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Jerry

Jerry Nixon


Last Updated: 6/25/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 38
Sign: Capricorn

City: TAMPA
State: FLORIDA
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/15/2004

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Friday, June 26, 2009 

Happy Independence Day

 

 

 

It has been quite some time since I have written about this wonderful Holiday.  Whenever I look for inspiration for the celebration of the birth of this glorious nation I tend to look homeward.   I look towards the lovely scenic northeast, The Birthplace of our nation.  Where freedom and Liberty was born. After drinking a six pack of Sam Adams and half a bottle of whiskey.  I began to realize that this holiday season I should be looking further east. 

 

It is a sad state of affairs that a Connecticut Yankee finds the spirit of 76 in the Middle East. The French showed Jefferson the way to liberty and Beaujolais.  It is only fitting that another nation shows us that determination and courage is what this nation is all about.

 

Weeks away from our Birthday,  There was a massacre on the other side of the world.  People who were tired of tyranny decided to do something about it.   The world wept.  Neda Agha-Soltan is the face of democracy.  For a generation of people who are unaware of Penelope Barker.  (Look it up Snider)  Neda is a fitting replacement Gods call was heard throughout the world. (gotta love Twitter)

 

We the people have been asleep while those people were awakened by liberty’s bell.  It is annoying to say the least that we use you tube to get make up tips for women with large eyes, while a  country , whose people are oppressed, repressed and have no chance of freedom of the press, Decided to do something useful with youtube.  

 

We the people have elected an obnoxiously popular president. 

We the people twitter him to death about how muscular his wife’s arms are  

We the people are interested in who Governor Sanford is sleeping with

We the people just wanna see pretty explosions on Fourth of July

 

Those people want an end to tyranny 

Those people want their votes to count

Those people have taken to the streets

 

 

We are the sons and daughters of the revolution.  How the hell did our spirit get fucking outsourced?

 

If Jefferson were alive today he would be packing his bags and dusting off his passport. 

 

We as a nation have come a long way from 1776  We have elected someone who’s views seemed to coincide with Jefferson’s Ideals something about electing a constitutional law professor to protect the constitution brings tears of joy to my eyes.  In the late 1700’s we were an up and coming nation we were going places the new tomorrow the way forward.  In 1900 we built the first airplane.  We invented the hanging chad for God’s sake.  Why is it when we have a problem with an election the first thing we do is try and cover it up and we the people race home to see the beginning of survivor  There is something to learn from our eastern brethren.   

Not the getting butchered by a repressive government.  The making your presence known part we went to the voting booth in record numbers and we have hit the unemployment line in droves.  I know how much we love blowing things up so we will have a blast on the fourth.  God knows we have enough time on our hands.  If we spent as much time letting our representatives know how disgusted we are, as we do text messaging each other maybe we would be in a better position and we wouldn’t get an American history lesson from FUCKING IRAN!!!!!!

Perhaps we the people should get some reading done

The Declaration of Independence

 

 

WHEN in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and, when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them, and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing, with manly firmness, his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining, in the mean time, exposed to all the dangers of invasions from without and convulsions within.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies, without the consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the military independent of, and superior to, the civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution and unacknowledged by our laws, giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us;

For protecting them, by a mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states;

For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world;

For imposing taxes on us without our consent;

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury;

For transporting us beyond seas, to be tried for pretended offenses;

For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries, so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these colonies;

For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments;

For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow-citizens, taken captive on the high seas, to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

He has excited domestic insurrection among us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes, and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms; our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in our attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them, from time to time, of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity; and we have conjured them, by the ties of our common kindred, to disavow these usurpations which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too, have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity which denounces our separation, and hold them as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the authority of the good people of these colonies solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British crown and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved; and that, as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.

 

 

Jerry

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 
I wrote this a year ago I think it still applies




On Thursday I had the great opportunity to live out my Katie Couric
Fantasies (Well not the one where she is wearing a grass skirt and asking me
for an up close and personal)

On Thursday amidst the hurricane of misinformation I thought that I had the
rare opportunity of getting some great journalism under my belt. Well sort
of.

