It's Tuesday, which means it's time to post another new song from my new record.  This is a track I wrote with my friend Andy Gullahorn - one of the best songwriters I know.  We recorded this live, one pass with Andy on guitar and me singing, an acoustic track in the middle of the song order to assure people that in the midst of this pop record I haven't forgotten my acoustic roots and that I'm still a folkie  at heart.

God has created us for and called us to live in community with each other.  That's challenging if you don't particularly like people.  I'm always amazed at how effective I am at keeping people at arms length and not letting them into my life. I'm exceptionally gifted at finding reasons for why I can't trust this or that person and therefore shouldn't open up to them.  I have a great many acquaintances and few friends because of it.

I've totally been the guy that is always hiding in public bathrooms when I spot someone I'd rather avoid. Andy and I thought it would be fun to explore this particular neurosis in the context of a person who gets caught hiding behind a lobster tank at the supermarket and has to explain himself, and in the process discovers his own foolishness.

With 9 weeks remaining until the new CD releases, I thought I'd post a new song on my myspace page music player (along with the 4 that are already there) each week giving you a chance to hear all 13 tracks on the new record.

Since we're already full swing into summer, I thought I'd kick things off with what feels like the summertime song on the record, "Help Me, Thank You".  Inspired by a quote from Anne Lamott, I love the idea that these two prayers are linked, that our prayers of "help me, help me" are sure to be followed by "thank you, thank you".  To pray one is to be assured that - because of God's faithfulness - we will in time pray the other. Of course, the help we pray for rarely comes in the form we might expect, but help has always come, and in light of that I live a life of humbled and joyful gratitude.

I wrote this song with my good friend Randall Goodgame (Caedmon's Call, Ginny Owens, Veggie Tales).  I'm a big fan and I think you might be too, check him out www.randallgoodgame.com.  One of my favorite things about this track is the banjo and the lap steel solo both played my friend Gabe Scott.

“Here are the two best prayers I know: "Help me, help me, help me" and "thank you, thank you, thank you." Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies

AhnYong Haseyho!

Taya and I are packing up after several days spent in Seoul Korea playing for the troops at Yongsan and exploring the sites, sounds, and tastes of one of the world's most international cities.  We'll have two more days at Camp Humphries and then homeward bound.

But I wanted to let you know that I posted a sampling of four of the songs from the upcoming record here in my MySpace jukebox.  I got the masters via email a couple days ago and wanted to share them with you here.  I hope to post some more songs soon when I have internet again. I tried to pick a sampling that represented both the kinds of songs we hope will connect as radio singles as well as a couple that represented a bit more of what I wanted to communicate as an artist on the record.  I hope you enjoy them - leave comments!

We'll check back in soon with news of our trip and pictures. 

Gamsa Hamnida!

Now, I'm going to crash and sleep for hopefully 12 hours so I'm ready for our sight-seeing adventures tomorrow.  Thanks again, sayonara!

I thought you might enjoy my recent post in the Rabbit Room about my 5 year old's blooming obsession over 80's supergroup Journey.  Read it here.  Here's a bit:

"...Gus’s enthusiasm for Journey is a little unsettling to me – especially when he camps out in front of the computer to watch the video for “Separate Ways” 10 times in a row on youtube before we have to cut him off.  I don’t know what to make of it.  A part of me is embarrassed or wonders where I went wrong as his father since Journey’s not even one of the cool 80’s bands.  At the tender age of 5, these are the formative years, you know? Why couldn’t he be into the more subversive 80’s groups like The Clash, U2, or even Duran Duran (who are cool for how kitsch they are)? Instead, he walks around the house humming that insanely catchy synth intro to “Separate Ways”. Na na na na na na na na….

And yet I’m probably being too critical of Journey.  And though I’d like to blame Taya for Gus’s new found obsession, the truth is that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. You see, it just so happens that the first record I bought with my own money was Frontiers by Journey.  Why?  Because..."

