just sayin...

Friends will keep you sane.
Love could fill your heart.
A lover can warm your bed.
But lonely is the soul without a mate.

So this morning I left for work.  Jumped in the car and decided to put the top down because I wanted the cool morning air to wake me up as I drove into work.  Popped in Katy Perry's record and was jammin when a rain shower came out of nowhere as I was on the interstate.  But ya know what? It didn't bother me. For some reason at that moment nothing could have bothered me. The raindrops were splashing on my face, the wind was cool on my cheeks, and the music never sounded better.

So  I began to think this morning. What if we all tried to live every minute of our life unbothered by the unexpected? Not phased. Not fearful. Just completely cool with whatever happens. Not in a hippy-i-smoke-too-much-pot kinda way.  I smiled when it began to rain. I didn't freak out. I didn't slam on brakes pull to the side and bitch at the twenty-or-so seconds it takes for my top be completely in place. I was okay with my surroundings. 

It's like. Okay, yeah I have so much to do at work today and so many bills to payoff today, then errands to run--but whatever. I'll play a good song, smile, and put myself back in the moment I had this morning. If something comes up that bothers me--I'll try to supress how I would usually react.

This may not last long...so if you have startelling news to tell me...tell me today.

What if I don't wanna be a lonely one?

Is it possible to miss someone more than you already probably do?
It's like you're trying to scream with a sore throat.
It's like the wind constantly blowing against you.
It's as if the sun only sets and never rises.
Or the songs on the radio feel like every rhyme and lyric sung relates to the guy.

Who wants to be alone?
Who dreams of being lonely?
How do we get ourself to the point of no one to share life with?

The mind will wander and the mind will convince, yet, it's up to the heart and chance of breaking that forces us to make a decision when in the midst of a crush.

An Aries will run away just as fast as an Aries will run to.

luh u,
intern

The following article makes me very happy. Looks like an ex of mine can't even press that request button. But isn't it crazy how much MySpace is effecting society??

MySpace 'Friend Request' Violates Protection Order

NEW YORK (AP) ? A Staten Island judge says that sending a MySpace friend request to someone who has an order of protection against you is against the law.

The ruling this week lets stand charges that a 16-year-old broke the law when she sent friend requests on the social networking site to a woman and her two daughters.

Criminal Court Judge Matthew A. Sciarrino Jr. ruled that even though MySpace users can ignore, deny or block friend requests, "that request was still a contact, and no contact was allowed" by the temporary order of protection.

The defendant is charged with misdemeanor second-degree criminal contempt; a trial date has not been set. Her attorney has declined comment.

I have questions. A lot of them. My mind races and it stalls. It hates to know everything but even more, it hates to not know. So I constantly ask questions to figure things out. Make my own assumptions based on what I uncovered. With each question comes another. Snowball effect, if you will. I wonder if one day I'll relax and never have to know. Until then, I'll grow with every honest answer someone gives me. I'll grow more with every false response. What do you question?

-When will we know we are mature?
-What constitutes falling in love?
-What makes me fall out of love?
-How will I learn to trust a guy again?
-Is it possible to break a wall down that I continually build higher?
-Are random strangers the best solution?
-Are friends/aquaintances even a solution?
-Where will this life take me?
-Who will fall in love with me?
-Who will fall out of love with me?
-Who will break my heart?
-Who's heart will I break?
-Does the past really matter?
-Am I really who I say I am?
-Could I be a better person...?


Some of the preceeding thoughts you may have had at one point, have on a daily basis, or will have in the future. What are your answers? What are mine?