The scene was set in a few hours my humble abode was going to be under water
(gotta love South Tampa) all of the lawyers and plastic surgeons were in a
frenzy and thought it best to stock up on the essentials. I thought this
would be great for the Nixon Interview.

My bay area media colleagues had most of the bay covered. Unfortunately my
idea of covering people stocking up for Armageddon. Was.. well thought of by
every media person worth his salt, and I couldn't get a word in edgewise at
the various grocery stores besides, I don't have any credentials and would
look as silly as Bob Hite in a Speedo. So naturally I put a Nixon twist, on
the Nixon interview. Instead of talking to people at various local grocery
stores, I decided to hold my interviews out side of my local liquor store
(besides I was out of scotch)

Feeling like a younger, tanner, and more handsome version of Mike Wallace.
I arrive at A.B.C liquors with a pad, pen and wearing my Jerry Nixon smirk.
I was prepared to ask some hard hitting questions. I felt like a seasoned
journalist. (I finished off some crown royal before I arrived.)



I met Jennifer a well heeled working mom who after being allowed to leave
work early to prepare for hurricane Charlie and evacuate her home, decided
to get a couple of things in order at the liquor store


Jerry- Hi would you mind if I ask you a few questions

Jennifer- not at all

Jerry -I see your stocking up on the essentials

Jennifer- yeah

Jerry -did you buy any food

Jennifer- I knew I forgot something

Jerry- how long have you lived here in the tropics

Jennifer- huh?

Jerry- well Florida is a tropical environment and granted I am no
environmental specialist but well a hurricane in the tropics is nothing new

Jennifer- I have been here for five years

Jerry - do you think the storm will hit us?

Jennifer- well it will but it won't be as bad as they say

Jerry- wow you're a meteorologist

Jennifer- no I work at Price water house

Jerry- what is your favorite hurricane drink of choice?

Jennifer well Corona, I mean whiskey, I mean tea

Jerry- in the event your Price Water house weather information is incorrect,
and the storm does hit and you are without electricity. You know no
internet no X box and (God forbid) no Oxygen network how would you pass the
time

Jennifer- why do you think I'm here at the liquor store (no don't write that
I am going to get some reading done)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


After being studied by several workers outside the liquor store I managed to
have a couple of words with a beautiful twenty-something with a very big bag
named Alicia

Jerry- wow where is the hurricane party

Alicia- not a party I am just stocking up just in case

Jerry who lives with you Ted Kennedy (I'm kidding)

Alicia- Hey!!!!

Jerry so how long have you lived here in hurricane central

Alicia- I have lived here all my life 25 years

Jerry (25 wow I don't believe you, you got any I.D)

Alicia- thanx I think

Jerry so do you think the hurricane is gonna hit

Alicia- yes but it won't be as bad as they say?

Jerry Wow you're a regular Al Roker granted he is a meteorologist and he
even has the Super Dopler what do you base your prediction on a twitch in
your left knee (I'm kidding I haven't seen those gams twitch once)

Alicia- what kind of reporter are you

Jerry- One who didn't pay attention in my journalism class

Jerry -Well miss not a hurricane party what is your hurricane drink of
choice

Alicia Wine

Jerry- So I see you are getting prepared for the hurricane did you buy any
food


Alicia-food why didn't I think of that

Jerry So Alicia how are you gonna pass the time during the hurricane

Alicia I am going to read

Jerry who's your favorite author

Alicia Huh

Jerry- Author you know the person who writes the books? Oh never mind enjoy
that Green Eggs and Ham that book is a classic


Unfortunately I was asked to leave the A.B.C liquors parking lot I am sure
Stone Phillips would not have to put up with this kind of harassment This is
an outrage. I happened upon a bewildered blonde in my travels Mike Baldwin
told me in a drunken stooper he was an artist.


Jerry How long have you lived in Florida?

Mike- all my life and I have the scars to prove it

Jerry I believe you for God sake keep your shirt on. So where are you off
to?

Mike I am going to the liquor store I got to stock up.