Read the rest in the rabbit room

Here's an email I sent to my email list today:

Hello friends,

It’s been a while since my last update as I’ve been finishing up my new record.  Just got the first round of mixes this weekend and I can’t tell you how happy I am with this record and how excited I am for you to hear it.  I hope to post some songs somewhere soon for you to get a taste of what we’re cooking up for you.

In the meantime I wanted to let you know about a special opportunity for you this week.  Lanae Hale, my label mate on Centricity Records, releases her debut album “Back And Forth” today – for free!



You may have seen Lanae on the road with me and Downhere on a couple of tours when she was first being developed as an artist.  It was fun to watch her discover herself as an artist and also to see how audiences reacted to her amazing voice every night as a hush would fall over a mesmerized audience while she sang her last song.  Of course I was a little upset because I had to go on after her - she was a hard act to follow!

I’m not always drawn to voices (I’m typically more of a lyric guy and everything else is secondary for me) but every once in a while I hear a voice that gets my attention and makes me a fan – Feist, Imogen Heap, Over The Rhine, etc.  Lanae Hale has that kind of voice with a character all it’s own.  There’s no one who sings quite like Lanae.

But why take my word for it when you can get it yourself for free. Centricity believes in Lanae’s record so much that they’ve decided to give it away for free at participating retailers for the first week through May 23rd.  Any time you purchase any other CD at a CBA store, you get Lanae’s CD for free (while supplies last).  You can also get it for $5.99 at iTunes.  Click here for the list of participating CBA stores

My New Record
Alright, enough about Lanae – I want to talk about my record now ;-)

It looks like we’re on track to get final mixes this week, and then we’ll be working on the artwork with renowned artist Jimmy Abegg as well as a special deluxe edition of the record with bonus tracks, video footage, and some other goodies to make it truly a fun package.  More details to come on that soon…

The record, currently titled Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue, is scheduled to release Sept. 1.  I think this is the most ambitious record I’ve ever made with the best songs I’ve ever written.  I hope you’ll agree!  You can catch up on the recording process in the lounge area on my message boards and also see some of the photos I’ve posted from the photo shoot on my site if you want to have a peek.  I’ll post more soon, but these should give a good feel of the vibe of the shoot.

Thanks for reading!  Hope to see you soon.

One of my favorite memories of the day of the photo shoot with Jimmy was a conversation at the end of the day when I asked him how his family was.  He talked about his daughters, one of which is a fearsome punk artist who fronted the acclaimed punk band Be Your Own Pet, and the other who is quietly following her heart and whatever catches her interest, pursuing a life of creativity.  Jimmy talked about how their kids grew up watching he and his wife put together a piece-meal existence doing the things they loved, being creative, never having a predictable kind of income or sense of security, but leading a very colorful and interesting life along the way.

He talked about how growing up in their home set his kids free in a sense to pursue the same kind of life with a kind of confidence because they saw that it worked and for them it was even normal.  I thought of my own kids and my own years of  life on the road and the constant anxiety of never knowing exactly how the bills would get paid because of our crazy life-style – an anxiety that is finally receding after years of God’s faithfulness to us.  In the midst of all that, I’ve sometimes wondered if I wasn’t providing the best kind of life for my boys.  It is a different kind of life we lead…

But hearing Jimmy talk about his kids, now grown, helped me feel like our boys were going to be okay, too.  In fact, maybe even more than okay.  They will have unique and colorful experiences and confidences for having grown up in the Gray house and seeing the world through our window.  It probably won’t be as colorful as Jimmy Abegg’s household, but it’ll do…

I'm posting a handful of pics from the shoot (holding a lot back until we know what we'll use for the package - I can't give it all away yet!) in my photos section, so be sure to check that out here (look for the album "Jimmy Abegg Photo Shoot")

For the last several months, we were having difficulty finding a photographer for my photo shoot because of scheduling.  Finally, Steve had found a photographer that looked promising.  It was a woman who did good work, but I was never quite sure her vibe fit with my personality.  About a week before the shoot Steve and I were talking about this and I brought up Jimmy Abegg’s name, and neither of us could believe that we hadn’t thought of him from the start.

