll into the street!
Whatchu think? lol
I pull my pants up as fast as I can, but just in that split second pause to pull my pants up, the car nearly rolls over my fucking FOOT!!
I jump back...then run back to the main door, just as I open it and start to yell for Don, he's running past me...
BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elbows me right in the lower belly! OWW FUCKING OWWW!
By the time he made it to the car, it had already stopped JUST before the curb across the street!
But, a semi was barreling down the street just as he ran into it.
I stood at the door, holding my pants up (the drawstring broke) and staring in udder HORROR as the semi truck stops jussssst as he leaps past it!
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
I turn behind me and the people in his office are all staring and gasping....
I take a couple steps towards the reception desk, then I just collapse!
My son runs over and is asking if I'm okay, and what happened, and why did my pants fall down... lol
By this time, I can't even breathe. So I just sit.
Then I see the car going in REVERSE back into the parking lot!
I swore to GOD I was losing it!
I'm like OMG!! It's rolling again!!!!!
lmao!
{sigh} I'm an idiot.
I couldn't figure out how Don KNEW to run out...
Since there is no way he could have actually SEEN what was happening...
Then one of the girls at his work tells me that SHE saw the car roll and yelled to him about it...
Of course, him being the dense person that he is, he thought she was JOKING! Then she tells him that my PANTS had fallen down...
So he ran out...
{once again... sigh}
Not only did this girl see... the receptionist saw... and 3 people leaving for the day saw...
THEY ALL SAW MY BIG FAT ASS!
In HUGE WHITE UNDERWEAR!
I was mortified for the rest of the day!!!!!!
And, to top if off... my stomach was in MAJOR pain!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
So... we leave. The drive to my mom's is 60 miles. It took us an hour and 45 minutes.
When we got there, I open the door to get outta the car...
In one solid movement I lean to get out.
OWWWWUUUUCH!!
I don't know what I did, but it hurt!
I couldn't get out and when they got me out, I couldn't stand up straight!
OMG! Whatever it was it hurt!! Badly!
It felt like someone had kicked me in my pelvis with a steel toe boot!
Yes... that bad!
So, we stay at my mom's for a bit... she's all pissed at me for chasing a car...
My son is bouncing off the walls from the long drive...
And my dumbass brother keeps trying to converse with me (we don't get along...
While, *I* just want to leave... my stomach hurts, my ass hurts, my feet are even more swollen, and my coochie is aching! Plus, I'm fucking STARVING!
We leave... go to a Mexican restaurant (Siquios, which was nasty)...
I figured, lemme get some food in me and I'll feel better and sleep on the long drive home.
Oh no.... couldn't be THAT simple.
I couldn't even stand UP from my chair. Soooo embarassing...
AND... and... AND!! I forgot my fucking drawstring was broken, so when my boyfriend managed to help me up, my fucking pants slipped again! lol
Luckily, not down toooooo far! lol
THAT IS IT! lol I've had it!
Again.... we leave.
After an excruciating drive home (my boyfriend is a shitty driver!)...
We get home and I waddle half bent over into the house, straight to the bathroom...
Um.... "honey! I'm bleeding..."
FUCK!!!
Once again... we leave.... hospital checks me out, monitors the baby, everything is fine... sends me home.
Around 4:00am, I roll over in bed and I feel something POP in my cooter area...
BACK TO THE HOSPITAL!
The nurse checks my cervix to see if I've dialated some more...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Boy did that hurt!
Finally, we all come to the conclusion that my doctor BRUISED my pelvic wall when he FISTED ME (er, I mean.... CHECKED MY CERVIX) earlier that morning.
They gave me a shot in my ass cheek called Nubane...
{sigh}
Finally........
Some fucking relief!
We both slept at the hospital till about 8 this morning...
It was the BEST sleep I've gotten in nearly a month! lol
Came home and slept some more...
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Today, I can barely walk....
I think I just need to stop leaving the house...lol It's getting too dangerous out there for this fat pregnant lady...
~Chanel