Jerry Shouldn't you be going to the grocery store you know food water Duct
tape

Mike what do I need food for if I have liquor? Seven bottles of Gin and a
bottle of tequila fuels the mike-ster

Jerry- so where is the hurricane party?

Mike- there is no party buy your own bitch

Jerry- so in the event that there is no electricity no television to watch
your porn what are you going to do

Mike Drink!!!! Hey I got to go Gin doesn't drink it-self

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I needed to calm my nerves after being threatened on what may be the last
day before Tampa becomes the sister city of Alexander Egypt ( look it up
Taylor) I arrive at The hub and met a big Bald John nursing a practically
transparent glass of whiskey and coke

Jerry - you seem in great spirits for being so close to Armageddon if you
will

John-Ha! I am not worried about it, if it happens I have enough food and
well… I won't have electricity, but the Amish don't have electricity and
they seem to be doing just fine. What I am really worried about are my two
dogs

Jerry-what will you do if we loose power?

John- well I have some books and if all goes well here tonight I will have
hook up with a lucky lady who will keep me entertained she can read to me in
bed.

Jerry Do you have a Favorite Hurricane drink

John whatever is within reach I am not High Maintenance. See you I am gonna
talk to that Blonde in the corner


Jerry


Monday, October 15, 2007 

Current mood:  crushed
Category: Friends

Le'Chaim

I am sure I would be hard pressed to find anyone who has not heard this term.  In the event that you have never walked into a temple the term translates simply to "TO LIFE" I can not find a more opportune time to use this term until now.   I have yet another friend of mine who had decided that their life did not seem to be worth living anymore.  I was under the illusion that Ms.  Matson was not all that sad.  Oh sure she was angry, had her battles with the bottle and is one of the few people who owns as many books by Virginia Wolf as I do.  With the way things are going with the environment, the war as well as our political situation I can't exactly say that I blame her.  It just always seems so final and I am not sure if I would really want to leave this realm knowing those smug bastards in the executive branch of our government was still there.   

 All vomit inducing situations of the state of the world aside, I have spent many a year barely peeking over the rim of the bell Jar. I always managed to look on the brighter side. (White people are stupid enough to listen to crappy hip hop too.) Well that isn't too cheerful but I think we get the point. Life is pretty horrible but it really is not that bad.  At least for those of us who live in one of the wealthiest countries in the world where we are the few people left who can really choose our own destinies or get our siblings to fix an election for us?   

Kristin has had an interesting effect on many people in the bay area as a fellow cynic should.  Hell we have quite a few things in common not only do we share hair color (I am a natural Blonde by the way.)  We also share a Birthday and the intelligence to make sure it is not mixed up with any other   holiday (On December 25th I become Jewish and she becomes agnostic and we both go to Midnight mass after the hub for our free wine and cracker   Le' Chaim indeed) To be honest with you that is what I find so puzzling the woman had such a lust for life I can not fathom her actually taking it away. The world will definitely be a little dimmer without her and the hub will have a tab bit more liquor and I will have one less person to drive everyone batty with political discourse and the world will continue its spiral downward with one less siren telling us that we are going the wrong way. 

A very wise woman once said "Although the world is full of suffering it is also full of the overcoming it" Helen Keller was always somewhat of a chatterbox.  Well wherever you are I hope you and Whitney are happy.  Our Birthday won't be the same without you.

 

 

Le Chiam

Jerry      

  

Friday, September 21, 2007 

Category: News and Politics
I have found out this week.  I was Hypoglycemic.  Or what is known as diabetic.  Yes the big disease who that has killed "hard eating" Jackie Gleason, and Elvis Presley, the hard chagrin Earnest Hemmingway, and the Pump Girls.  Who are The pump Girls you ask?  Well apparently they are"A new rock band consisting of 4 girls aged 12-15.  The girls, who are all from Southern California , sing about boys, love, dancing and overcoming challenges.  They all have Juvenile Diabetes.  One of their goals is to motivate other teens to deal with the challenges of the disease successfully."( info by diabetes.org) well someone is whoring out their children decided this thing was huge. So I decided to check it out.  Apparently I am one of the few who does not wolf down Animal carcass by the slaughter house full.  So apparently I am diabetic symptom one.   The one there is no known cure for. , except for a dietary and lifestyle change. 
 
