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Jennifer (Eolin)



Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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City: Beautiful San Fernando Valley
State: CA
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/1/2006

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December 3, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  stressed
Category: Life
Read my blog about my dealings with Craig's List and moving!


YAY!

4:54 PM 
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November 27, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:  grateful
Category: Life
Hi guys!

Now that "Project Runway" has ended... I'll be back on my regular New Old Biddy Blog.  Please bookmark it and visit often!

If you go there now... you can find my New Old Biddy Store link!  Happy fists!

Happy holidays - be safe!
Jennifer (Eolin)
Currently listening:
Christmas Songs
By Dean Martin
Release date: 2004-10-04
5:47 PM 
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November 23, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:  betrayed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:

* Jennifer was severely bored by Season 6 of Project Runway.
* Jennifer knows she CAN NOT do any better than the Season 6 designers.
* And Jennifer REALLY knows she can't be a model.  Boy howdy.

* HOWEVER!!
* Jennifer DOES believe she can do better producing.

* There.
* I said it.
* Neener neener.

*****

Last week on Project Runway:

Papa Gunn makes bisquits in a sexy apron with Carol Hannah.
Then he meets Princess.  And her dog, Princess.
Then he single-handedly brings the word "Egads!" back into current vernacular.
Carol Hannah is sick, but not trendy enough to get Swine Flu.
The designers are not at all surprised by having to construct a 13th look.
LOGAN RETURNS!
And nothing else matters.
SWOON.

*****

YAWN.  Is it finally over?  Is it?? Or am I just in a badly inspired Dallas dream and when I wake up, we will only be on the scintillating "make something in blue" challenge?  


"I'm an old reference, but solid.
Because it's morning."

TEE HEE!

I have to say, Season 6 of Project Runway really made it hard to blog this year.  Between the trite bites and tired storylines that went NOWHERE, I had very little fodder. Honestly, I have to say, THANK GOD FOR LOGAN.  

Yes.  I'm single.
Yes.  I'm too old for him.
Yes.  That's how bored I was.  So shut up!

I feel as though I was forced to take up "cougar-ism" as a blog-hobby to dull the pain, which I understand is completely embarrassing... for Logan.  



Althea:  "I'm sorry, Logan, about Jennifer (Eolin)."
Logan:  "Thanks, dude."
Althea: "But you two would be cute together 
since you wear your hair the same knot in the back!"
Logan: "Okay, talking time is over now..."

So, as stated earlier, this was the MOST boring finale ever.  Seriously.  YAP YAP YAP about nothing.  Sewing and mild bickering.  Big whoop.  But the big "story beat" of the episode is that Irina and Althea are similar.  Why is this news to everybody (read: "the producers") in the finale?  And son-of-a-b, WHO CARES?!  Neither of Althea or Irina created the wheel with "a smudged eye" as their make-up direction.  Can we all just calm the crap down and realize that we're not curing cancer here?  Nobody has a kidney in the cooler, k?  Oversized sweaters and smudged eye accusations are NOT worth the tears Althea was brought to.  I feel like that whole interlude was brought on by bad and desperate producing.  (Meaning Tim Gunn was pressed to be an instigator by a producer who said, "WE HAVE NOTHING.  Make something happen!  I know!  My college education in something other than story construction is telling me to go with eye shadow.  Make it work, Tim!")  I mean his statement was just as stupid as saying, "You're making a dress?  That sounds suspiciously like what Carol Hannah is doing."  He'd never say that.  So shut up (producers!) about the smudged eye.  

BAH!  Biddy bitching over.

So that's the work-room drama basically.  So let's just get to the runway and judging.  Because I believe that's all any of us care about anyway.  Other than Logan.  Good grief, I'm even annoying myself now...

BACKSTAGE @ FASHION WEEK:

Tim Gunn has to keep the girls on task...



Tim Gunn: "I'm vexed.  Isn't the sliding 'digit' trick usually done with your thumb?"




Althea: "This is what Irina will look like after I smudge her eyes."
Tim Gunn: "I have to admit, I like it."




Tim Gunn: "EGADS, who let Kim Kardashian in here?"
Irina: "Tim, it's me."
Tim Gunn: "Honestly, I said firmly, 'NO KARDASHIANS.'"
Irina: "Tim, it's me, Irina."
Tim Gunn: "OH.  Hmm.  Well you're not a much better option, to be blunt."
Irina: "Yeah, I hear that a lot."
Tim Gunn: "I bet you do."




Tim Gunn: "Why can't I stop looking at your boobs?"
Carol Hannah: "I was just going to ask that!"
Tim Gunn: "Because you clearly don't have any to even really look at."
Carol Hannah: "Annnnd I'm going to go be sick now.  Thanks."




Kaylin: "Are you looking at my boobs?"
Tim Gunn: "Well, not NOW."




Tim Gunn: "WHO IN BLAZES LET ALTHEA WEAR THESE BOOTS?  
What in the hell, people? Do I have to do EVERYTHING?!  
I am Tim Gunn, not GOD, dag nabbit!!"




Tim Gunn: "It was you, wasn't it?  YOU let her leave in those boots."
Carol Hannah: "I'm sick, I have no judgement sense."
Tim Gunn: "I hope you know there's no way you can win now.  
I'm going to have to inform the judges to your fashion lapse."
Carol Hannah: "That seems unfair."
Tim Gunn: "Well the producers are looking for any reason 
to validate that you'll be in third place.
Carol Hannah: "WHAT?!  But the runway show hasn't even started yet!"
Tim Gunn: "Welcome to reality television, honey."
Carol Hannah: "Son of a bitch."

RUNWAY SHOW:




Michael Kors: "Which camera should we be looking at?"
Heidi: "Don't ask me.  I can't see because I'm SO MAD 
that I'm dressed in liquid Barbie."
Nina Garcia: "Who knew that I'd be the best dressed on here?"
Michael Kors: "Everybody needs a victory once in a while, Nina."
Nina Garcia : "True, but not Carol Hannah.  
I heard she wasn't even savvy enough to get Swine Flu."
Heidi: "Lame.  I will take out all my outfit anger out on her."
Nina Garcia: "That sounds very rational."




Tim Gunn: "Hello, audience!  I would like to take a moment 
to apologize for the lamest season of Project Runway ever!"
Heidi: "And I'd like to apologize for every outfit I wore."
Tim Gunn: "Please watch us next season."
Heidi: "Yeah, I'm having another kid, 
and I need the money since Seal is a 'stay at home dad.'"
Tim Gunn: "'Kiss from a Rose' isn't paying the rent, is it, Heidi?"
Heidi: "Shut it."

NOW...

The only pics of the runway fashions I could find are on other blogs.
So please visit my friends at Blogging Project Runway to see
Althea's, Carol Hannah's and Irina's collections.

UPDATE:  Okay, for some UNKNOWN reason MySpace won't let the links work.  So let's do this the old fashioned way, shall we?  (Copy & Paste.  How 2003.)


Okay... back to your regularly scheduled blog...

Now, if you can believe it, I don't have a lot to say about these lines.

COLLECTIVE GASP!

But it's true!

I didn't like Althea's that much only because I'd look like a cow in those pants, 
but enjoyed and would wear a lot of Carol Hannah's items.
And as soon as I saw Irina's Apocalyptic Horseman theme (thanks, Ella!) I knew she'd win because it was a cohesive line in the world of fashion.  
Just because of those damn horse hats.

I really don't understand why Carol Hannah was omitted third.
THAT FLOORED ME.  
How could two smudged eye/oversized sweater collections 
be neck and neck in the finals??

Sigh.  Bored.  

UNTIL I get the full effect of the guest judge's hair:




Nina: "Can't.  Stop.  Staring."
Michael Kors: "Stop it.  I'm going to laugh any second..."

Everybody on the internet as already made the "Something About Mary" reference. 
So I'll make my own (out-dated) reference:




Ed Grimley: "Her hair, I must say, is making me mental."


TITTER!

Back to the runway...



Kaylin: "I so want to ride an angry horse right now."
Tanisha: "My boobs are out of control, like always."
Lisa: "WHY do I look wide in these dresses?  WHY?!"

Carol Hannah is auf'd first.  Even though Althea put on proper boots.

So now it's Althea and Irina.
Then the inevitable, Irina is upgraded from Princess to Queen.




Irina: "I'm so honored and humbled."
Althea: "Bitch, I'm gonna backhand you if you don't knock crap that off."




Irina: "I knew I'd win."
Heidi: "This is as much enthusiasm as I can muster."
Irina: "I know, nobody likes me."
Heidi: "Boy howdy."




Heidi: "YOU I'll hug!"
Kaylin: "Don't hug me too hard, 
my double stick tape will come off!"

And as you know, there's been scuttle-butt over Irina's use of an article's 100 Reasons to Love NYC on one of her shirts.  TLo @ Project Rungay has a great interview with Irina regarding her win and the legal issues.

UPDATE:  Again, MySpace is a big pooh-head and won't let the link work.
Copy & Paste and enjoy!


Again, back to your regularly scheduled blog...

And, that, ladies and gentlemen, is Season 6 of Project Runway.
May it rest in peace and never be spoken of again.

****

Don't forget to go to My Lifetime and Project Runway for auctions, blogs and more!

Follow me on Twitter!
Follow my fanpage on Facebook!

And if you haven't checked out my webseries, "Assignment: Jennifer!"
you can check it out here.

See you for Season 7!
Until then... make it work!


Currently listening:
Purr-Fect: Greatest Hits
By Eartha Kitt
Release date: 2001-03-05
5:26 PM 
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November 19, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
The conclusion to "Assignment: Jennifer!" is up for viewing!  Happy fists!

Will Jennifer be able to face the runway?  Will Kojii be a proud coach?  WHO ARE the guest judges?  Find out NOW!

(PS - this episode is in high def - so let it load, THEN hit play.  Yeah, I spelled it out for you.  Cuz I'm awesome and junk.)


If you missed part one... view it HERE.

ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!


10:17 PM 
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November 14, 2009 - Saturday 

Current mood:  fabulous
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:

* Jennifer is a huge dork
   
And we're off!

***

Last week on Project Runway:

Christopher and Gordana were auf'd,
making Althea, Carol Hannah and Meana Irina Season Six's Bryant Park contestants.
Katie and Matar were also auf'd on Models of the Runway.
PRE-FREAKING-DICTABLE.
BOOOOOOOOOOO!  BOOO, I say!

Here's what I wished happened:

In a surprise move, Logan, Shirin and Louise force their way back into the competition.
Logan switches it up by wearing GOLD jeans.  Hubba hubba!
Someone puts Irina's finger in a bowl of water whilst she sleeps.  (Tee hee!)
Christopher, although a peach of a person, is auf'd during shopping at Mood.
Tim Gunn does happy fists during the auf'ing.
Irina is also auf'd at Mood for being a complete bitch.
The whole world does happy fists during her auf'ing.
Johnny shows up and tries to confront the steamer,
but Tim Gunn grabs him by his "Liar Pants" and tosses him onto the street.
The runway is judged by Giselle, Bar Rafael, Agyness Deyn and Prince.
Bryant Park Contestants are: Louise, Gordana, Carol Hannah and Shirin.
(And I get to console Logan on his loss...)

On MOTR, Kojii and Katie return and double stick Kaylin to the wall in FIDM.
Tanisha gets a boob reduction and Lisa finally clears her throat.

The end.

(Thank you, thank you.  Sorry, no autographs...)

***

The show opens on the runway with Irina, Carol Hannah and Althea waiting for their instructions.   Heidi stomps out and tells them that they are to make a 12-piece collection to show during Fashion Week.  They have $9000 to complete this task.  



Tim Gunn: "I'm coming to your houses, designers, so please clean it up."
Heidi: "I won't be there because I'm going 
to go get knocked up by my husband, Whale."
Tim Gunn: "Seal."
Heidi: "Trust me..."