..> ..>

So--expect a couple of blogs this week, as it was a year ago at this time that my life changed forever. One year ago today, I sit in the same spot that I last sat with Lee.  The same holiday music.  The same house.  The same couch where I sat him down to break up with him.  Why am I blogging about it? Because as much as I wanna be sad that this person is not even a molecule in my life anymore, I rejoice in the fact that it made me a stronger person.  A person with more moral values and more realization of my self-worth.  An individual that recognized he's capable of making it through difficult times alone. A man that, knowingly, breaks his own heart and forces himself to rely on noone else. Most of all, I pride myself in being who I am today because I did what I never wanted to do, a year ago today.  The worst of times only forces us to step up to the plate and take control of our life.  Lee was not the worst time in my life by no means, only a morsel to what would happen exactly 7 days later with the death of my Father.  This is not a blog where I'm asking for your sympathy, or anything else.  If you knew me then, and you know me now, perhaps you'll agree when I say I like me better today. I look forward to next year when I sit here, a year from now, with the person who loves me and respects me.  The person who is comfortable with everything they are and doesn't hide from society.  Last Christmas sucked.  This Christmas is better. Next Christmas will be refreshing.

Three hundred sixty five days.  Who decided that counts as a whole year? Who was in charge of creating what we let determine our age and timeline by which we remember our life? Is it the perfect number of days to complete before turning a new leaf? Is there a hidden science besides the changing of the seasons?

 

Every year we always say this will be the best yet, or nothing will compare to this year.  Both statements are true.  But, how can we take away from the memories that 2007 held? The moments that made us cry, laugh, hurt, depressed, excited, or enamored with joy.  Each of those moments that held such emotion is the structural walls to the best year yet.  The basis to the year that none will compare. 

 

The memories yet to be created for 2008 will not be able to compare to that of the year that just passed.  It's the experiences, the drama, the love, the hate, the animosity, and the judgments of the past that the future will be built on.  In a way, adding a new level to the walls and foundation of our life.

 

So go ahead and take everything with you into next year.  Do not leave it behind.  Keep it with you.  Hold on to what is making you the person you are today.  Even if it's a grudge you're holding, bring it into the new year and maybe one day you'll let it go and say it's all water under the bridge. You can start changing today, yesterday, three months from now—it's your decision.

 

Just because the calendar says January 1, 2008 doesn't mean you have to suddenly become a new person, or make those empty promises to yourself.  All it is, is a date. One day out of three hundred sixty five.  Twenty four hours to create a memory or uproot an emotion.  Have fun.  Live your life by your own timeline and not one created by some person who somehow was given the task of creating the calendar year.

 

Love,

Adam

to all my friends who i love and who know the meaning of friendship, thank you.

to a friend who disappeared into the dark. a friend who taught me that even years of friendship can end.  over what? the silent treatment? not realizing what they do? too much of a baby to pick up the phone.  you have no idea how much i loved you and appreciated you.  how much i adored you.  i tried to be a bigger person and forgive and forget.  i'm over you, like i'm over him.  people told me to not trust.  thanks miss i-think-i'm-more-important-than-i-really-am.  take a note or two from some of my best friends.  you'll notice them.  they're who i'm always pictured with.  who i'm gonna live with.  who i'll always be connected with.  thanks for being such a great friend, when you were, but more importantly thanks for proving to me who you really are.

sorry to be such a bitch, i guess i learned that from you...

seattle:

went to purr and neighbours with phil and a group of kids we met up with.  i climbed over a jeep, yes, climbed over it.  at neighbours, i was kicked out because i attacked some innocent old man.  in a fit of inebriation i told him to get botox and come back because he was too old to be there.  sorry, old man.  went to bumbershoot music festival after sleeping the first half of the day away.  listened to: some local hip-hop group; andrew bird; anberlin; and fergie (who sucked).  phil and i left early.  oh yeah, for those who don't know, phil is my best friend who went to belmont with me.  he is a great talent.  we wrote a kick ass song and became inspired to do music again.  to stop sittin' on our asses and put our talent that God gave us, back into use.  not being cocky, but we are both far too talented to just sit and become comfortable in a life we've grown content with.  i hate those words: comfortable and content.  anyhow, seattle is a beautiful place. i hated to leave.