Well it seems that the whole politicize your food thing has its drawbacks. You are actually supposed to eat it more often than I choose to.  The other day I hade a blood sugar level of 20 and the lowest I should have is 60.  I would have been dead in an hour.  Granted that would mean that I don't have to live with this silly war hanging over my head anymore.  This ironically is yet another reason that I have hypoglycemia.  The president is not really at fault.  If it wasn't him I am sure it would be something else.
 
In an odd way it is a relief I have had the symptoms for quite some time.  I just thought the real reason why I was feeling faint was because I read an article by Eric Snider.  Or why I feel like I was going to fall out was because I can't stomach matchbox 20.  The actual reason is all of the above.
 
Every morning I sit with a bran muffin and soy milk and wonder how many migrant workers are being screwed just so I can have my yuppified meal.  How many people did Arthur Daniels Midland screw so I can feel better about myself for drinking my soy milk?  What are the chances that the check out girl at the counter has health care insurance?  Sure enough I am not so hungry anymore.  My lunch goes something along those lines, and by dinner I am so pissed I sit while Anderson Cooper sings me the up to the minute blues of the day and drink my scotch in disgust.  Sooner or later I go to sleep.
 
What little blood sugar I had is absorbed by Mr. Dewar and the other day I woke up Schiavoed.  (In an emergency room eating glucose and potassium intravenously.)  A two thousand dollar banana and sugar sandwich. Yummy.
 
What irritates me the most is the irony.  If I don't actually eat more I will be forced to end up taking insulin and if you only knew how many animals are killed to produce that you would consider Michael Vick a saint. 
 
What I am saying is this.  If you see an Auswitz thin black guy at the whole foods store don't panic I just need to buy my soy milk and Bran Muffin and Banana or I will get Terri Schiavo on your ass.   
 
 
Jerry
Thursday, July 26, 2007 

Current mood:  apathetic
Category: News and Politics

The Job Interview...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

 

It's that time again.  Every four years there are several people who come to me for a job.  Well not just me but I am one of the few people who take the selection process seriously.  Well, not as seriously as some people take voting for American Idol or the last comic standing. No-one is perfect.  This year I have a cornucopia of people to choose from.  It seems that everyone wants to work for me.  We have a Mormon, a middle aged woman some guy with a Islamic middle name two people who tend to give me their resume more often than I have given mine to creative loafing newspapers  (passive aggressive attempt number 4.)  A cross dresser and lets not even discuss Fred Thompson's deal.

 

 

I have a few pointers for the job applicants.  

 

I hope I have caught you early enough so that you don't make any dreadful mistakes.  Let's start with the obvious.  I know that this must come as a great shock to some of you. 

 

If you have applied for the same job every four years for over a decade and have yet to get hired then you will not get hired unless the rapture has happened, Paris Hilton won a Grammy award, Michael Richards has won the NAACP image awards and Mel Gibson was allowed to give a speech on behalf of the anti-defamation league at the steps of Anne Franks House.  Don't worry, you can always sell Viagra.

 

If you are a republican and you have worn more dresses than Benny Hill and RuPaul combined and you live in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />..:namespace prefix = u1 />New York you are One Crazy Bastard.  I can't say that you would loose.  I will say that you can get a job at any Mac cosmetics counter anywhere in the continental U.S 

 

If your name is Hillary Clinton and you voted to outlaw flag burning?  You voted for a war?  (mistakenly) and every one of your public appearances seem as though you are condescending and simply bothered by your future employer  lets just say that the Decider is more elect-able than you are right now.

 

The Jury is out on Barack and his fuzzy math and thus far no-one has been caught having sex with any-ones intern and no-one has disappeared mysteriously except Chris Dodd's chances of winning

 

I am hopeful some of you will get the bugs out or just leave quietly.  I am looking at you Tommy Thompson and you Mr.  Richardson.

