Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 47
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/22/2005
|
|
|
July 9, 2009 - Thursday 2:19 AM
 |
Current mood:  chill
Category: Writing and Poetry
Chasing The Cowboy Dream... Chapter Twenty Five... Crystal’s Retreat
M.J. quickly averted his gaze, shut off the water and grabbed Crystal by the arm and escorted her to where her clothes were in a crumpled heap in the living room area without bothering to get dressed himself or even grab a towel. “Put your clothes on...right now!” He was beyond mad, he was fuming! She had always done this, showed up when it suited her needs. She was pretty, and fun in the sack, but that was about it. No mystery or intrigue. No engaging conversation. Nothing that made him glad to be a man. She was merely a toy, a distraction...
He had met Crystal on the many trips he had taken in recent years to promote the ranch and stock. She started off as a “Buckle Bunny” and worked up successfully to a “Gold Digger” in a short amount of time. Many men were lonely and liked the way she looked on their arm, or the way the buddies would be envious of them. So they gave into her every whim.
She wanted to be wined and dined, showered with gifts, attention and complements.
She had many men that she saw on a regular basis, but truth be told, if Crystal didn’t get her way she was quick to move on to the next tartget that would make her feel like a princess. Even if that meant whoring herself out. He was tired of that life. And until he had met Janet, and found out the kind of woman she was and how she made him feel... well, he wanted to be with her and only her every way possible. He was dumb struck over the realization that he was smitten with her completely!
Crystal jerked her arm back out of M.J.’s grip, hard. Her eyes went from aqua to deep emerald green, glittering in her own anger. “Damn M.J., what is your problem? We have always met up for a good time...I want you baby...” her voice became soft and smooth like fine cognac as she tried to walk towrds him. Sultry. Sensual. The perfume she wore permeated the suite and his senses. It only proved to make him even angrier.
“Look, I said get dressed. You don’t listen do you? Get on your damn clothes and whore yourself somewhere else!”
She whimpered, purely an act, pleading with her eyes. “I SAID GET THE HELL OUT!”
She quickly grabbed the clothes and made for the bathroom. M.J. cut her off.
“The door is that way!”
She turned, held her head up and said “You are really a pathetic piece of work M.J. I know how you have lived your life, you are a bigger whore than I am!” That was it, he had it with this bitch!
He grabbed her arm again, hard enough for her to squeal in pain from his grip. He drug her to the door, her shouting names and obscinities at him at the top of her lungs. He opened the door and tossed her into a crumpled mess in the hallway.
The room service waiter that was in the hall couldn’t believe what he was seeing!
M.J. looked at him and said “There’s a $200 tip in it for you if you remove this trash from the hall.” Crystal gasped at the words said. The Waiter just looked dumbfounded and replied “Yes sir!” and helped Crystal to her feet. M.J. closed the door and chuckled to himself.
“Get your hands off of me!” she shrilled. She dressed and vowed that M.J. would pay for this! She didn’t care how long it took, he would pay and pay dearly.
She huffed down the hall, only having one high heeled shoe on, the other was back in the suite, walking off kilter.
The Waiter watched her wiggling her ass and trying to be dignified and had to stiffle his own laughter!
 | Currently listening: Born to Reign By Will Smith Release date: 2002-06-25 |
|
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
July 8, 2009 - Wednesday 4:18 AM
 |
Current mood:  creative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Chasing The Cowboy Dream... Chapter Twenty Four... The Past Catches Up
M.J. could not believe what was happening. Why here, why now? And just how did she get in here? Did she bribe the staff?
Crystal looked up to gaze at him in his bewildered state. Water hung on her long lashes, her aqua eyes sparkling beneath them. The water cascaded off her breasts, her full pouting lips teasing as she absent mindedly bit the lower one. She pushed past him, and leaned into the spray of the shower, arching her back seductively. Her head back, throat exposed. She could feel his eyes on her. She ran her hands over her wet hair, slicking it back. She turned allowing the water to run down her spine and down her long legs to her red painted toes.
