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Insane_mom_5



Last Updated: 9/7/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 36
Sign: Capricorn

Country: US
Signup Date: 3/24/2006

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Blog Archive
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September 6, 2009 - Sunday 6:22 AM

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
Starting to heal
this broken soul of mine

Starting to feel
what it is liked to be loved once again

A soft touch
and gentle look
when I am good

A strict word
and a firm hand
when I have been bad

Showing he cares
being there through
the happy and sad

Helping me stand on my own
Showing me a new way to go


September 4, 2009 - Friday 4:20 AM

Current mood:Reflective
Category: Writing and Poetry
A white powdered line
calling to me
Whispering memories
of what use to be

Days and Nights
lost in an endless sea
looking for something that can never be

Losing everything
Special to me
being labeled nothing more
than another druggie


September 1, 2009 - Tuesday 2:02 AM

Current mood:  numb
Category: Life
Well what can I say ? Today was like nothing you could imagine .

I got to work today knowing that I was going to be fired today and at 11:00 when they came to tell me I needed 15 more dollars in 15 minuets I walked up to the manager and told him I thought it was best if I terminated my employment . He agreed and I left while riding down in the elevator. I called my B/f to let him know I would be out looking for work. (look forward to another blog coming soon about my new man. You wont believe what I found online!! ) After I got off the phone the guy in the elevator asked if I was looking for work I said yes and he gave me his card to call for a job tomorrow He was willing to train and I had the experience for a financial advisor. 

From there I left to pick up my 14 yr old from school because she was sick and we went to the bank and got my last 40 dollars out for electricity and gas and went to urgent care
She got prescriptions for an inhaler and medicine because her lungs and cough were so bad .

After we left we headed back to the apartment to talk to the landlord about getting a promise to pay for the rent because I didn't have it. I left mey cell phone charging in the car when we walked intp the office and found out that the head management was running the office the office because the head manager was fired and her assistant was on vacation .
I signed the needed papers and turned to go out to my car only to relize that it was no longer in the parking lot it had been REPOSSED!!!!!!!!!  I called the company only to find out that I would not be able to get my stuff out of it untill tomorrow either. 

So what else can go wrong I have no idea but I am sure that it is not all done ...................

P.S. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you her prescriptions and all of my kids orginal birth certificates are in the car too...
August 16, 2009 - Sunday 2:58 AM

Category: Life
I don't know why I feel the way I do I just want to lay down and go to sleep and not get up right now . I should be happy but I am not.
Don't get me wrong the kids are all doing good. Andrew is in a group home about an hour a way from me and he is doing good there he is in School and sounds happy. I talk to him about 4 times a week and get to see him twice a month. He is in Tenth grade now and likes his school. He was so happy the other day when I talked to him. He said he has a girlfriend and he got his first kiss after being locked up and away from us for almost a year now.

Jonathon is doing good too He is almost done with the courts and than he can really get rolling on getting his program done so he can come home. He is now in 8th grade all the time he was locked up he actually got caught up in school and is back in the grade that he should have been before I had him held back a year.

Lichelle managed to make it into 9th grade after being held back last year too she was suppose to repeat 8th grade but they passed her into 9th through a charter school out here and she loves it.

Dylan and Summer are both doing good they like being back to school and we are all getting ready to move next month.

I found a 2 bdrm for $608 a month right next to where I work and across the street from the mall in one of the best complexs in Mesa.

I am still working and trying to pay bills it is been hard lately and I am barely scraping by and playing cat and mouse games with my bills trying to keep up on everything and not lose the car or get evicted for not having the rent.

I am feeling over whelmed and I don't know why The kids are happy now so why can't I be? There dad is still being an ass saying that he is going to help out and making empty promises and not coming through.

On a good note I am talking to people again that I haven't gotten to talk to in a long time and I feel like I am loved somewhat but I still have a nagging feeling that I am being used.

I just want to lay down I can feel the pain over flowing inside trying to get out but it can't find it's release. I want to go to sleep or just figure out a way to let go of the hurt .