After Heidi and Tim exit the stage with some fantastic shadow box dancing,
the girls pack up and start their journeys home.
Althea lets us know that she's forgiving Irina for accusing her of copying her
over-sized sweater look.  But she hasn't forgotten.  Cuz she took her ginko.  
(She didn't say that last bit, I'm just an ass.)

Can we just call a bitch a bitch here?  Irina?  The 80's called.  
They want their over-sized sweater back.
You didn't create that look.  So shut yer mouth hole.




"My look has been brought to you by Smug."

Time passes...
Carol Hannah is the first Tim Gunn stop!




"I heard that you were feeling ill, headache, fever and a chill.
I came to help restore your pluck, I'm Tim Gunn and I like to sew.  What?"

Tim peruses Carol Hannah's collection in progress...




Carol Hannah: "Are you worried?"
Tim Gunn: "No, my chin's still cold.  YES I AM WORRIED.
Why is that tutu up-the-heck-side-down?"
Carol Hannah: "Do you assert that it's bad?"
Tim Gunn: "Don't mock the master.  But yes."

Carol Hannah explains that she's basing a lot of her collection 
off the architecture of Duke University.



I see it!  All that's missing from this building are some cap sleeves 
and a belt to cinch the bell tower...

Tim hates the matronly cape...



Tim Gunn: "It makes me think of Harriet Olsen from Little House on the Prairie."
Carol Hannah: "I'll burn it immediately."

Then they head downstairs for some good old country cookin' in the burbs of NY.



Tim Gunn: "NO.  JOKES."
Carol Hannah: "I can't even look at you I'm gonna laugh so hard."

If Tim Gunn came to my house (ahem--apartment) and we got to cook together (even though my oven hasn't worked in over a year), here's the apron I'd ask him to wear:




TEE HEE!

(I don't get it ... why am I single again??)




Tim Gunn: "Your flowers look like bouquets of sliced of tomatoes!"
Carol Hannah's Mom: "I don't see it."
Carol Hannah's Dad: "Just nod dear.  It's easier that way.  Trust me."




Tim Gunn: "Listen, the weather outside is frightful, 
but Carol Hannah, you're so delightful."
Carol Hannah: "And since you have no place to go, let it snow, let it--"
Tim Gunn: "Shhh.  No, I have to get back to the city.  The burbs give me hives."

Next stop - Irina's on the upper east side of NYC:




Irina: "Hi, Todd."
Tim Gunn: "I still hate you."

Immediately, we meet Irina's dog, who is named Princess.
There is so much irony here, it's hard to put into words.
So I'll let the picture do it for me:




NOTE:  All you see of the dog, pretty much sums up Irina.
Ahem.
BAM.  I typed it!

Irina explains to Tim that her creation is inspired by Coney Island.




"So what, are you making a new Hot Dog on a Stick outfit?
Talk to me."

Irina shows him some print "boyfriend" graphic t-shirts that have Coney Island
on them.  My inner alarm goes off.  (Foreshadowing...)

And in a complete "surprise" move, more knits and hoodies!




"I half-assed this look.  Get it?  I made a funny."




Tim Gunn: "Even Jennifer (Eolin) won't wear this."
Irina: "Like she matters."
Tim Gunn: "Good luck in life, Irina.  You're going to need it."

Then Irina, like Carol Hannah, "surprises" Tim with her family and a meal.
(SERIOUSLY, PRODUCERS!  CHANGE it up!  Or at least don't make it a surprise, 
cuz acting surprised is hard, and none of these folks can fake it that well...)

Heh-heh.  I said "fake it."



Tim Gunn: "I'm faking it right now."

Next, Tim travels to Ohio to see Althea!

Althea lives in an old apartment loft type building
and there are no pics to illustrate one of the best moments of the show.
Tim gets in the old-timey elevator and exclaims, "Yikes.  Egads!"

OH GRANDPA GUNN!  I heart you.  
Next time through in a "dab nabbit" for me, okay?




Althea: "What's it like outside?  I never leave because I can't figure out the elevator."
Tim Gunn: "Of course you can't."

Althea tells Tim that she's been inspired by sci-fi movies,
which I don't see anywhere....



Tim Gunn: "Why is everyone designing for Little House on the Prairie this year?"
Althea: "It's science fiction Little House."
Tim Gunn: "I can't help but worry about you."

Home tours are now over!

Let the overly-produced phone call begin!
ANGRY FISTS!

There are no pictures to illustrate so I'll do the best I can with my words.

Tim Gunn places a phone call.
We see him sitting at his desk, this makes sense.
How off the cuff!  Tim on the phone!
BUUUUUT... then it gets produced.
We see Irina answer the phone in her apartment.
HOW SET UP IS THIS!?
If this was true documentary format, we'd see Tim talking with the producers
as they look at the footage from the visit and hear them bring up, 
"Isn't that picture of Coney Island on that t-shirt a copyrighted image?"
THEN they'd call her immediately and put her on speaker phone.

But no.  We see the staged phone call and it sucks the life out of me
like Paris Hiltons sucks the hope for our youth out of society.

BOOOO.

Irina explains that she has a lot of work to do now that she can't use that image.
Whatever.  Shut up.  I just don't care about you.

Time passes...

NEW YORK CITY!!

Althea and Irina show up.  No Carol Hannah yet...




Irina: "Hi."
Althea: "I still hate you."

They then have an awkward silence that is brilliant.
GREAT MOMENT, PRODUCERS.
Find more of those and put them in the show for Season 7, k?

Tim shows up and breaks the silence by letting them know that Carol Hannah is way sick.  She's got a stomach virus that's contagious and she can't make it.

You can almost smell the happiness from Althea and Irina.
Carol Hannah is my fave to win this.  I think they know she's their competition.

The next day... Logan shows up w/out his shirt and makes bacon.
I kid!  Just in my dreams...

They are in the workroom and Carol Hannah finally makes it!




"I'm finally here!  I'll try not to barf."

But I gotta say, Carol Hannah looks better sick than I do healthy.
GO GIRL!  Rock that virus!
(I don't mean it that way... awkward.  Moving on...)

I feel so bad for her... I can barely write this blog with a cold.
And she's gotta finish her collection for Bryant Park.
I just can't imagine.

Tim comes in to critique their collections thus far:




Tim Gunn: "Who's wearing this?  Bea Arthur?"
Althea: "Too soon, Tim.  Too soon."




Tim Gunn: "Did you take your Pepto?"
Carol Hannah: "Yes, Dad..."




Tim Gunn: "Just keep it simple, Carol Hannah."
Carol Hannah: "Yeah, I like to futz."
Tim Gunn: "I know.  You're a little futzer."
Carol Hannah: "I am. Tee hee!"




Tim Gunn: "Sorry, I just got my nails done."

He lets Irina know that her collection has a lot of black in it.
That's what she said! 
(I couldn't resist...)
But Irina doesn't care in her typical smug fashion.
She really better not win...

MODEL CASTING DAY!




Althea: "I don't trust you."
Irina: "Good."
Carol Hannah: "Just trying not to barf..."

After casting, the girls go back to the workroom.
And as if Carol Hannah didn't feel sick enough...
Nina and Disco Pumpkin show up.




Nina: "I'm wearing an exoskeleton."
Kors: "And I'm wearing the same thing I've worn for 894085 years."
Nina: "And we are totally qualified to judge you people."
Kors: "TOTALLY qualified."

They sit down with the girls to give them advice on their lines.



Althea: "Is Kors still orange?"
Carol Hannah: "Still orange."

Nina goes ahead and tells the girls that an all black collection 
is hard to present on the runway. 




"Who has an all black collection and a smug look on her face?  Other than me?  
That girl does."

Irina lets us know that color has nothing to do with her collection 
and she's keeping it as is.  You know, cuz she's so smart and junk.

Next up, model fittings.
Whooppeeee.
I have to admit, I'm not really digging the 3 models going to Bryant Park.
So I'm moving on with the show...
Plus this section bored me.




Tanisha: "I'm in leatha."

Poor Carol Hannah is just trying to stay standing.
She still isn't anywhere near 100%.
My poor little Pocket Peanut!

And then... another "surprise" that as a viewer, I knew was coming.

Tim and Heidi show up and let them know that they have a 13th look to complete.
WOW, really?  Shocker.
And even more of a (not) surprise is that Gordana, Christopher and Logan are on hand to help.  WOOOO!  LOGAN!  TAKE IT OFF!
Ahem.  Sorry.
I'm single.




Christopher: "I'm pretending to be happy."
Gordana: "Me too.  Bitches.  All of them."
Logan: "I'm thinking about the restraining order 
I'm taking out on Jennifer (Eolin) so my happiness is real, yo."

They pair up:
Irina and Gordana.
Althea and Logan.
Carol Hannah and Christopher.




Althea: "Hubba hubba."
Logan: "Give it a rest, already."

Tim lets them know that their muse models will cast the 13th model to go along with their look.  (Let me guess, so they have content for Models of the Runway tonight??)

30 minutes to sketch, budget of $250.
Last trip to Mood!




"Don't sully the mecca of fabric!"



Thank you Moooooood!
And Swatch the dog!  Squee!

Back in the work room, they work (boringly) for a few more hours then go home.

POOR CAROL HANNAH.
Girl spends the night in the can.

I hope her sickness doesn't keep her from winning!

Coming up next week:
More of the same!
Finally, a winner!

***

If you missed it, my webseries is up and running!
And episode 1 features Project Runway model, Kojii Helnwein:



Part 2 comes out next week.
Two words: GUEST.  JUDGES.

SQUEEEE!

*****

Don't forget to check out Lifetime and Project Runway
 for more info and extras on the show.


Follow me on Twitter!
Join the Facebook Fan Page!
And follow my New Old Biddy blog.

Currently listening:
Bad Romance
By Lady Gaga
Release date: 2009-11-24
4:16 AM 
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November 12, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Dear Blog Readers,

As you know, I love Project Runway.  Okay, that's an understatement.  I'd marry it if I could.  (Which is saying a lot, since my first marriage didn't work out so hot...)

So when it came time to shoot the pilot for my new webseries, Assignment: Jennifer! it made sense that my focus should be on Project Runway.

So sit back and enjoy!  The wonderful model, Kojii Helnwein, joins me in this episode!


The above is in high-res... In case you can't view it... here it is in (ugly) low res. :)



FOLLOW my regular blog as The New Old Biddy!
FOLLOW me on Twitter!
JOIN my fan page on Facebook!

Happy fists!
10:32 PM 
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November 12, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  sick
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
GRRRRRRR!

I wrote a blog... I was half way through when my browser froze and shut down.  3 hours.  Gone.  And I'm sick.  And stressed out about moving to NYC in 29 days.  So please forgive me, I just don't have time to re-write it.  

So here's the Cliff Notes version:

* This is a very predictable episode.  Boring even...
* They go to the Getty Museum to be inspired for their next garment:



Tim Gunn: "This is how I want my boudoir to look like."

* They sketch.
* They shop at Mood.
* Thank you, Mooooood!
* Tim Gunn critiques:



Christopher:  "I was inspired by a rock!"
Tim Gunn: "Truthfully, I just don't get you."


Photobucket

"Listen lady.  STOP with the pelts, okay?  
Been there, done that, bought the PETA t-shirt!"



Carol Hannah: "I miss Logan..."
Christopher: "Me too...  I miss his bacon in the morning."
Carol Hannah: "...Yeah, me too..."



"BOOOOOOOOOOBS!"

THE RUNWAY:



Nina Garcia: "I HATE when they put me between two super models.
Thank Baby Versace for the frump next to me.
Maybe nobody will notice that my dress' neckline is a tragedy."


ALTHEA:


Blech.  Since Lifetime hasn't posted the inspiration pieces on their site (I'm sure its a copyright issue) there's nothing to compare these looks to.

Either way - this look is... wow.  It's just not good.  It's sloppy and poorly put together and the judges hate it.  It looks like her model has loose skin flapping on her sides.  NOT a good look at all!  And yet... Althea is going to Fashion Week.  I swear her middle name is "Bush" or something...  (I KID!  No, actually, I don't....)