In her lazy southern drawl, she cooed to him, “Aren’t you glad to see me darlin’? Did you forget that you gave me the key the last time I was here since you always get the same suite... that nice man at the front desk sure remembered me...”
He just looked at her incredulously. This wasn’t happening!
Jack was barreling down the highway. He removed the gun from his waistband and laid it on the bench seat of the truck beside him.
“Rowdy”, he muttered... “You always were dumb, you made this so easy”. He was trying to think of anytime that he had ever thought about Rowdy as an equal or as a business partner. He couldn’t think about a time when he really thought that. In his opinion Rowdy was a stooge, he trusted Jack completely, but he was good for doing the brunt of the work. But Jack was the brains of the outfit. Side Winder had proven to be a handful, but he was paid handsomely for him. He didn’t want to share the profit with Rowdy, he thought up this whole scheme. He laid the ground work. He found the buyer. He did it all, he reasoned to himself.
He looked up at the gas guage. Damn. Need to stop and gas up, he didn’t want to be seen. No telling who may have seen them at the arena when they loaded the bull into the trailer. And Jack had a past to contend with.
He turned on the blinker, turned into the driveway and pulled up to the pumps. The old man inside acknowledged him and waved him to go ahead. Jack started the pump up and looked around to see if there was someplace to get a bite and maybe a room. He was beat.
About that time he looked up from shutting off the pump to see a police cruiser pull up beside him.
“Hey there... we would like to talk to you!” Both the cops were getting out of the vehicle, the passenger had his weapon drawn.
“Oh damn!”, was all Jack could say.
Charlie was nervous. Not just about the wedding, but about his past. Something that he wasn’t proud of. Something that he wished he could forget about. Even John and MaryAnn and the ranch hands didn’t know about this. If they did, hell, he wouldn’t have a job or have been with Walela.
He had always avoided going to town. The other hands were trying to get him to do so now. Take him down to the Saloon, for a bit of a celebration... just the ranch hands and their boss. Charlie knew this was going to catch up with him sooner or later, he just hoped that his time hadn’t run out. But now everything was beginning to unravel in his mind. If they found out, he would lose his jopb, his home, his hummingbird and his life...
He was a deserter from the US Army...and was wanted for high treason. And there was an Army command post in town. He knew his picture was on a poster hanging on its walls...
“Janet...some guy on the phone for you!”. April said it almost in a sing-song fashion, winking as Janet brushed past her to take the call. Janet stuck her tongue out at her playfully and said she would take the call in her office.
She thought to herself that M.J. couldn’t wait to talk to her and make plans. A playful grin on her face as she closed the door to her office. April stuck her tongue out at Janet and giggled.
“This is Janet...” she took in a breath and tried to stay calm. Then she heard the voice that made her blood run cold...
“I tracked you down again”, his evil chuckle could not be contained.
”Drew....” she almost whimpered. She dropped the phone, then the room turned black.
 | Currently listening: 4 Minutes By Madonna Release date: 2008-04-29 |
|
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
July 8, 2009 - Wednesday 1:11 AM
 |
Current mood:  artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
Chasing The Cowboy Dream... Chapter Twenty Three... Wedding Plans
Walela and Charlie had made the plan to talk to John and MaryAnn later that evening, and it went better than they had anticipated.
Both John and MaryAnn insisted that the ceremony be held at the Whiskey Ranch. Walela and Charlie graciously agreed. It made sense to hold the wedding there since they had met at the ranch and that their lives revolved around all the happenings there.
There was much to do. The preacher in town had to be contacted, the barn prepped for the reception and dance. Many of the ranch hands offered to play music for the dance, as a wedding present for the happy couple. Food had to be made to feed everyone, and about a hundred other details.
But for Walela, there was a bit of melencholy.
She had so wanted her parents to be there, her family. She wanted to carry over some of her peoples traditions in their ceremony and knew that she had to talk to Charlie about this. She hoped that he would see their importance to her and that he would agree.