 

 

Don't worry Hillary I don't burn flags I do burn job applications

 

 

Jerry 

Tuesday, July 17, 2007 

Category: News and Politics

Balancing Tampa Bays Budget

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I am in a sour mood.  I am sure it is a great shock to a great many people in the bay area that I am upset.  I mean after all this is Bob Hite's last year on the air and hell the indictments on republican elected officials are soaring, and the lovely Gayle Guyardo is expecting some breaking news. 

 

All this excitement has a downside we in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Tampa bay are in the midst of severe budget cuts.  With our dilapidated school system, and pathetic transportation system as well as the fact that I cant find Jane Austen in some of the branches in our local library's not to mention the shortage of accountability in my local government. There are going to be cutbacks. 

 

As luck would have it I got a C- in accounting, while attending the public school system in Connecticut.  That would mean I would be in the Tampa bay chapter of Mensa.  I kid I kid the poorly educated.  I have a sure fire way of balancing the budget without having people loose their jobs or we the citizens of Tampa bay going with out some valuable services.

 

MAKE BITCHES PAY US BACK.

 

Central Ybor owes us a great deal of money.  And the Tampa bay Buccaneers owe us money Trump tower is not even close to being built and they owe us a truck load of money.  What have we gotten in return for this?  At least poor people have to wait in line for their welfare checks and food stamps.  We have gotten almost none of our money back.  When I borrowed 200 dollars from my Father (this is the man who loves me and raisThat guy made me pay him back with interest and did not leave me alone till he got it. 

 

STOP THE PIPE DREAM

 

We have a spin straw into gold we have put a great deal of money time and effort into this.  While Al Gore hems and haws about global warming I get to see two smoke stacks billowing clouds darker than the dungeon in Dick Cheney's basement.  Tampa Bays one and only non working desalinization plant is a complete waste of time energy and just downright unhealthy.  You know how many copies of sense and sensibilities that could buy.

 

 

SALARY CUTS

 

No not the janitor.  I am talking about the top down.!!!  That's right some of you people have to come off with some dough how many homes and businesses do Rose Ferlita own?  You people do not need that much money especially when the books I want are not in the library. 

Conserve Energy. 

 

I have been inside my share of police vehicles.  And I have seen my share of them waiting for me to do something wrong  ( I never disappoint)  why are these people sitting idle with the engine running for hours  ( I am Paying for that!!!!)  during the many times I am sitting in the back seat the car is as cold as the shoulder I get when I ask bay area editors to give me a column. 

 

 

 

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.

 

My public officials get free health care well not free I am paying for it.  You bitches need to go on diets start eating right.  And exercise.  Jog to work if you have to.  Cut the pork out of our budget. Trans fat the list goes on and on really… do you really need me to tell you who of you people have fat asses?   You know who you are.

 

If just a couple of these things are done we will not have to cut out municipal services that this community so desperately need.  Our libraries need books our schools need to have windows that aren't broken and our educators need tools not ultimatums.  Just a thought I could be wrong I was only a c student.

 

 

Jerry 

 

      

Thursday, July 05, 2007 

Category: News and Politics
Greetings all



Jerry Nixon claims that he was keeping tabs of the Democratic Hopefuls as well as the Republican hopefuls in inebriated disgust and found that no one is speaking of the issues that effect the populous. Mr. Nixon also claims that if some half baked former Drug addict who cant even take care of the people in his immediate Family how the hell can he Govern The greatest country in the free world. Actually all of his opinions of Mr. Bush are not at all very Kind. I happened to find Mr. Nixon at The hub drinking a Pomosa (a Pabst Blue Ribbon and Tang)

Jerry Jr. - Jerry you drunken freak show it is always a pleasure to see you

Jerry Nixon- That is no way to speak to the Future Leader of the free world
Jerry Jr. you have got to be kidding you plan on being President of the United States and your mooching crappy beer. Excuse me while I laugh in your face

Jerry Nixon- yeah it seems far fetched kind of like a guy who made a living as a horrible actor becoming a Governor of a swing state twice and one Becoming our President

Jerry Jr. you have an interesting point although a bad taste in Beer It begs the question though if you are elected president how would that possibly benefit anyone what so ever

Jerry Nixon- well First off I am short so it would be very easy for the United States armed forces to make a flight suit for me for a photo opportunity