CHRISTOPHER:



OH my!  His rock dress isn't totally awful!  I don't like the corset thingy in the middle but Katie wears this really well and I like parts of it.  To me, it beats Althea's disaster, but ... Christopher is NOT going to Fashion Week.  In a surprise move, he cries.  I know, I didn't see that coming either.  (Sarcasm!)

CAROL HANNAH:



The judges love it... I hate it.  I think it makes Lisa look HUGE.  From the waist down, this dress is a huge miss for me.  Why does she look pregnant?  If this dress makes someone who is a size 0 look big, THAT IS A PROBLEM.  I'm a 4 and I'd look like a dump truck in this.  BOOOO!

That aside, Carol Hannah is going to Fashion Week and I'm glad for her.  I like her stuff and I've grown fond of her garments on Etsy.  I'd like her to win, but I'm pretty sure that this bitch-- I mean, girl, will...

IRINA:



The judges HATED how this look was styled and I have to agree.  The headband is soooo severe.  I like the dress, although it seems like a predictable piece from Irina at this point.  Glad to see she hung up the rabbit pelts though...

Irina is going to Fashion Week... which means...

GORDANA:



Have to say... love this in the front.  The back is a little frumpy with the big zipper, but this front is just heavenly.  Plus Matar rocks it.

But because Gordana hasn't been as strong throughout the competition, she isn't going to Fashion Week either.  I've friended her on Facebook and so should you.  She has great designs going on in her world!  Love it!  So even though Fashion Week didn't happen, she's still designing and doing well.  YAY!

So... guess what happens on 30 minutes of Models of the Runway?




Katie: "I'm screwed."
Matar: "I hear you."

My two favorites are auf'd... Katie and Matar.  Katie posted a tweet stating that she's already walked in Bryant Park for former Project Runway contestant, Malan Breton and that we're not to feel sorry for her!  Well, too bad.  I do anyways.  And for Matar.  

So this week is Part 1 of 2 of the finale.  I'm really hoping it's not boring.  REALLY HOPING.  

And speaking of Part 1 of 2... I will be posting my NEW WEB SERIES this week!  My first guest... PROJECT RUNWAY'S KOJII HELNWEIN!   Watch us make it work!




Go to Lifetime and Project Runway for extras on the shows!

Follow me on Twitter!
Join my fanpage on Facebook!

5:52 AM 
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November 2, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:  busy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) MOTR BLOG:

* Jennifer angry!
* Jennifer smash!
* DAMMIT!

****


Why why why why why is Kojii always with the losing designer?  Why?!



Kojii: "Dammiiiiiiiiit, Logan."
Logan: "Tell me about it."

Logan was auf'd even though Kojii worked that piece of Judy Jetson fuselage as though she were wearing the latest and greatest design from Paris. 

She MADE this (horrible) outfit seem actually wearable.



Kojii:  "Dammit, this is hard work making you look good."
Logan: "No, I'm just this good looking on my own."
Kojii: "...Never mind..."

Sigh....

One weird thing that came out of the elimination though was that Gordana
blamed Matar's drab look on having, "too much hair."
WHAT?!  How 'bout you styled it fugly, hmm?




"Dammit, I'm better than this."

I wish I had the problem of "too much hair."
That's like having the problems of "too much money," "too much love,"
and "too many dogs."  Seriously.

In a sound bite, Katie reminds us that Logan is a person 
and that's why everyone had a crush on him.

Uh...sure.




Logan: "I'm people on the inside, dammit."
Carol Hannah: "Yeah, yeah.  Whatever, Soylent Green, let's rut."

On the runway, Heidi congratulates the models for doing a fabulous job.
She especially calls out Kojii for her commitment to selling 
Logan's atrocious outfit.



"Damn, the Kraut thinks I'm good!  Hooray!"

Heidi asks the girls if there's any drama any more.
Tanisha tells her that "the drama left."

OH thee of little faith, Tanisha...
For behold the hurricane that's about to hit... Katie.




"Damn girls, you have NO idea what you're in for."

Katie tells us in a soundbite that double stick tape is not allowed
as it compromises the outfits the designers' made.
Apparently, Kaylin was having a problem with Meana Irina's dress
backstage before the show:




Kaylin: "What happened to my nipples?  Dammit!  Are they gone forevers!"

Kaylin INSISTS that she took the tape off after the producers told her to.
But seriously, how do you go from the above picture to the runway
without the help of double stick tape?




"Gravity, be damned!"

Hmmmm.
Those boobs seem suspiciously secure, yes?

Back in the lounge, Tanisha gets "Dr. Phil" on Katie
and asks her about her body language.




"I don't like damn liars.  And I shaved my pits.
Thought I'd show them off a bit."




Kaylin: "Aren't dams native to Holland, Katie?  I'm not Hollandian."
Katie: "Holy dammit balls I want to hurt you."

Katie lets Kaylin know that she knows the tape was used
and that if Kaylin gets to Bryant Park, she'll be pissed.

I'd be pissed too... who knows which designer would have been auf'd
had the outfit not been taped.

OR... 

Would that be an instant disqualification for Kaylin for breaking the rules?

Hmmmmm...

Back at the models' abode, Matar laments about her hair being too big.
(That's what she said!)
So she straightens it so as to be appealing to Gordana.

I wish I had these problems.... sigh....

ELMINATION DAY!

(I don't have a picture to illustrate this,
but anybody else find it suspicious that Heidi wears the same dress and hairstyle
for the debriefing of the models on the runway after the runway show...
and then the NEXT day for the model elimination?
Anybody?  Am I alone?)

Sadly, elimination is predictable and frustrating
given the Kaylin situation.

Althea stays with Tanisha
Carol Hannah choses Lisa
Christopher love love loves his Katie
Meana sticks (HA!) with Kaylin
Gordana makes it seem like she's going Kojii... 
but then choses Matar.




"Dammit.  Insert sad face here."

Crap.




"Where did all these damn clothes come from...?"




"I hope nobody notices that I'm smuggling Logan home.
Damn, those bowed legs take up some ROOM."




Kojii: "Dammit, I hate good-byes!"
Matar: "I'm so upset, I forgot to put on my damn pants."





Kojii: "Who is Jennifer (Eolin) going to make fun of now?"
Jennifer (Eolin) - off screen: "DAMMIT!"

****

Don't forget to check out MyLifetime and Project Runway for more
blogs, photos and videos!


10:49 PM 
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November 1, 2009 - Sunday 

Current mood:  awake
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Guidelines to reading Jennifer (Eolin's) Project Runway Blog:

* This episode made Jennifer yell at her TV like a crazy woman
* Jennifer is not crazy (mostly)
* Jennifer is single
* Logan is a man
* Jennifer gets lonely
* Nuff said

*****

LAST WEEK on Project Runway:

Nicolas was FINALLY auf'd because he's a no talent ninny pants.
Nothing else happened.  
It was a solid hour of nothing.
But at least I caught up on my sleep.

******


We open on the guys' apartment and already I spot enormous problems:

1)  Logan has clothes ON
2)  Logan is NOT cooking bacon
3)  Christopher is still there
4)  Jennifer should be there instead of Christopher
5)  Jennifer should date more.  Like at least once a year.
6)  Sigh...

And at one minute into the show, I know Logan is leaving because he's got the "I'm going home" slot sound bite.  So after a lot of stomping around and worrying that this means Kojii will be auf'd too... I finally settle back into the couch (with booze) to finish watching the remaining 59 minutes of the show.  (Which I think Season 6 of PR is the new waterboarding.  Too soon?)

Over in the girls' apartment, they are wearing clothes.  At this point, I notice that whoever edited this show has a foot fetish.  Did anybody else notice the INSANE amount of shoe/foot shots that were peppered throughout the episode?  Interesting... And kinky.

Irina tells us that she's really happy that there are so many women left in the competition because the industry is dominated by men and "it sucks."  Althea calls out Christopher, Logan and Gordana as the weakest links... Sad to say, I think she's right.  I think Bryant Park is going to be Althea, CH and Crabby Pants.   Oops, Irina.  

THE CHALLENGE:

The designers are made to sit with their backs to the runway.  I think, "Okay, it's a mob challenge and they are going to make outfits to be executed in.  Odd, but I'm on board.  I hope someone has to make spats out of old margarine containers."

Sigh.  No such luck.  Nuts.

The designers turn around and they are faced with their winning designs.  (Except for Logan.  Since he never won, he has to take his clothes off.  I KID!  They selected his dress from the very first challenge - which honestly is a dress I don't even remember.)




"Wouldn't it have been nice to Lifetime to post your old outfits on their 
photo page?  HMM?  Or a shot of them on the runway?  Hmm?
Instead, enjoy looking at my dress, because the next time you see me,
your retinas will BURN and you will WISH you were being executed instead."

Heidi challenges them to turn them into Kabuki garments so that she, Tim, Nina, Michael and the interns can put on a play for the designers.   (I WISH!)  Instead she tells them to create a companion piece that compliments and enhances their best runway look.  Wha-wah.  Don't get me wrong, this is a good challenge.... but it's boring after 934850394583 "make a dress out of real fabric" challenges.  (To whom do I pitch the Kabuki challenge to?  Seriously, I want names.)

In the work room, Tim Gunn waits with jaded breath for the designers.  He tells them they have 30 minutes to sketch, a budget of $100 and that they only have until midnight to complete their looks.




Althea: "Carol Hannah and I are, like, totally twins!"
Carol Hannah: "I'm skinnier."
Christopher: "OH snap."





Gordana: "I promise I'm not laughing at your pee-pee dance, Irina."
Logan: "I'm laughing on the inside."


Off to Mood!  30 minutes to shop...




Tim Gunn: "Remember, designers, you need to... um.. you 
need to... LOGAN.  Your 'pencil' is distracting me.  Greatly."




Tim Gunn:  "Is there an 'H'?"
Althea: "Nope."
Tim Gunn: "You know, I hate playing Hangman.  I never win."





Tim Gunn: "Carol Hannah, I assert that if I had a newspaper I'd smack you 
on the nose, young lady.  NO.  BAD.  NO.  Now go sit in the corner.  Daddy's mad."




Tim Gunn: "Listen, Ricky, I mean Christopher, just go away.
You anger me.  And why on earth is your beard like that?
Does your upper lip have a hair phobia?"
Christopher:  "I haven't learned how to grow hair there."
Tim Gunn: "I can actually taste my disdain for you."


THANK YOU MOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

WORKROOM:

Carol Hannah can't really figure out what she wants to do.  Her winning the design is the black sequin/feather gown from the Bob Mackie challenge.  So in order to think, she gets a cup of coffee.  (For real, that's not me being an ass.)

Irina yammers about her winning Aspen look from the Michael "Lame Ass" Kors challenge the week previous.  She's going for an "office look."  Um, okay?  I know people go to work in Aspen, but I'd make a snowsuit before I make something for the office.  

Althea is making a piece to go with her "winning" look that was a pair of black diaper pants and that came with a free-range boob shirt.  Honestly, I thought the look was a hot mess.   So now she's making the same outfit, but with longer pants and a sweater instead of a jacket.  




"Buuuuuh.  I' will love it and sew it and I will call it fashion."

Now.  I don't have a picture of this (and "screen captures" off Tivo eludes me) but there's a shot of Logan walking and...  is his "pencil" causing his legs to bow?  Is there so much real estate being taken up in his pants that he has to walk like that?  (A girl can dream...)  Or does the boy have rickets?  Either way, I'm here to help.  Whatever you need, Logan.  

Ahem....

OH MY GOD.  We come back from commercial to 2 solid minutes of "I'm so lucky to be here" and "Oh my bobbins, Bryant Park is so close!"  BOOOO!  STOP FILLING TIME WITH EMPTINESS!  BOOOOO!

Christopher is making a dress out of 30 yards of lining as he loves volume.  (Except in his beard.  BOO-YAH.)  

TIM GUNN CRITIQUES:



"I am so going to Cabo when this is over."