She would wear the traditional white doe skin wedding dress for the ceremony, and they would incorporate the blanket ceremony into it all.
The blanket ceremony consists of the couple arriving before the wedding fire separately wrapped in blue blankets. These blankets represents the fear, sorrow and pain of their lives. Once married, the blue blankets are removed and they are wrapped together within one white blanket, thus shedding their previous life and starting a new one together.
The blanket is laid out and the wedding gifts placed upon it. The blanket goes on the honeymoon with them.
This was very important to her... she hoped that Charlie would understand.
M.J. woke up and stretched. He rolled to where Janet had been sleeping earlier. He kept watching her sleep throughout the night. It was a beautiful thing to him.
But she was gone!
On her pillowcase there was a single long stemmed pink rose and a note addressed to him. He picked up the bloom by the stem and inhaled its scent. He opened the envelope and read the note...
“M.J.,
I want to thank you for an incredible night.
I had to get up and go to work, the number is by the phone.
Call me so we can arrange to have a quiet dinner together tonight... my treat.
Until then I will wait to hear from you.
Janet”
He folded the hotel stationery back up and put it back into the envelope and then tucked it and the rose into his breifcase. He walked to the phone and sure enough, the phone number was there just as she said it would be.
He breathed in a collective sigh of relief and called room service to get some coffee and get his own day started. He would call Janet after he woke up some. They were quite busy, quite late into the night and he was still a bit groggy. While waiting for the coffee he figured he would grab a quick shower.
He walked into the bathroom and started the shower. Soon the steam was filling the room and fogging the mirror. He quickly lathered and shaved , disrobed and got into the hot water. He stood there leaning against the wall for a moment allowing the water to run over his head and body, thinking about last night, her and how she made him feel. He smiled to himself just thinking about the heights they experienced the night before. He grabbed up the soap and began to lather his body.
He heard something and figured it was room service. He left the door unlocked with instructions to bring the coffee and the newspaper in for him and to place it on the table in the living room area. He left a tip on the table for the waiter. Wow, they were fast today, and that was a good thing. He really needed that coffee this morning. He lathered his face and turned to rinse the soap from his face. He felt a draft of cool air behind him, followed by a soft click... and a giggle. She came back!
He turned on his heel. Spinning so fast he almost knocked her over.
“Crystal... what the hell are you doing here?!”
 | Currently listening: Karma By Alicia Keys Release date: 2004-10-26 |
|
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
July 7, 2009 - Tuesday 11:54 PM
 |
Current mood:  aroused
Category: Romance and Relationships
I have said one more than once that both the passion and energies that reside in a kiss make it a living, breathing, tangible thing. Not something that just happens between two people. Maybe I am wrong.
I have been kissed by many. Some good, some bad, some easy to forget and some that left me weak in the knees. The last is a personal favorite of mine. LOL
It is an art form, and can lead to many wonderful feelings.
From a loving and caring family member and friends it can convey happiness, pride, sorrow, and support.
It can be a greeting and a good bye.
But most people associate it with love.
The power that a kiss has is deafening in a silent room. Your heart is pounding in your ears, your emotions balled up in your throat, sexual tension in your belly. That is the kind of kiss I am writing about today.
The gentlest of kisses will usually render me about as dangerous as the Easter Bunny the day before the eggs need to be hidden (don't laugh, just think of the pressure he is under! LMAO).
The slight pressure of a finger run over my lips, then that hand getting entangled in my hair, or placed on my neck to pull me into it, makes me do nothing more than obey the command... willingly.
A tongue tracing my lips lightly before touching my own, will produce such a fire within me that I can lose control.
But by far my favorite is when it starts out as gentle kisses, tenderly placed followed by being pulled into it. When lips part and tongues meet, it builds to a hunger in me that I cannot explain. It leads to an urgency for more. The pressure between our lips becomes harder, I breathe in his scent, I feel the heat burning my skin as our bodies press together, his touch becomes almost electric, hands roam caressing one another... it gets deeper still and I don't want it to end. I get to the point that I don't know where I end and he begins... the world slips away in that moment.