Jimmy has long been a hero of mine – both as a guitarist for seminal artists like Charlie Peacock and Rich Mullins and later as an amazing visual artist and photographer whose paintings graced the covers of albums like M.W. Smith’s worship album “Exodus”, Charlie Peacock’s “The West Coast Diaries”, as well as accompanying Kevin Max’s poetry for a book they collaborated on.  His photography, too, bears the mark of an artist’s eye and is distinctive in its Jimmy-ness.

I got to work with Jimmy years ago when he graciously agreed to work on my project “A Place Called Hope” when I had almost no budget and I was a complete unknown.  It’s one of my favorite memories, and as Steve and I talked about it we realized he was a perfect fit for my new project for both the photography and art.  A couple phone calls later and Jimmy was on board for the photo shoot in just 5 days.

We met the stylist the morning of the shoot to try clothes and build the wardrobe that would be used for the shoot.  It’s great fun to have someone dress you up and take you out of your comfort zone of what you’d normally try for yourself.

We had limited space and time – it was going to be a guerilla style shoot, run and gun, which meant we’d drive around from location to location, jump out, get some shots, and then move on – so I knew I’d have to be changing clothes right there on the spot, without regard to modesty or personal insecurities. But it was Nashville and they expect this kind of thing, and the stylist sees this all the time, so I shouldn’t flatter myself. And so it was I spent my whole day changing clothes on the run, sometimes on the street in broad daylight – I got pretty good at it where I could change fast between cars going by.

Jimmy is the consummate artist type, looking mildly disheveled with a simmering spark in his eye that could be genius or could be some mild kind of madness. It was great to be in his presence again.  He’s the kind of guy who makes you feel more alive when you’re around him.  I hate photo shoots in general, but if you have to do it, Jimmy’s a good hang.

We started in the studio, and then went to a derelict warehouse that is rented by a number of artists – painters, sculptors, etc.  The building looks like it could fall in on itself and has so much character.  Everywhere we looked there was something to tickle the eyes, including a couple abandoned rooms down below with the roof caved in and walls falling apart and abandoned mattresses and a shelter made from wood pallets.  Sun was streaking in between the ruined rafters of the collapsed ceiling and this room provided the vibiest pictures from the shoot.

It was a hot day and I was wearing jackets and sweaters and things that make more sense for the time of year that the record will release (Fall). I was worried that my hair looked ridiculous because of how big and curly it gets when I’m hot (sorry, I’m a little vain – I don’t want to look like a goof-ball in my album artwork), but when I got the pictures back this week I was grateful to see that we have a lot of great shots – it may be the best photo shoot I’ve ever had in fact.  The pics are colorful, vibey, and very interesting (despite my being in them ;-).  But best of all, it was fun to hang with Jimmy again.

Jimmy drove with me in my rental car and he asked me to play him what I’ve been listening to lately.  I played him some new stuff, but what captivated both of us was Paul Simon’s latest record that was produced by Brian Eno (Coldplay, U2, The Talking Heads).  One of the best songwriters teamed with one of the most daring music producers makes for a great album, and it was fun to share that appreciation with someone who “gets it”.

Here’s an example of why I love Jimmy: after years of a smoking habit he hasn’t been able to shake, he decided to cut down by only smoking hand-rolled cigarettes.  It’s a higher quality tobacco, more expensive, less tar and all the stuff that’s bad for you, and it’s somewhat of a pain to roll it, so all of this has helped him significantly cut down on his smoking while enhancing his enjoyment of it.  As we listened to Paul Simon, Jimmy took out his pouch and started rolling the tobacco into a cigarette despite no smoking stickers posted all over the interior of the rental car.

Sensing my concern, he said “don’t worry, they won’t give you a ticket.” I said, “if you weren’t Jimmy Abegg I’d probably ask you to take that outside…”

And so it was that we listened to the beautiful strains of Paul Simon as the pleasant aroma of fresh tobacco filled my rental car, Jimmy with his tobacco paraphernalia and I with my curly hair and new clothes and gratitude for my moment with Jimmy Abegg.