Carol Hannah is up first.  She tells Tim her dress is a big scary mess to wit, he replies,  "You're not going to get an argument from me."  He then figures it all out for her with the fabric and then convinces her she thought of it.  Whatever!  Favorites, Tim!  It's obvious!  (But really, I can't blame him...)



Tim Gunn: "My God, I'm a hulking brute next to you, you tiny thing you.
Hmmm...  Methinks we should do this more often.  I feel like a bear!"

Next he humors Irina.  She yaks about a skirt and top but then tells him about her repeat sweater look along with a dress.  Whatever.  Shut up, Kenley!  

Christopher tells Tim how he's revisiting his last dress, but longer.  Tim is concerned as his winning look is youthful and his new look is matronly.  

Althea is next.  Tim just calls a spade a spade re: the pants: "I'm concerned about the transition between the tight fit at the bottom to the volume up at the waist line, because right now it looks like its waiting for a diaper."  BUWHAHAHHAHAA!  Amen.



Tim Gunn: "I'm standing over here because you do nothing for my figure."

Next, Logan!  Tim greets him with: "Logan!  I'm excited already!"  (Insert pencil joke here.  Tee hee - I said "insert.")  He tells Tim that he's going crazy and pumping up the volume with... zippers.   He's making the collar completely out of zippers.  At this point, Althea lets us know that his collar matches something else she's made this season already.  (Really?  You had a zipper collar on the Christina Aguilera challenge?  Boy wouldn't it have been nice of the producers to point that out in THAT episode so I would know what she's referencing NOW???)  

Gordana shows Tim a very sad and tired, matronly jacket and dress based off the Divorcee (Pre-Loved!) challenge.  Tim is not wowed. 

Meanwhile... Irina and Althea are quietly bitching about Logan ripping off Althea's zipper collar.  Althea says: "I hate Logan."  Irina counters with: "I've taught you well, Grasshopper."  (She doesn't, but she thinks it...)

There are 4 1/2 hours left in the day.... Tim tells them to fit their models and use their time well.  Irina comments that Christopher's dress looks like one dress throwing up another.  I can't concentrate on what's happening here as there are a lot of naked model shots here and I'm like, "Wow, I need to exercise.  A lot."

Althea continues her rampage against Logan: "He thinks just because he's cut he can do whatever he wants."  Um, yes.  You're in LA.  That's doctrine here.  Get with it.

The models leave and everyone panics as time is really tight.  (Tee hee - I said "tight."  Sorry, I got nothing here...)

MIDNIGHT!  Pumpkin carriage awaits...  or a yellow cab.  Either.

RUNWAY MORNING:

Okay, so STILL no bacon but at least Logan is wearing his silver jeans.  HUBBA.

In the workroom, everyone scurries to get done.  Christopher has about 100 petals to sew onto his dress.  YEEKS!  I actually worry that he won't finish and actually have the slightest hope that HE'S going home, not Logan.  But then I remembered, "Logan had the 'auf'd' sound bite slot.  Sigh.  Pooop."

Gordana realizes she needs a hook and eye and Irina won't even humor her.  We then get the sound bite of "I'm not here to make friends."  OH TRITENESS.  Logan lets us know that Irina's nickname is "Meana Irina."  (Really? Was Asshole Princess taken?)



 "Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

Althea continues her tear and rips into Carol Hannah for never making anything other than dresses.  (To be fair, Althea issued an apology for her bitchiness on in the internet this week - so she's aware of how she came off and apologized.)  But man, she really was painted her the villain this week!

Hair and make-up time!



Kojii: "Ooooh, no.  A pic of me in the chair?  Oh I'm so going home..."
Dude: "Shhh, just hold the hairspray.  I'm creating back here!"


RUNWAY:

Gosh I can't imagine why we didn't get a full body pic of Heidi in her HIDEOUS outfit!  Seriously.  A ringleader jacket, a "Talbots" blouse and silver culottes that make her thighs look HUGE.  (PS - She ain't huge.)  Her stylist should be EXECUTED!  (If only the designers were making outfits for that!  BAH!)

The judges this week are former PR alum and FIDM teacher, Nick Verreos, Nina Garcia and actress Kerry Washington.



"It's okay, I don't know who I am either."

TOP 2:

CAROL HANNAH:



This was my fave look this episode.  And what you can't see in this photo is the dress has pockets!  SQUEEE!  I love dresses with pockets.  So stylish and functional.  I also love the "old Hollywood" styling that Carol Hannah has done with Lisa.  It really fits her model and her dress.  Bravo!  (Lifetime!)

The judges love it too.  I was really sad that she didn't win.  But I'm just glad that someone else also didn't win....


IRINA:



HAHAHHAA!  Irina didn't win!  HAHAHHHAHHAHHAAA!  Sigh.  Thank you, Thor.

She now calls this an "evening look."  Nicolas thinks it's "uptown chic."  They all love the elegant/cozy factor of the look.  But Nina hates the fabric of the dress.  Heidi points out that she's the only one who didn't like it.  (REMEMBER:  This is the lady who LIKED the neoprene squid ink accident dress.  So there you have it.)

WINNER:

ALTHEA:



F'ING HELL. I know she's wearing pasties (as she says so in Models of the Runway), but SWEET WATER BALLOONS, wrangle those things in!  PLEASE! It's not a good look.  It looks like they are trying to escape.  And this WON.  Whatever.  Heidi LOVES this look, which basically ensured Althea the win.  Whatever Heidi likes, Heidi gets.

The judges bring up: "Who has the big sweater first?  You or Irina?"  OH MY!  Never mind Logan's zipper collar which none of the judges (Heidi) remembered seeing before.  Irina nails Althea by telling everyone that she made the original oversized sweater last week.  She goes on to say that there's been a lot of "inspiration" going on in the workroom.  I hate to say it, but true!    

BOTTOM 2:

GORDANA:



Awwww!  Poor Matar!  This beautiful, young girl looks like she's a million years old and unfortunate looking.  And I keep waiting to hear her say, "Where's the beef?"  

But moreover.... WHAT IS WITH THE POLIO SHOES, GORDANA?  NOT PRETTY. 

Gordana thinks that this has an element of edginess but with elegance.   Say wha--?
None of the judges like it, nor do they enjoy what she's done to Matar.  Heidi lets her know Matar looks old and drab.  Nicolas comments, "She looks like an office worker in Nassau, Poland."  

CHRISTOPHER:



Katie makes this bedskirt look good!  I wish the white junk wasn't there and it was just the top black part as the dress.  I think that would have been stunning.  This is just... not working.

(But Christopher is wearing a hoodie on the runway, so I gotta heart him even though he makes me a little crazy...)

Nina hates the proportion of this and calls her a "carnival float."  Nobody else likes it.  Whatsherface repeats what Irina said in the workroom, but with more class: "I think you have two dresses there."  Amen.

AUF'D:

LOGAN:



DAMMIT, LOGAN!  You know I heart you but what is this mess???  Why does it look like she has bra straps falling down her arms.  WHAT in blazes is that "skirt"?  Is your bad case of rickets interfering with your thinking?  Do you need more calcium?  Vitamin D?  What?  Mama's here to help because I AM WORRIED THAT YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD.

He pitches it as a VMA's dress w/ Pink in it.  (I'm thinking more Lady Gaga.)  The judges are actually laughing - they hate it that much.  Nina calls it a student project, Nicolas says it looks 80's (and in that way that you know he means the 'bad' 80's) but at the same time has a futuristic Judy Jetson thing going on.  Heidi says she didn't mean for him to do THIS when she said, "Pump it up."  

Sigh.....  So off goes our beautiful, wonderful Logan into the fashion great beyond. 

He says in his exit bite that, "I'm not a designer that's for middle America or 90% of the population."  UMMM... you may want to work on that.  I'm not saying start making sweatshirts with collars that has a kitten frolicking on it, but if you want to sell clothes and eat food, you may want to expand.  Just a bit.  But I still heart you.  Let me know when you start designing hoodies.  I'll buy them in bulk.  

****

Models of the Runway blog coming out soon!

(It's 1am... well, midnight cuz we get to 'fall back' but this biddy 
is tired and needs her beauty rest.  LOTS of beauty rest.)

Don't forget to check out Lifetime and Project Runway for 
auctions, blogs and more!

Follow my Facebook Fan Page for blog alerts and more!



5:33 AM 
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October 28, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  amused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) MOTR BLOG:

* If you don't know me by now, I seriously can't help you.
* I'm not kidding.
* You are a lost soul.

***

The Auf'ing...



Kojii: "WHY is my designer ALWAYS auf'd?  Why?
I'm Irish!  I am 'good luck' by nature!
Stupid America.  Where's my whiskey?"




Goodbye, Nicolas.
YOU HOODIE HATING MONSTER FACE! 
I kid!  I kid!

Actually...  No.  No I don't kid.

To quote Robin Hood: Men in Tights: "Good riddance to bad rubbish."




"Please don't tell Jennifer (Eolin)
that Robin Hood doesn't actually wear a hoodie.
She will have a heart attack.
Plus she thinks I'm her king, and I'm okay with that.
Hubba hubba."


Happy travels, Nicolas.
Here's a little parting gift for your troubles:



"Go Greece Lightening!"

No need to thank me, Nicolas.  No need.

Moving on...

On the runway, Katie lets us know that when she's been to Greece
she never saw ladies wearing pants-- especially out of MEN'S DRESS SUIT MATERIAL--
cuz it's "hot as hell there."




Katie: "Nicolas is whack, yo.  Fo sho."


Back home, the models let off some steam:



Matar: "Has this show jumped the shark yet?"
Kaylin: "Does Jane Fonda poop in the woods?"

(NOTE TO PRODUCERS:  Katie is now giving soundbites in an outfit
that we've not seen yet... making me believe that it's from a future episode,
and that she's safe... therefore telling me the outcome of the next show.
STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The next day, the models are sent to burlesque class!



Katie: "I love boas."
Tanisha: "Really?  I'm afraid of snakes..."

Dammit, I am such a biddy.
While watching the girls do this, I pulled a muscle just sitting here.
There's now way I could do this.
My hips don't swing.  
They just walk in a moderately straight line.
And crack and pop.
But that's it.  
I ain't got no shimmy shimmy coco puffs.




Matar: "It's not armpit hair, Jennifer (Eolin)!  It's shadow!"




Raise your hands if you're Sure!
(Now for men!)

I guess I'm obsessed with armpit humor today?

Kaylin booked a Paige Denim job!




"I like this modeling thing.  Thank you, genetics!"


ELIMINATION DAY:

The girls get ready... all in their own way. 




"Nicolas taught me how to use concealer."




"Go as Yoda for Halloween, I will.  Yeees!"

Kojii, worried about being sent home, instead focuses on the positive side of it.
If she's sent home, she can see her daughter and family again!



"I need to bring me lucky charms."

And I'd like to give the elimination a holiday themed name: 
"Pumpkin Picking Day!"

Tee hee!




"If I never hear the words Pumpkin Pie again, it will still be too soon."

Heidi lets the designers know they can choose whomever they want,
unlike the last weeks where they HAD to switch it up.

Irina chooses Kaylin
Gordana picks Matar
Carol Hannah goes back with her model, Lisa
Althea goes back to Tanisha
Christopher loves his Katie!

Sigh... KOJII is in the bottom again?!?
Somebody explain this to me.

Logan has to pick between the two.
(When did he become the new Epperson??)

Logan chooses....  Kojii.

Bye, Celine...



"Crud."

I feel bad for Kojii as she's always chosen over the auf'd model, 
and that can be really hard to deal with, I think.
I don't think I'd deal with it well.
(But then again I don't deal well when I am out of cheese.)



"Listen, lady.  I may be 4 inches shorter than you,
 but I love you this much."




"I hear the New Old Biddy has this exact dress in green.
I also hear she fills it out a bit more.
Neener, neener, NOB!  No bra slop for me!"


NEXT WEEK ON MOTR:

The claws come out!
It's the last challenge before Bryant Park!

AHHHHH!