It's both euphoric and mesmerizing. Enchanting and magical.
It is then that it becomes an actual entity to me.
Yes, the passion that resides in the right kiss is heavenly!
And then when you open your eyes and gaze into the others, you can still feel it. You want to raise your fingertips to your mouth to still feel it...
Ciao friends... may the passion of the kiss find you!
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
July 6, 2009 - Monday 11:00 PM
 |
Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Most of you know how in touch I am with my totems. I may not be a Native American born but in both my mind and heart I am simply due to the past years and previous lovers in my life that were of Native American descent...
My White Wolf and her pups make regular appearances, as does my youngest son's Badger in my dreams and daily meditations. I have blogged before about totems and that they will sometimes show up occasionally, and that they are trying to relay a message to you or help you face a new fear or challenge... this happened to me last night.
Last night as I drifted off into the land of nod...animals... totems came before me.
My She Wolf and pups were present, her nudging my elbow to get me to pay attention to her, my son's Badger was there as well, pacing in the background, teeth bared...Sam's totem has made itself known to me as well. He is another Wolf...sometimes brown, other times black, always dark, but I know it is his totem. I can feel it in my soul. I can see the glowing yellow eyes that look back at me. It's stare feel the same as when Sam and I lock onto each others gaze...
Last night a cat came into my thoughts and dreams... at first I thought that it was a dear friend of mine...his cat telling me he had me in his thoughts. But the cat morphed in front of me. It went from Panther to White Tiger in the blink of an eye. I know that this is a transient totem that I need to pay attention to...so I am.
It's hard to deny the gaze of piercing blue eyes looking at you, trying to tell you something. I just don't know what it is at this present time of my life.
Until I understand it's message, it will continue to make itself a part of me and my dreams.
People from my past have been showing themselves to me regularly as well. They have been urging me forward, enchanting me with their visits and kind words... but I know that this is all for a reason.
Last night I had a visit from my Grandfather who passed away when I was just 5 years old. In my waking life I can barely recall him. But in dream state, he is larger than life. My eldest son's Godfather has also been making regular appearances too. I can even smell the after shave Papa Joe used to always splash on himself... my dreams are that vivid in detail. And I know in my soul, that it all means something.
Perhaps it is to assist me in my daily struggles, and they are trying to help get me through it all. Maybe it is past loves I need the encouragement to learn and grow from. Perhaps it is upcoming situations and emotions they are preparing me for. It might even be my new love they are trying to tell me about, but then again, maybe it is all these things... who knows?
It has been well more than a year since I saw Ed's Father (We went and visited his grave site in the Spring of 2007, and we never made it to see him on his birthday in Dec. of that year...but he has made many visits to my home, and I know how he feels when he is here), and he has been here checking in on me and Jesse. I have felt his spirit and have seen shadows in the apartment. Things have been moved or have come up missing. These were regular pranks for him when Ed and I were together. I know how he feels to me...
I always seem to have so many questions when these spirits show themselves to me... they answer some but seem to always leave me with more unanswered questions, while making me feel safe and encouraging me at the same time. It is very strange...
I know that this blog probably doesn't make a damn bit of sense to most of you... but for anyone that TRULY knows me, it does.
My Ex did show me how to communicate and get in touch with these spirits and totems, something that I will always be grateful for...
I know that this may sound like a rambling blog, or not make sense to most, may even seem fabricated, but I assure you it is not. It is merely a glimpse into my life, and the complicated place that is often my mind.
My wolf has been howling, needing to prowl.
My son's badger is pacing and snarling, needing to hunt.
The white tiger is glaring at me relentlessly... looking through to my soul.
The dark wolf is also pacing, staying in close proximity to all, yellow eyes glowing.
Ciao friends...

Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
June 30, 2009 - Tuesday 10:22 PM
 |
Current mood:  pirate
Self realization...wanting to make yourself a better person...learning from the past experiences of your life, good and bad...
Isn't this the stuff that our lives are guided by?