I know that I have been drinking to much again lately I had a good drunk last Sunday maybe to good I remember starting at 7 blacking out at 9:30 and passing out around 11 . All I can remember is that there were two fights and I have bruises all over (and yes the kids were at a babysitters).
 I know alcohol is no good but it feels so damn good to just FORGET EVERYTHING if even for only a night. I am fighting cravings to use again as well it would be so easy to get anything I wanted out here but so far I have not fallen yet and I am still clean .

Night everyone that is all I want to really write
I am off to find a place in my mind that I can forget about what is going on
July 31, 2009 - Friday 8:46 PM

Current mood:  blissful
Category: News and Politics
NOW THAT THE HEARING IS OVER IS NOT THE TIME TO SIT BACK AND RELAX---IT IS THE TIME TO SHOW PEOPLE HOW IMPORTANT THIS ISSUE IS! WRITE, CALL E-MAIL, BUT DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN---IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER!





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July 24, 2009 - Friday 4:28 AM

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry



 



Eyes meet from across the room
as a shiver runs down my spine
and my body starts to bloom

A single look melts through my heart
as contentment flows inside
and mends the piece that that have been torn apart

The lightest touch of her lips
traces the curves and slopes
while fingers slide down my silky smooth hips

And a wettness overcomes 
as she slids her tongue deep within 
and our bodies move in beautiful rhythms

Swaying in place 
to the beat of the music
while two broken hearts embrace

© 2009 Bette Christianson. All rights reserved
July 16, 2009 - Thursday 5:14 AM

Current mood:  indescribable
Category: Writing and Poetry

This poem was written by my 13 yr old sonWhile he was locked up





 


From the dry to the moist

From the core of the Earth

On the wings of a swan

To the gates of eternity

Told by the mother of time

Heard by  father space

Within a human family

Just like the spirit of the mind

Coming from the voice of all

Drafted on the epitome of fulfillment

On the string of a harp

In the foundation of evolution

Upon the enchantment of compassion

Upon every breath of every immorality

Of every individual

© 2009 Jonathon Garrick Beaulieu. All rights reserved

May 22, 2009 - Friday 7:59 AM

Current mood:  frisky
Category: Writing and Poetry

New Found Feelings
   By Bette Christianson 2009

Hands so soft with the lightest touch

An undeniable feeling of true love

Waiting for the slightest tingle of a her sensuous re-touch

While angels fell from heaven above

And set me free like a beautiful dove

Feelings soaring all around 

Leaving me in a fogbound

My heart was trying to rebound

I opened my eyes

To a beautiful face

That my heart had always tried to deny

But it was my conscious I could not defy

While my hands slid down her silky skin

And undid the clasp that was holding the lace  

My emotions were swirling within

A new found love was taking its place

Sending a sensation shooting through my body

That my heart was trying to embrace

Her Lips so soft and supple

Her breasts creamy and ample

Perked in a upright angle

My soul ignited the final candle

And a unknown passion begin from within

May 18, 2009 - Monday 4:08 AM

Current mood:  bored
Category: Writing and Poetry

BEHIND THIS MASK

 

By Bette Christianson

 

I cannot not see

Behind this mask

So trust can only be the key

while I set out to complete the task

set before me

 

I kneel upon the floor 

With eyes cast down

and arms bound behind my back

Ready to grow, learn, and explore

 

I cannot not see

Behind this mask

So trust can only be the key

while I set out to complete the task

set before me

 

Learning to put my trust in you

I surrender my body, my mind, and my soul

So you can teach me how to show a love that can be true

 

I cannot not see

Behind this mask

So trust can only be the key

while I set out to complete the task

set before me

 

 

 

 

 

May 9, 2009 - Saturday 7:45 PM

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry

My life as I know has changed today

When you told me you would show me the way

To guide me through this life

And leave behind the strife

To teach and guide

And walk by my side

 

I give to you my heart and soul

So you can teach me how to be whole

My body is yours to do as you please

What ever you want to punish or tease

 

I kneel before you in total submission

Waiting for your permission

To learn to be whole

And release all that is from my broken soul

© 2008 Bette Christianson. All rights reserved