(don’t try this at home, kids, smoking can kill you ;-)

I’m sitting in the Tulsa, OK airport as I write this, grateful for a blessed couple of days in Joplin, MO with our new friend Breann, a gracious host who was responsible for bringing us here this week.  She generously invited Taya to come, too – paying for her flight – and after several weeks of us being apart it was nice to have Taya with me on this trip.  And now we’re headed home for some rest.

After the breakneck pace of 2008 and the first part of 2009, I’m staying close to home for a few weeks.  Last night’s concert felt like crossing the finish line of a marathon.  Now it’s time to catch up on some family time… and house projects.

But before I look ahead to next week, I’m going to wrap up my recap with the photo shoot for the new record that we scheduled for the end of GMA week.

It was Thursday night before the Friday shoot, and Steve had hired a stylist to go purchase clothes for the shoot and the clothes were at his house for me to try on.  Steve was at his son’s play that night, but I found the clothes on the bed of the spare room.  I looked through them and started to panic a bit…  There wasn’t much there and even less that I liked, so I took matters into my own hands and drove back to Nashville to Urban Outfitters to buy some clothes myself to supplement what was there.  Just to be safe.

Imagine how foolish I felt then when I got back to Steve’s house and found that the entire closet was filled with clothes that I hadn’t seen – I’d only seen the few pieces that didn’t fit in the closet and were laid on the bed.

I mostly felt foolish for how it reminded me yet again of how anxious I can be.  I've tried so hard to trust and work collaboratively and be a team player throughout this project, but at the end of the day I’m afraid I can be a quivering, fearful, little mess of ambition, insecurity, pride, and desire – though more often than not what I desire most is to be at peace and trust God and his goodness to me through those He’s put in my life.

But what if I hate the way the photo shoot represents me?  What will people think if I look “too cool” or too timid or bland or pretentious or etc. etc…  For that matter, what will they think of the record?  Is it too this?  Is it too that?  Ugh… please pray for the people who have to work with me and deal with my tortured psyche.  I try to play it cool and be easy to work with, but I tend to freak out over things like the tone of a snare drum, afraid that it will ruin everything…

It's ridiculous I know, but I feel like I'm walking a hire wire and always trying to keep that perfect balance of artistry and accessibility.  My vision of that balance feels so crucial to me, and losing it terrifies me. I guess my worst fear is that people on either side of the balance will dismiss me and write me off if they perceive I've leaned too far to one side or the other.

I wonder if what I like to call artistic and commercial balance (like where I try to write songs that will work for the market and for radio, but then try to balance that against writing songs that are more artistic) may in part be an attempt to hedge my bets.  I would like for my record to do well in the marketplace – I would like that for Centricity, for my family, for the opportunities it might afford my ministry, and for a hundred other noble reasons – but I’m also fearful of inviting the criticisms of my artist friends and fans who I’m always afraid will judge me as selling out.

When I pursue excellence and balance to the glory of God as my worship, it's pure and right, but it can quickly become a mockery of itself when I'm motivated by what other's think of me and my fear of being judged. Of course I’m so fearful of critical voices because I recognize the voice of criticism in myself.  I can be very ungenerous and quick to judge and critique others for selling out to commercial concerns, for perpetuating mediocrity, for being dull and shallow.  I’d rather not be on the receiving end of the kind of tongue lashing I deal out to others.

Compromise is such a subjective word anyway (and one we often use to bolster our own sense of self-righteousness), and for all the temptations of success and fame, they may not be as alluring as the temptation to play the artistic martyr who dies on the hill of his ideals and integrity, a tragic hero beloved by his small but devoted following.  Of course, both of these are caricatures of either end of the spectrum.

And so I try to meet somewhere in the middle, and with the purest of motivations, wanting to make music that connects with the most number of people, but doing so without feeling whorish about it.  I hope it’s a noble pursuit, but sometimes when I feel fear rise up in me over it all (like when I worry about something so trivial as not having the right clothes for a photo shoot), I worry that I may be motivated too much by the fear of what people on either side of that fence might think of me, people pleaser that I am.