Some of the things that we must sort out in our lives are pretty, ugly, joyful and/or painful. But they are what truly defines and forms us as people and individuals.
Recent events in my life have caused me to take a good, long, hard look at myself and my life as of late. An awful lot of it very difficult and painful to face, but a very necessary task, and none of it easy.
Life is like a package that arrives to you in a plain brown wrapper. You have no idea what is inside until you cut the strings loose and unwrap it to see just what is inside.
Is it something pretty? Is it something that fits you well? Is it something that brings you joy? Or does it just need to be returned to the offending store, never to be spoken of or seen again?
We all want the "Package" that is perfect. The perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect life...but is this really an attainable reality?
All of these things come with hard work as well as a lot of personal sacrifice.
For all intents and purposes we all believe that we make a noble effort in attaining it. And I have found that for the most part, that it is only a very select few that have it all. But in being human, it's what we want and desire above all else.
Perfection...the perfect package...
No one really has the ability to give anyone the happiness and perfection they seek. It is within ourselves to find it, feed it, mold it, make it a reality...
It's like a favorite peice of clothing...it fits you well, and you love it dearly, it makes you feel good, but eventually it gets threadbare and worn, and you have to find a new item to replace it.
Perhaps you have outgrown it. Growing from child to adult...it just doesn't fit the same way it used to.
Maybe someone else needs it more than you, so you give it over to them, hoping it will give them the same joy as it gave you.
But in the end, it needs to be replaced with something new.
You need a new "Package" of sorts.
Life opens many doors in our lifetimes. Having the courage and curiosity to go through them is like opening a new package.
What's on the other side? What is inside this new package?
You'll never know, unless you cut the strings...
What is inside? The gift that you give to yourself...
Ciao Friends
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
June 17, 2009 - Wednesday 12:25 AM
 |
Current mood:  exhausted
Category: Life
My old apt. is full of black mold. So now I live 2 doors down in a new place. They are going to have to rip everything out. Carpet, walls... it's a mess.
With Sam and I moving pretty much non stop ourselves on Sunday, and Jesse helping him on Monday, all the big stuff has been moved. The kitchen and bathroom are in order. My room is almost done. Now it's a bunch of little things. And I am sick with a cold...it never ends.
Today was my SSDI hearing too...I will write about that soon. I have missed you all and will be back in full force very soon!
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
June 11, 2009 - Thursday 5:11 PM
 |
Current mood:  content
Category: Life
I am not ignoring y'all!
As I said in an earlier blog, my old landlord defaulted on her loan, so my apt. complex has been taken over by a property management firm. Upon inspection of my place, it has been both determined and proven that there are issues due to both water damage and mold... YUK!
So, this weekend will find me moving.
It's only 2 doors down from where I currently reside, but it is to a place without the health hazards. So this is a good thing.
The only problem? I may not be online much until next Monday.
So please don't take it personally or think that I am ignoring you...I am just gonna be busy as all get out moving and getting my family settled.
It will be nice in the respect that no bad memories will be attached to this new place.
It will be my true fresh start on my new life that I am now living to the fullest!
So I leave you with a piece that I wrote last year...enjoy!
Happiness Is Found In Little Things...
Awhile back I did a blog about things that made me happy...I thought about it and realized that there are just so many other things that make me happy as well, and when I saw another blogger stating the same thing I figured that I could add to the previous list.
And here's what I came up with....
The comfy feeling of a warm quilt ...
The scrunch-faced, hips-twisted, back-arched, fingers-and-toes-flexed, very-first stretch of the day...
The way he loves my inconsistencies, and makes me laugh at myself...
Mid-morning sunlight breaking through heavy clouds after a rainy night...
The way he looked when he said that he loved me for all of the things I saw as broken inside of me, not despite them...
Knowing that for every tear I cry over my mistakes, there are one hundred laughs...
Finding exactly the right words to say what I mean and knowing that I've been understood...
Waking up to hear him say, "Good morning, or I Love You"...