Currently listening:
The Fame
By Lady Gaga
Release date: 2008-10-28
6:26 PM 
16 Comments
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October 25, 2009 - Sunday 

Current mood:  bored
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
GUIDELINES FOR READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:

* Jennifer has over 9 years of experience as a reality show producer/writer
* Jennifer has a short fuse 
* Jennifer is also unemployed
* Ergo, Jennifer is a hot mess and you can't take anything she says seriously... 
except when she criticizes leggings.  Cuz she seriously means that, ya'll.

****

Last week on Project Runway:

We were all bored to tears.  
Zzzzz....

The designers had to make an outfit in the style of Trashy Vegas--oops, Bob Mackie--
for Lady Gaga.  Wasn't it?  OH right, it was her tranny cousin, Christina Aguilera.

Carol Hannah chalks up her first win!
And Shirin is auf'd for absolutely NO GOOD REASON.
Nicolas made a repeat of his Ice Queen outfit and is still there.  WHY???
Christopher is still there despite being in the bottom countless times.  WHY???

And last, but not least,
Ebony was auf'd during their recess inspired "Model Kickball" team line-up.

Dammit, kids, this season blow donkey bits.
WHY AM I OUT OF BAILEY'S?!?

****

When I turned on Project Runway this week all I could think was, "Wow I'm tired.  Do I have a hangnail?  I gotta do laundry tomorrow.  Oh and I should dust.  (zones out for 13 minutes while focusing on a spec on the ceiling that turns out to be a dead spider which turns out to be dust)  Did my dog just toot?  Why am I single?  Do I need a new hoodies?  WHY ISN'T PROJECT RUNWAY OVER YET???" 

Sigh....

I have to admit it.  This episode bored the living bone marrow out of me.  How is Bunim/Murray doing it?  How are they filling a whole hour with absolutely NOTHING???  I know people said things, and clothes were made.  BUT HOLY OYSTER SHUCKERS.  So little content.  So little anything.  They went to Rodeo Drive and I was BORED. They could have gone to Big Lots, same excitement level.  ANGRY FISTS!

Sooooooooooooo.  Since I have NOTHING to say about the nothing that happened, I'm doing a photo-cap blog again.  About nothing.



"But I love shows about nothing!"


The designers are taken on a "field trip" to Rodeo Drive to Michael Kors store.
(Say "Michael Kors Store" 3 times fast.)
As you can see, the excitement is palpable.


Nicolas: "My concealer can't hide my disappointment."
Carol Hannah: "I wish I was standing next to Logan."
Althea: "Where am I?"
Irina: "I'm in front of all you bitches for a reason.  Cuz I'm awesome."
Logan: "I'm standing next to myself.  God I'm hot."
Gordana: "I have immunity, I have-- oh crap."
Christopher: "I still ain't go no learnin'! But I'm wearing a hoodie, wheeee!!"



Tim Gunn: "Designers, Disco Pumpkin has graciously let us into his west coast flagship here on the pretentiously horrid Rodeo Drive."
Michael Kors: "Hi, guys.  I'm stupid hungover today after a bender at Sky Bar with Garcia.  So no talkie so loudy."

Michael issues the challenge of using the locales that have inspired Michael Kors over the years to design something either "real" or "imaginary."
(Nicolas immediately started drawing unicorns...)




Tim Gunn: "Michael, this is neither the time nor the place for family photos.  
Nobody cares."

Each designer gets to pick a different location:

Carol Hannah picks Palm Beach
Nicolas passes on NYC and chooses Greece
Althea picks St. Tropez
Gordana takes NYC
Irina chooses Aspen
Christopher picks Santa Fe
Logan ends up with Hollywood

30 minutes to sketch!




Picture pages, picture pages, time to get your picture pages.
Time to grab your crayons and your pencils!
Picture pages, picture pages, open up your picture pages,
And now it's time for Tim Gunn to do a picture page with you!

Off to Mood!



Tim Gunn:  "Kids, you have $150 and one day to complete this disasterously boring challenge.  Don't muck it up!  Nicolas, I'm looking at you, young man."




Christopher: "What are you going to make?"
Gordana: "I don't know yet."
Christopher: "Me either.  I just know it'll be ugly."




Logan: "Damn, that's a mighty fine dress form."
Carol Hannah: "He's just not that into me.  But it's okay, cuz I read the book
and I know I'm a stone-cold fox who deserves more.
LOGAN LOOK AT ME I AM RIGHT HERE, DAMMIT!!!!"




 Irina: "This is where I want to kick Althea.  Right here."




"Sigh.  I'm asking for more money next season."




Tim Gunn: "Who let you in this competition?"
Althea: "I don't know.  I just showed up."
Tim Gunn: "That makes sense to me."




Tim Gunn: "For the love of God, must I do this myself?"





Irina: "I don't need you."
Tim Gunn: "You can't have me."
Irina: "Good, because I don't care."
Tim Gunn: "Well that makes two of us."
Irina: "I'm going to win, you know."
Tim Gunn: "Who are you, Fox News during an election year?  Shut it, already."




Atreyu: "Falcor!  We must fight The Nothing!  
The Swamps of Sadness have taken over the show!"
Falcor: "I know, Atreyu, but first, noogies."




Nicolas: "I made gray pants.  How fashion forward is that??"
Tim Gunn: "Okaaaaaay.  How about a shirt to go with it?"
Nicolas: "OH MY GOD, you are so smart, just like Bill Mackie."
Tim Gunn: "BOB Mackie."
Nicolas: "Whatevs.  Love that queen."

RUNWAY DAY:




"Yackety-shmackety, Macy's wall."




"I am trying to be happy in these boots.  But they don't go with my outfit AT ALL.  I really want to yell because the person who dresses me has been HORRIBLE this season, but I don't want to yell, because model's are perfect...
POOP BROWN!  THE BOOTS ARE POOP BROWN WITH A BLACK DRESS!
SUEDE POOP WITH BLACK PLEATHER!  KLUM SMASH!"




Mila Jovovich: "I was in Zoolander, so I'm totally qualified to be here."
Nina Garcia: "I disagree."
Michael Kors: "I'm still hungover so I will not be very witty at all in this episode."
Heidi Klum: "POOP BROWN!  DAMMIT!"

SAFE:

ALTHEA - St. Tropez:



"I wear short shorts!"

Althea wonders how nobody has made this outfit yet because it sooo screams Saint Tropez.  Um, no it doesn't.  It's shorts, a tank and a filmy shirt.  Big whoop.
The wheel has not been re-invented here.  This is about as safe as one can get.
But, there are even safer outfits to be had, so this week, Althea is SAFE.  Again.

TOP TWO:

Carol Hannah - Palm Beach:



"Uli does it better."

Meh.  It's a dress.
Nothing innovative.
Nice print, nice details, but it's a safe dress.
But I guess it's one of the better garments of this boring bunch.
Sigh...


Gordana - New York City:



"Thank God it's not hot pants again this week."

This dress I can see being sold on Rodeo Drive.  
This is the only one out of the bunch I can see being sold there.
My only criticism is in the construction, there seems to be some pulling at the seams.
Also, let's give "the girls" some coverage, hmmm?

The necklace detaches so you can wear it with a tank and jeans.
Gordana has been so beaten down in this competition that she just 
immediately starts apologizing for her outfit.
STOP IT!  (smacks nose with rolled up newspaper)

Gordana, you have talent.  Deal with it!

WINNER:

Irina - Aspen:



"At least there's a hoodie involved."

Irina really things that she's reinvented Aspen, but I've seen this before.
This is boring and safe.  THIS is definitely Aspen, but it's old Aspen.
I don't want to sip champagne in the lodge.  Especially if Irina is there.

The judges love that this outfit is about a person who won't ski, but will be a snow bunny at the lodge.  Isn't that classy way of saying, "Snow Slut"?

The construction is amazing though, I will give her that.
But it shouldn't have won.
Booooo.


BOTTOM TWO:

Logan - Hollywood:



"Doin' the hand-jive, baby!"

OH LOGAN.  You are saved only by your hotness and your love for bacon.  This is so oddly not Hollywood that I can't stand it.  Yes, I know I dress like a weird old lady who instead of cartigans wears hoodies and am really not qualified at all to judge fashion, but still, we all know I'm right.  

I don't think the Lohans or Olsens of this world would wear that outfit.  Maybe if Friends were still on the air and it was 1995, Monica might take it for a spin.  Just saying.

Kors: "They are clothes, not fashion."

See?  This biddy was right!

Christopher - Santa Fe



"If Working Girl needed a weekend outfit, 
this would be it."

CHRISTOPHER!  Baby, I heart you cuz you heart hoodies, but JEEZ LOUISE!
This is hideous.

First - that belt.  TACKY and GROSS.  So 80's and so booo.
That dress.  It's made for a 60-year-old woman
who doesn't realize it's age inappropriately short.
You are lucky Matar is so beautiful as she helps sells this disaster.

Michael nails it with: "I don't think anyone whose every though about the American mid-west would ever get that from this look."
Mila loves the 1983 belt.  WHY?  WHY?

AUF'D: 

Nicolas - Greece




"What.  Is.  Up.  With.  My.  Hair???"

Nicolas admits that this outfit isn't from Greece, "But I can see people wearing it."
Swift, Nicolas.  I can see people wearing Hefty Bags (Christopher!) but it doesn't mean it should happen.

I think if Nicolas had stuck with NYC he'd be in the top or safe.
He simply missed the geography and the inspiration of the challenge.
And it's all because he hates hoodies.  I'm sure of it.

Michael Kors: "I think you got Grease the movie with John Travolta and Olivia Newton John."  Bango, buddy.

So off goes Nicolas.  THANK GOODNESS.
Next up, Christopher!

NOTE TO PRODUCERS:  Let's be a little more careful how you cut the promos for Models of the Runway.  Because of the "next week on MOTR" tease I knew that Christopher didn't get cut this week. (You had Katie saying, "I just want to tell Christopher to pump it up!"  Yeah.  Mystery over.)   And that knowledge made this already boring episode all the more boring and predictable.

Seriously.  Ambien should call you about bottling this show.
SNOOZE FEST!




"The Nothing is over, hooray!"

Next week on PR: 
The designers face away from the runway - wow!  Crazy!
Althea thinks Logan is copying a previous look.

I can feel my coma developing as I type.




"Call my name, Tim Gunn!  Please!  Save us!"

***

Models of the Runway Round-Up will be posted tomorrow, Monday Oct. 26th.

 Sorry for the delay, everyone.

If you feel the need to spank me, I'll accept my punishment gracefully.

Ahem.

***

Don't forget to check out Lifetime and Project Runway for 
photos, blogs and more!

Follow me on Twitter!
Fan-me-up on my Facebook Page!
Read me regular blog, The New Old Biddy!

Until next time,
Make it work!

Currently watching:
The Corporation (2-Disc Special Edition)
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October 20, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  cultured
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
How to prepare to read this blog:

* Realize that Jennifer (Eolin) specializes in all types of jackassery.

* Do not take her seriously!!

* If you don't recognize these facts, that's a "you" problem 
and not even Tim Gunn can help you.

* So neener-neener, people!

****

As I sit in my varsity t-shirt from high school and jammie bottoms with my unbrushed hair, I wonder out loud, "How the hell am I single?!"  I know, right??  So to make myself feel better about my un-loved status (even though I'm a "pre-loved" and have the divorce papers to prove it!) I like to look at the fashion shows going on around the world and criticize the ugly.  (It's cheaper than Prozac.  Shut up.)  

Right now, Tokyo is having their Ready To Wear Fashion Week.  HAHHAAHA!  "Ready to Wear."  Oh those Tokyo-ians are adorable that way.

So I've nuked myself some green tea, put on my "judgement jodhpurs" (which are not to be confused with my "bossy boots") and am ready to present  the worst of the worst to you, since it's what I do best.  (Mostly.  Ahem.  My mother reads this...)

THE DRESS & CO:



"Yes, I'm wearing Target sheer curtains as a skirt.
What?  It worked for Scarlett O'Hara and that Mary Poppins woman
when she was a nun lady in that Alps place."




