It's the makeshift,
The patriot,
the flag shop is out of stock,
I hang myself for your live telecast.

Coming live from my own funeral
Beautiful weather offered a nice shine,
Which is suitable for a full view of a forever altered skyline.
It's times like these I freestyle biased opinions every other sentence.
My journalist ethic slips when I pass them off as objectives.
Don't give me that ethical shit.
I've got exclusive, explicit images to present to impressionable american kids,
and it's time to show this world how big our edifice is.
That's exactly how they attacked,
when a typically dark-skinned disney villain.
Use civillians against civillians and charge the trojan horse into our buildings.
Using commercial aviation as instruments of destruction.
Pregnant women couldn't protect their children;
wheelchairs were stairway obstructions.
I had to back-pedal from the shower of glass and metal,
wondering if after it settles,
we'll find who provided power to radical rebels.
The melting pot seems to be calling the kettle black when it boils over,
but only on our own soil,
so the little boy holds a toy soldier,
and waits for the suit and tie to come home.
We won't wait till he's older, though,
before we destroy hopes for a colder war to end.
I'll get a close-up of his head.

Makeshift patriot,
the flag shop is out of stock,
I hang myself at half mast.
(3x)

It's the makeshift,
The patriot,
the flag shop is out of stock,
I hang myself while the stock markets crash.

The city is covered in inches of muck.
I see some more pictures of victims are up
Grieving mothers are thinking their children are stuck,
leaping lovers are making descisions to jump while holding hands,
to escape the brutal heat;
sometimes in groups of three.
The fallout was far beyond the toxic clouds where people look like debris   
but all they say when all was said,
beyond the talking heads,
was the bloody dust with legs,
looking like the walking dead calling for meds.
All the hospitals overwhelmed,
volunteers need to go the hell home.
Moments of silence for firefighters were interrupted by cell phones.
Who's going to make that call, to increase an unknown death toll?
Its the one we rally behind.
He's got a megaphone, promising to make heads roll.
We'd cheer him on, but asbestos is affecting our breath control.
The less we know, the more they fabricate,
the easier it is to sell souls.

(Man talking)
There is a new price on freedom, so buy into it while supplies last.
Changes need to be made;
no more curbside baggage,
seven pm curfew,
racial profiling will continue with less bitching.
We've unified over who to kill, so until I find more relevant scripture to quote,
remember, our kind is bigger, stronger, smarter, and much wealthier.
So wave those flags with pride, especially the white part.

We're selling addictive, twenty-four hour candlelight vigils on TV.
Freedom will be defended at the cost of civil liberties.
The viewers are glued to television screens, stuck,
'cause lots of things seem too sick.
I use opportunities to pluck heartstrings for theme music.
I'll show you which culture to pump your fist at,
which foot is right to kiss.
We don't really know who the culprit is yet,
but he looks like this.
We know who the heroes are,
they're not the xenophobes who act hard.
We taught that dog to squat,
how dare he do that shit in our own back yard.
They happen to scar our financial state,
and char our landscape.
Can you count how many times so far I ran back the same damn tape?
While the cameraman creates news and shoves it down our throats, 
on the west bank, with the ten second clip put on constant loop to provoke US angst.
So get your tanks and load your guns and hold your sons in a family huddle,
'cause even if we win this tug of war and even the score,
humanity struggles.
There's a need of blood for what's been uncovered under the rubble;
some of them dug for answers in the mess,
but the rest were looking for trouble.

Makeshift patriot,
the flag shop is out of stock,
I hang myself at half mast.
(3x)

It's the makeshift,
The patriot,
the flag shop is out of stock,
I hang myself. 
Don't waive your rights with your flags.

this is the list of Movies that we need to watch on future movie days feel free to add movies as you see fit ;)

The Count of Monte Cristo

Just like Heaven

Sleepless in Seatle

You've Got Mail

Notting Hill

TombStone

Fight Club(for Chris Brian!)

Ressurections

By Justin Wiley

Chapter One april, 2006

Its one Oclock in the morning on a school night, and there I lay, in my bed listening to the radio and thinking; thinking about what the song prompted me to consider: what might have been. What might have been if a friend hadnt given me a chance and then helped me see a side of life I was ignorant of? What might have been if another friend hadnt said hi to me randomly on the bus, and showed me that there are nice people out there in the world? What might have been if a teacher hadnt seen potential in that ignorant cocky sophomore and challenged me to do something with it?  What might have been if I hadnt found some rare inspiration in cold world that ignorantly believes that ignorance is bliss? What might I have been if things had gone differently for me?