Watching the ink leave the tip of my pen, turning the images of my thoughts into visible language...
When the heat of the bath hits the cool of my skin and I melt...
Never having to be careful with my words when we speak, because he understands the way I think...
Reading a great book into the early hours of the morning and then waking up to full sunlight...
Those days when everything just falls into place
The delicious passion that breathes inside of the Right Kiss...
Knowing that something I said or did made someone laugh, all of the way into their soul...
Anything that changes my perspective...
When I feel his eyes on my skin and I jump in the anticipation of looking up and holding his stare...
Crossroads and all of the possibilities...
Berringer 2004 White Merlot...
Memories of laughing until my sides ached...
Flirting with thoughts of misbehaving, and occasionally following through...
Wood so well-worn that the grain flows with depth...
The way my home seems like a living thing as it settles in for the night...
The shape, strength, and knowledge of his hands...
Waking up to fresh-cut rosebuds on my pillowcase...
The way Jesse looks when he's hunched over his homework, head cocked to the side, tongue clenched between teeth, with his pencils clutched in a death-grip...
Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and seeing my mother's eyes looking back at me...
Trial and error, and truly learning...
Living up to my own expectations...
Crazy morning-hair...
His incredible phone voice...
Instant karma...
... and delayed gratification...
Making those amazing chocolate-chip cookies for someone new and having them moan in both oral and olfactory delight...
Serendipity...
Spontaneous connections...
His contagious and gratifying laughter...
Everyday courage...
The way he loves me so physically, with always an arm laced through mine, a hand brushing at the tips of my hair, or shoulders touching as we lean into each other's space...
Being a sappy-sentimentalist...
Blunt- not brutal- honesty...
Knowing the difference between constructive criticism and manipulation...
... and being strong enough to say, "you're really pissing me off" to anyone attempting the latter...
Waking up and feeling, without apparent cause, a sense of expectation about the coming day...
Ciao Friends...I wish you all happy thoughts
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
June 9, 2009 - Tuesday 8:13 PM
 |
Current mood:  strong
Category: Romance and Relationships
I have a few things to say, and for a certain individual that I have crossed paths with in my life, well, he needs to take notice, and understand that it was he and HE alone that put me into the place I found myself in.
Yes Ed... I am talking about you!
You had it good, better than most men do in any relationship...but that made no difference at the time... you thought that you needed more than what was so good at home.
And it was GOOD, and you know it!
A woman that loved you completely for who you were warts and all, faults and all, a woman that NEVER lied to you, and a woman that did not flirt, a woman that was completely faithful to you in every sense of the word... a woman that had been so badly hurt and damaged by others that she wanted to make sure it never happened again, and that the man that she was with knew the same... you told me that you would never do the things that you did to me... but you did anyway for your own self satisfaction.
The support you promised me NEVER happened!
You lied to me, you stole from me, you cheated on me and you never saw that your way out was with me, and that I could and would make all your dreams come true if I was just given the chance... this is your loss.
You told me that you would NEVER be any of these things in my life...and that you would defend me ALWAYS... funny how that all changed and NEVER became a reality!
That's all water under the bridge now...
If you were EVEN half the man you claim to be, what happened between us never would have...
You let me and so many others down, and then proved that you were nothing but a wanna be man and a coward. Someone that hides behind his heritage and lies, because a true warrior never backs down or wanders off the path of love...
But you most certainly did.
I have grown by leaps and bounds in the past year to become the woman that I know myself to now be.
Something that you made sure would never happen, by the callous words you uttered to me daily, thus knocking me down and making me feel so bad about myself, by you telling me how you flirted with other women nightly at the dinner table in front of my son, and by the fact that you said how much it bothered you that I was holed up at home, constantly alone, but you NEVER made sure that I got out or that you ever contributed to anything that would help me grow (take the bus where you want to go Janet...I am too busy to even give a shit about you, what you want or your happiness!)... that is completely on you!
Now things are markedly different.
I know who I am... and what I want in my life.
I know that I am a GOOD person, and that I have value...