"Like my blue socks?  
This drab un-sexy outfit will give you something
blue too..."




"I just fought the Salvation Army.  I think I won?"




"Listen, buddy.  Just because I'm wearing a net,
it doesn't mean I want to catch any crabs, K?"




"I'm on a boat!  I'm on a boat!
Take a good look at me cuz I'm sinking on this 
f-ing ugly ass boat!"




"Arrr, because I be stealin' the rum, 
I be wearin' evening brig-wear."




White-trash-wenches,
staying classy since 1842.


SIDE NOTE:  Why do I think Helena Bonham-Carter is Fur-Fur's biggest client:




"I'm bringing Boat Wench back, ya'll!"

Moving on...





Nothing says "I'm in a loveless relationship" quite so clearly 
than a matching culotte and jacket set in sad elephant gray.




Nothing says I clearly didn't learn from my last
love-less relationship (even though I spent a lot of money on a therapist that wasn't covered by my insurance because they are liars and cheats like my last boyfriend!!) better than another matching culotte/slack combo in sad, dirty elephant gray.






"Thank goodness I'm wearing this blindfold so I can't 
see my knee highs are showing!  WHEEEE!"




"And you thought a 'high hat' was a cymbal on a drum set.
Clearly, YOU are the idiot in this situation..."




The Portable Swirlie:
For when a toilet just isn't near by
and somebody REALLY needs to be taught a lesson...




"Stop it."
Exactly what every guy wants to see written across his lady's boobs.
Of course, the sack dress itself will probably stop all action on its own...





"So I wore this to a wedding and the bride told me,
'The fact that you're wearing white too IS NOT the issue.'  
What a bitch."




"The American Beauty"
For when your daft boyfriend needs a gentle hint: FTD BOUQUET NOW, DOOFUS!





"Am I a man or a woman?
That's for me to know and you to find out.
Hubba hubba."




"WHAT?  Why are you asking me about a drinking problem?
This is my PURSE, okay, Orcifer?
My license is in my *burp*, I mean bottle.  GOD you are DUMBS.
Oh, you're arresting me for exposure because the crotch of my pants
looks like I have cluster of "angry tulips"?  Okay, that I'll give you..."




With "Vanguard of Elegance" written across one's hoodly-hoo, 
I too would carry an umbrella for the storm of men!
Can I get a "Hallelujah"?



***

Keep up with Jennifer's daily jackassery on Twitter and Facebook!

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October 19, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:  adventurous
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
THINGS TO REMEMBER WHILE READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) 
PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:

* Despite cute clothes in Jennifer's closet, 
she insisted on wearing a hoodie EVERY day for the past 8 days.

* Sometimes she wore the same hoodie several days in a row.

* Ew.

* Jennifer's dog, Matilda, just got her first hoodie this week.

* Jennifer has zero fashion savvy.

* Jennifer needs help.

* Please give Tim Gunn her number, before it's too late.

* And Logan's too...  for the other part of her life that needs help.

* Hubba hubba.

****

LAST WEEK ON PROJECT RUNWAY:

People wanly bitched
While clothes were hastily stitched.
Divorce is in,
And so is Shirin.
The winner this week was Gordana!  
Which only rhymes with "pinata."
Then to the aufing,
Which proved quite daunting.
Christopher's bubble dress blew,
But Epperson's was the strangest brew.
And due to a misunderstanding,
Tara was sent packing.

This week how will it end?
Tim Gunn will advise, "Carry on my friends!"


****

"Put diamonds on the crotch and you're home free."
-- Bob Mackie


Yackety-shmackety.  Apartment bullshit starts the show.  "I deserve to be here," "I can't believe I'm still here," quotes litter the opening as per usual.  (And I predict the bottom 2 and the winner.  JERKS!)  

Here's what I WISH people were saying:

Christopher:  "I'm not sure I have enough fun hats to wear so as to not have a repeat before I'm auffed."

Shirin: "I'm actually the Travelocity Gnome.  It's a cross promotion with Lifetime."

Carol Hannah: "WHY do the boys have to have their own apartment??  I want to make bacon with Logan in the morning.  What?"

Althea:  "Oh, (waves frantically) HI!"

Nicolas: "I'm running out of concealer.  I AM RUNNING OUT OF CONCEALER!!"

Logan: "I am so good looking that even I am distracted by me.  Oh what's that in the mirror?  It's my awesome.  Dude.  Seriously.  It is.  Check it."

Irina: "I'm sorry, but I am so much better than these pedestrians who call themselves designers.  I put the 'I' in designer, bitches."

Gordana:  "I have immunity.  Thank God.  I need a nap."

THE CHALLENGE:

The designers meet Heidi on stage only to be sent to a dimly-lit back room at FIDM to meet Tim Gunn.  (Note to Producers: This is NOT a spectacular location.  Don't have Heidi intro it as such.  Say, "We're using a big closet.  Deal with it," instead.) 

With Tim though is designer Bob Mackie, aka The Sultan of Sequins.  He made these Cher "outfits" from the 80s:



"Ta-da!  I didn't wax! Oh wait, I did, it's just the sequins."



"If I could turn back time... I would buy some pants!"




"BOO!"

This biddy doesn't get it.   And why do I feel like if I bought a hoodie from ol' Bob here it would just be a bedazzled half-sleeve and two pasties?  Hmm?

Tim Gunn tells the designers that their challenge is to, "Create an extravagant stage look in the manner of Bob Mackie."  BM (tee hee!) takes over and tells the designers that this is beyond fashion (understatement!) and it's "the stage."  (Note: When I'm on stage, it's usually in a hoodie.  Moving on...)  Nicolas almost pees himself being in the presence of Queen Mackie.  Squeeeee!

Tim continues the challenge to tell them that they are designing for Christina Aguilera.  This is followed by a bunch of vague bites and NO description really of who she is, what kind of music she does, or even a PICTURE of her.  So people like my mother, have NO idea who the hell Tim and Mack Attach are talking about.  NOR do the designers get a dossier on her (like they usually do for specific people/challenges) so that they can learn more about Christina's style evolution.  Behold:




She's run the course from her debut with Genie in a Bottle, moved along to being totally Dirrty (which this biddy LOVES) and then got married, had a kid and cleaned her sexy up from trashy to classy and started performing standards and big band numbers like Candyman.  HELL-F-ing-O!  This MIGHT be of some help to our designers?  YES?  This girl has EVOLVED!!!! A handy tidbit, yes?  PER-F-ing-HAPS?  GRRRR!  (Pissed producer fists!)

The designers give some more empty bites about nothing and then head to Mood.  They buy a lot of feathers and sequins and things.  Yawn.

Thank you, MOOOOOOOOOOD!

WORK ROOM DAY #1 & #2:

This is by far the most boring work room in the history of Project Runway.  So let's just skip to the picture show:


Nicolas: "So then I said, 'That's not a glue stick!'"
Christopher: "I don't get it."




Carol Hannah: "I gotta break me off a piece of THAT.  NOM!"




"Oh, hi!  I'm in this episode.  I swear."




"I have immunity, I have immunity, I have immunity..."




Tim Gunn: "You DO know that Christina is a super sexy slut and this outfit screams 1999."
Christopher: "Maybe I'll give her a fun hat."
Tim Gunn: "I give up on you."




Irina: "No worries, Tim, I'm perfect."
Tim Gunn: "Sure you are, Kenley.  Ahem, I mean 'Irina.'"




Carol Hannah: "But Logan said..."
Tim Gunn: "I don't care what that sweet piece of ass said, I assert, 'More feathers!'"




Tim Gunn: "Crap.  It's crap."
Logan: "I know."
Tim Gunn: "Pure crap."
Logan: "Yeah, I get it."
Tim Gunn: "Seriously, I've never seen anything so ugly."
Logan: "You are hurting my masculine feelings."
Tim Gunn: "Well, somebody had to."




Tim Gunn: "Let me guess.  She's one of three queens and when she was banished into her snow world, she became an ice skater."
Nicolas: "Nailed it."
Tim Gunn: "I can't help you either."




"I've always had a thing for Wilma Flintstone. Or was it Betty Rubble? 
Eh, either way, vaginas rule."

RUNWAY:



"Alright, designers, it's time for the runway.
And if any of you give me guff on my Century 21 Realtor tie,
I will box your ears firmly and tell Nina you are of ill-repute.
I'm sorry I didn't use the Macy's accessory wall thoughtfully.
Sue me!"



"Designers, this is Christina Aguilera.
I have no idea who told her that lipstick works.
And somebody should tell her that her wig is god-awful.
It's not a wig?  Scheiße."

NOW.  Before we go any further, I'd like to tell you a little more about our guest judge, Bob Mackie.



Bob Mackie: "I have a secret."
Heidi: "Jennifer (Eolin) is gonna tell."
Bob Mackie: "I hate her."
Heidi: "Get in line!"

Well, it's not a secret.  But it should be.  Bob Mackie designs (FUGLY ASS) smocks (these are NOT shirts!!) for QVC:  Take a lookie-loo at these appalling garments:


I have always wanted my forearms adorned.  

  
AHHHHHHHH-CHO!

 
For the woman who wants to show shoulder, 
but is too bashful...

WHAT THE HELL, MACKIE!?  What is this rubbish?  Even Dorothy from the Golden Girls would have set these things on fire.  OH, and there's more ugly to be had....


 
Sunburst Boob!

It's not a letterman sweater, it's just ugly!

Life is a honky-tonk parade.

NOBODY over the age of 4 should wear
this color pink!  Especially with that 
cascade of dandruff going down the side...

MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHY GOD, WHY!!!!  Why would you help people to dress horribly, Bob Mackie?  WHY??????????????????  Who hurt you as a child?  Oh sure, I get that you have the status of "iconic designer" from the Cher outfits and from the fact that you did costumes for the Carol Burnett Show...



"Is that a curtain rod or are you happy to see me?"

But seriously.  The shirts for QVC scream: "I give up on my sexuality as a woman and I am now just a person who will have a uni-sex haircut and wear high waisted jeans and giggle at kittens frolicking with yarn."  STOP IT.  Women live forever.  At least this biddy will!  HOODIES FOREVER!

Sigh...  Serenity fists.  Must compose myself...  Serenity fists NOW!

Okay... let's dash off to the runway for reals.

FIRST UP:  SAFE!

IRINA:



Well how shocked was Irina to not have won this challenge?  I really think they edited out the part where she said, "Are you shitting?  Seriously, are you shitting me?  I'm amazing!  FEEL MY WRATH!"

I think she made a nice ice-skating outfit.  I can see this being worn at the Olympics as a skater brings the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" to life for the billionth time.  Awww....

GORDANA:



She wasn't safe: it was the immunity.  (Take your Zicam!)  I look at this dress and think: "ARE THOSE NIPPLES SEWN ONTO THE DRESS?"  Yipes.  The whole thing is off, but Gordana knows it and isn't in a delusional fantasy that she re-made the wheel.  I hope she gets some rest and knocks it out of the park next episode!

TOP 2:

NICOLAS:



WHAT?!

Heidi loves this.  DID SHE HAVE A STROKE?  It's just a shorter version of his ice-princess dress!  WTF?!  Christina likes how fun it is.  SNORE.  It's boring and looks like a skater outfit.  BOOOOOOOOOOO!  NOT A FAN!  


ALTHEA:



Althea wanted to step up the glamor but with an edge.  I really like this - there's an amazing train on the back of the dress that is to die for (literally, I would trip and die wearing it).  I just don't like that the black stole looks like the model's weave got out of control.  That's my only issue!  

The judges love it and have nothing interesting to say.  BRING BACK KORS!  I want my disco pumpkin quotes!!

WINNER: 

CAROL HANNAH!



Carol Hannah admits that this challenge was a stretch for her.  But she nailed it.  Big time.  HEART this dress.  I could never wear it as one deep breath and I fear the whole thing would pop apart, but I love it on Lisa.  Very old Hollywood, which matches what Christina very well.

