I'm waiting.... Yeah thats what I thought.

So I got married last weekend.  It was fun.  I'd recommend it to anyone whos on the, "bubble", if you will, of whether or not to.   It went by ridiculously quick.  Except for the half hour before the wedding where I was forced to stay in a room in the back with nobody but Todd.  He was boring.  Muttering to himself about Gilmore girls or some show with spaceships, while sticking his hands down his pants.  Freak.  Anyway, if I could of fit thru the window of the back room duing that half hour before the wedding I'd probably still be running now down some random street free from this marriage burden.  But the windows wouldnt open.  They probably bar them from the outside on Saturdays so grooms cant bail.  But I'm sure its for the best in the long run or something.  Oh well, too late now.   

I posted two photos from the wedding.  One is now my photos which you have to have seen to be reading this.  And the other is in my photo collection.  Its just an adorable photo of me and her.  My face was actually sore at the end of the night from having to smile so much.  I mean really, do we need that many damn photos.  So in case you missed it, heres a sum up of the big day

-Wedding starts on time, most beautiful bride ever enters.

-My mother gets up to read her part and doent flip to the next peice of paper, and thus begins reading the same exact reading we just heard from Kims aunt.  Bill corrects the problem by removing the page, she apologizes and continues with the correct reading.  Mild laughter is heard from the audience.

-Ceremony ends, I get to escort the most beautiful bride ever out as my wife.

-A little over 4 million pictures are taken at the church and reception before the night is out.  The count was like 12 shy of a 4 million, I counted.  Not kidding!

-Todd gives his much anticipated best man speech, and to everyones dissapointment, mostly mine, it fails miserably.  It draws laughter from only 3 people, one of which might have been a cough.  And I think I heard a baby crying in the back of the room.  And he tears up a little at one point drawing insults from me and my brother Sean for the remainder of the evening.  It would be one thing if he was doing to get a chick, but its mostly cause he's a little bitch.  By the end of the night he had scored with no chick except for a dance or two from Anna.  Which I'm guessing was mostly a pity dance.  What Todd doesnt know is that he had a chance with her cause she's what we like to refer to as a "whore".  Just in case she reads this, Hi Anna, hugs and kisses! 

-We cut the cake, do the dance, throw the garter/bouquet, do the meet and greet with people, and are out the door by 10:30.   What started at 5 and went to 11.  It was six hours of fun and felt like 19 minutes.  Maybe 20 at most. 

We then went to Aruba.  It was better then the wedding, the reception, and your mom put together.  And I'd know, I've had all three.  Boo-yah.    We went snorkling, para sailing, sunset cruise-ing, swimming and lots and lots of sex.  Seriously, I'm so sore from ramming her with my...well, you get the point.  It was a honeymoon people suck it up.  I know half the people who read this grimace at the thought of me having sex while the other half of you are chicks and are getting all hot and bothered and need to calm yourself, I'm taken ladies.  Roooaaaarrr!  That was me roaring like a cat and making the hand swiping motion.  I felt the need to clarify.  Go fuck yourselves.  It was awesome and the best trip I've ever taken in my life without a doubt.  Well, maybe that time I took that trip with your mom, that was pretty good.  Boo-yah.

We're back now, feel free to call either of us so we can tell you how great the honeymoon or wedding was.  Or we can tell you about all the presents and shitload of money we now have.  I'm going to take it all to Vegas next week and play it on the roulette wheel on black.  If it hits, it doubles and I divorce Kim and run away filthy rich.  If it misses I come back to Virginia and live out the rest of my life making Kim and I miserable with talk of what could have been if I just picked red instead while blaming her for not suggesting it.

I'm not proof reading this at all.  There are misspelled words and gramatical errors.  I'm leaving these for Bill cause he loves them so.