My life began freshmen year. Before then I thought I was everything, but in reality I was nothing. I was your average generic high school student without a care and ultimately, without a clue. I was a jock, without direction, who only knew right from left when I put up my hands and looked for the L. Id never finished a single book outside of class and I had no idea where china was except that it was on the other side of the world. Home was here, school was there, and for all I cared the world was perfect and everyone was happy. All I knew was that Basketball was my life, and I was good at it; there was only one problem: I had no purpose. The purpose of life is a life of purpose and since I had no purpose, my life, figuratively speaking of course, had not yet begun.

            Before freshmen year, I was a prisoner in the cave. All I saw were shadows on the wall, cast by the raging fire behind me. They were all Id ever known, they were my reality, and for the timeignorance was bliss. But that wasnt to last very long. I was to be liberated.

 Freshmen year changed everything for me. People tried to help me. They tried to lead me out of the cave and into the real world, if only Id listen. They spurred a change that Im still undergoing today. Recognition leads to guilt which leads to change. The first step to changing is recognizing that somethings wrong and feeling guilty for it. Then that guilt if it is genuine leads you to change, and fix the problem. My freshmen year, Mrs. Delay made me recognize huge problems in the world and in myself; and whats more she made me feel guilty for it! And I thank her for doing that. I dont know how many times she said, what you permit, you promote. I believe that this will be the thing I remember most from high school because it made feel guilty and prompted me to change the problems I see, in the world and in myself. If she hadnt made me feel guilty, Id have never changed; for how can I fix a problem I havent first recognized?  Freshmen year made me recognize tons of problems. I remember reading Night by Elie Wiesel in English and it made me cry. It hurt. I was the prisoner being led out of the cave, and seeing the real light for the first time, I cried out in pain. I couldnt believe it was real; I couldnt believe it was true. And whats more I didnt know how to empathize with people who had to suffer such horrible things because to me they were unimaginable; I couldnt believe people could be so cruel But then I remember Mrs. Delay pointing out that when the Jews were being transported from one camp to another, the author says that the Nazi soldiers were flirting with girls while walking through a street. These evil, vile, disgusting people who were doing such cruel, horrible things were acting like they were normal kids like you and me! But how, I thought! How! These were evil satanic people werent they? Well, no they werent they were just like you and me. The world can get that bad. People can become that evil. At that moment I understood what Todd, an old janitor here at ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Gresham high school said once. He said that heaven and Hell are right here on earth; its up to us whether this world is heaven or hell. He said that if everyone in the world were like Gandhi for example, wed have heaven on earth. There are lots of people out there who are like Gandhi, who do have good morals and values, so then why does it seem that the world is molded by evil people into the hell that encompassed Auschwitz? Because good people have stood idly by and allowed it. Someone once said that the greatest evil out there is the indifference of good men. We all have an immense power that few ever realize. We all have the power to change the world around us, to mold it as we please, and with that power comes great responsibility. If you have the power to fix the world, then you have the responsibility to fix the world. This was my problem. This was my responsibility to help fix not just my personal problems, but all the problems out there in the world. Why? Because I can.

