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My Crummy Blog
The Crummiest Blog Ever!
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Thursday, July 03, 2008 

Current mood:  cooky/wacky
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
When did books start writing people? I've been so busy talking to books all day that I haven't had the time to sit down with a good person in a while. The other day a book told me all about how my efforts to be as honest as possible with myself and others would result in a massive editing that would bring me to my knees. All because I wouldn't read the people the way it had scripted them for me. I had no idea that when something wanted a compliment that it was too polite to come out and ask for, I was required to give it anyway. I thought that maybe it might be more fun to take the pages and fold them into clever shapes, maybe a little swan that has a nine to five job and beats his wife to the drums in a song you hate.

Now, before you make any snap judgments, the swan isn't a bad person.

In fact, it's not really a person at all.

It's not even a swan.

It's just an idea.

It never actually earned a paycheck.

No one was actually beaten.

The song wrote you, so why do you think you'd hate it?

Do you just take everyone's word for it?

Is there a point to this?

No.

Not if that's what you wanted. If you want to be written, then ask a book to do it.

When you give me an idea, it's mine, and I'll do whatever I want to it.

When I'm done having my fun I promise I'll give you back what's left of them.

After all, they belonged to you in the first place.

Just so you know, right now all of your ideas are cowering in the corner, screaming and crying for me to stop.

But I won't.

I will rape them again and again, until the corner goes away.

crummy

 
I thought so.
 
Posted by crummy on Friday, July 04, 2008 - 11:08 PM
[Reply to this
Mormon Santa

 
Dawg, you're ancy to be taken out, nails clacking on the hardwoods. Masturbate, goddammit!
 
Posted by Mormon Santa on Thursday, July 03, 2008 - 9:25 PM
[Reply to this
crummy

 
I've never been told to jack-off for my own well being so forcefully before.
 
Posted by crummy on Friday, July 04, 2008 - 11:10 PM
[Reply to this
Harshwoman

 
Were you told to bring something to the BBQ that you didn't feel you should. It's alright, she drives us all mad.

Great world you live in by the way. It makes me a bit dizzy though.
 
Posted by Harshwoman on Friday, July 04, 2008 - 4:08 AM
[Reply to this
crummy

 
Santa wants me to join SAGE.
 
Posted by crummy on Friday, July 04, 2008 - 11:12 PM
[Reply to this
Harshwoman

 
Photobucket
 
Posted by Harshwoman on Monday, July 07, 2008 - 1:59 AM
[Reply to this
kc
kc cavanaugh

 
I had a book try to write me once; It was a Choose Your Own Adventure novel.
 
Posted by kc on Friday, July 04, 2008 - 12:10 PM
[Reply to this
Angry Monkey
angry monkey

 
I fucking loved these books! Cave of Time rules!!
 
Posted by Angry Monkey on Saturday, July 05, 2008 - 12:36 AM
[Reply to this
crummy

 
I used to cheat at choose your own adventure novels, and still pretend that I'd actually achieved something when I got the good ending.

Excuse me, I'm gonna go outside and masticate.
 
Posted by crummy on Friday, July 04, 2008 - 11:15 PM
[Reply to this
Angry Monkey
angry monkey

 
Did your lazy-ass ever get around to reading my human's book yet? I didn't think so. ... and your ass got it for free to - cock sucker.
 
Posted by Angry Monkey on Saturday, July 05, 2008 - 12:37 AM
[Reply to this
crummy

 
It's, "and your ass got it for free, too. Cock sucker!"
I know you had someone edit it, but it's stuff like that... You know?
Besides, I read the synopsis...

Just for that, even if I like it, I'm now going to critique it in the most inhuman way I possibly can...
After I actually read it.
 
Posted by crummy on Saturday, July 05, 2008 - 5:36 AM
[Reply to this
Angry Monkey
angry monkey

 
Don't correct my grammar / editing. Unlike you, I didn't feel like waiting 20 GODDAMN minutes to get a blog post to print. As good as your blog posts can get, by bullshitting me, saying that you'd be out in 5 minutes but making me wait for 20, (in a running car to boot) just wasn't worth it.
 
Posted by Angry Monkey on Monday, July 07, 2008 - 12:53 AM
[Reply to this
crummy

 
You could have come in and had a coke, maybe a piece of cake, said "Hi" to my mom, etc.

I thought you liked being out in your car...
 
Posted by crummy on Monday, July 07, 2008 - 3:44 PM
[Reply to this
Angry Monkey
angry monkey

 
Fine! I'll start coming in the house to hurry your slow-ass up. Maybe an occasional crack to the back your head will speed things up. I'll start on Friday.
 
Posted by Angry Monkey on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 - 12:27 AM
[Reply to this
Scott Peterson® (The Evil Twin)
Scott Peterson

 
Smoke more pot.
 
Posted by Scott Peterson® (The Evil Twin) on Monday, July 14, 2008 - 10:16 PM
[Reply to this
crummy

 
Oh god... If I could only blame this on drugs...
 
Posted by crummy on Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 4:26 PM
[Reply to this
crummy



Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 33