I arent gonna not correctine nuthing yu fat bastard.  Blow me. 

p.s.  "the coolest girl ever" typed a blog which I can now read cause shes a recent myspace additon of mine in which she list like 100 facts about her self that I'm guessing people didnt know.  Alot of random shit.  But it was inspiring.  I think my next blog will be the same and as revealing as I'm comfortorable with.  Although I'm not quite messed up mentally like her so it probably wont be as good.  Or nearly as long, cause there just isnt that much to my life.

Today is March 6th.  I'll be moving into my new apartment with the soon to be wife in like 10 weeks or so.  Soon to be wife...creepy.  Soon it will be just plain "wife".  Even creepier.  I'm not really going anywhere with this, I'm just bored so I figured I'd type a blog.

My picture on my profile is a picture of me (the little child) and Bill Moore. I figured I'd clarify that so you wouldnt accidentaly confuse me with the elderly gentlemen on the right. As most of your know, Bill's the man who gave me CPR after that whole drowning thing when I was five.  He didnt jump in and pull me out heroicly or anything, but I'm not gonna knock the guy.  He just happened to be there in the swimming parks office and he knew CPR.  Which was a good thing since the lying whore of a life guard did not.  She claimed she did in order to get the job banking on the fact that she would never have to prove it.  She had pretty good odds when you think about it.  Turns out my shitty luck rubbed off on her by me slipping and actually drowning.  Oh well, dumb bitch shouldnt of lied and if I knew where she was today I'd totally call her on the phone and harrass her daily until she put a noose around her neck and jumped off something higher then her feet could reach.  No, not really, I dont actually care.  I 've never really thought about it much.  Doesnt change the fact that shes a stupid bitch though.

Theres nothing to watch on Wendsday nights.  I dont watch American Idol cause I like chicks.  And I gave up on Lost cause, well it kinda blows.  I dont want to rant on and on as to why it sucks.  Just trust me, if you dont watch it now, you have just as many answers as I have from 2 and half seasons of watching. 

Whys are kittens cute, but cats are just plain annoying as shit?  If I invented a potion you feed your kitten, and it would stay that size and mentality its entire life, do you think anyone would buy it, or am I alone on this theory?   Cats come across stuck up and snobish.  The day one of my animals acts stuck up or snobish to me, is the day I put a baseball bat thru its head.  And I dont even own a bat right now.  Which means I would have to go all the way to store, pick out and apropriate size model, wait in line, purchase said bat, drive home, corner the animal, and swing away.  Then if I hit it awkwardly, I'd have to either swing again harder, or call it a day.  Then I'd have a dying animal, and nobody loves a dying animal.  But I dont have to worry about any of that hassle with a dog, they're either happy, curious, or frightened.  Thats about it.  Dogs are the best.

So just after was done banging this hooker the other day, I came to the realization that, they dont have souls.  They were once people but ceast to be once they started selling themselves for money.  Now dont get me wrong, I loves me some hookers.  I'm not saying people without souls are "bad" people.  Just soulless.  I mean hookers will do whatever they have to in order to get you off as soon as they can.  Because much like a cab driver, the shorter the ride, the more clients they can fit into a days work.  They moan and wail and say you're the best and smile and act like having their having a good time.  But as soon as you put it on their face, they want a rag and their money.  And it's like, I paid money for this, the least you can do is not pretend you're enjoying it if you're not.  You're building up my confidance when I shouldnt have any for that performance.  Be honest with me.  We've already agreed verbal on a cash contract for the services they're providing.  Its just rude.  Then they want to leave soon like they're afraid you're gonna kill them or something.  But what they don't realize is the one time that happened, she had it coming(no pun intended) and it is SUCH a chore to get rid of the body.  You have to go out at night so theres less chance of someone seeing you.  And I work a day job you know?  I cant be staying up til the late hours of the morning doing manual  labor, digging a hole, and lugging this girl who claims to be 115lbs but is probably much more like 140.  You see what I mean?  They come across all horny calling you hot stuff and flirting and moaning and pretending like they're interested in you and you're fascinating life.  Then BAM, they wanna bail.  They want their money, they wanna bolt, and no more smiles.  Its just plain rude.  Thats basically where I'm going with this

Alright, I'm here.