Nina loves the glamor of it and Christina can see herself in it.  Woo!  Yay for the win, Carol Hannah!

BOTTOM 2:

LOGAN:

 

Logan was going for a punk-rock princess.  Christina sees cave-woman and likes the color.  Logan explains that there is pink underneath (that's what she said!) and the judges are like, "WHEN would you see that?"  Logan thinks dirty thoughts (as does Jennifer Eolin), and we all move on.

CHRISTOPHER:



Christopher explains that he channeled a moment of Christina singing a Cyndi Lauper song and then reveals the hot pants and corset under the (ugly) jacket.

The judges hate the corset and hot pants.  (As do I.)  They then criticize him for revisiting Christina's Lady Marmalade era:


"My hair weighs more than my clothes."

Mack Attack tells Christopher that he wouldn't put this outfit on a chorus girl.  SHUT IT, MACKIE!  You wouldn't?  But you'd put America in this???


The "I Give Up" Smock

PBBBFT!  I accept no criticism from you, pal!  Even if you are right in this instance.  Even if...

But seriously... how is he still here and the following person is now...

AUF'D:

Shirin???!??!



Shirin admits to the judges that she's not terribly confident with this look which I think should have kept her in the game.  She didn't present her Vampira dress as, "This is the best thing I've ever created!"  She got lost.  Last week, she had a wedding dress that had so little fabric and she did the stitching to make it look awesome.  She has talent (no matter what that Wendy Pepper Wanna Be Irina says!) and I think she got the short end of the stick this week.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  BOOOOOOO! 

Pissed Biddy this week.  PISSED BIDDY.  

NEXT WEEK ON PROJECT RUNWAY:  MICHAEL KORS IS BACK!  HAPPY BIDDY!

MODELS OF THE RUNWAY:

The models are SHOCKED that Shirin is out.  SHOCKED.



"SON OF A B!"


Ebony has a complete mental breakdown and Lisa and Tanisha have to put our little egg back together again.

Katie laments that her butt doesn't look good in hot pants.  Katie, I'll take your butt in hot pants ANY DAY over mine.  (That sounded dirty.  I didn't mean it that way.  Honest Abe!)



Katie: "I feel a draft.  Anybody else feel that?"
Christopher: "I do because I forgot to wear a fun hat."

Back at the apartment, the girls have auditions for Garnier!  WOOO!  They have lines to memorize and everything.  It stresses some of the girls out as they aren't used to acting.  And take it from this (out-of-work) actress, auditions are HARD and INTIMIDATING even if you can act.  So I felt for these girls.  I really did.  I remember my last audition.  It was for a talking piece of pepperoni.  I have no idea why I didn't get it as I feel I was born for that role.  (Yikes?)

Lisa has the hardest time as she just straight up forgets EVERYTHING.



"Words.  Crap."

But props on the shirt - I love it! 

Miss Katie did so well she got a callback!



"Come on, admit it.  I'm sorta adorables, right?  RIGHT??"

RUNWAY DAY!



"I will try not to fart this week."

Heidi tells the designers that they have to switch it up again with the models.  This gives Ebony (false) hope since her designer was auf'd.

Carol Hannah picks Tanisha.
Bitch-Face (Irina) chooses Kaylin.
Logan thinks and chooses Celine.
Gordana picks Katie.
Nicolas wants to work with Kojii.
Christopher picks Matar.
And Althea picks Lisa.

And so it goes... Ebony is out the door.

NEXT WEEK on MOTR:  BURLESQUE classes!  WOOO!  Shake it!  (I'll watch from the couch.  My hips don't move unless I'm scooting past a shopping cart at Target.)

****

Don't forget to check out MyLifetime and Project Runway
for auctions, blogs and more!

Follow me on Twitter!
Join up on my Facebook Fan Page!

DO IT!
(I'm bossy.)

Until next time, make it work!


Currently listening:
Moulin Rouge
By Various Artists
Release date: 2001-05-08
3:30 AM 
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October 16, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:  anxious
Category: Life
Dear Disneyland,

Sweet rodents without pants!  What do you put in your churros to make them so heavenly sweet?  Is it wrong that I dream about your sugary delish?  Is it wrong that want to set the box I bought at the grocery store on fire because they taste like disappointment on a Tuesday afternoon?  Is it wrong that I'm just THIS dorky?  (Don't answer that.  It's rhetorical and I know the answer.)

Please, Disneyland, find a way to market your churros outside of the Most Expensive Place on Earth.  Please find a way to make this sweet biddy happy.  It's the only sugar she gets.

Small worlds, big appetites,
Jennifer (Eolin)

****

Dear Retail Store, 

Twas the morn before Labor Day, when all through the store, 

people were shopping for bargains galore!  

The sale signs were hung on their racks with care, 

in hopes that suckers would soon buy their wares.

And my friend with her purse, and I in one of my hoodies, 

had just set out hunting for end of summer goodies.

When over in Lawn Care there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from Women's Wear to see what was the matter.


When what to my wondering eyes should appear, 

but a big ol’ sleigh and… eight plastic reindeer...? 

I quickly looked over and said to my friend, 

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it, like, Labor Day Weekend?" 

 

And then in a twinkling I heard over a speaker, 

the electronic stylings of Manheim Steamroller.  

My eyes, how they reddened.  My knuckles, stiffly cracking!  

My temper like a flare gun, and my tact severely lacking.

I tracked down a manager, “Why so early?!” 

To which he chirped, “To make a profit, surely!”

Then I jumped in my car, and revved the engine a spell.  

My holiday spirit had gone straight to hell.


And they heard me exclaim as I drove out of sight:  

"Early Christmas decorations are a blight!"

 

Buy a freaking calendar!


Jennifer Eolin


****

Dear Project Runway Readers,

Ooopsie.  I was out until about 3am last night and haven't even STARTED to watch Project Runway / Models of the Runway yet.  

I know some of you are worried about me, "Jennifer (Eolin), when did you get so busy? Aren't you usually home nursing a bucket of pudding and crying into your soup?"  (Shut up, I'm hungry.)  And it's true!  Yes, usually I am.  However, this fall has been quite hopping and I have many projects up in the air and truth be told, if this biddy is going to be able to afford to stay in LA, the other projects need attention!  

So hopefully, you can wait until Sunday/Monday for the blog.  I'm off to watch now.  I hope it doesn't make me angry.  However, I'm sure it will.  

Make it work!
Jennifer

PS - Buy more pudding.
PPS - Buy diet pudding.
PPPS - Buy a side order of dignity.

****

Jennifer's Fan Page on Facebook!
Jennifer's New Old Biddy Blog!

5:21 PM 
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October 12, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:  overstimulated
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:


* Jennifer was SUPER BORED by this past week's episode

* Lifetime didn't post that many pictures - WTH?

* Jennifer might make some things up as a way of enhancing some seriously boring action that occurred this week

* Jennifer is a jerk that way - but still insanely adorable


***

RECAP OF EPISODE 7: 

Louise ruffled the judges and was auf'd,

while Irina impressed them with her blue stripes.


Snooze.


Or in Jennifer's "enhanced" version...


* Nicolas poisons Louise and in her drug induced haze confuses her loofah as fabric! 

* Nicolas was quoted as saying: "The only ruffles in fashion belong in craft service on a table. Muwhahahahhaaha!  Did I mention I have immunity, bitches?"

* Michael Kors, aka The New Disco Pumpkin, exits the witness-protection-program to come back to judge Project Runway. (MK witnessed Ralph Lauren do his whole line in ACRYLIC and POLYESTER!  Scandal!)

* Nina Garcia was still MIA as she was out accepting her Nobel Peace Prize, because hey, anybody can win one of those apparently...

* Louise, hung over from being poisoned, is auf'd.

* Irina wins but then mistakenly calls Season 6, "Cycle 6" in her egotistical glory.

* Logan asks Jennifer (Eolin) out on a date.  She accepts.


Ahem...


***


We open to Logan cooking up bacon in a pan and saying, "I'm making it crispy, but not burnt, just the way Jennifer (Eolin) likes it."  Epperson tells Logan that he's a smart man.  Logan nods and says, "I know.  And good looking too."  Meanwhile, the girls start their day with a pillow fight and pull their bras out of the freezer.  Then they hug and braid each others' hair.  Nicolas pouts because they didn't ask him to play.  


Sigh...  


They eat breakfast and fix their hair and marvel at someone else being gone.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.  Who needs Ambien when you have the first 5 minutes of Project Runway every week to put you in a coma?  

THE CHALLENGE:

 

On the runway Heidi replaces her usual "hello" with "How's it hangin', brahs?"  But then everything takes a very serious turn as she tells them they have NEW models.  (I was hoping she said NUDE models as that would at least be interesting.  But sadly, no...)  A gaggle of brides fill the runway to which Heidi tells the designers that all these women are recently divorced (UM, some have been divorced for 16 years - that's NOT recent - especially in dog years!) and that the designers are to turn their shrouds of polyester shame into hip, new outfits to wear in their "next chapter of their lives" as single women.  


Yeeks.

Now as a recently divorced woman myself (6 months!), I can say the LAST thing in the world I'd want to do is put my wedding dress on (cough--as that was 10 lbs. ago--cough) or have it "refashioned" for my new life.  I mean, unless it can be made into sweat pants and a hoodie, no thank you!  (Did I just hear Tim Gunn scream?  I think I did...)

Oh and by the way, I prefer the term "pre-loved" to "divorcee."  Just saying....

WORK ROOM:

The "Pre-Loveds" (help me coin a term, people!) come in and give the designers their instructions for what they want.  Shirin's PL wants a Cher half-breed outfit.  FOR REALS.  This is not funny-haha-me-enhancing-this-story fact at all.  Weirdo really wants to look like this:

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"I like my outfit.
I don't know what everybody's squaw-king about."

I'll admit though, I'd kill for her Cher's bod... screw the outfit.  I'll take that waist!  Mine has been MIA since about 2006...  Anyhoo...

Tim Gunn tells the designers that they have $25 and 15 minutes to shop at Mood.  The main fabric they use for the garment should be from the models' wedding dresses.  The designers shop.  Nothing exciting happens at all.  Other than Shirin and Tim Gunn making out on a bolt of cheap denim.  I kid.  It was Tim and Christopher.  

Thank you (for being boring), MOOOOOOD!

Back in the work room... everybody bitches and stitches.  Nobody says anything particularly interesting so here are some made up bites:

Nicolas: "I'm so mad that I don't have immunity this week because I feel a cold coming on.  OH SNAP!  See what I did, peeps?  I made a crazy mix-em-up on the word 'immunity.'  Oh yeah.  Nicolas is in the hiz-house.  I'm available for parties and bar mitzvahs."

Carol Hannah: "Duuuuuude?  This challenge blows?  Like, really?"

Irina: "I think I'm awesome town.  No really, ask me, I'll tell you.  Many times."

Epperson:  "Where am I?  Who am I?  What's going on?  Can I make a shirt dress out of this wedding dress?  Why am I still here?"

Shirin: "WHY DID I GET SADDLED WITH THE WEIRDO?!  WHY?!  How am I supposed to keep up my character of being Project Runway's Sweetheart when I have to BITCH so LOUDLY about my bat-shit-crazy Pre-Loved? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  I'M STILL ADORABLE EVEN WHEN I'M SAD!  WHAHHHH!"  

Althea: "What was the question?"  (giggle)

Logan: "I'm horribly misguided this episode due to the fact that I've yet to go out on my date with Jennifer (Eolin)."  (sighs loudly and then weeps openly)

So since nothing other than sewing happens, let's skip to my favorite part...

TIM GUNN CRITIQUES:

Tim enters the room and asks, "How is everyone?" which translates into: "You all are royally screwed and I'm gonna tell you how."

Tim starts with Christopher:

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Tim: "To be frank, I've seen classier material in a strip club."
Christopher: "Um...You've been to a strip club?"
Tim: "It was research."

