It's been a couple... three weeks since I last posted a blog.

I completed one two weeks ago about a day in the life of working on Jeopardy but it rambled on and on and, frankly, I think my blog... nah, my life needs to be about music and my journey towards that end. If you really want to know what happens on Jeopardy give me a call or email, I'll tell you ALL the dirty little secrets I couldn't blog about anyway.

My weight has not only not changed in three weeks but I'm up by two pounds (I currently weigh 217Lbs). I have slacked on my blog, my work outs and my eating habits. I won't give excuses but I will outline a couple of factors:

I recently had to tell a dear friend of mine that they are no longer welcome in my life. A message that if I had received it, would have been nothing short of devastating. Yet, after considering all factors, I had no choice but to take that course of action. Needless to say, the experience has been extremely emotionally tumultuous and draining.

Time too has been short and the little time I have I have only wanted to spend with Audra and renewing my constitution before throwing myself back into the seven-day-a-week throng between Jeopardy, Vista Electronics (building huge new stuff for Jeopardy) and Audra's folks whom we are helping renovate a series of properties on the weekends which so far has been the hardest dirtiest work I've done since I worked in film.

But before I go too far down any of those roads let me remind myself that they are not music any more than a 'day at Jeopardy' is.

Health benefits aside, believe-it-or-not, my weight-loss is big part of music. Unfortunately, as a singer, whether someone listens to my music or not often depends on what my picture looks like or what I look like on stage. Whether people see me or not, my confidence can be heard (or not) in every note I sing. Not everyone's confidence is tied to their weight and appearance but mine, to an extent, is.

Unfortunate perhaps, all this vanity, but a reality in the entertainment world that I will be hurt by if I don't take it seriously.

Since I was not born with the 'singer bravado' that is no coincidence among vocal performers. I have to continue to create my own brand of quieter confidence any way I can. You can't be a vocal performer, not a good one, if your not willing to put yourself exposed on stage and be, or at least appear to be, something that your audience can't be themselves; take them some where they can't go without you as a guide.

That's scary for most folks and indeed quite so for me. It's an emotional strip tease and any good audience can tell what parts are real and what aren't.

Not all singers are truly confident well-adjusted folks. In fact you'd probably agree that most of what we witness on stage is the result of a great compensation for a huge inner void of self-worth. But in no case are they ordinary, why would we pay to see them otherwise?

That's something I have had to be honest with myself about. What about me is worth paying to see? I may be a good player and song writer, maybe even great but in brutal truth: there are scores of people within a mile of where I live who are as good or better.

Do I have stage charisma and confidence to give a more compelling performance?

Again, in brutal honesty: no, not just yet. I can develop my stage presence to wherever it needs to be but my competitors, and let's continue being honest, that's what they are, are further ahead of the game on this one too.

Am I too old?

Quite possibly. Certainly older than most of my field of new, original artists.

Do I have something that most others don't? An undefinable, un-learnable, non-transferable quality? Something worth paying to see?

Yes I do.

Those who know me well, know this is true and know what I'm talking about. They also know I'm generally pretty self-effacing and not saying such things for my own props. We're simply talking about a business and a product here and I truly believe that with a little more confidence and practice my unique presence will sell tickets and in-turn enough CDs and downloads to make a modest but comfortable living.

If I didn't truly believe that I'd have no business even trying to make a go as a performer. Right? This isn't the lottery, I'm not just spinning a wheel on a second career hoping to hit a jack pot. Yes, there's a certain degree of luck I am relying on but it's funny how often luck consults the karma of your own self belief.

But what about the music? Isn't it about the music?

Well of course it is, silly reader.

It wouldn't be music without it, and good music at that. Whatever your idea of my music is at this point when this album comes out, everyone will be surprised even amazed at what I have come up with and not just because you happen to know me. The songs are compelling, the performances are unique and ear catching, the arrangements are innovative and effective and everything will stand well on it's own merit and without which all this discussion of charisma would be academic.

But yet again with the brutal honesty: It is not music people pay for--especially these downloadin' days--it is the experience of the music and the cult of it's creator that takes them to places, both familiar and foreign, that they can't get to on their own.

Tickets please...