Once I started to feel the guilt and decided to change, I slowly eased myself into this new world that had been opened to me. And sophomore year brought more guilt and more changes. Until this point Id never been allowed to do any after school activities; my parents wouldnt allow it. But I took the street law class and Miles Ward came in to speak to the class about his experience as a lawyer, and he mentioned the mock trial team. It sounded interesting, so I begged my mother to let me join the team and she let me I am Jacks utter disbelief shed never let me do any after school activity before, but apparently she felt that this was more of a school oriented thing then basketball. Anyways, the point is it ended up being a blessing in disguise. I found a home, on the Mock Trial team, as well as an inspiration. And I found friends that would help lead me, as I blinkingly walked on into the unbearable light that was the real world. Now, Id always been good at basketball, not because Im anything of a natural athlete( Im white remember, that means I cant jump, plus Im short), the reason I was good at basketball was because I enjoyed it and it was important to me. And it goes the same way that the reason I was never good at school related things was because I didnt enjoy it, and it wasnt important to me. I decided that if I was going to do mock trial, I wasnt going to do it half hearted. If I was going to do it, I was going to do it well. And so for the first time, I actually started to try to learn, and as I tried to learn, I started to get better, and then I actually started to enjoy itI am Jacks continued astonishment I also met people in mock trial that would become my best friends and an inspiration that would change my life forever. Namely, I met Tatiana. Tatiana was a straight A student (or close enough anyway; Heck for me, a C is an A). She hated basketball, loved tennis, was obsessed with Johnny Depp and seemed to read more per hour then Id read in my entire life! All in all, she seemed to be as different from me as possible. Nonethelessthere was something special about her. She was very pretty, and she had a beautiful smile, especially when she was on the stand laughing at me while I desperately tried to get through my cross examination of her, but that wasnt it. It was something else. It was something about the way she acted; she acted like she was better then me. I could tell by the way acted that she thought I was an arrogant jock, who knew nothing besides basketball, and truth be told she was right! Now usually there would have been no problem with this, She thought I was an idiot, I thought she was a geek, and obviously I was right because I can make more free throws then she can; but there was something different. For some reason I felt the need to prove to her that I wasnt an idiot (even though I was). So I spent hours and hours working on Mock Trial, and wait for the shocker. She even got me to read a book; Harry Potter, All six of them. Thats more then 3,000 pages! I am Jack; dead after suffering a heart attack the scariest part about it though was that I really liked it. I really enjoyed reading for hours and hours and then some; reading till one or two in the morning because I couldnt close the book. Once again, I was that prisoner; being led into a new world of light that I had no idea was out there. The truth is people had tried to convince me to read Harry Potter many times in the past, in fact I made fun of Tatiana for reading them; I had never given it a chance, never felt the need to, but I was wrong. I was wrong when I thought that reading was stupid. I was wrong when I thought that Harry Potter was stupid, and I was wrong, when I thought that Tatiana was a geek. She was right though; I was stupid (but I can still make more free throws then her), and its because of her that Ive changed. Remember, the first step to changing is recognizing the problem; Id have never been able to change if it werent for her making me realize the problem. I was Jacks resurrection Thank you.

Once Mock Trial ended, I had a sudden realization; I had no life. Playing basketball was a year round thing for me. I always had a life; my life was on the court. But for the past six months, my life had gone through much of the same transition that Rasheed Wallaces life was going through: from the basketball court to the court room. But now that Mock Trial was over, and Tatiana had slowly eased me away from basketball (something I would have thought impossible), I found myself with nothing to do. I had fourth period off, so I decided to go into see how Mrs. Truong was doing. She was the Mock Trial assistant coach, and one of the best teachers in the school. I stopped in to say hi but when I got into her room, there was Tatiana with Mrs. Truong. They were talking about Mock Trial, so I just jumped right in. this became a regular thing from here ... Every eighth period, I would meet Tatiana in Mrs. Truongs room, and Tatiana, Mrs. Truong and I would just talk; Wed talk about everything from mock trial, to grades to the infamous Mr. Sage and the evils of coca-cola. We also helped Mrs. Truong allot, with whatever she happened to need help with each day. It was really nice because for once I felt like I actually had a relationship with a teacher. Id never had that before. I actually felt like I could talk to her about my life and my problems. I felt comfortable talking with her about anything and I respected what she had to say, because I felt like she was saying it because she actually cared and not because it was her job to talk to me. I found that if you just treat teachers with respect, theyll do the same for you. And, whereas every teacher used to almost hate me, I now have a great relationship with practically every teacher. I just needed that one teacher to give me a chance, and thats all it took to make me realize that I needed to change the way I viewed teachers. Thank you.

Mrs. Truong also gave me something else. She gave me two things that I still have today. At the end of the year she gave Tatiana and I each a little journal and a little book of quotes that she gave out to all her seniors that year. I wrote in the journal allot that summer; I wrote almost every night, about everything. I was going through a major change in my life, and I wanted to remember every step of the way. And as for the quote book, it was a major piece of my senior memory box this year. I find inspiration in every single quote but especially one called how will you live your dash that urges us to just slow down enough, to see whats true and real, and always try to understand the way that others feel, and be less quick to anger, and more often wear a smile, keeping in mind that precious dash might last but a little while. I think about that all the time. That year changed my life I went and saw a movie that summer; Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban. I am Jacks incredulity

My junior year came fast; and once again I was lost. Tatiana was busy with tennis, newspaper, yearbook, and of course her full IB schedule and Mock trial didnt start up till November. I would stop by every once in a while to see how Mrs. Truong was doing but she seemed really busy with grades, and planning her wedding, and plus, it just wasnt the same without Tatiana. I had nothing to do, and nowhere to go; in school and in life. I needed an inspiration.