vancouver:

i wish i could tell you everything that happened in vancouver.  part because it's too graphic, adult, or the fact that it's blurred from the canadian whisky known as crown royal.  ashley, phil's friend from school, is hot and she went with us.  i love her already.  we didn't have a digital camera so all we used were three disposables and my mac photo booth.  we went out bar hopping.  i tipped a band twenty bucks just to sing with them, at the roxy.  sweet home alabama is a popular song in canada, too!  went to a not-so-straight bar with a chick that phil still thinks was a dude.  she was tall and had big hands and talked like nadia from american pie.  that night i learned what double rigging meant.  i took ashley's gayginity.  kissed ashley.  there's video to prove.  oh, and p-nasty, ash, and i learned a lot about eachother...a lot.  got drunk the next morning...actually, wasted.  spilled a pepsi on the table at denny's and pissed off our asian waiter.  yes, even canada has asians...EVERYWHERE.  met a guy on the street and within 4 minutes had his number even though he had a boyfriend.  i love canada.



new york city:

left seattle for new york on a red-eye with jetblue.  i love that airline now.  it's amazing.  april landed shortly thereafter.  the taxi's were on strike, so we hired a car to take us into the city.  april wasn't feeling well.  we checked into the hotel and i went over to rehearsals for fashion rocks.  carrie underwood, usher, mary j. blige, j.lo, marc anthony, maroon 5, jennifer hudson, alicia keys, jeremy piven, jessica alba, fiddy, aerosmith, ludacris, fergie, martina mcbride, and avril lavigne were all there.  surreal to be around all of them.  it was great and usher is really really nice.  i did some shoppin, okay, a lot of shoppin' at h&m.  went into brooklyn and visited friends, we hung out in the east village, and greenwich village one day. 

then, randomly while i was out i ran into the Roberto Cavalli red carpet for the opening of his store on 5th avenue.  I SNUCK INTO THE PARTY.  how? i weaseled my way past the barrier and hid within Mena Suvari's entourage and walked right in.  How f'n cool is that?!?  Inside I saw: Nicky Hilton; J.Lo, Steven Tyler; Ashlee Simpson; Cavalli himself; Ivana Trump; Michelle Trachtenburg; Joshua Jackson; and lots of hot models.  Upon leaving, I saw Jessica arriving.  She got out, stood on the carpet and got back in her truck. Oh but wait, I wanted to make sure I was kinda photographed so I walked behind her towards her suburban.  Maybe I'll make it into US Weekly. 

Here's the best thing though! April and I tried for three days to win front row tickets through a lottery system to watch Hairspray on Broadway.  Lance Bass and Ashley Parker Angel are starring in the musical.  Well, on Saturday we won!! We purchased the tickets and headed back to the hotel.  Got all glammed up and then arrived back at the theater for the show.  Walking to starbucks, cause the line was so long at the theater, who did we see??? LANCE! I met him and had my picture taken with him.  I swear he flirted.  After the show, I stood by the stage door to have he and Ashley sign my playbill.  They both did, but Lance struck up conversation.   Here's how it went.

Lance: Did you enjoy the show? (smile, long gaze)
Me: Loved it. Did you? (smile)
Lance: (giggles) Of course, I did. (wink, and smile)
Me: Well, good.

hahaha.  i'm a dork.  anyhow, it was an amazing trip.  became inspired again, determined, and ready to take on the row again.  i thank God for blessing me and making me feel like the luckiest guy on the planet.  the pic of lance and i will be posted shortly!!!

So yesterday I was having a day. A day where I put myself in a place I have not been in a long time. In my defense, I wasn't feeling well so I was in bed practically from the moment I got home from work. So I'm gonna say it was the medication, lack of selection on TV, and countless hours on myspace fooling around that led me to being so bored I...

I was begining to miss a certain someone. Take a wild guess. Yeah, I know right...barf. I have a friend Kelli who is my darling angel. I love her so much. She's like me but with boobies. Anyhow, I'm gettin' off track. I was asking her yesterday if it was okay to miss that person. Immediately, I was told "yes it's bad, don't think about him, but i'll let ya in on a little secret--it's quite normal."