Jerry Jr. - don't you think that would be a little dishonest, you know never being in the Military and forcing people to make a flight suit for you

Jerry Nixon- I will Be President GOD DAMNIT I CAN DO ANY THING I PLEASE
One of the first things I will do is tell people listening to Fall Out Boy  is UNAMERICAN

Jerry Jr. - what does that have to do with anything, what you would do for the economy

Jerry Nixon- I am Glad you asked. I would have Devin Herz President of Media F.X personally handle all the paper products of my administration I would give him a fat contract worth large amounts of money and because he is doing it for the American Government I would give him a huge tax break.

Jerry Jr.-wow Jerry you have thought this through what would that do for the American public

Jerry Nixon- I will be providing Jobs there is no way Devin could handle that contract he will have to hire people to help him and to make it easier for him I will Lower minimum Wage so he can Hire as many people as he wants.

Jerry Jr. - One of the huge issues that people in the state I call home is social security what are your thoughts as far as social security is concerned

Jerry Nixon-I am glad you asked. I want to bring it back to its
Inception. Social security was a pyramid scheme. You work until the age of 65 were forced to retire and the life expectancy rate was roughly 80 so you only were retired
For 15 years

I say make gramps go back to work I could use someone to cut my grass that isn't a wetback

Jerry Nixon- that sounds a tad racist for a presidential hopeful don't you think?

Jerry Jr. - and that's different how.

Jerry Jr. Same sex marriages is a huge topic what are your thoughts

Jerry Nixon I say they should be allowed to marry in fact I would move them all to Washington D.C someone needs to clean that dump up think about it instead of the streets strewn with vagabonds and the homeless it would be strewn with fresh cut flowers. I love flowers and think of the salons:
"America home of the free Manicures for you and me "

Jerry Jr. - so your office would be filled with kick backs to your friends, racial epitaphs, and controversy

Jerry Nixon- That's what a President does if I actually cared about people I would be a member of the FREE PRESS

Jerry Jr. - Thanks I think. The war on drugs... your thoughts

Jerry Nixon- we are loosing how the hell can you fight a war on a pharmaceutical product. I say legalize heroin this would bolster the economy, provide jobs................


Jerry Jr. - JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!.... WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!


Jerry Nixon- Oh well I must have nodded off that oxy-contin really does a number on me, how do you think Ronald Reagan fell asleep in so many press conferences in Moscow, and the Contin makes us a lil nauseous, not to mention groggy. Jerry Ford stumbling, Ronald Reagan became forgetful, but better yet they got the Job done
THE NIXON ADMINISTRATION WILL LEGALIZE HEROIN and you can quote me

Jerry Jr. - have you picked a vice president as of yet

Jerry- I have given it a lot of thought what we need in this nation is a straight shooter someone who will tell it like it is and would not hesitate to blow someone's head off if they disagreed with her. The lovely and adorable mean spirited Sarah Carter  (hey anything for a date)

Look you have wasted enough of my time unless you are buying me another P.B.R get the hell out of my face oh yeah Vote for me


Jerry
Monday, June 25, 2007 

Category: News and Politics
I may be a racist too.
 
 
 
I have read Cathy Salustri's "Shocking" piece and have come to the realization that I may be a racist as well.  I believe that many people know I live in South Tampa and the only thing whiter than my neighbor's skin is the powder they put up their nose in super human doses.  I have not always been a racist hell growing up kajagoogoo was my favorite band growing up.  The ridiculousness I see night in and night out is usually because my melanin deficient brethren are doing something remarkably stupid.  Whether it's a cocaine laden lass throwing a glass at an innocent bystander or a jagger-bombed out frat boy throwing punches at someone who was "checking out his girl"  I have had it with these J-Crew wearing', Fallout boy listenin', cell phone totin' hummer  driven asinine crackers. 
 
 
It pains me to say it oh sure I know my share of sanity havin' honkeys but in my area they are few and far between.  It takes every nerve ending in my body not to issue a Nat turner styled beat down to the next person that calls me dude. 
 