It came late one night, while I was on the MAX coming home from a Blazer game I went to alone. I was just sitting there staring into space when a beaming girl walked up to me and said hi. Startled I said hi back, and then something happened; we started talking. We started talking like wed known each other forever. Id never met her before, heck Id never even seen her before, but she thought she knew me. She said she went to Gresham High school and she thought I was in a class with her. Sure enough, there she was in my Photography class first period the next morning. I walked up to her to say hi, and to my surprise she jumped up and gave me a huge hug! Her name was Chrissy, and she became my best friend.

From that point on we did everything, and we did it all together. We sometimes went to class. Like in photo we climbed around the walls of the corridor leading to the new gym and took pictures of each other in weird places doing weird things. She got a picture of me posing as I talked on my cell phone while I stood on the window ledge 30 feet off the ground! I snapped a picture of her, standing on top of the exit sign on the gym door. We lived at Borders. We would go there after school and wed just hang out till they kicked us out; usually for playing Frisbee in the store, throwing candy corn into each others mouths from 20 feet awayin the store, wrestling in the store, things like that. Most of all though, we talked to everyone. Before I go on, I should explain something; Chrissy was by no means normal, but what is normal besides the state of the majority? Chrissy might not have been normal, but thats just because perfect wasnt normal. Chrissy was the nicest, most caring person Ive ever met. You would never have seen her making fun of anyone or picking on anyone; to the contrary she always said hi to everyone. She was friends with everyone. This friendly attitude towards everyone was just natural for chrissy. Her attitude was that it cant hurt to say hi, and be friendly so why not do it? Chrissy amazed me by how perfect she was! She was the ideal person, and the ideal friend; and even though were not friends anymore, even though us breaking up was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I still love her to death and owe her so much credit for who I am today. She showed me that there are nice people out there and that its worth striving to be one of them. Thank you Chrissy.

Midway through Junior year I made a decision that would open my eyes to a whole new world of thought and opportunities when I joined the speech and debate team at Gresham high school. I was in Mr. Daleys public speaking class where he realized that I was a good speaker, so he asked me to join the speech and debate team, as he was the coach. I had always been pretty good at speaking in public since Id been giving talks in front of my entire congregation at church (usually80-150 people) since I was 12 years old. I agreed to join the team because there was a particular event that appealed to me and my new found ambition to get my opinions out there and fight for what I believe to be right. Its called Oratory and its a ten minute persuasive speech on a topic of my choice. I chose to give a speech on school shootings. The thesis of my speech was that we push these kids to the point where they shoot up the school by bullying them around, making fun of them, and leaving them out. My solution then was to stop doing those things, and start treating each other with respect and love as individuals I challenged my audience to give me a good reason to bully someone around, to make fun of someone, or leave someone out. I had a lot of success with this speech; not at the awards ceremony where I took 2^nd place three times, but I really felt that I reached a lot of people with a sense of compassion that I feel is lacking in the world today.

When I joined the speech and debate team it was a small team; we had about ten members. Those ten members became my best friends especially after chrissy and I broke up. Not only were they there for me when I needed them, they also pushed me to be a better person and to take full advantages of the opportunities set before me. they encouraged me to bring my grades up, to get my work done and most of all to be myself regardless of what anyone else thinks of me. Thank you guys.

Senior year my friends would make an even more significant impact on my life. I had been raised to not take sides in politics, which was one of the main reasons that I was blinded to the problems of the real world. But having joined the speech and debate team, and arguing politics for hours on end with Ally Crainic I realized that I was a very liberal person. At first I didnt want to read too much into this because I still didnt want to get too involved in politics. Soon though I had learned to accept and embrace my opinions on the political scale. In fact I kind of became obsessed with politics. I indulged myself in political philosophy and made it my goal to understand the world of contemporary political philosophy so that I can make my own mark in history as to what I believe to be justice. Ive read John Rawls and Ronald Dworkin on Liberal Equality, Ive read Richard Hare on Utilitarianism, Ive read Robert Nozick On libertarianism, and Ive read Karl Marx on Marxism. By familiarizing myself with all the thoughts of the great minds that have preceded myself, I hope to form a basis upon which I can refine their ultimately inadequate theories of justice. I know that I will not be able to develop a perfect conception of justice but my aim is to achieve what Ronald Dworkin calls a second best theory. We cant achieve perfection but we can still try to the best of our ability, and that is my goal; a second best theory.