Hey, if any of you want to lose weight just go and have any kind of stomach surgery, then they will have to restrict your eating and you'll lose weight in an unhealthy-healthy kind of way.  Take it from me.....I'VE LOST 25 POUNDS.  Thats not an exageration or me rounding the number.  I've lost 25 damn pounds.  Now I didnt mind losing like the 5 to 10 pounds.Cause everybody, including all you anorexic chicks, (just keeping pulling the trigger ladies, you're still fat in somebodies eyes)  aren't going to complain about losing 5 lb's.  No big deal, eat different for one day and work out real hard you can drop 5 pounds in a day.  You'll probably put it back on the next, but it still isnt that hard in the overall sense.  But I can see some of my ribs now and thats just not that attractive on a 26 year old.  Now I know what you're thinking, "so you lost a few pounds, you'll put some it back on and you'll be fine".  Thats what you're thinking, I know it. 

But A: You're a dumbass for thinkin. 

B: I'm probably not gonna put back it all on.  

and C:  It's just really hard when you have a picture perfect body like mine, and you have to watch yourself lose some of the extreme hotnesss(the extra "s" is to imply the extra amount and it was a typo) and go down to like a mild hotness level.  I'm only mild level hot right now people.  Can somebody check if pigs have taken flight or possibly its gotten a bit nippy in hell.  Somebody check on that and get back to me. thanks

I'm not trying to drop hints or anything but I'm going to be 27 in like 10 days.  Some people would say this is me reminding you, but Myspace was gonna do that anyway, so I'm probably not saying what you dont already know you forgetting bastards.  27...wow. that kinda blows.  Next thing you know I'll be getting married and having kids like an adult or something....wait, oh shit, I' already signed up for that whole marriage thing didnt I?  shit.  Well, I guess thats official. 

But it could be worse. 

I could be alone and pathetic and cry myself to sleep every night while touching myself cause no one else will, like Todd. 

I could be nearly 40 like Bill. 

I could be Kim and actually be engaged to me.  oh snap. 

I could be Sarah and be kinda pear shaped. and by kinda, I mean definately 

I could be Nick living in Nashville learning guitar lessons on the street corner from Bob Dylan, thats kinda cool actually. 

I could be Donnie.  oh snap

I could be Metchi and have like half my ass hanging out in my myspace photo.

I could be Jeremy and have my Bears get embarrassed in a game seen by 137 countries.

I could be Travis and have lame facial hair.  sorry I got nothing better, you're just so damn cool.  eats me up inside, it really does.

I could be Beth and be ahead of the "adult game" by like 10 years compared to the rest of us.

I could be Juli and just over 27 inches tall.  youre short

Or I could be somebody I didnt comment on that might read this and not even be worthy of a comment. oh double snap!

So theres alot of wedding shit going on.  I have a feeling that it will continue this way til its go-time.  That kinda blows.  I actually got mildly nervous the other day.   Its still like 4 months away and I saw something on tv that made me pause and think, "what have you done, you'll be married in no time then youre stuck, banging the same chick for the rest of your life, no more prostitutes, no more crack, I read somewhere you have to give up crack if you get married,  I dont know if marriage can make me put down the pipe though, I just love crack too much,  anyway, no more doing what you want, when you want, how you want."  It was a long, incredibly insulting thought as you can see.  Nah...I'm sure it'll all be fine...right....somebody?.......please tell me its gonna be alright..........

I'm currently listening to the new Incubus album as it was written and recorded by Incubus themselves then given a extra touch of greatness by God himself.  Seriously, he sings this little part on the 3rd track.  God really does have a breath taking voice, check it out.  Its phenominal(or however you spell that).  Its starting to puch for best Incubus album.  Which is scary cause I still have " A Morning View" in my top 3 albums of all time. 