So more often than not I’m driven to maintain this dichotomy of who I am, of who I’d like to be, and with the narrowest margin of error – so narrow in fact that sometimes I’m tempted to fear that the wrong color shirt in a photo might tip the scale.   Does this make sense to anyone else?  Is anyone else tortured like this?

When I calm down, the fear subsides and I usually come to my senses, thank God.

Is this too pathetic a revelation of my own insecurities?  If so, disregard all of this – I was just kidding ;-).

But if it's less pathetic than it is familiar, I thought I’d let you in on a little of my headspace in case you might feel like this sometimes.  I wouldn’t want you to feel like you’re all alone…

Either way, it’s a good thing I kept the receipt from Urban Outfitters.

Day 4 of GMA

And now the end… Wednesday was the last day of GMA and a light day at that, with only a handful of interviews mid-day and a visit to the World Vision booth to build caregiver kits.  After a few days in the world of music business, it was a blessing to remember the poor as we stocked a hardshell case with bandages, Neosporin, cotton balls, paper and pens, a flashlight, handtowels, and latex gloves to send to caregivers in Africa.

When we were in Africa, it was the caregivers who left the biggest impression.  They are volunteers in the community, usually women, who care for those dying of AIDS as well as the orphans left behind.  With no access to basic medical supplies and with nothing like sinks and running water in the homes of those they serve, they have no way of even properly washing their hands after they dress the wounds of the people they serve, and therefore many of them contract AIDS themselves.  In some villages they are scorned and abused by the local witchdoctors who hate them for their Christianity.  They serve tirelessly with no compensation and at great risk to themselves.  They were our heroes everywhere we went.

Overcome with a desire to help them, we would ask them what we could do for them, and they would only ask for supplies for them to better serve those in their care.  We learned things like the fact that they were lucky to have access to one cotton ball, which they would rinse out with water at the end of the day and lay out in the morning sun to dry so they could reuse it.

Out of these conversations came a program to benefit the caregivers, including what we were doing now in the hallway at GMA as we lined up at one end of the table and worked our way down assembling a little orange hardshell case with simple supplies that we take for granted everyday.  It was good to touch things and build with my hands something that would find it’s way to Africa and into the hands of the most Christ-like people I’ve ever met.  It was the most meaningful work I got to do all week and I was grateful to be reminded of these great spirited people.

After wrapping up and doing the last of my interviews, I said my good-byes to everyone in the Centricity suite, checked out of my hotel, and paid my friend Pete Prevost, guitarist for Sanctus Real, a visit.  I toured with Sanctus in the Fall and hit it off great with these guys and Pete and I had talked about getting together ever since.

We walked downtown to a coffee shop not far from his house, talking music and about the tour we’re doing together again in the Fall with Phil Wickham (more on that soon!). I learned that Pete makes pipes as a hobby.  Pete’s a good hang and I’m happy to get to be on the road again with him and the rest of the guys from Sanctus Real.

I left Pete to go out to Andrew Peterson’s house – again (This was the 3rd time in 5 days I’d been to his place and I was starting to be afraid of wearing out my welcome, despite his assurances that I wasn’t).  This was the night I was most looking forward to of GMA week: the annual anti-dove award party at Andy’s house with the Europeans.  The get together really has very little to do with the Dove awards, it just feels rock’n’roll to call it that and always coincided with the night of the Dove awards – except this year, but we called it that anyway.

For years the Swedes, Danes, and other European distributors and promoters who were in town for GMA have come to Andy P.’s house to hang out, eat food, and share stories.  I was blessed to be invited a few years back and it’s become the highlight of my GMA experience.  We told stories, laughed a lot, talked politics, learned a few colorful phrases in Swedish, and wrapped up around midnight.

With GMA over, I caught up on some sleep the next day, grabbed a late morning coffee at my new favorite coffee shop in Nashville – la crema – with my friend Staci Frenes, heard some mixes of Downhere’s upcoming Christmas record (oh man!  It sounds great!), and went back to Steve Ford’s house – head of Centricity’s marketing) – to stay the night and get ready for my photo shoot the next day.

(Next: The Photo Shoot)