And so laying in my bed I pick up my book, Contemporary Political Philosophy, flip to the page Communitarianism and begin to read againmy journey is not over yet, its only beginning.

Chapter two April, 2008

coming soon... :)

The Chain of love

by clay walker

He was driving home one evening,
In his beat up Pontiac
When an old lady flagged him down,
Her Mercedes had a flat
He could see that she was frightened,
Standing out there in the snow
'Til he said I'm here to help you ma'am,
By the way my name is Joe

She said I'm from St. Louis,
And I'm only passing through
I must have seen a hundred cars go by,
This is awful nice of you
When he changed the tire,
And closed her trunk
And was about to drive away,
She said how much do I owe you
Here's what he had to say

You don't owe me a thing, I've been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I'm helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here's what you do
Don't let the chain of love end with you

Well a few miles down the road,
The lady saw a small cafe
She went in to grab a bite to eat,
And then be on her way
But she couldn't help but notice,
How the waitress smiled so sweet
And how she must've been eight months along,
And dead on her feet

And though she didn't know her story,
And she probably never will
When the waitress went to get her change,
From a hundred dollar bill
The lady slipped right out the door,
And on a napkin left a note
There were tears in the waitress's eyes,
When she read what she wrote

You don't owe me a thing,
I've been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I'm helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here's what you do
Don't let the chain of love end with you

That night when she got home from work,
The waitress climbed into bed
She was thinkin' about the money,
And what the lady's note had said
As her husband lay there sleeping,
She whispered soft and low
Everything's gonna be alright, I love you, Joe

Tim McGraw,

I've got friends that do

This is for the nobody
The one in the crowd who's got a
Lost look on his face
This is for the down-trodden
The one that the worlds forgotten
Waitin' on a better day
Well I'm in no position to judge 'em
Heaven knows they're just like me
And I'm not alone
In knowing what it's like
To wonder where you're going in this crazy life
And I'm not alone, knowing how it feels
To pray to God and sometimes wonder if he's real
'Cause I got friends that do
Yeah I got friends that do

This is for the lost junkie
Who spends all his hard earned money on something he hates
And this is for the found guilty
Who ain't getting out until he pays his debt to the state
I'm in no position to judge 'em
Heaven knows it could have been me
And I may not know what it's like
To lose your job 'cause a habits got you gripped too tight
And I may not know how it feels
To lay your head down on a prison bed in a world of steel
But I got friends that do
Yeah, I got friends that do

This is for yours truly
Just a little verse to remind me
We all got somewhere to turn
And I may not know what its like
To send my only son to save the world and watch him die
And I may not know how it feels
To hang there on the cross to prove that love is real
But I got friends that do
Yeah I got friends that do
Yeah I got friends that do
You know we all got friends that do

We all want to be loved- we all need to be loved. We all want to know that someone, that special someone, Loves us. without that feeling we are nothing. now some people may think that they are an exception to this rule; some people may think that they're "pimps" and just want to get laid, and hey, maybe in the short term they might have alot of fun, but in the end they're gonna realize that they're not happy with that. in the end their gonna realize that meaningless sex is pointless and won't make them happy. these pimps, who shall remain nameless( P3../1|..| ) will realize that they do want to be happy- that they do want to be in love. And while I could hate them, and mind you I do to a certain extent, more than anything else, I feel sorry for them. they have no idea how many people they're hurting and how badly those people hurt, and in the end they're gonna get hurt just as bad or worse.

this is why the demographic most likely to commit suicide in the United States isn't the poor, or even the middle class, but rather the upper class. people who focus on school and their careers; people who try to make themselves happy by earning lots of money and having the house, the car, the boat, they realize down the line, sometimes too late, that these material things aren't going to make them happy. The cars, the houses, the boats, the sex, none of that is going to make them happy if they don't have love. so, here's my advice(to myself as much as to you): focus on the PEOPLE that will make you happy, not the THINGS that won't. Focus on your family and friends- and find that special soemone that trully loves you for you, and don't give them up for anyTHING in the world. because these are the people that will make you happy. always remember that when you're in need of advice, when you're in need of a friend, or a shoulder to cry on, you're car won't be there for you. neither will your diploma or your money, but those that love you will always be there for you if you're there for them.