Could Incubus have recorded 2 of the top 5 albums of all time.  Tune in next time and see. this has been another wacky adventure in "THE JAKE CHRONICLES" 

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This has been a extremehotone production inc.

registered trademark 1987 (CIRCLE R)

Thats right my friends, I'm back.  I'm obviously not dead seeings as I'm here typing to you.  Unless I'm a zombie.  But I'm pretty sure I would be decaying and would have no higher brain power and lacking certain motor-skills.  I'm not decaying, as a matter of fact my skin looks to be healing just fine.  Did I ever really have that high of brain power, not really sure on that.  But I guess that makes sense.  I like puppies......  Anyway, and my motor skills are limited, but that has more to do with the lack of mobility from being sore from surgery.  I think.  You know what, to my BEST GUESS, I'm not a zombie.  I think that whole wanting to eat brains thing is just a myth anyway. Moving right along.

The surgery was a little more draining that I had thought it was going to be, but no matter, I shall bounce back to the physical beast you all knew me to be before.  I'm not saying I was the strongest man alive or anything, but lets face it, do you remember anything I couldnt lift for someone my size.  I was never huge and was always able to lift anything.  Furniture, people, trucks, small to medium size buildings, you know, the usual.  But the surgery did hurt more then I anticipated as well.  The initial pain was intense to where I couldnt move without pain.  So I just didnt the first couple days.  Oh yeah, then theres the wonderful diet.  Liquids for the first 4 days.  It was awesome except for the whole no energy, no flavor from eating, and pissing like 97 times a day.  Which I had to get up to go do which caused pain just standing up.  Then I was allowed soft foods for a couple days which included pudding, protein shakes, and applesauce.  Now I like applesause dont get me wrong, but apparently my stomach didnt agree with the puddings or shakes.  Lets just say, it VIOLENTLY didnt agree with it.  But I moved past and am now finally on to a few more things.  I can have light white fish, over-cooked pasta, over-cooked vegatables, and milk products.  Absolutley No bread, and ruffage, and no tomato products for 6 weeks.  Its amazing how many foods have one of those ingredients.  Oh yeah, and I get full from eating 6 or 7 tablespoons of anything so its not like it matters.  If I could have anything I wanted, I'd get like 4 or 5 bites and be stuffed which would just piss me off more.  So it doesnt matter anyway. 

I go back to work this upcoming Monday and am mildly looking forward to it.  I'll have no energy but at least I wont be bored.  Theres nothing on tv during the day, and I cant even eat when I'm bored.  I'm to tired to do anything and cant do anything thats physical cause I get real sore real quick.  But work folk are anticipating this, and have lined up do-nothing jobs for the first week or two I'm back.   So thats cool.

The marriage stuff is coming along.  Thats weird, I'm gonna be married in like 5 months.  Same chick for the rest of my life.......Same one, over and over again.  Sigh.......same one.  Anyway, at least shes good to look at, or I probably wouldnt be doing it.

I'm listening to a couple albums right now with my free time trying to determine if any of them are worth suggesting.  I would definately say out of the gate the new Incubus is worth it.  They've mellowed over the years but are still putting out quality stuff. And 30 seconds to Mars, sounds really good.  Here's a list of what I've recently got:

Incubus- Light Grennades

My Chemical Romance- The Black Parade

Rise Against-The Sufferer and the Witness

The Vines-Highly Evolved

30 Seconds to Mars-A Beautiful Lie

Now the last one is Jared Leto's band I know, but I heard a few songs from it that I liked and gave it a chance.  If it werent for me loving Incubus i would say this was the best of the bunch.  Definatly solid, definately buyable.  Go do it, I'll wait......You got it?  Alright now listen, enjoy, and thank me later.

All right, in less then 12 hours I will be in the process of having surgery on my stomach.  Lets all hope everything goes well.  I shall be away from all things that are considered part of life for a couple weeks while I recover.  I will be out of it for 2-4 weeks, so I guess we'll see.  Keep your fingers crossed.  The chance of death is slim, but we all know I'm going to die in a way most other people dont, so I dont like doing anything like this.  Hope to talk to you all soon. 