I know that I deserve a man that is all that he says he is...and I now share my life with just such a man, his name is Sam... he is the one who puts me before himself, the one that cares, loves and spoils me in ways you never could... a man that has PROVEN every single thing that he has ever told me about himself... a man that has honor and integrity, a man that accepts my children just as I accept his, into both of our lives... a man that has brought me to question spirituality again and choose faith over what is slung to most daily...
I truly am more happy and secure than I have ever been in my life... not that it matters to you.
But I guess in a left handed way, that I have to thank you. Had you not hurt me as badly as you did, I would never have been able to be in the position that I was, and then been able to connect with the man that now means the world to me... so for that I must thank you.
Wado.
You will continue to forge forth, and live the life that you always have, being with a woman until something tells you that it is time to both cheat and then move on... leaving her in the wake of your destruction... so that you are happy, so that you can fulfill your own self importance.
How sad...
But it is the method that has been proven over and over again by you and your actions...Pam, Norma, June, Dusk, then me and then Carman, until you cheated on her with your now wife... you truly are a creature of habit.
I wish you well, and hope that you truly do find the happiness that you seek in your life, but I believe that you will never, ever be happy.
You are too restless, and are always looking for something more... you are truly the wandering spirit that you told me of oh so long ago... when you told me how you walk between two worlds... and how all paths lead me to you... just the same as you have told me t about your now wife... wow.
You walk the path that YOU choose to go down Ed, you make the choices... no one else does.
Maybe it was me, or your many Ex's, maybe it is with Debbie and her kids...
Who the fuck knows...
I know that I am in a rock solid relationship now, one that offers much growth for the both of us, both separately and together.
You no longer hold my heart as you once did, and in seeing you a few of weeks ago, this was all proven to me.
I feel sorry for you...almost..
You no longer taint my head or my heart...I have evolved and moved on...and this will in fact be the very last that I will EVER post on you or this matter ever again.
Listen to the song by Scandal... "Goodbye To You"
Farewell...
So Long...
Auf Wiedersen...
GOOD BYE... 
Janet
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
June 6, 2009 - Saturday 6:59 PM
 |
Current mood:  loved
Category: Romance and Relationships
There is someone that is very special in my life... and I think that they need to hear my thoughts.
I have friends and acquaintances, some I speak to daily, others not as often.
But there is one person, one very special person that deserves to hear what my heart has to say.
Sam...
Until you came into my life, I was floundering.
Still so unsure of myself and my heart, recovering from hurt and feeling so alone.
I was lacking direction.
I was unhappy and felt like no one could ever like me much less love me... I felt undeserving of love.
When you came into my life you brought me both happiness and peace.
I knew in a very short time that you were a man of honor, and that with you I could be myself and not hide the REAL me.
You have taught me trust...
You have given me the ability to once again hope, dream and love.
You have taught me to believe...
You have shown me that I can talk to you honestly, and be respected for my opinions without any repercussions, or being told that I was stupid or undesirable.
You have shown me safety...
You have opened your life to me, accepted me for who I am, spoke about me to others, extolling my positive aspects, showing pride in just being with me.
You have taught me to love again...
There truly are not sufficient words that I can say that will ever tell you completely how much you mean to me, or all the positive things that you have brought to my life.
I am happy again.
I laugh again.
I smile again.
I know that I walk beside you, not behind you.
I know that you care for me as deeply as I do you.
I know that you think and worry about me, just as I do you... and that I am no longer alone.
I have no apprehensions when it comes to you, us and whatever the future may hold...
You are my best friend and lover, you are my inspiration, you are my rock, you are my safe place to land, you are the last man that I will ever look for.
I know that you understand that you hold my very heart in your hands and will treat it and me with love, respect and tenderness.
I love you with all that I am and will try my very best to never, ever disappoint you.
I will always hold your heart and love close to me.
I am both humbled and honored to be a part of your life and family.
Quite simply I adore you and cannot imagine my life without you in it.
J.C.
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|
|
|
|