Mrs. Truong was right. I'm not gonna be a teacher-not just yet anyway. I'm gonna be a philanthropist. I'm gonna help people. And I'm not gonna wait for four or five years till i have a degree to help people. I'm gonna help people now. I'm gonna be the person i want to be right now. so, I've been thinking of ways that i can do this, and I've come up with an idea. I want to organize a fund raiser for charity.here is my rough draft of a blue print for this fund raiser:

I figure I will need 3 things; 1.) entertainment, 2.) food(to sell), and 3.) a location. and in these three areas the goal is to be as cost effective as possible so as to be able to raise and donate as much as possible. that means that i want to get as much of it for free as possible.

1.) entertainment. last year Mr. Daley's comedy night at gresahm high school was a big success, and i want to take a lesson from that. I think that the best way to bring people into an event like this would through comedic entertainment. this is what I've been working on for the past two weeks. I want to have high school and college ADS students come and do their pieces for the audience at the the charity event as entertainment. this would be good for them because it will allow them to practice their pieces in front of a large group of people, and who knows with a large enough audience they might get their name out there and maybe something will happen for them. and obviously this would be good for the fundraising event because it would be free entertainment. this is my plan, and I already have it underway. I have spoken to five high school ADS syudents, all from final rounds at either the sam barlow invitational or the neeahkahnee tournament, that have said that they would be interested in doing this. I have some people in mind on the college circuit that I might be able to reel in for this as well. If i could get together 8-10 high school students, and 3-5 college students that would be perfect. the way I'm picturing it would be something like last comic standing if you've seen the show. listen, anyone who has seen ADS knows that these kids are f****ing hilarious! this stuff can definitely sell.

2.) food. I've spoken to the Owners of Little caesars pizza(the one i work at anyway) and they have agreed to donate 20 pizzas to the charity event. so we've got pizza. Now, once products like candy bars and such get past a certain date grocery stores either throw them away or donate them to places like goodwill. so I called Albertsons and safeway yesterday, and went into Albertsons and spoke to the manager. both of them said that they would be willing to donate pop, candy bars and that kind of stuff to the charity event as well, pending it officially happens. so we have pop, candy and pizza. that's a good start.

3.) Location. this is where I am stuck. I don't know where to hold this and I don't know how to go about booking a place for this kind of thing. the two places i have in mind to check out are the MHCC Campus and the gresham high auditorium. I am going to talk to Mrs. Daiberl about this tomorrow and I will hopefully be somewhere on this by the end of the week.

now, I want to set a date for this at least a month, maybe even longer, in advance so that i can advertise for it. i want to put up fliers, hand out invitations, and have it on announcments places, I want to advertise as much as possible for this. I have even considered asking local businesses to make donations to the charity events and in exchange I can make flyers and ads with their name on them or something like that. Local businesses love that kind of stuff! they love to be able to show that they are supporting local events and such. last year in preparation for the Comedy Night, we called many local businesses and asked them to make small donations like that and many said sure.

Whether you think that this will work or not this will happen. I'm going to be the perosn that I know I can be; I'm going to help people, and I'm not gonna wait till I have my degree to do it! I sit here and bitch about how hard my life is right now, and how I'm unhappy but there are people who have it far worse. I complain that I can't afford to pay for college and I might have to drop out again while I live with three people who can't afford to put a roof over their head. J and i talked about this a while ago and even in a comment on one of his blogs. I am in a position to help people who have it far worse than I have it. I'm not just gonna selfishly turn my head and ignore them and get mine. I'm not going to look out for my interests while others need help. I CAN help people. so, I WILL help people. I'm gonna be the person that i want to be- the person i know I should be. Mrs. Truong was right. I'm not gonna be a teacher(at least not yet anyway) I'm gonna be a philanthropist. I'm gonna help people.