P.S. watch Todd leave some smart ass coment I wont get until I'm healed.  Go to hell Todd

I meant to type this like 7 months ago but never got around to it.  Then I meant to type it over Thanksgiving break and got deathly ill for like 7 days so I was unable to.  So here we go.

#1. Her sense of humor and her ability to take mine.  For example.  We woke up at Sunday morning when she rolls over to me and explains to me, "I had trouble sleeping , I've been in and out since 4am".  To which I reply, " Do you think you had trouble sleeping because you're fat?" She replies by grunting, squinting at me in a un-approving way, and rolls over.  No later then 2 hours after this, we are getting dressed to leave when she notices out loud, " you've lost a lot of weight from being sick, you use to have a beer belly but you dont any more."  To which I reply, and glaring, "Well, at least one of still has one", while rubbing her stomach.  To which she once again glares and grunts.  Now I shower her with hugs and kisses to show my love and to make it obvious that I'm joking.  But the best part is that she knows I ALWAYS am.  And she allows this...alot!

#2.  She takes care of me when I'm sick.  Now I know most people do that for the people they love but what you dont realize is, that it doesnt go both ways.  If shes sick, I explain that I'm not going near her cause I dont want to get sick.  Now if she needs something I would gladly get it for her, but I'm not getting near her.  So she clearly is the better person in this scenario.

#3. She actually agreed to marry me.  She really did, and she was happy when I asked.  And from the previous 2, and the following 7, you'll see how big of an act this really is.

#4.  She bought me the holy grail.  No, not the cup of everlasting life, althought that would of been sweet.  No, she bought me Superman Returns.  I returned from my Thanksgiving trip 97% dead and was bed ridden for the couple following days.  During this time it was released, and she went and bought it for me the day it came out knowing how much I had been looking forward to its release.  For this alone, I would of married her.

#5.  She amazingly independent.  She takes trips with just her family or just friends giving us that much needed alone time that will disappear when we become married.  It doesnt seem like much, but once I dated a girl(talking about you Juli) who wouldnt pump her own gas for fear of doing it alone.  But she was younger then, so we'll give her a pass.  Independence is one of the best qualities a girl can have and Kims got it.

The next 3 are about football which is an important part of life.

#6.  She didnt argue at all when I explained that we would not be getting married during football season.  My reason: I dont want to miss any games.  Her response: "Sigh...fine" Atta girl!

#7. She takes part in Fantasy Football.  She has between a moderate and medium interest in football.  So she takes part in something that means alot to me.  She does her own research, drafts her own team, and she LOVES IT!  And thats hotter then...(example of something thats clever and unusually hot).  Not only that, but she doesnt give up, stays competitive, and enjoys it.

#8.  I bought her a football jersey for her birthday and it was okay.  Is that not like the coolest sentence ever.  I bought it for her, and she was super excited when she got it.  And she wears it during games, which is adorable.  There are very few girls you can buy sports apparel for and they love it.  She's a keeper!

#9.  Shes ridiculously gorgeous.  Try and deny it, you cant.  Its a fact of life.  And whats even better, she looks even better the less she wears.  I wont go into anymore description on this one cause she has friends that read this and I dont want to publicly embarass her.  Plus I have 2 brothers who also read these and will soon be calling her sister-in-law and I'll do my best to make that transition as smooth as possible.

#10.  She went to see a NIN concet with me and she LOVED it.  This is huge.  Its my favorite band and it can be hard to some girls to listen to that kind of music, especially live.  But she went, she loved it, and it was great.  This too would also be worthy of marriage by itself.

So thats it.  I know theres gonna be alot of you that are haters and think that I'm not actually worthy of Kim after reading this.  But I do alot for her too you know.  This just isnt a blog talking about how great of a person I am.  I dont think these blogs allow enough space for all that information.  Cause I could go on for days baby!

So F off all you negative people.

Lots of LOVE to Kim!!!

1. The actress Clara Blandick, (Auntie Em in the Wizard of Oz), killed herself with sleeping pills and a plastic bag over her head.