Cathy I am with you sister I am your star crossed brother of hate.  Perhaps we should hook up and I don't know exchange racial slurs.  Jesse Jackson always said we need to find common ground.  
 
All jokes aside because there is nothing funnier and or more pathetic than a journalist who lives in a blighted community where jobs are scarce the educational system is pathetic and a incarceration compound that is larger than most of the schools in Pinellas county, who  attributes it to race. 
 
I can hem and haw about ones journalistic integrity hell I can get all Edward R. Murrow on your ass.   How far away is the Poynter Institute from your house anyway? 
 
Some Journalist may have used the situation of getting their motor scooter stolen as an avenue to discuss the horrendous public transportation in their community.  Some journalist may have seen the plethora of drug activity in said neighborhood and wondered how many drug treatment facilities are in said area.  There is a reason why people like Christine Amanapour covers international conflicts and you are paid to discuss the horrors of getting your lawnmower stolen.  (Don't hold your breath on that Peabody girlfriend.)
 
Look I have read my fair share of British literature.  If I were in Great Britain in the early eighteen hundreds and thought like you I would see every pasty faced 12 year old white boy as a threat to my property and society and write about my hate for them.  Thank God Charles Dickens decided to write about the institutional classism that put them there in the first place.  Chances are he wouldn't be a literary hero if he did it the other way around. 
 
Jerry  
 
Thursday, April 26, 2007 

Current mood:  discontent
Category: News and Politics

Greetings all:..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

As always I am mortified by the American publics supposed righteous indignation.  This time it happens to be a subject I do my best to avoid.  Race relations.  I am known to simply leave this issue to those who are crazy enough to try and handle it.  Simply put.  I am very African American, as well as very poor.  I have the great fortune to have been raised in a predominately Jewish suburb in the northeast and Feel I do not have the great fortune to speak or write about this subject with any experience in it or expertise.  If the truth be known all of the pundits I watch discuss this have very little experience as well. 

 

It seems as though every ten years or so, we as a nation have a problem with the Value system in which our children have inherited from us.  Of course this time we managed to put a great twist that my country is famous for, Institutionalized racism.

 

Many of my Benetton clad counterparts as well as I have been somewhat oblivious to the problem or so I thought.  The language I use or as I like to call it colorful metaphors are still considered atrocious.  Lucky for me I decide on terms like go fuck yourself you philistine instead of nappy headed ho.  Not that I wouldn't get fired for this but the race debate would be out of the question.  Nappy or the other N- world has not been in my vocabulary. 

 

Young Jeezy's misogyny may be inappropriate hell I may even dare call it offensive.  I find the fact that it took over 200 years for a woman to have the opportunity to be in the White House a great bit more offensive.  Hell I find the obviously murderous I shot the Sheriff equally repugnant whether it's Bob Marley or Eric Clapton.  I can go on and on about some of things that were popular for my supposed mature and very kind American friends from the past present and future. 

 

I find it surprising that no-one is discussing the parenting skills or lack of.  No one is discussing the disturbingly violent neighborhoods these people inherited from us.  When I hear self righteous bastards like Jessie Jackson or the increasingly repugnant Al Sharpton or some of Tampa bays local columnist attempt to blame the problems that have been inherited to our young from years of neglect and institutional Racism, decide to single out a couple of High School Dropouts who managed to find a way out of their repugnant situations.  By writing and reciting a couple of very authentic autobiographical tales of their  Dickensian childhood and his ability to rob steal and peddle his Artful Dodger like wares to God knows who, with very authentic awful language and How it offends YOU!!  In the words of Tupac Shakur.  "NIGGA PLEASE!!!" 

 

Where were you when those kids were growing up?  Lets face it I live in one of the wealthiest western countries in the world, yet we are one of the few without universal health care.  THAT'S FUCKING OFFENSIVE!! This country builds more jails than schools.  THAT'S FUCKING OFFENSIVE!!!

 

I read everyday about our supposed housing boom yet the homeless in this country homeless and unemployed is growing exponentially.  THAT'S OFFENSIVE!!!

 

My Water is polluted.  The air I breathe makes me sick, and our children are hooked on Ritalin instead of Phonics.  THAT'S OFFENSIVE!