If anyone has any suggestions or wants to help out in anyways, please let me know. And when this thing does happen, I expect to see everyone there:) In the meantime( however you spell that) you should all go to my page and under the Heroes section, watch Nickel backs video for If Everyone Cared. that always inspires me when I need inspiration.

I just got back from the Tom McCall Forum at the schnitzer, it's an anual high profile political debate sponsored by pacific university. Every year they have two natioanlly prominent speakers come and debate a topic. This year the topic was U.S. Foreign policy and the two speakers were John Bolton(conservative) and Lee Hamilton(liberal). John botlon of course, along with many other credentials has been the permanent representative of the U.S. in the UN. Lee Hamilton on the other hand is on the 9/11 commission. While the debate was in my opinion not pointed enough or structured enough to really get much clash out of the two(it would have bee better to have had a resolution of somne kinds so that both were arguing on the same page. Both of their opening statements were completely on different pages, and not conflicting really) It was certainly interesting. I felt like John Bolton's arguments were embedded deeply in the ideas behind the project for the new american century, which scares me. the project for the new american century was a document signed by many members of the bush administration in 2000 that basically said the U.S. has a responsibility to use it's economic and military power and influence in the world to make sure that the U.S. retains it's status as a world power. this disturbs me because I think we should be worried about doing what's right, not simply what is in our best interests. Our best interests are not always the right thing to do in a global economy with global impacts. I liked a point that Lee hamilton brought up that we the people should not allow U.S. foreign policy to be dictated by an elitist group of policy makers. what we've seen happen today is the Bush administration does what it wants with seemingly not regard for public opinion of it's action. polls show that the people want us to get out of Iraq. The Bush Administration seems to operate under the impression that they are not accountable to anyone, not congress, and not the people. This is ridiculous. we need to hold the administration accountable for it's actions.  

My sophomore year of high school, I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to get into the law, and try to help people legally. By midway through my junior year, I decided that being a lawyer wouldn't allow me to help people the way that I wanted to. that's when I decided that i wanted to teach. I wanted to teach kids to grow up and be different than their parents- i wanted to teach them to actually care about eachother. I told this to Mrs. truong, the mock trial head coach, and she laughed and saaid that she didn't see me teaching. She said that she saw me becoming a philanthrapist. She was at least partly right. I do want to teach but more than that, I want to help people right now. So forget teaching for now. I'm gonna start focusing on trying to help people right now and less on getting my degree. I'm not gonna teach people to try to change the world when I should be out there changing the world myself. I'm not gonna teach. I'm gonna do soemthing.

why are some people generous and others aren't? Why do some people go out of their way to be nice and help others even when they don't have to?

the other day I was walking home from the high school with Ed after we had just gone to a speech and debtae practice at the high school. Ed had an eighth of some very yummy Mushrooms that he was thinking of selling because he is homeless right now and doesn't have any money for food and whatnot. He needed to sell it for at least $20 if not $25 but nobody wanted to buy them. as we were walking home I mentioned that I might buy them from him cause he needs the money pretty bad. but I told him I'd give him at least $25 if not $30 for it cause he needed the money. He responded by telling me no. He wouldn't charge me more than $10 or $15 for them because I needed the money! In the end he wound up selling them to Jimmie for $20 but I thought about that alot for the next couple of days... Ed and I have both been homeless before, him more often and longer than I. We are both poor, and just barely scraping by and yet here both of us were offering to help the other out by shorthanding ourselves. Why can't everyone be like that? why are some people just down right greedy selfish, jerks? Now I believe that this is because we are all socialized differently. We are products of our environment, and thus we(Ed and I) are the way we are probably because of having been raised poor and without as much as others. But it is still perplexing and somewhat disturbing that there are so few people out there that are actually generous. This just gives me that much more conviction to be generous and help others out as much as I can because I believe that that is what the world needs most right now. we need to pull our asses out of the capitalist mindset that breeds selfish, greedy, competitive jerks and start to actually caring about eachother and help eachother out! Now any of you who know me know that I Try to help people as much as I can. I will never tell a friend that they have to sleep on the street when I have a couch that they can sleep on, and I will never tell a friend that they can't eat because they don't have money. And although this has created a hell of a messy house, and alot of traffic in and out of my house, I've found that people tend to catch on with what I'm trying to do here. And more importantly, I've found that the friends I have, whether they smoke or drink or shroom, they're good people. they're generous people. And that makes it all worth it to me.