2. I've been in the three "P's".  1-Random Peoples houses doing work.  2- the set of PTI, building a new desk for them to film from. 3- Your mommas Panties.

3. It's perfectly legal to beat your wife up to once a year without the worry of being arrested, in the wonderful country of Italy.

4.  I had a tube a little bigger then pencil shoved up my nose, down my throat, and wiggled around.  It's just as comfortorable as it sounds.

5. One time while crossing a busy street on my way to work, I felt a cold breeze blow on my balls.  Only to realize I left my zipper down that morning when I got dressed.  While walking in front of cars stopped at the light, I had to reach down my pants and pull some of my junk back in because it had flopped out about half way across the intersection. And for some reason, I wasnt embarassed at all for exposing myself to like 4 random strangers.

6. I've seen the Revenge of the Sith beginning to end over 30 times.  Its not even my favorite movie of all time, but for some reason I just feel the need to watch it.

7.  My life is going to end in just over 7 months.  I mean, I'm going to be married in just over 7 months.

8. While walking around with a tube up my nose and down my throat for 24 hours, I logged 42 actual burps.   In 24 freaking hours people!

9. A healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz. in a day.  I totally copied and pasted this, but could not stop laughing while I was.

10.  Kim is better then all of you.  In my next blog, I will list the reasons why.  And will ask all of you to list the reasons why you're better then her.  It will be a grand ole time.

11. Baskin Robbins once made ketchup ice cream. This was the only vegetable flavored ice cream produced.  And I bet it was delicious.

12.  Smalleville is coming on in 3 minutes.

13.  I dont remember my thirteenth birthday.  Not one bit.  I imagine the some old relative making a remark about me finnally being a teenager.  But thats just an assumption.

14. I have two ex girlfriends I dated for a significant amount of time.  One of them I still like as a person.  The other one...not so much.

15. Napolean Dynamite.... not really that good of a movie.

Theres 15 fun facts for ya, mostly about me, but what the hell.  I'm pretty fascinating.  Also soon to come, snicker snicker, I'm going to list a ll the cds I purchased in '06, and rank them accordingly.  I think I only bought about 15 or so so it wontbe that hard.  I dont mean to ruin the surprise but we all know Flyleaf's gonna be number 1.  And some lame ass cd Todd suggested will be dead last.....he's such a fucking loser.

I have 5 extra minutes , so i thought I'd type a blog.  Now when I say it like that, it implies I only have 5 minutes cause I'm so damn busy cause I'm so important.  I'm not that busy, I actually have more then 5 minutes, but I dont feel like typing yet I feel I should.  So here we are ....................................

I really dont have much to say.

I've typed to Nicole like 3 times in the past week.  I like Nicole, shes nice.  She has short hair now.

I still have a hole in my stomach.  It hurts every day now.  Even during the day which it wasnt doing before.  My test is in like a week then i get the results back like 2 weeks after that.  I went an visited my first Primary Doctor about it in August.  Thats not an exageration.  Frickin-Freakin-Frucking August. Holy Fruck .

-August Primary Docotr suggests cancer.  That was sweet of him. Also suggests seeing a specialist

-Early September I see the Specialist, he suggests hernia and orders tests.  2 weeks later, we find out he was right.  The first doctor should be shot. He suggest chief of medicine at Georgetown

-Mid September, I see Chief of Medicine at Georgetown.  He is old, orders more tests to see if I am a candidate for the surgery to fix the hole.  My test are next week.  Then 2 weeks after that I get the results.  Then hopefully surgery or a magic wand waved over me and all will be well.