 

I am one of the few apparently who opened up a tattered history book to know that our country was built by some very angry and offensive human beings.  The ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Boston tea party wasn't exactly at the Russian tea room.  In the 1800's a very angry man wrote what will one day be considered the great American novel only to be bashed and harshly criticized as crass and unreadable.  Motown was Considered Jungle Music and I do believe people like Susan B.  Anthony and Martin Luther King were considered Trouble Makers. 

 

As you people continue to bash your young for the fact that they have learned how to adapt to an increasingly violent culture perhaps you should consider that perhaps they are not as violent as you think they are.  They are not sending you to a foreign land to be used as cannon fodder.  They are not making you wait for money and Trailers in New Orleans that will probably never come.  They are not asking you to get ready to take a surprise quiz only to find that during the allotted time they have to duck and dodge the asbestos and Rat feces falling from the ceiling. 

 

There is one righteous indignant babe that I used to fall asleep listening to in college.  Some say her language and lifestyle is offensive.  I never really learned to listen to authority figures.  Hopefully your children will do the same. 

 

'Tis of thee

 

Ani DiFranco

 

 

 

They caught the last poor man on a poor man's vacation
They cuffed him and they confiscated his stuff
And they dragged his black ass down to the station
And said "ok the streets are safe now.
All your pretty white children can come out to see spot run
And they came out of their houses and they looked around
But they didn't see no one.
 
And my country tis of thee
To take swings at each other on talk show TV
Why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
Undo everything they've done to you
Undo everything they've done to you
 
And above 96th street,
They're handing out smallpox blankets
So people don't freeze
The old dogs they got a new trick
It's called criminalize the symptoms
While you spread the disease
I hold on hard to something
Between my teeth when I'm sleeping
And I wake up and my jaw aches
And the earth is full of earthquakes
 
And my country tis of thee
To take shots at each other on prime time TV
Why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
Undo everything they've done to you
Undo everything they've done to you
 
They caught the last poor man 
Flying away in a shiny red cape
And they brought him down to the station
And they said "boy you should know better
Than to try and escape"
And I ran away with the circus
'cause there's still some honest work left for bearded ladies
But it's not the same goin' town to town
Since they put everyone in jail 'cept
The cleavers and the bradys
 
And my country tis of thee
To take swings at each other on talk show TV
Why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
Undo everything they've done to you
Undo everything they've done to you

 

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 

A REAL BAR TAB..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

The Castle

 

 

I am stoked.  There is a place for me to go on Monday nights.  I felt totally tubular all day.  I heard that the castle is the only place that is not bogus on Monday nights.  My immediate future was so bright I found my best shades. 

 

I put on my best white pants. I grabbed my sandals.  Pressed my Hawaiian shirt, dusted off my white blazer and I was mothering'.

 

I arrive in line like so totally late.  The line was hecta - slamin'.  That's when I realized I was the only one stylin.  (There wasn't a Spicoli or Alex, Keaton around (dude its 80's night get a clue.) whatever. I straighten up my wayfarers and ease up to the front of the line.  The door-man was so not into it.  Slick had the nerve to charge me a cover.  I slide him a five, and he goes why is it rolled up.?  Whatever.  I decide to kick it upstairs and I make it to the bar and like everyone is checking me out.  Cool.  I am so gonna score.  I check out this chick at the bar all cool like and I order a Blue Hawaiian.  (Kid looks at me like I am Punky Brewster.)   He finally hands me my drink. (Dude kid like totally blows.) whatever. 

 

(Dude what's up with this music.  Only the like total dweebs listen to the Smiths. Where is my Glen Frey, what up with Kajagoo-goo.  Dude this is totally not my 80's and what's up with the kid in the diaper.  This place totally blows. Whatever I am outta here. 

 

I ask for my tab Hand over my Credit card. Kid was like it declined.  I'm like yo kid my Dad totally has all this property and like he's a big banker something about savings and loans. And like dude whatever and I gave him my rolled up 50.  How the hell am I gonna do my coke now.

That's when I remembered the '80s totally sucked!!!