Then I began to think, it is normal. When something or someone used to take up so much of your time it's normal to think of it/them in some capacity at random moments. As I'm sure this other person has, hell, I mean I'm not easy to ignore. Or escape my voice.

My friend James then wanted to go grab dinner and a drink. So, we did. After a horrible experience with our waiter who was a stoner at O'Charley's, we hopped in the truck and he blared a song that changed my whole demeanor. A song that I jammed to when first introduced to it by Brookie. "Over You" by Daughtry.

"...Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one....I shoulda saw it comin' a long, long, time ago, ya see I'm better off without you more than you know..."

Music is the greatest picker-upper or debbie downer. For this moment, I was put back in my place and realized why, as Kelli told me, I should not think of him. For a few hours my mood was interrupted, but in 30 seconds I was put in my place by someone who once felt the way that I do.

Let me tell you a story.  Grab a cup of tea, a pillow, a soft blanket, and curl up in the corner of your couch.  Knees up, cup resting on them.  There you go.  Now listen.

Sunday night particularly used to be reserved for staying in and taking care of laundry or any other household responsibilities one put off all week and weekend.  Now, thanks to a little thing called fifteen dollar pitchers of LIT's, you do all of your housewife/husband work on Monday's.  Play has a real winner of a night on Sunday's now.  Amateur drag shows, karaoke, and top40/old school music on the dance floor. 

Why is it so fun? Oh wait, you'll have to be let it on my group of debauchery divas that attend and get accosted by random patrons and employees upon every visit.  Let's have an introduction, shall we? In alphabetical order so that no one has their feelings hurt.


Adam, AKA, let me knock over a table full of drinks every Sunday night and perform a really bad version of a classic karaoke song.


Brooke, AKA, I like to make out with all the gay men, because it's required if you're gonna sit at our table. 


Derek, AKA, If there's a picture taken, I'm probably in it and maybe makin' out with Evan.


Eric, AKA, Even if the reason they're shining the spotlight on me is because im being beligerent, at least I'm in the spotlight! Right Girrrrl? CoCo CoCo.



Evan, AKA, I queen out only for Mariah, my camera dangles from my wrist, and if you're hearing people holler WHORE and pointing--I'm at the other end of the finger.


Julie, AKA, I broke my finger and lost a finger nail cause the sidewalk was talkin' shit and Russell's twig-like-arms couldn't handle this hot ass asian.


Katie, AKA, I just recently completed my first Sin Sunday and put a dollar between my ass cheeks for some ugly "IT" man to get out with his dollar general grill. 


Lauren, AKA, I really am THE alcoholic of the group.  Let's play quarter bounce off the drag queens. But where'd my gay boyfriend go? BOKAY!?


Lee, AKA, I'm the mature one of the group. If I even go.  I tend to just like the pre-party socializing.  Unlike the rest of these bitches, I have morals.


Russell, AKA, I have scabs and I have trouble keeping my shirt on, AND, I'm pretty.  I lose fights to sidewalks while carrying asians.


Sarah, AKA, Against doctors orders I fall down, I'm the gimp of the group and I like to sneak off behind Tribe for rendevous with Brooke.  My boobs are fabulous.

This is the clique.  Eleven different personalities and sexualities.  A-Sexual to Tri-Sexual.  No matter what the week dealt us in life, we always converge into one group and become a serious weapon of mass destruction on Sunday nights.  HOWEVER! Let me introduce to you the main reason we all attend Sin-Sunday's.  In fact, if you didn't fix yourself tea at the begining of this blog, then you might have fixed a cup of her.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the most amazing thing to happen to drag since Seely posteurpedic....COCO!!!!!




MORE AMAZING PICTURES TO COME OF COCO!

Eric seems to think CoCo was a homeless man walking down the street and saw a sign that said Amateur Drag show tonight.  So he/she went to the Goodwill bought some high end fashion couture threw on some glitter, licked her lips and said, "Gimme a dollar!"

COME OUT NEXT SUNDAY...LOOK FOR US...THE ORIGINAL CLUB KIDS OF SUNDAY NIGHTS @ PLAY!!!!