These tests they're running, sound really SWEET.  They're gonna shove a tube up my nose, down my throat, and into my stomach to see if my esphogus is closing correctly, which has nothing to do with the hole in my stomach.  Then the 2nd test they're gonna run, similiar to the first, they shove a tube up my nose, down my throat, into my stomach to find the inside of my stomach.  Then proceed to run smaller tube inside the first one all the way thru down into my stomach and leave it.  Then they will remove the first tube.  Now I know what you're thinking.  How big is the first tube that they can fit a smaller down inside it all the way down in me.   Well my friends, I'll let you know afterwards.  Then get this!  They leave the tube sticking out of my nose for 24 hours!!!  And it gets connected to a box on my belt the has buttons on it where I get to register whenever I feel indegestion, or swallow, or cough, or eat, or drink, or lie down, or stand up, or a bunch of other things.  So they can accurately read whats going on down there when all this stuff happens.  Then after 24 hours, I go back to the hopital and they remove it.  Sounds great!

Doctors blow.

Hospitals blow.

Your mom blows.

Other then that shit, lifes alright  Me an Kim are still getting married, thats a plus.  We now have a church, a photographer,a rehersal dinner location, and a reception hall.  We're starting the cake testing process, and looking for DJ's.  So all is well there. 

I've made alot of money gambling of Football this season and its only week 7 next week.  For those of you who dont follow football, theres 17 weeks in a season and 3 weeks of playoffs, plus 1 Superbowl.  Though I dont bet on the Superbowl cause its too hard.  But I'm in a league with friends where we each guess who we think is going to win each game each week and I'm picking 86%.  For those of you that are retards, thats really good.  If you're correct 86% of the time when it comes to gambling, you are making money.  I'm not addicted, but I do love it so.  Plus I dont follow any other sport as close as football so I dont have the ability to gamble on other sports.

This was way more then 5 minutes, so feel lucky.  I'll type again in like a month.  That sounds alot better then me lying saying I'll type again soon

quick note: I just bought the New Cd you see featured below, I cant tell yet, but it  sound between good and great.

Quick Blog

Went home to Decatur and I spotted:

1. Don and Sarah with cool house and lots of toys.

2. Beth and Ben and little person named Ethan.  He's just like us only shorter and doesnt speak coherently alot of time.  Although seems to love Jim Gaffigan.  Good kid

3. Juli.  She's bustier then she was when I dated her.  No offense, your breasts where nice when we dated, they've gotten bigger thats all.  Way to go.

4. Travis.  He has what I would call "spikey" hair.  And yes thats how I would spell it too.  He makes these cool videos then lets everyone see them by putting them on myspace.  He's really good, someone should pay him to do stuff like that for a living.  Now that I'm done verbally blowing, I'll move on.

5. Erin and April and all their children and their 6 friends children and there were like 92 of them.  It was hard to walk without stepping on either a child, a dog, or an animal.  Cause dogs arent animals, cause I'm retarded...I'm sorry. 

6.  The town of Decatur is gray and dying.  Every thing was gray, houses, roads, building, people, the air.  I even saw a gray cat, it was crazy.  Apparently these "gray cats" must only grow in Illinois cause it was the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Kims fine.

The wedding planning is going fine.

Works fine.

My butt.is.....FINE!!!  I got these new shorts. woo-eee, you should see my ass.  If I were a girl, I wouldnt be able to keep my hands off it.

The stomach stuff is still here.  Should be sometime in the next few weeks they're going to stick this tube up my nose that connects to a box on my belt and goes down into my stomach and takes readings for 24 hours.  Should be a good time.  I guess that means i have to wear a belt that day.  I hope they leave slack on the part thats sticking out so I dont get it snagged on anything.  that would suck

Sara beth is shaped like a pear.  Small up top and wide down low. HA!! Take that hoebag!

I miss you Jenny.

Me and my woman shall be in town on the 18th of August and shall depart on the 21st.  You all are welcome to join me in this beautiful homecoming event.  All of you that still live in the middle of Ill area shall be visited and shall rejoice in my new state of engagement and the pure happiness that is brought to you by the sight of me. List of people that I expect to see while I'm there and shall be disappointed other wise.

Beth+1.5, Juli+1, Don and Sarah, Travis and Sarah+1.5, and anyone I cant think of really quickly.  Plus I have people who dont read this that I will visit.  My time is important people, better take advantage while you can.