Tim is apprehensive to say the least and advises Christopher not to make the garment too short as he wouldn't want a "cougar" situation to emerge from this mess.  (As a woman who is approaching her cougar years-- I'm just a puma right now!-- I resent that he made "cougar" sound so unappealing.  We can't all be Silver Foxes, Tim!)

Epperson proves that his dreads are a little too tight and tells Tim that he's using as little of the dress as possible.  Tim replies with: "Say wha----?"  Okay, he doesn't, but I wish he did.  I have no idea what Epperson is thinking.  USE THE WEDDING dress was the challenge.  He had $25 dollars at Mood.  What about all that says, "Use as little as possible"?  Tim leaves him with the phrase: "Epperson, you have a lot of decisions to make."  Translation: "Epperson, dude, seriously.  I can't help you.  You are F'd."

Logan gives Epperson a run for his f'd-up-ness and shows Tim how he's making pants out of wool.  Tim is worried.  Logan's model doesn't want to show her legs, ergo the pants.  Tim says: "What about leggings?  You know I love a good legging."  HAHAHAA.  No.  He doesn't.  Moving on....

Shirin crabs about her pre-loved, Charlie.  Tim tells her to "nut up" and deal with her challenge.  Shirin punches Tim Gunn in the face and yells feverishly, "Not a finger!"  (Sigh...  Tim is supportive of Shirin's plight and tells her to play with the textiles and free herself from the carnage she's already created.  Blah blah blah....)

The day ends... the next day begins.  The only notable part that happens here is that Nicolas' model is so taken by her (horrifically ass-ugly) outfit that she tells Nicolas that she wants to have his child.  He makes "Jim from The Office" eyes at the camera.  This poor, delusional Pre-Loved...  like she has a uterus at her age.  I KID!  It just doesn't work.  (I KID MORE!)

RUNWAY:

Heidi welcomes the designers to the runway.  Lifetime didn't even post pictures of the judges this week so I'm going to make them up:  Larry "I love suspenders!" King, the manager of a Cracker Barrel from Ohio and a old timey hobo.  Ta-daaa!  (Okay, it's Kors, the blond from Marie Claire and some lady from Jimmy Choo.  Seriously, I just can't be bothered to stop TiVo to write down their names if the producers can't be bothered to post a pic online this week...)

First up...

SAFE:

NICOLAS:

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Nicolas: "I think what I created was a hideous thing.  But you can't wake up everyday and do gorgeous gowns and tailored dresses.  It might not be my favorite outfit in the world but if it makes her happy, I'm happy for her."

WHAT?  HOW IS THIS SAFE?!?  I WANT A RECOUNT!

What's with the high vagina on the pants, Nicolas?  That high zipper is sooooo distracting and unattractive that I can't stop looking at it.  I keep wondering, "How does she pee?"  HOWEVER, I LOVE her attitude in this outfit and that she's a happy camper, but really, the whole she-bang is not doing our little wood nymph any favors.  ANY.  At least Nicolas knows this.  It's the only thing keeping me from burning down a small village in protest of this being "safe."  

ALTHEA:

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Althea: "Seeing my dress on the runway made me feel good.  She's skipping down the runway and its girlie a little bit and she's unique in a blue dress."

Yeaaaaaaaah.  Unique.  This looks like a variation of what you make EVERY week, Althea!  It's pretty, but come on.  Spice it up.  Do something else.  At least put a hoodie on it.  (No?)  But the Pre-Loved loves this dress, that's for sure.  Which is a good thing for her, but boring for us.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

CAROL HANNAH:

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Carol Hannah: "I feel really great when Lisa comes down the runway.  It's such a hot little dress.  She wanted something strapless, she wanted something short to show off her legs.  I'm happy and I think she is too."

I LOVE THIS DRESS AND THIS PRE-LOVED.  First of all, this lady is GORGEOUS and looks like an older Carol Hannah, yes?  The dress is awesome too.  I'd wear it.  I have no where to wear it to, but I'd wear it to sit on my couch.  Although, my dog's nails might get caught up in the tulle.  How come nobody thinks about these important details when making fashion??  HMMM?

TOP 2:

IRINA:

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Irina: "The dress turned out really great.  Robin was glowing, the dress was shimmering.  She looked like Cinderella.  I know that I nailed it."

EW!  You nailed this dress??  Irina!  Dirty bird!  

They all love how she re-imagined the dress.  It looks expensive, it's age-appropriate and the color is fab.  Yak yak yak.

I like it.... HOWEVER, to me, there's a matronly thing going on.  Is it the lace sleeves?  The sash?  Something about this says, "I'm old."   Hmmmm.

SHIRIN:

Photobucket

Shirin: "Seeing my dress on the runway, it's not exactly what I would have wanted but at least this dress has a hint of me in it.  I'm really happy there aren't peacock feathers coming out of her butt because that's pretty much what she wanted."

Shirin tells the judges how crazy Weirdo is and they congratulate her on keeping the dress tasteful, although Kors says he loves a girl who wants a "half-breed moment."  (I don't know what that means!!)  All the judges LOVE the stitching (which I do too).  Weirdo says the dress is a bit safe and should be shorter.  OH LADY.  You're not 20 anymore.  I know getting a divorce makes you WISH you were in your 20's again, but you're not.  You must deal with this.  Although you are in KICK ASS SHAPE, you are not 20.  And older ladies in short dresses is just ... creepy.  Don't be that lady, lady.


WINNER:

GORDANA!

Photobucket

Gordana: "I love my garment coming down the runway.  The color is beautiful, she looks very comfortable in it and the whole look is great, so I really like it."

LOVE THIS.  LOVE THIS.  LOVE THIS.  If my wedding dress could be turned into this, I'd lose the 10lbs needed to squeeze into it.

Gordana explains how she only used the lining of the wedding dress to make this.  Kors gushes about how chic the dress is and how it does amazing things for this gal's body.  Agreed, Disco Pumpkin!  Basically, it's a love fest all around with the judges.  Well deserved win, Gordana!  You've been screwed by being in the bottom a few too many times, so it's nice to see you rise to the top, baby!  (And considering Gordana is a Pre-Loved herself, it's an extra special win for her!!)

BOTTOM 2:

CHRISTOPHER:

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Christopher: "This is probably the most fun runway ever!  I really like my piece so I hope it's in the top.  I innovatively used the materials and it really does speak to who I am as a designer."

YOWZA.  Yeah?  Really?  This is who you are as a designer?  May I suggest identity-theft to remedy this problem, perhaps?  

He tells the judges that this dress is for his Pre-Loved to wear to an industry party.  And that industry would be for trashbags with low self-esteem.  Kors is on the same page as me as he tells her to never wear this dress EVER, "It's like a metallic Hefty bag, just cinched."  

Poor Christopher.  He really thought this was good.  To borrow a Tim-ism: "This worries me."

LOGAN:

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Logan: "Julia is definitely confident.  I'm happy to see her feeling good but at the same time I'm analyzing it being what I did and I just want to put my head in a hole in the ground and hide from this one."

Oh Logan.  This outfit is HORRIBLE.  AND WHY IS HER VAGINA AREA 34908430 FEET LONG?????  WHY?!  

I heart you to pieces, but oh my stars and bells.  What the HELL is that top?  Did you not learn from Louise's experience last week that ruffles are a bad thing?  And what's with the ren-faire vest thing?  And the bad Ann Taylor circa 1992 pants?  LOGAN.  I EXPECT BETTER THINGS FROM YOU, SWEET PEA!  If I'm going to continue to crush on you, you need to make nicer clothes than the Virgin Swiss Miss Librarian outfit here.  BOOOO!

The judges hate it as well.  Heidi says it looks like she's going to Octoberfest.  (Really?  They wear wool pants like this to Octoberfest?)  Kors wants to know where the beer steins are.  The Pre-Loved likes the outfit but agrees that she wouldn't wear it on a first date.  (Is it wrong that I'm just envious that people think about what to wear on a date?  Sigh... oh my life... living vicariously through other Pre-Loveds on Project Runway.  Someone send help ASAP... or at least a bucket of chocolate.)

AUF'D:

EPPERSON:

Photobucket

Epperson: "After changing my idea from my original and going with another direction, I'm please with how my design came out.  It felt really good and I feel confident."

She looks like she's lost her windmill in my opinion.  Heidi busts out the Beer Fest comparison (again).  The judges agree that this dress will not get her laid.  Ever.

So Epperson is auf'd.  Honestly, I'm not sure who the worst one was this week.  Nicolas, Christopher and Logan all laid some serious stink bombs this week.  But I agree that it was Epperson's time to go since he seemed really confused about the challenge and thinks that his shirt-dress from last week was innovative.  (It wasn't.)

COMING UP NEXT WEEK:  NINA GARCIA IS BACK!!  Oh and they make clothes and stuff and junk and things.


MODELS OF THE RUNWAY:

Weren't the girls beautiful in their outfits?  OH RIGHT THEY WEREN'T USED AT ALL.  SON OF A B, PEEPS.  This is a competition for them too - HOW is not using them but kicking one of them off A COMPETITION!?  Call it what it is, a lottery.  SO.  ANGRY.

Kojii's designer, Epperson, is kicked off before she even gets a chance to work with him.  Again, this poor woman is screwed and in the bottom without a designer.


Photobucket

"I need whiskey.  Lots and lots of whiskey."

All the girls are happy for Gordana and her win.  After congratulating her, Gordana mumbles to Tara, "I think I'll pick you again," which sends all the girls into a tailspin of "who is going to pick who on the runway?"  Especially Matar who is/was Gordana's model this week (in theory).

We find out that the models did get to teach the Pre-Loveds how to walk on the runway though.  

Photobucket

"Alright, Pumpkin Pies, this is how you do it."

Each model was paired up with a PL for their "runway" lessons.

Photobucket

Pre-Loved: "I will call you Gulliver."
Katie: "And I will call you Wanna-Be-Mini-Me."

The rest of the episode is pretty empty and concentrates on the girls fretting about their future on the show and partying with the Pre-Loveds.  I swear to God, there had to be more that went on than just THAT.  PRODUCERS.  COME ON.  CONTENT.  FIND IT.  Don't create it.  Let these girls have personalities past, "I wonder who will pick who."  Seriously.  Don't make me find you and scold you in person, dammit!  (Cuz I will.  I have that kind of time.)

The girls and the PL's hit the town, and Katie's PL recites a poem for them:

Photobucket

"Project Runway designer, my ex was a drag,
Why should I keep this old white rag?
Project Runway designer, please don't look so grim, 
Just make it work, listen to Tim."

OOOO - poems!  Here's my version:

"I was a bride, but now I'm not.
But oh yeah, baby, I'm still hot.
Out on the town, I'm still a contender,
Even though I'm on a hoodie bender.
Project Runway, style me pretty,
Even though this poem is really quite shitty."

No, sorry, no autographs.  I want to stay humble.

RUNWAY:

The girls are so stressed out that a model FARTS on the runway.  HORRORS!  Models fart??? What?  I thought they were beautiful freaks of nature who ate cheeseburgers to lose weight and never has a pimple and never EVER even has to poop.  WHAT?  Models are real people?  WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?  ;)


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"Wasn't me!"

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"It's like the La Brea Tar Pits up in here."

After Heidi insists it wasn't her (the lady doth protest too much?)... they start the process of ruining someone's day for no good reason.

Gordana picks... Matar.  
Carol Hannah picks Lisa.
Althea picks Tanisha.

This upsets Gordana because she thought Althea was going to pick Tara.  Uh-oh...

Christopher sticks with his gal, Katie.
Shirin picks Ebony.
Nicolas picks Kaylin.
Irina picks Celine.
Logan picks... Kojii.

Tara is auf'd for NO GOOD REASON since she didn't get to 'compete' at all this week. 
I'm very happy that Kojii is still in it to win it, but seriously.  POOP.  Give Tara a chance to prove herself in this so called 'competition'!

Gordana is beside herself with grief that Tara's been let go. So off Tara goes into the world.  BOOOO.  I just like a fair fight.  You know, like in professional wrestling.

***

2:51 AM 
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